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Friday, 30 March 2012

A reply sent to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband.. OUCH!

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.

I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.
J.P. Morgan CEO


Wednesday, 28 March 2012

The Head of a female robbery gang defends alleged actions: "I was tortured and nearly raped ...fallen victim to many wicked men"

Nneka Orji, the head of a female robbery gang arrested by operatives of the Special Anti-Robbery Squad in Lagos has confessed that she and her girls derived joy from torturing their male victims because they were once victims of robbery attacks perpetrated by guys.

Speaking on their mode of operation, the lady who hails from Otolo Nnewi, Anambra State, said: “I had been a victim of the crime for which we were arrested. I was tortured and nearly raped. But for the leg kick I gave to one of the criminals who attempted to rape me after the gang had duped me of my life savings, I would have been raped.

“If I mention the amount, you would not believe me. I have fallen victim to many wicked men. Some who said they wanted to marry me later became gold diggers and abandoned me after milking me dry. These wicked acts made me to hate men, especially the criminally-minded ones.

"I am not an armed robber because we did not operate with gun. Ours was more of brain works. We obtained by false pretence, otherwise called 419," 27-year-old Nneka said.

“However, God gave me a reliable fiancĂ©. His name is Mr. Okey Holland from Nnewi. He travelled to Holand on a business trip and we hope to do our traditional marriage and a society wedding the moment he returns from Holland.

“For now, I reside with my uncle, one Mr. Ikechukwu Ndu of No. 14, College Road, Ogba. He knows that I am into 419 business.

“I was arrested for armed robbery when we did not rob with arms. In fact, what we did was not armed robbery. It was a common 419 deal. Why it looked like armed robbery was that our victim, a lady, jumped out of our operational vehicle, shouting ole! ole!! (robber! robber!!), which attracted an irate mob and the police at Alausa (Lagos). We were arrested and handed over to SARS.

“The officer in charge of SARS, SP Abba Kyari, even instructed the investigating police officer, Coporal Ediga Augustine, not to put us in confirmed armed robbery cell until he had finished the investigation. Our business is to defraud people. We are not armed robbers.”

Asked what role he played in the gang, she said: “My role is very clear. I played the role of a catcher. I speak the word to the victim and if it catches him or her, others will start working on him or her.

“For instance, if a victim enters our cab, my role is to open up a discussion by speaking the word, like telling him or her that we had dollars in the vehicle or that a foreigner or an Alhaji wanted his dog to sleep with me but I ended stealing plenty of dollars from him before I escaped. I would tell the passenger that the problem was how to change it or where to take it to.

“If the passenger is foolish and expressed interest, we would start working on him or her. But if he or she did not show interest, we would drop him. I was also a victim before I joined them.”

Asked how they were able to torture men without guns, she said they used to push stubborn men out of their vehicle while in motion, making them to sustain serious injuries.

“At times, we would pull their manhood with our hands until they felt serious pains and made forced promise to the gang not to involve the police,” she added.

According to an insider in SARS office in Lagos, Nneka and her four other accomplices will be charged to court soon for robbery. But Nneka is begging them not to do so, she's insisting that they are "common criminals" and should be treated and tried as such.

Monday, 26 March 2012

Sex Tip: In Praise of an Old-School Sex Act from Melissa Gira Grant

Please enjoy this well written, HANDy article, enjoy!

In the universe of sex maneuvers, there are exotic entries (“ice cream stand,” anyone?) and more low-rent tricks. The oft-overlooked hand job is definitely the latter. But I’ve always found something sincere about them; the hand job is endearing, partly because it’s so selfless and partly because it has such adolescent beginnings (in the parking lot after the tenth-grade formal, obviously). It would be a real shame to treat it as beginners-only just because of those early experiments.

So why has it been downgraded to mere foreplay? I think it’s because, as we’ve grown out of all that pubescent enthusiasm, we’ve started to think, Eh, why bother? He can do that himself. But hand sex is real sex, and sometimes it’s the perfect way to get frisky on the quick. For instance: Hand jobs are great in the shower, where they’re really not that far from “Let me wash that for you.” If you’re feeling daring, they’re well accommodated under a coat in the quiet car of a train (where I’m fairly sure they’re not explicitly banned). And a “good morning!” hand job shows a partner you care. My point: There’s almost always a good reason for a hand job. Here, a few friendly guidelines.

