Saturday, 26 April 2014
How to get a dream Husband or Steady Boyfriend or casual "Boy-Toy/F*ck Buddy"... *WARNING SOME STUFF IS REALLY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT*
Novelist Kola Boof reveals very unusual "Tips" that she says are "guaranteed" to get you the man that you want in whatever capacity that you want him. She
divided this article on "HOW TO GET A MAN" into Two Parts: "SURFACE" and "DEEPER."It is a very long, quite hilarious read. Enjoy......
PART 1: "SURFACE"
Sisters, these steps are CRUCIAL for putting yourself under a man's skin--they're
also a PSYCHOLOGICAL "trick"---and they work.
The core root of any type of love/relationship is "Friendship", so
start by making it a point to amass at least 20 Platonic Male Friends.
Dismiss the whole notion of having a "boyfriend/a Man/
big romance"--just desire and cultivate a "Pal System."
This will help you to do two things: (1) Expose your personal flaws
to males early (So that some can move away from you or even help you
improve on yourself). (2) Help you "eliminate" any guys you can't tolerate
and would be a waste of time.
THAT ONE GUY WITH POTENTIAL POPS UP(**THIS IS CRUCIAL)
FIRST MEET A MAN--don't ask him what he does for a living or
how much money he makes.
Just make it clear that you have your own back and put your gaze/smile
on HIM (his inside character) like a friend would do.
Let the other girls (your competition) ask him Money questions and
everything else that has nothing to do with who he is.
Trust me, some kind of way, it won't be long before he slips you the info on
his financial status--but thing is, he'll have a very "fond" mental and emotional
view of you because you seem to care about him and not what he has.
Men don't like to be "used" anymore than we do (although, a lot of what I'm
going to tell you in this Blog is on how to manipulate them--I admit that. But
don't be a stupid bitch. If you're going to lead pups to what they really want
(YOU), then be sweet as sugar and soft; understanding; welcoming.)
Don't ever act like a "romance novel reader"--gushy, talking on and on about what
your big dreams are for love and sharing life with a man. SERIOUSLY--you need
to be "Clinical" and not "emotional" about love/relationships. Have no expec-
tations, and while being "friendly, approachable & vulnerable" towards males,
don't ever act like you don't already have a man. Don't act available--but be very
cheerful, open and don't be afraid to ever show vulnerability.
OK, you've "cultivated" these platonic friendships with upwards 20 males--now
you have maybe 2 or 3 who hint at or ask you on date.
Once you have the opportunity to "get together" alone with a guy
for a "date" or whatever...immediately inform him that you
YOU: "Craig, honestly--I'm not interested in having a relationship or
a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I had a sex buddy, but I'm not even ready
for that yet (don't forget to mention that sex buddy arc). But maybe we
could hang out at the park and feed the ducks? That would be fun!"
[If you don't "Get It"--just read that over a few times until you get it.]
If a guy insists on "spending money; a restaurant; movie"--REFUSEunless you've already had your first 3 "Psyche" Dates.
Many times, this will SHOCK a guy when you say--"No, I can't go
with you to McDonalds/RedLobster...I don't like guys spending money
on me! But let's go down to the park and feed the squirrels."
DATES WHERE YOU BOTH "PAY" YOUR OWN WAY---don't do it.
This is Psychological. It's not about the events. It's about him being trained
to believe that your interest is strictly HIM indigenously. He should have
this wonderful feeling about you--that your love is free.
Unless it's Absolutely Survival Induced (gas and lights gotta be
paid or some shit). DON'T let a man spend money on you right off bat.
If you LISTEN to Kola's way--then he'll spend TONS of money LATER.
YOU WANT A MAN "PERMANENTLY"?
Your first three DATES should be something like:
**Meeting at the Park (you could have sandwiches & soda)
**Meeting at the PUBLIC LIBRARY and chat (make up a reason!)
**Meet at the BEACH...and "talk" while walking on the shoreline.
These are Psyche Dates--any kind of You & Him as a Duo that is
FREE OF CHARGE and focuses on you two forming a BOND.
