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Saturday, 11 June 2011

S*C*A*N*D*A*L IN BLOGSVILLE (Treating latest Nigerianslangs) LOL


Hello

I sincerely appreciate everyone who follows this blog.
NEWBIES: I usually follow new members immediately but just in case I didnt please leave a comment with a link to your blog and I will follow as soon as I log in. Also newbies if you are looking for a loyal dedicated network of people to follow your blog, then visit the names I highlighted in this blog, read their awesome blogs and if as impressed as I am, follow and interact with them. They will do the same to you and You wont regret it. :-)

Regular Followers: Helllloooow! How are you doing?? Absolutely fine I hope! *Ahem* *blushing* my lovely co-bloggers,*seriously blushing* you might have noticed that I dont always comment on my own post after your comments, please be patient with a fat girl (am a very lazy last minute person whose big derriere (ikebe)doesnot allow for me work as efficiently as I used to... and no I dont type with my ass :P) but each time you comment, I hope you notice that I immediately go to your latest round of blogs,(if any) read them and share my thoughts?? Mwah!

Eitherway I am very grateful for each and every interaction, its a labour of love having to read so many stories and contributing one's thoughts to each blog as we try to encourage each other. So this piece is in honor of my tight-knit network of bloggers who come rain or shine or very dry stories still take out time to encourage me to keep posting. In this particular blog I mentioned a lot of you and placed links to your blogs but if perchance your names were left out its because I dont know how well you take certain jokes. You see *sprinkling holy water* my jokes can be dirty so I used those who I am certain do not take themselves too seriously and are as crazy, humorous and funloving as I am. I hope you understand? God bless you all very much


To the business of the day...*polishing halo*...So I found this piece from a really really old facebook group, loved it and decided to share it here..Enjoy

Treating latest slangs-


Okay i have a cousin in university who seems to enjoy 'moonlighting' at my place most weekends (personally it works for me, who else to send on errands) so i get to learn all sorts of new slangs each week..
Let me give you a rundown on the latest jibe in Nigeria .. emmmm, now i would be very glad if most people do not beef me for "educating them"

A. Couple yourself
This commonly used to advice a person when they make a serious mistake ala shit for church or begins to misbehave or embarrass their friends in public,
Example: Ibhade's underwear is showing, I would say Ibhade, couple yourself or say Ebz's VPL is too obvious I would ask her to couple herself or say Mamuje, gets drunk at a party and falls over numerous times, i would walk up to her and say babe “couple yourself”

Or say Barack Obama takes me out on our dream date and he cant get enough of me and keeps trying to drag me into the toilet to “arrange" me i would say to him “President of the united states, kindly couple yourself”

B. Arrange:http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Arrange is used to describe doing things unconventionally and most times illegally but getting exceptional results
Example
Like lets say at KitKat's birthhday, she couldn’t afford champagne at the club, so muse origins Adiya sneaks drinks into the club via her handbag ...she would have arranged or say she takes Oke, 9jafoodie, Gbemisoke, Musco, Efua,prism, real world, thinkaboutit naturalnigerian,Chizy, wildboy, Ibhade, Theatrenotes, Ginger, Myne, Mamuje, NuttyJay, me and other friends clubbing, but cant pay the full gate fee, so she bribes the bouncers to get in... she would be said to have arranged, but if shes caught and ends up embarrassing we bloggers we would be miffed and decide to "treat her fuckup"

C. Treat her Fuck up"
treating mails and memos is a common daily task which most of us have become accustomed to but hate, because it takes too much time, however it is used in a slightly different manner in 'youth speak' example... me having a typographical error in my response to a thread/blog and a group of oversabi (overzealous) anonymous's starts correcting me, then I decide to respond to the anons and extract my pound of flesh...hence i have treated their fuck up!

or say we ask Theatrenotes to use our "last card" to buy drinks and he spends it on credits to call a chic, so when he gets back we will generally "" brush him" hence we have treated his fuckup.

D.brush him"
brushing involves beating the crap out of someone for doing anything deemed wrong.
say Theatrenotes goes to movida but in the name of 'looking for an inspiration for his next blog' he ends up watching a guy wank on a street light, i would suggest we "brush him" instead of "treating his fuckup" if he was the guy wanking then we would "treat his fuckup".

E: shine the congo
shining the congo should not be misconstrued to a person literarily trying to cleaning/waxing... the .. emmm i'm stuck here.. well its a topic i believe the gbedu master aka specialist currently taking back door master class can treat, i suggest Theatrenotes manages this ..