How to give a good one
First, dispel the notion that your hand is a substitute lady part. It’s a unique tool all its own. While the muscles in your vagina can certainly squeeze and hug, the hand has range (and fingers!). Also, you already have the skills you need: You’ve opened jars, you’ve shaken cocktails, you know your way around a Wii. The rest is just personalizing your technique and letting your hand be awesome at what hands are awesome at. Tease, stroke, rub—pressure counts. Be in control a little. If you want to see how you’re doing, make not-scary eye contact. (Think, Oh, hello there, isn’t this a fantastic hand job?—not Hey, what next? Need some help down here!)

How to get a good one
Yes, hand jobs are for women too! But a word of caution: Some pioneering gents discover the clitoris and think that’s that. “Hey, look,” they say to the other men, “if we beeline for this one spot, all our sexing will be complete!” That’s wonderful but terribly limited. You have a lot more real estate, so you may need to give him a tour. And if you plan to focus on the hand job portion of your evening, consider using some lube (water-based, if condoms are going to get involved later). Of course, hand jobs can go both ways at once. How to get started? Pull him against a wall and put his hand between your legs while you go for him too

Melissa Gira Grant is the coeditor of Coming and Crying, a collection of true stories about sex


Friday, 23 March 2012

No one asked their names.... The 17 murdered...

Source Al Jazeera and LA Times
Two U.S officials stated that an Army staff sergeant who allegedly gunned down civilians in southern Afghanistan this month will be charged Friday with 17 counts of murder.

Staff Sgt. Robert Bales, 38, was on his fourth combat deployment when the killings occurred. He is also likely to be charged with six counts of attempted murder and assault, one of the officials said.

Both officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the charges had not been made public.

Many details of the attack, one of the worst civilian casualty incidents in the decade-old war, have not been disclosed.

In the days following the rogue US soldier’s shooting spree in Kandahar, most of the media, focused on the “backlash” and how it might further strain the relations with the U.S.

Many mainstream media outlets channelled a significant amount of energy into uncovering the slightest detail about the accused soldier We even know where his wife wanted to go for vacation, or what she said on her personal blog.

But the victims became a footnote, an anonymous footnote. Just the number 17. No one bothered to ask their ages, their hobbies, their aspirations. Worst of all, no one bothered to ask their names.

In honoring their memory, I write their names below, and the little we know about them: that nine of them were children, three were women.

The dead:
Mohamed Dawood son of Abdullah
Khudaydad son of Mohamed Juma
Nazar Mohamed
Shatarina daughter of Sultan Mohamed
Zahra daughter of Abdul Hamid
Nazia daughter of Dost Mohamed
Masooma daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Farida daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Palwasha daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Nabia daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Esmatullah daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Faizullah son of Mohamed Wazir
Essa Mohamed son of Mohamed Hussain
Akhtar Mohamed son of Murrad Ali

The wounded:
Haji Mohamed Naim son of Haji Sakhawat
Mohamed Sediq son of Mohamed Naim

They did not deserve to die, this is yet another example of this horrific and disgusting war. We sometimes need to make a little effort to recognize the plight of the victims who are caught up in the violence. It's all well and good to keep cheering on soldiers, but there have been many acts of barbarism and cruelty committed by both sides. Please do not turn a blind eye to this kind of tragedy. These victims and their families also deserve our respect and condolences,
May their souls rest in peace.

I hope one day we will also shame the perpretators of the seemingly endless acts of terror in Northern Nigeria AS WELL AS name the victims of the vicious Boko Haram sect!

Friday, 16 March 2012

I INVITE GOV ALIYU TO SHUT UP-lifted from Mallam El Rufai's facebook wall

This is a long but interesting read. I wonder how far we can go as a nation if we cant accept the truth and generate ideas to improve our economy and by extension our lot!


Wole Soyinka did me a great favour recently. To put it in the language
of today's online communities, he did a little trolling. He provoked the
thoughtful sections of the Northern political and media establishment -
and establishment spokespersons they are though they may not be aware of
it nor pleased by it - to speak their minds. Some of these turned out
calmly rational as seen in Mahmud Jega's or predictable as seen in
Mohammed Haruna's or very suitably unfounded as exemplified by Sam
Nda-Isaiah's. Some others offered very ugly words like those written
with a quill pen by Adamu Adamu or the dismissive put-down as was the
one tweeted by Bashir Yusuf Ibrahim.