KOLA'S FACTS OF LIFE: Despite men's legendary insecurity
which leads to videos/magaz. dictating what they "like" and what type
girl they want to "USE" to impress the other fellas--despite their
bravado over having "Swag" and their Dick-size and not being "punks"
to emotions and all that macho MAN shit---truth is--men are just as
senstitive & emotional deep down as we are. They're not IMMEDIATELY
as intelligent as we are--because SEXISM doesn't allow men to have
the "Emotional Range" that females are allowed (for instance women
can CRY & HUG other women in public; we're allowed to analyze and show intense emotion)...but men do have the capacity for it...and if you gain
(#1) his trust and (#2) his respect/fondness towards you and (3) You're "about
something", therefore you're somewhat interesting to him--then you
have a shot at getting him just about any way that you want him.
SURFACE (*FOOD AS A WEAPON "Crucial")
You've always heard Mama say that the way to a man's heart
is a good home cooked meal.
Well, she was wrong.
The way to any man's heart is through great Blow Jobs. LOL!
Just kidding, sisters (*but then again...I'm not.)
FOOD is one of the three Nervous System Requirements for a happy
Human Being (Food, sex and sleep according to Science), male or female.So think on this:
A major, crucial trick is to learn how to make at least 5 dishes that your
Guy absolutely LOVES---but that no other chick in the vaccinity knows
how to make! Can't be one or two dishes...it has to be at least 5. In my case,
it was like 55. But, believe me, over time, this gives you leverage.
If you live around a bunch of Latino chicks, then don't make it Spanish food.
Get him hooked on Chili Cheese Fries covered in Goat Cheese & Russian
Shredded Pastrami...if you live in Jackson, Mississippi where every woman
can get down on some Soul food...then get him hooked on French Spiced
Pork Chops with mint sauce, coos-coos and potatoes with crabmeat topping.
It can be very simple shit as well, but he's gotta rave it; request it--then you
know you've come up with a winning dish. Sweet Potato pie with ginger and
a bottom layer of cream cheese.
Thing is, if he gets "hooked" on your cooking--then he'll be coming back. Trust me.
The entire 10 years my hubby and I were together--I made his "cereral"
from scratch. Every sunday, I configured and mixed and bagged his
cereal. I made fresh bread. I made honey wine. My whole kitchen was
set up to "ambush his ass"---and he wasn't allowed to fix shit!
And yes--I am a Womanist/Feminist woman.
In my case, I love cooking--so it's effortless for me. I also come from
a Nilotic Sudanese culture that says: "Anything that has babies falling
out of its ass should know how to prepare a meal." But that's just me.
A lot of women hate cooking--and if you're one of those women, then
focus on other areas. But for women who do cook--other than really
intense blowjobs, cooking is about your strongest SPADE in the deck
for screwing up a man's "Selection Process" (and trust me, Men have
about 300% more mating options to choose from than we women
do--so don't frown on cooking and blowjob skills as manipulation
tools if your'e serious about wanting to secure a Man-In-the-House.)
So,yeah, sisters. You want to take a deep breath..stop being INTIMIDATED
by the idea and task of cooking...and learn to make very simple, quick dishes,
and after you master and "feel comfortable" with the idea that you can actually
whip up a quick, easy meal--expand that--so that you're "experimenting" and
coming up with stuff that your guy really finds "delectable" and can't imagine
Also doesn't hurt to rub your man's belly and feet after a meal IF he's the
affectionate type who doesn't mind you touching him. I was lucky that my
hubby LOOOOVED attention; loved being kissed & hugged & made to feel
like a little boy.
He gave me everything for making him feel that way.
And, of course, hand in hand with great food, men love their dick sucked by someone who appears to LIKE doing it even more than the man wants it.
It's a great way for the guy you love to wake up "some" mornings (with his dick
in your mouth.) Of course, it goes without saying that men should reciprocate.
--but we're talking about securing a man right now.
Not to be scary--but if a man can fuck you in your face hard--and it seems as though
you're breathing through your asshole, not your nose, while you're slobbing that knob, then you'll have a LOT of power of him.
