Thursday, 10 June 2010
How to be single part 2
It is the desire and prayer of every woman to get married. Every girl prays for a man in her life. Our culture has made it in such a way that we see a woman who has no man in her life as incomplete. That is not true.
A lot of young girls have found themselves in this situation. I see women run from one church to another in search of a husband. So many ladies have allowed the greedy men of God (so they claim to be), to eat all that is left in their hands because they keep asking them to sow seeds for a husband.
Why on earth will anybody tell you to sow a seed for a husband when it is your portion in life? We perish because of our lack of knowledge. Most people have been told that it is their bad lifestyle that has kept them unmarried. I always ask this question, what about those very good girls who live their lives well and yet, they are unmarried.
I see a lot of very corrupt and street girls getting married to very nice men, in fact, I have concluded that it is even the bad girls that get hooked to the few good men around. Life has its own way of handling issues. So many questions are really beyond human comprehension.
There are times you find yourself single in life. There are different levels of singleness. Some are single because they have never been married. Others are single either by death or divorce. I believe no woman wants to be single because men are there to complement us.
But now, you are single, maybe searching or not. How do you carry on with life? The single woman is faced with a lot of challenges. I agree we have the married do worse things these days than singles. A single woman is in total control of her own life. She decides how she wants her life to be.
Singleness does not mean loneliness. When you are single, you are alone, yes, but definitely not lonely. You may be looking at yourself as being inferior to your married friends. Girl, the truth is that having a partner without purpose is total emptiness. This is the condition of so many married couples in Nigeria. We have ladies moving all over the place without purpose and vision.
I don’t know your reason for being single up to this time. If it is your bad character and nature, please do all you can to change. A lot of ladies have never been married, but you have those who have been married before and are either separated or widowed being disturbed by men for marriage. Your bad nature could be the stumbling block.
The truth is that you can visit all the prayer houses in Lagos. You can pack your things and move into the church. You can belong to all the departments in church. You can have your pastor speak so well of you as a very dedicated church member. But if you still do not change your bad nature, there is no headway for you.
It is time you stop the long face as if someone killed a baby in your womb. There is something about a cheerful spirit, it attracts. How do you talk to men around you? Do you treat them as men or as pieces of rag. No matter how beautiful you are, nothing attracts a man to you like a very good spirit.
So many single ladies have given up on themselves. They now move around feeling rejected in life. Who says you cannot enjoy life as a single woman? Girl, please get up and enjoy the life God has given you. I know it is not easy. Most times you have parents push you so hard that you just want to rush into the arms of one useless man who will turn you into nothing but a punching bag.
Your friends are all getting married. So what? We all have our different times and seasons in life. It is always better waiting for your own time. Don’t allow your mother who is crying for a grandchild, even before you step into the man’s house, push into everlasting regret. If those friends can tell you the truth, they would have chosen to remain single.
Marriage is a very beautiful institution, but I must tell you, a lot of folks are in hell in the name of marriage. All you keep hearing is endure, endure. Did God say that? Marriage, according to God’s plan should be enjoyed. It should bring the best out of you. A good marriage is not in the number of cars you have.
A lot of ladies were doing so well as singles. So many of them have sent me text messages lamenting. So many of these ladies were doing so well as top bankers, pastors and lawyers. But because they made the wrong choice in marriage, they are now useless to themselves and everyone around them. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself? Never allow life push you so hard that you fail to look before you leap.
Enjoying your single life does not mean moving from one party to the other. This is where so many ladies get it wrong. I see ladies when they leave a relationship getting involved with very bad friends. So many times you do these things just to get back at the man. You appear on the pages of newspapers as a party freak. You know what? You are killing yourself. It is even worse when the woman has children and younger ones looking up to her. What are you going to tell them?
The period of singleness is a period for you to rediscover yourself. It should be a time to go to the drawing board and discover your purpose and calling in life. Please stay away from that social circle, it won’t take you anywhere. The society can only leave you with regrets at the end of your life.
I have realised that it is only when you are single you can structure your life the way you want it to be. Like I always say, singleness doesn’t mean inferiority. Make the best of your single life. It shouldn’t make you get into bad company. It shouldn’t make you become a social butterfly that is always looking for social gatherings around town.
I can feel you asking the question I have always been asked by singles during my seminars; if you don’t think I should enjoy myself as a single girl, what else will I be doing? Girl, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from your creator while waiting for Mr. Right to show up.
It is the favour of God that will make the status of a man change for good once you get into his life. Don’t spend all your time thinking of how to attract different kinds of men. Don’t spend time chatting with friends about things that add no good to your life. Singleness is a time to get closer to your maker and obtain favour.
Use singleness as a time to acquire new skills. Some many ladies are out there praying for Mr. Right to appear. You should also train yourself to become Miss/Mrs. Right. That you are old enough for marriage doesn’t mean you are ready for marriage.
How can you tell me you are ready for marriage when all you do is wake up in the morning and move from one end of the street to another? Do you think you are ready for marriage when you cannot even respect the man in your life right now?
So many women are also single mothers. Remember what the Holy Scriptures say. Train up a child in the way he should go……….. Always remember that you are the perfect role model for your children. They don’t learn by your words, they learn more by your conduct.
Avoid the temptation of bringing different men into the house. Let your kids know you and believe in you. This is the more reason you have to be faithful in one relationship. Don’t get them more confused by your lifestyle.
In your choice of a mate, put your children into consideration. A lot of men who come into your life are not just after you, but also your daughter. You have to be very careful and choose a man who fears God and has some level of discipline. Also go for a man who can play the role of a father to your children. Make sure they love him.
I see a lot of single ladies turning themselves to whores through their manner of dressing. Being single shouldn’t make you live out of control. Why go out of your house almost naked because you feel you are not accountable to anyone. That bum-short is in vogue doesn’t mean it is right for you. You are only making yourself a very cheap girl. Dressing with almost half of your boobs falling out doesn’t make you any beautiful. This is more reason you have very irresponsible guys coming to ask your hand in marriage. No responsible man wants a whore for a wife. You are addressed the way you dress.
Singleness is a very beautiful and crucial stage of your life. Make very good use of it. Maximize your single life. Never allow anybody look down on you because you are single. Live life to the fullest. If there is no one to take you out on a date, go give yourself some good time. But remember, moderation is our watchword.