F: last card
last card is normally used for fall back cash, money that should normally be saved for rainy or somewhat dry days...
example lilyjohnson is broke but wants to go clubbing, she gets to a club and uses her last card to enter a club and couldn't buy booze.., she should have "shined his eye"
G: shine your eye
shine your eye means being sharp, smart, emm street wise, native intelligence..etc, say finding ways to sort out problems without anyone else figuring it out
example...
A-naija-great and Iphyigbogirl are going to a9jagr8's place by LAMATA BRT but cant afford to pay for two seats, so iphy laps a9jagr8..hence she has shined her eye, or iphy wants to buy spirits at a much lower cost, she goes to apongbon and buys a bottle of Henessy for 1000 naira, however the shop owner gives her a well sealed bottle of henessy which actually contains squadron, and iphy falls for it, this means she did not shine her eye, and when eventually she pours Myne a drink at home and they realise its fake she would be ashamed and could be said to have "fall her hand"

H. Fall your hand
fall your hand means to disgrace someone or embarass some one,
example.. Surprise is "scoping" Oloriwith a wonderful gift and telling her about how much she means to him and he would sell himsef to get her whatever she wants, (meanwhile he asked a guy at ojuelegba to "arrange" it), then Henry walks in and says "" the tout you asked to bring the stolen goods is waiting outside to be paid".. Henry has fallen Surprise's hand.

I: Market fall press You
a nice correct chic like Ginger needs a hot date or a company ball and she starts looking for a date, unfortunately things dont work out so she has to go with Theatrenotes,(obviously not even her last choice or fall back plan) it means market don fall press her

J: Scoping
Scoping can be used to describe when a guy or girl is seriously admiring someone they are interested in say at an event, and can also be used to catch the attention of an admirer or hook up with someone.
example.. NuttyJ at a bar and she sees DynamiqueProf walk in and starts smiling and strutting her stuff to impress him, she will be trying to "scope" him, and when that doesnt work she will buy him a drink ... she would be trying to scope him..

K. Cut out...
it means to escape being caught by people, when you have done something wrong
example
Rustygeek finally convinces WiseSage to hook up and while they are french kissing in Wisesage's flat her body builder boyfriend comes unexpectdly... rustygeek will jump out the window and would be said to have cut out...
or Theatrenotes and this lady decide to have sex and she wants to stay on top... it will be wise of him to cut out...

there are lots of other latest slangs , but its 2.00am on a sunday and, i have been up since 12 am on blospot and i believe this blog will lead to an early grave for me, so it will be wise to cut out now...before people read this and try to treat my fuck up, arrange me for scoping and brush me...:-P

Have a great great week :)*Legs it!* (runs 440)
x
Mena
p.s: *comes back to add*
Am travelling to Nigeria this month so might be even more erratic than usual. But I will try and keep it up! xxxx (runs away again)

61 comments:

LE DYNAMIQUE PROFESSEUR said...

No wonder when I went to Nigeria recently, they duped me several times when I tried buying stuffs. haha. All these languages like mugu and all; I've never been used to them and doubt I'd ever be... lol

Ant Nutty J, I won't mind u buying me a drink. haha.

Thanks for the mention Mena. We love you.

- LDP

Blaq Mind said...

you're not following my blog, what's up with that eh. I'm cool and all

The Corner Shop said...

Hahaha!!!!! This is so true! I love this post :p And it's true oh, this my bag can sneak in legion hehe

Errr TNotes, please explain Shine the Congo :s

Adiya

Ginger said...

Mena? Mena? I no fit shout. Thank you for thanking us. You are a wonderful blogger. I went thru your archives recently and fell in love.

Babe you fall my hand oo. Market fall press? Never heard that before. Thanks for the education lwkmd!

Have a fantastic trip back.

LG said...

n i ll 'brush u if my name(url) is not included in 'part 2 :))

TheRustGeek said...

I was particularly looking forward to being educated about the *Ahem* shining one but..

Clearly I need to keep my ears skinned more when I am out and around with the boys.. Quite a few new ones I saw here...

Thanks for the shout out.. Chuffed!

Have a safe trip... And bring some mementoes back ooooo...

Gbemisoke said...

hahahaha
Clap for yourself Mena!!
After missing my blogrounds for over two weeks, reading your post first has me cracking up ehn! Welldone!!

“President of the united states, kindly couple yourself” is my fav line... The pic of Uncle Barack dragging your ikebe to the bathroom to "arrange" you is HILLARIUOS!!

Thanks for the mention :o)
Now Imma "cut-out" to "scope" Theaternotes. Perhaps I'll find out what "shine the congo" means. Abeg no "fall my hand oh" lolzzzzz

Chizy K said...

lol... u get time ooo
but this your post came a lil late, wld have been more helpful b4 my lagos trip lol... anyway it's still useful 4 my future lagos holidays

Olori said...

lol thanks for the shout out o. and u r not fat o. we are all fully endowed....pls get it right lol. atleast na scope dem scope me. im a fine girl no pimples just dimples....if i vex i fit run for miss 9ja o

9jaFOODie said...

LMAOO... HAHHAH.... u n Barak?? some dream ooo. lol... this is hilarious!

Olori said...

sorry in addition, u for like arrange us with the meaning of dis "shine the congo". and e b like say TNotes dey withold d meaning. if i tear eye reach we go arrange im brushing so make im couple imself sharply :) and Mena u dey dream of Barack, GEJ for dey dat dream too now...dey say charity begins at home

Ibhade said...