If you're not the best at Head--you can do things like put a "breath strip Mint" or
Listerine strip or something like that in in your mouth so that your tongue slightly TINGLES his penis. Men like you to do "ice cream licks" on the head; pucker and
lolipop-smack the mushroom...lick the staff...and Deep Throat, hard. If you can
learn to do those motions, plus dart your tongue at say the staff while you're shining
the mushroom head--AND suck on his balls; going back and forth--then you'll be
at least considered "good" at it.
Of course--you can't just give any guy a blowjob--it has to be someone VERY
special to you. Let's be clear on that.
I don't think it's smart to give a guy a Blow Job when you first meet him
(or have started the Psyche dating process). What I always do is make sure that
the guys knows that "I like giving head"---but unless I'm just trying to be his
"fuck buddy/Mistress/Maid"---I'm not giving him a blowjob until at least the
2nd or 3rd time that we've actually made love.
And if you really want a Long-Term relationship with a man (arriving at marriage
or a serious commitment)...then it's BEST not to put out for a very long time.
Sometimes, people fuck right away and still end up together in a deep relationship,
but the odds of that happening aren't good. Especially if you're a Black Woman
(because in our community, "Color Code" means many of us are "to be Used for
sex" and discarded dependent upon how Africoid our hair, features & skin tone.)
Doesn't matter if you're a Beauty or a Plain Girl or even Ugly--men want and respect the challenge of that girl who WILL NOT put out.
If you're trying to be his WIFE, then don't let a man do anything more than kiss you,
rub your soft legs, fondle you. Be sweet--but pull away and firmly shut it down.
But if you're trying to be "Mistress/Maid/Fuck Buddy"--then you can let your
creative Rita Hayworth side out and enjoy playing the Whore. (Done "safely" and
"intelligently" it's a lot of fun being a whore, too, and I'm not knocking the girls who
are bold enough to enjoy that end of the racket.)
SURFACE (Don't Do It, Sisters)
Don't get pregnant...OK!
If you want a chance at a serious commitment leading to marriage--do not let
a man get you knocked up.
Because more than likely, a man will leave you if you get pregnant and then
you'll have a serious jacked up time getting a "good quality" replacement for
I know how we, as women, think--"A baby will love me unconditionally and I
won't be alone anymore. It will fill up my life...it will look like this man I love so much."
Unless you can feed and clothe and keep a decent apartment--a baby will fuck up your life and seriously slow down your progress in the world. This is not Africa or a society where babies ARE your life. This is America where the only woman who should think about having a child before age 25 is a MARRIED one.
I was almost 30 when I had my first baby and my Black American Adoptive Mother
raised me and my sisters that we were not to have a baby until we were at least
25. She used to hiss like a viper when teenaged girls passed our stoop with a
belly sticking out.
*I had an abortion when I was 17 for the record. I also lost my virginity when I
Even when a Boyfriend insists that you get pregnant and that he WANTS and will love
and support a baby--your chances of being abandoned are extremely high.
Especially if you're a Black Woman.
Don't do it. Stay baby-free as long as you possibly can, and when you do have a
child--make sure that you are financially ready and able to support it by yourself.
Welfare withers the soul and you don't want that for too long--staying on Welfare
can dim your ambition and kill your spirit. GOD BLESS THE CHILD--WHO'S GOT
HER OWN. Don't have a baby unless you can control everything about that situation.
SURFACE (WHAT YOU STAND FOR)
Whatever your "beliefs" are--whatever your princles and things you stand for are
---NEVER let a man intimidate you into changing your convictions for him.
Once you change your convictions for a man--he no longer respects you.
Men admire and are in awe of women who have strong convictions about something
and demand that their views be respected.
Now please be aware...a Woman has a right to change her mind about some things.
For instance--you might really feel inside yourself that you should give up being
Christian and become a Jew for your Jewish boyfriend. That's cool---as long as it's
not HIS ORDERS and it's truly, honestly and deeply your own desire. But do
realize that you can have a Jewish boyfriend and stay Christian. You can. Just
Tell him he has HIS WAY and you have yours.