In an essay published in Newsweek and a series of interviews granted the
media, Soyinka essentially charged that Boko Haram is plainly an
instrument in the hands of those Northerners no longer in power looking
for a way to reclaim it. He did not found any real supports for his
claim which is what made Nda-Isaiah's equally unsupported response a
like-for-like match. But he sprinkled a lot of the usual saw dust that
gets into the eyes of Muslim Northern Nigerians like Ibrahim; a certain
contempt for their religion, and an equally dismissive attitude to what
he makes of their culture. No reader of Soyinka's recent comments could
fail to get the impression that these are really people whom he does not
like at all. His words very deliberately underscore the common
perception of Northerners as unproductive.

Each time that matter has been raised Mohammed Haruna has written a
column. It is always the same old same old: the North, through its
agricultural produce, contributes more to the country's GDP. He is
right. But he will soon be wrong. In Lagos throughout the 70s, all the
rice consumed in our household came from Baro and all the groundnut oil
from Bida, both places in Haruna's Nupe Kingdom in Niger State. Today
our oil comes from Singapore and our rice from Thailand. Tomorrow our
rice will most likely come from Ikorodu in Lagos State because right now
as Governor Babangida Aliyu, the gasbag of Niger State, heckles for a
larger slice of the Federal dole, Governor Tunde Fashola in Lagos, bless
the man, is hard at work toward self sufficiency in rice production.

It is said that those who are always talking have no time to listen.
Just the other day, Governor Aliyu declared that he knows the sponsors
of Boko Haram. In other words, he claims to know those who have
sponsored widespread murder and terror. How can we take him seriously,
or not consider him complicit, when he has irresponsibly failed to say
who they are? I invite Governor Aliyu to shut up. If he does so, he
should be able to listen and think. He has complained that what his
State gets is largely spent on salaries. Tough luck. How about a plan
for paying salaries from revenues and taxes derived from a once again
vibrant Bida economy? How about self sufficiency in groundnut oil
production? Does he ever go to Bida where - as I saw last year -
abandoned oil mills are all over the place? No. Governor Aliyu is always
on the Minna-Abuja road, a route defiled by no less than fifty fat
billboards which speak to his megalomania as opposed to the so-called
Chief Servant they crudely announce. Where is Chief Aliyu's plan for oil
and rice exports out of Baro, a port on the now partially dredged River
Niger once productively linked to the hinterland by a busy railway line?

It happened just two months ago so no one has forgotten but additional
money from the partial removal of the fuel subsidy has now come to Niger
State. Why won't Governor Aliyu release a transparent plan to show the
poor people in Agaie, Zungeru and Awuru and the elite in Minna whom he
says he serves exactly how it will be utilised, what new jobs it will
create, what better teachers it will employ? The same applies to the
other governors. Why haven't they come up with their subsidy
reinvestment programmes similar to what the Federal Government has now
clearly made a commitment?

When I saw in Finance Minister Okonjo-Iweala's SURE programme a
commitment to spending 60 per cent of the funds earmarked for
investments in Information Technology "in the relatively disadvantaged"
North, I contacted two Northerners in the field and urged them to study
the document with a view to seeing what they could do to get our people
to make the most of that opportunity. The depressing response of one of
them who is employed by a leading international firm is highly
instructive. This is what he had to say:

"I'm disenchanted. Why so? I am expected to sell technology to
Northern States (among others) yet they are the most uninterested
customers. Yes young tech businesses are there. Without the primary
patronage of their own governments, how can they show their mettle
and make others turn to them? I wonder if you saw what the Urban
Shelter guy said about how Fashola helped to approve and exceed
their request for land in Lagos, without having to meet them;
because he wanted to support a Northern owned/based company wanting
to do business in Lagos.

"Sadly it seems to me that Northern Tech would be best served
growing their business outside Arewa."

Remember the latter half of that last sentence. In a recent discussion
with a highly successful Northern businessman engaged in industry and
agriculture in a couple of States in the east and west ends of Southern
Nigeria I got to understand exactly why he is located there:
indifference, disinterest and obstacles every time he has approached a
government in the North despite his good brand. Haruna will soon be

Is it any surprise that poverty is the wages of that Northern attitude?
Is it any surprise that other Nigerians like Soyinka have become very
impatient with the North and its self-inflicted woes, the depth and
ugliness of which has now resulted in an endless chain of massacres and
daily disruptions to people's lives?

