I decided to post about this because of a childhood friend who is experiencing violence in her home. She actually kept this fact hidden, until her hubby decided to beat her up at HER WORKPLACE! So she couldnt hide it from anyone anymore. Out of respect to her, I cant publish more.Yes, they are still together, you know Nigeria na, the pressure to be mrs somebody sometimes transcends self preservation!
Before an abuser starts physically assaulting his victim, he typically demonstrates his abusive tactics through certain behaviors. The following are five major warning signs and some common examples:
Abusers can be very charming. In the beginning, they may seem to be Prince Charming or a Knight in Shining Armor. He can be very engaging, thoughtful, considerate and charismatic. He may use that charm to gain very personal information about her. He will use that information later to his advantage.
For example; he will ask if she has ever been abused by anyone. If she says, "yes", he will act outraged that anyone could treat a woman that way. Then when he becomes abusive, he will tell her no one will believe her because she said that before and it must be her fault or two people would not have hit her.
Another example; he may find out she experimented with drugs in her past. He will then threaten that if she tells anyone about the abuse he will report her as a drug abuser and she will lose her children. The threat to take away her children is one of the most common threats abusers use to maintain power and control over their victims.
Abusers isolate their victims geographically and socially. Geographic isolation includes moving the victim from her friends, family and support system (often hundreds of miles); moving frequently in the same area and/or relocating to a rural area.
Social isolation usually begins with wanting the woman to spend time with him and not her family, friends or co-workers. He will then slowly isolate her from any person who is a support to her. He dictates whom she can talk to; he tells her she cannot have contact with her friends or family.
Jealousy is a tool abusers use to control the victim. He constantly accuses her of having affairs. If she goes to the grocery store, he accuses her of having an affair with the grocery clerk. If she goes to the bank, he accuses her of having an affair with the bank teller. Abusers routinely call their victims whores or sluts.
The goal of emotional abuse is to destroy the victim's self-esteem. He blames her for his violence, puts her down, calls her names and makes threats against her. Over time, she no longer believes she deserves to be treated with respect and she blames herself for his violence. For some survivors of domestic violence, the emotional abuse may be more difficult to heal from than the physical abuse.
Abusers are very controlled and very controlling people. In time, the abuser will control every aspect of the victim's life: where she goes, how she wears her hair, what clothes she wears, whom she talks to. He will control the money and access to money. Abusers are also very controlled people. While they appear to go into a rage or be out of control we know they are very much in control of their behavior.
The following are the reasons we know his behaviors are not about anger and rage:
He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.
If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.
The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.
Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service
Interesting statistics on Domestic Violence in U.S
Females are more likely than males to experience nonfatal intimate partner violence.
On average between 2001 and 2005, nonfatal intimate partner victimizations represented —
• 22% of nonfatal violent victimizations against females age 12 or older
• 4% of nonfatal violent victimizations against males age 12 or older
Between 2004 and 2005, rates of intimate partner violence remained stable for —
• white females at 3.1 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older
• black females at 4.6 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older
• white males at .7 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older
Rates of nonfatal intimate partner violence for females who were married, divorced, separated, or never married were lower in 2005 than in 1993.
Females who were —
• separated reported higher rates than females of other marital status
• married reported the lowest rates of nonfatal intimate partner violence
On average between 2001 and 2005, children were residents of the households experiencing intimate partner violence in —
• 38% of the incidents involving female victims.
• 21% of the incidents involving male victims
Source: Bureau of Justice Statistic: Office of Justice Programs
Domestic Violence news
Nunn to be arraigned in domestic-violence case
LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) -- Former Kentucky Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Nunn is to be arraigned this week on domestic-violence charges.
The 56-year-old Nunn is charged with fourth-degree assault and third-degree criminal mischief after a Feb. 17 incident with his former fiancee, 29-year-old Amanda Ross.
Nunn resigned last week as deputy secretary of the Health and Family Services Cabinet, which oversees the state's domestic violence programs.
Winfrey to air domestic violence show
CHICAGO – Oprah Winfrey says pop star Rihanna's alleged beating by singer boyfriend Chris Brown has the talk show queen so sad that she'll do a show dedicated to dating violence this week.
The hourlong episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" will air live from Chicago on Thursday. Winfrey offered Rihanna advice on her Friday show, saying, "Heal yourself first and also, love doesn't hurt." She also told the couple they should seek counseling.
Little Rock Women Arrested for Domestic Violence
Little Rock - A 29-year-old woman is being held on domestic battery charges after police say she stabbed the father of her children in the head with scissors during an argument.
Twenty-nine year-old Corliss Harris was arrested about 5 P.M. Saturday. Police say 27-year-old Khalid Rahmann came to their headquarters with a head injury and blood on his clothes around 2 P.M. to report the assault. He reportedly told them the two got into a domestic altercation when he went to Harris' home to get some pictures and other belongings.
Harris is being held at the Pulaski County Jail without bond
Domestic Violence Linked to Poor Health in Older Black Women
PHILADELPHIA, March 6 -- Exposure to domestic violence may have lingering health effects for black women, researchers found... In general, the researchers said, older black women are at a higher risk for poor health, so it's particularly important to examine any factors that could increase their risk any further.
So they surveyed 158 black women 50 and older (mean age 61.5) who were attending ambulatory care clinics in a large, inner-city, public hospital that serves as a "safety net" for low-income and uninsured individuals.
Lifetime exposure to domestic violence was measured using the Family Violence against Older Women survey, and health status was assessed using the physical and mental component summary scores of the Short Form-8.
Overall, 27.8% of the women had a high lifetime exposure to family violence.
Women with high exposure to family violence and those who were younger, had lower income, and were unemployed or disabled reported worse physical and mental health status.
Aside from my friend's experience, the fact is that domestic violence can happen to both women and men by women and men. It happens to victims of every economic status, occupation, race, religion, culture, and location. It occurs in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships too. If you know anyone who has been abused get them help. Do not forget to pass this on.