But whatever you do, don't let a Man "control" your mind, your decisions, your
convictions, your thoughts. INSIST on asserting (in a pleasant way) who you are at
the intellectual and spiritual core of yourself.
Contrary to public belief...men LOVE strong women as long as they're not Mean, Bitter
Do not ever...under any circumstances...tolerate a Man "hitting, slapping, kicking or
I was once beaten up very badly by a Nigerian boyfriend in London and was
hospitalized. Osama Bin Laden beat me several times--though I was very proud
when Vice President of Sudan stated: "Only two women have ever slapped Bin
Laden--his mother and Kola Boof."
Sometimes, I like semi-rough sex (spankings; sex smacks; manhandling). But
stuff like that is between two consenting adults in the heat of passion--I don't
count that as violence.
You can never let a man Beat You or intimidate you with violence, because once
you do--he won't respect you and he'll escalate the abuse. After so long, it becomes
your fault and not his. Honestly.
SURFACE (The Thing About Beauty)
Please pay attention to what I'm about to say here.
"Don't ever...let a man SEE HOW...you put yourself together."
I am definitely NOT saying that women should be made up at all times
--I am NOT saying sleep in your make up.
What I am saying....is that whenever you need to put on makeup or get your
Hair done...DO NOT let your man watch you do it (or watch it being done).
It's a psychological thing. It takes away from your mystery and allure. You
want to be open and honest with a man--but you also want to keep some sense
of mystery and wonder about yourself. Vanishing with a "plain face" and then
re-emerging with a glam face causes a Mental Blink with men (they're visual
creatures). Keep that.
One thing I HATE about "Black Women"---they will sit up in the beauty parlor
chair getting a "Weave" and let their man watch. Or press and curl. Just as sassy
and demure; boisterous. Letting their Man watch them get their hair done.
Or at home--they will let their man sit there and watch them wash and blow dry;
watch them get braids or extensions.
One of the quickest ways to have a man LEAVE YOU (other than getting pregnant)
is to sit up like some stupid Olive Oyl letting him WATCH HOW you put yourself
Granted--many women's husbands watch them get their hair done; put on makeup.
But as well, most women's husbands have mistresses who are more interesting than the
wife and cheat on their women "from time to time." (Fuck what the wives claim and
tell you--men, in general, cheat. Like Bette Midler said: They do it; they do it; they
But listen girls...
You know what men think when they see a woman, any woman--could be Angelina
Jolie--but you know what men "subconsciously" think as they watch you get your
hair did--watch you put on make up?? They think: "She ain't all that--she's not that interesting anymore--I want to find out who that new chick is."
I don't EVER let men watch me put myself together--unless it's my brothers or my
For Psychological reasons---make the man "constantly curious" by refusing to let
him see HOW you put yourself together. He'll start to realize that he's seen all
his other women put themselves together--but never you.
YOU stand out.
And if you're a Black girl in America---you damn well better.
You could be "considered" the Ugly girl on your block; but Sister, LEARN
to STAND OUT no matter what you're working with.
The main thing about beauty and looks....is that you always, always...strive
to look like yourself.
A good many men are "superficial, insecure." This is a LOOK-CENTRIC society
where so many people aren't aware that there's 2 things that can't be detected with
the naked eye (beauty and love). People think they can actually SEE...when in
reality, we are all maimed and disfigured by Prejuidce and Social Contruct, Beauty
itself being one of the world's biggest Social Constructs next to RACE. In fact, I call
it Beauty Evil in my books, because we actually think with the naked eye that we
can truly see beauty.
We abuse and destroy so many who really are beautiful, but aren't recognized for it,
because the idea of what is beautiful is an inhumanly narrow ledge.
So that's the thing about beauty--it can't guarantee that you'll be loved, cherished or
anything at all. The most beautiful Black woman is often passed up for a toothless White
whale with brown oily hair, because...STATUS/Level of Whiteness overrides beauty.