Hahahahahaha....this is a well composed post Mena...how did you do it?...welldone sister and THANK YOU for always commenting in my blog & mentioning my name.. well appreciated....now i berra 'couple myself' because i am late in my blog rounds...have a nice week ahead.

kitkat said...

thanks for brushing up my nknowledge in aija slangs cos i dnt know bout most of the ones u mentioned lol.

iphyigbogurl said...

haha...my fave is "treat your fuck-up"

i'm a pro at that..lol

Natural Nigerian said...

Couple Yourself? Market fall press You? I thought I knew it all, but apparently I don't. Lol!

Interesting post!

Omoregee said...

Lmao! This is awesome! I didnt see my name sha o :(

I av heard about most of em as a Lasgidi babe save 'couple urself' and 'shine d congo'.........where is T.Notes?

Efua Dentaa said...

I love it, love it, love it... You are so creative. Aside the education, this post is just hilarious. Thanks...

Think-About-It said...

This is brilliant!
You put this together very well. I totally enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for the mention too. I love reading your blog.

http://analyze233.blogspot.com/2011/06/most-evil-of-us-all.html

therealworld said...

So u're coming down here? Be sure to 'shine ur eye' well well when u land oh. I'll look forward to reading about ur experience from the visit...rude & arrogant public, terrible roads, crazy traffic (lagos), complete break down of law & order, selfish govt, power outage....I could go on...truth is, but for family & friends, I hate it down here...the country is in deep shit.

Awww, u mentioned me(blushing)...*Bear hugs*

A-9ja-Great said...

WTF?! Iphy laps a-9ja-great? C'mon,thjat ain't fair.First we didn't have money to pay for two seats and then you didn't even allow me lap Iphy.*sulking*

NigerianOnDaDL said...

This is hilarious..lol

Harry Itie said...

I cannot stop laughing... As Mimi seen this?


I so cannot wait for T.Notes to respond

Nefertity with a 'Y' said...

shine the congo??? iv been lmao after reading this post...........................
abeg im a new blogger too ooohh, as in like extra new.................. so i need all the help that i can get...

Myne Whitman said...

Hahaha..you just helped me to upgrade my memory on slangs. I like couple yourself and treat your fuck up. I remember the first time I heard shine the congo, I was like WTF! Now I use it all the time, lol...

henryik said...

Good post Mena,but you might have explained more clearly about "shine the congo".I already asked two guys who had no idea about it,so it ain't just me.Thanks for the mention,though.
http://henryik2009.wordpress.com.

Surprise said...

You have infected me with laughing gas with this your post. It is hilariously hilarious talking in terms of hilarity.

Thanks for mentioning my blog o.

Wishing you safe trip 'home'.

MsJB said...

LOL I definitely missed this. Where on earth was I? Jeez you are so funny. Got me cracking out like a chicken. I'm ffg now, I definitely love fun people cos life shouldn't be too serious everytime lol
Mine: www.janylbenyl.blogspot.com

Mena UkodoisReady said...

I just want to thank every single person that have placed a comment in here, I don laugh tear my belle finish. Please you guys should help me and spam theatre notes to explain shine the congo cus last I checked he was no coward.
For all newbies who left a link to your blog I am following you. For those I didn’t mention, please don’t do the sad smiley. I sincerely was not sure of your sense of humour, make nobody type konk give me. LMAO.
Thanks so so very much, May God meet you at your point of needs and still add unspeakable joy and laughter to top it all off. Xxxx:  :D xxxx

Wild Boy said...

Mena!! Na a whole me person arrange enter club abi? lmao...Seriously, that thing almost happened to me ooo...and we decided to treat the guy's fkup there and then before the organizers of the bash allowed us in!
I think your scoping these days explains 'shadowing'.
Scoping these days is more of 'lying to coerce some1 into doing wha they would ordinarily not do eg sleep wiv you'lol
Missed you oo mena, Holla when u're eventually in naija!

T.Notes said...

Oh My Days!!!!!!You are a nutcase Mena!!!!!Can't believe i missed out commenting on this earlier!!!Laughing my ass off!!!This is priceless!!!!And u can be certain that i am sooo going to 'TREAT YA FUCKUP in return"!!!!
ROTFWL!!!!!!

Mena UkodoisReady said...

There you are, I really missed you (sniff sniff)

Anonymous said...

ah...woman, u berra find a way to incorporate my name in this o! Somehow that part for Kitkat sounds like something her persona in my mental drawing board can do.lol.
That was hilarious though. U and T.notes are a ...... smh


HoneyDame
honeydame1.blogspot.com

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zooma said...

I'm visiting ur blog mena,for the first time.As a UNIBEN Alumnus I'm going to explain what "shine ur congo" or more like "shine the congo".its a slang dat guys use to depict the sex act with a broad.so instead of saying I'm going to Fuck...(pardon ma french)...dat babe,they will say"I go shine d babe congo".I'm gonna start blogging soon,so u guys wait for it.big ups mena!!!

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