Adamu Adamu mocks Soyinka's Yoruba pronunciation of a Kanuri word. He
has forgotten that it is the sighted that lead the blind, and hasn't
noticed how the Yoruba are taking control of his own Hausa such that a
Hausa word suya, which means deep frying can go into Yoruba, assume a
different meaning and make an entry back into Hausa with the corrupted
meaning adopted. He hasn't fired up Google Maps and seen the Yoruba
imprint in it, in the way that Hausa street names have been spelt. He
has forgotten the globacom ads and the biannual greeting Barka de
Sallah. Has he compared the Yoruba wikipedia with the Hausa, Kanuri or
Nupe versions? Unlikely, because he hasn't realised that as Muslim
Northerners have neglected Western education, those who have embraced it
the most are the ones defining the age in which we live.

Shouldn't anyone looking at recent State-by-State breakdowns of School
Cert and JAMB results wonder whether it really makes any sense for the
child who has consistently come bottom of Class 1 to be promoted to
Class 2A rather than be made to repeat it or put in Class 2B or Z where
he can move at the pace of his equals? Isn't that what the argument for
a restructuring or a dissolution of Nigeria into more manageable parts
about? The awful truth is that Muslim Northern Nigeria has held
Nigeria's progress back or put another way Nigeria has inhibited the
progress of Muslim Northern Nigeria.

Yes. Re-read it. I said it. Go and think about it. Compel Governor Aliyu
to think too, and act.

by Shehu Dikko

Tuesday, 13 March 2012


Meet Karrine!

Karrine Steffans (born August 24, 1978 is an American author, most notably of the Vixen series of books. She has worked as an actress and as a hip hop model, having appeared in more than 20 music videos, many by multiplatinum-selling rap artists. She has also written vividly about herescapades. Here is an excerpt.

JUELZ SANTANA: How was it? It was good. He's really wild in bed, and don�t let the 'No homo' stuff fool you, because he is definitely not a homo in bed. His d*ck is like a baseball bat, but it�s thick too like a overgrown German sausage. He likes to pull hair a lot, and he actually likes it better when a girl rides.

50 CENT: What's your story? 50 cent and I have had our share of sexual encounters. We kick it every time he comes to L.A.. His d*ck is not as big as I assumed it would be. It was probably about 7 1/2 inches. But it's not a big disappointment because he can eat pus*y like no other.

How did you meet? I know a few studio owners, so when he was out here recording with Game, I went in to meet them. It jumped off from there.

Does he have a fetish? Yes, 50 loves ti**ies and a*s. I happen to have them both so I guess that's why he immediately came on to me.

He came on to you? Actually he did, I wanted him either way, so if I had to come on to him, or he did, I was still going to get him.

YOUNG BUCK: Was Young Buck good in bed? He was the best I ever had. His d*ck was like the Energizer Bunny. It kept going and going. The sex lasted for hours at a time. It was the best I ever had and it got better each time.

Was this a ongoing relationship? It wasn�t a relationship really, it was more of a sex thing. It lasted about 5 months.

When did you meet Young Buck? I met him through one of my friends. She was dating one of his cousins or someone related to him. She introduced me at a party and he took me back to his hotel after that.

Was he famous when you met him? Not really, he was known through G-Unit but this was before his CD came out. Any other celebrities you would give a try? Yeah. There�s a few, but I doubt any of them would be better.

USHER: Were you in a relationship with Usher, or was it just for the sex? I wouldn't dream of being in a relationship with him. YUCK. It was just for sex, but the sex was NOT all that good either. I kinda felt sorryfor him. So I fu**ed him.

Were you disappointed? Um yeah. Because it was after a concert when we �fu**ed� and it was smelling like straight up FISH up in backstage in his dressing room. It was NOT me either. So I'm like babes? What's that smell. He tried to make it seem like it already smelled like that when they got to the arena. I'm like whatever, can we get this over with.

How was the sex? It was fu**ing horrible and on top of that it was smelling back there. This man is not packing, his d*ck is way small and he was having a hard time trying to find my hole. Then ol� boy did something out of this world, he yelled out something Haitian. I was sick to my stomach. I got dressed and ran out of there.

Are there any celebs you�d want to sleep with? Yes! Just not Usher. I�d fu** Lil Jon before I have sex with Usher again. I really would want to have sex with that guy Tyson Beckford, now he is packing, I seen some movies.

List of Rappers

Mystikal - long Trick Daddy - long and full of energy Twista - medium Will Smith - long Xzibit - long but comes to quick Kool G Rap - Long but cant f**k Talib Kweli - medium Redman - hung like a banana Black Thought - medium Russel Simmons - small Khujo from Goodie Mob - very long Ja Rule - Long and full of energy Jay-Z - Real thick and juicy but you cant stand looking at him when he�s on top OutKast - Both big but Big Boi is bigger and fatter Dre�s is long and slim Pete Rock - big Puff Daddy - medium Rakim - Long Mobb Deep - havoc is big but Prodigy is small M.O.P. - Long pipes but Danze has a smelly body odor Nas - small Nelly - medium Scarface - medium Snoop Dogg - too long Ol� Dirty Bastard - may his big d**k rest in peace Clipse - They�re both long but they cant f**k and Pusha T�s breath stinks Common - Long but too skinny Da Brat - can eat a p**sy. Mos Def - long but his breath stinks Timbaland - long and fat but can't f**k and comes to quick Too $hort - long and thick but talks to much s*it in bed Q Tip - long but skinny. He has an a**hole personality Mase - Long but he has an a**hole personality too Master P - nice and long and can f**k Method Man - Long but comes to quick Missy Elliott - pu**y has a bad odor 50 Cent - medium/long Big Punisher - The same size of a can of air freshener Busta Rhymes - Big and long bit cant f**k. Just because you are left sore he thinks he did something. Canibus - real long Noreaga - Long but he cant f**k Lil Wayne - nice and long Kanye West - Big but he cant f**k KRS-One - small LL Cool J - Nice and fat The LOX - All of them are big except for styles. styles is very tiny. And J Hood is abnormaly fat Ludacris - Just perfect. Long and fat DMX - Long and can fuck forever Fabolous - big d**k but comes to fast Fat Joe - small at first but when erect he�s impressive. Wyclef - Long but his breath stinks Ghostface Killah - Long but he comes to quick

While readers are trying to recover from that shock, she goes on to write this

Sometimes, in relationships, the pleasure is all theirs. Alone, I am a superhero. With you, I am a mere mortal. You deplete me. I’m tired of being your upgrade. We are not equally yoked. You really deserve someone more basic. I’m tired of pretending your mediocracy is okay with me. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss G650′s. I’m tied of pretending you’re not a burden.I’m tired of pretending I don’t deserve a f-cking BOSS! I’m tired of you driving my car. Stop telling me you love me as if you’re doing me some sort of favor. I don’t need you to love me. I love me. I’m tired of pretending like you shouldn’t be intimidated by the other men in my life. Cuz you should. I’m tired of pretending as if I support your bullshit dreams. I’m tired of pretending your d-ck isn’t the smallest d-ck I’ve ever seen in my life. Cuz it is. I’m tired of pretending your favorite rapper didn’t just beat it up on Friday. I’m tired of paying for everything.

I’m tired of you taking all this sh-t for granted as if you ever deserved any of it. Give me my Mac back. For real tho. I’m tired of washing your wack ass clothes. I hate your whole face. I’m tired of acting like the sex is good.I hate when you roll all the way over onto my side of the bed to hold me. I’m over here for a reason. Did I mention I’m tired of paying for everything? Okay.I’m tired of giving you the game.I’m tired of pretending you’re anything more than a bum. I should’ve just hired you as a cook and kept it moving. I’m tired of congratulating you for accomplishing minuscule sh-t. I’m tired of you begging

I’m tired of moaning when I can’t feel anything!I’m tired of having to think about someone else to get off. I’m tired of having to lock my phone when you’re around.I’m tired of taking showers with you. Can I get a moment! Damn! Yes. He’s better than you. Next question. All night. ‘Til 6 in the morning. Next question.Yes. And I didn’t have to pay for none of it. Next question. Presidential suite. Next question. About 10 inches. Next question.69. Next question. Like a boss. Next question. Balls deep. Next question. I’m tired of having to pretend you’re not the 3rd worst decision I’ve ever made.

You should really be with that one chick who bagged our groceries this weekend. That’s more your speed.


Why do people go to this kind of length to get attention?