One of the ugliest most overrated bitches I've ever seen is Kimora Lee Simmons ("Baby Phat", uh yeah--fat, flat and shapeless alright). But look how this Cabbage-Patch-faced Chinese Golddigger claiming a speck of Black blood is paraded around the Black community by...of course, the darkest skinned of men--notably Djimon Hounsou's niggerstock ass)...as though she's some Prized Queen simply because she's willing
to help classically self-hating dark Black-skinned black men achieve their goal of
aquiring some form of "admixture"--distance from the inferior Blackness that plagues
colorstruck black men (which among the "darkest men" is practically all of them).
Notice that the REAL TRUE GOLD DIGGERS in the Black world--chicks like no-talent
Kimora, Jennifer Lopez and 200 White Groupie Basketball locker room "trophies" are never referred to as what they are---"golddiggers/dick-suck'n chickenhead Ho's."
But a Black man will call a young Black woman, the "motherseed" of his own race a"golddigger/chickenhead" in a minute, without qualifying it even. She's black like him--so it's Ok in his "nigger mind" to disrespect and de-value his own image while putting a ring on real chickenheads like Kim Kardashian.
And I'm serious about that. To me--Kim Kardashian is a very beautiful woman. But
she's still a Chickenhead Ho--everybody's been in her mouth; everybody! And the shit is on FILM! Yet because of her color and hair texture, the "niggerstock" rise her up as some glorious genetic achievement--a PRIZED goddess with the power to "transform" nigger men into NEUTRALIZED, more socially acceptable, less threatening caricatures of a black man.
Obviously I don't have too much respect for the Blatant Colorism I perceive in Black men like Taye Diggs, Djimon Hounsou, Seal, Lomar Odam, Kobe Bryant (those types)--but
what I hate the most from those men is the constant message that "their mother's black
image"...an image continued in new younger Black girls...is not valid; not beautiful; not respectable; not valuable. But in all their "boisterous Kingly-ness" notice they can't AFFIRM their own motherseed (their mirror image; the Black female). These men CONFIRM what their White Slave Master said along---that Blacks are inferior as a "race"; that Black man will cut off his right leg to have a White woman; that Black children are worthless, ugly and 3/5th of a human being. THOSE MEN, without realizing it (because they're dumb Nigger men) are using their life's "ACTION" to tell that LIE about all Black people everywhere.
It is without a doubt, the biggest LIE ever told on American soil, and I'll never forgive
"those men" for telling that lie while holding up chickenhead-HO's like the ultra-gorgeous Kim Kardashian and Kimora Simmons as "GODDESS SAVIORS." Bull-fucking-shit
So don't OBSESS...don't obsess, sisters, over the "beauty standards" and America's
claim that there are no beautiful "Black women"--only beautiful Mulattos.
I Kola am not a raving Beauty by American standards. Many men in America have told me that I'm ugly (mostly Black men). But the thing is...I look like myself, I am an African Mother whose womb produced TWO BLACK MEN and I look like Africa. I decided; I decided...that I am beautiful. When I look in the mirror--I see that Africa and the African
people, male and female, are still alive. If you ask my sons who the most beautiful woman on earth is, they will both tell you without thinking--"Mommysweet."
And that's as it should be.
They believe I am beautiful because I believe it and since their births, I have wrapped
their lives in a world of KOLA BEAUTY. Every Black woman should let go of the Slavery
Mule/Maid GUILT, the "American Beauty Standards System," the classically colorstruck Dark Skinned Black Man and his plantation-BET inflicted BLINDNESS and adopt the KOLA BEAUTY standard in their lives. You'd produce prouder more self-loving Black children, because truly....BLACK is beautiful.
If Black Women want Black Men to start thinking that Black is beautiful...then Black
MOTHERS are going to have to start creating that reality in the heads of their sons
early and stop claiming they think Black is beautiful while talking out the side of
their mouth about "bring me some good hair grandbabies!" or "get your nappy black
self over here!"...or all the other ways that BLACK MOTHERS systematically and
"accidentally" raise their boys to accept the Dominant Culture's view about us.
It is true that the Media and Men are powerful...but women have power, too. And we
don't use ours enough to design the world and the society the way that WE want it.
No one is going to establish a "Black Beauty Standard" in America for Black Women
Queen Sojourner Truth once said: "You have take what you want."
That means we, Black women--not Mulattos, not sympathetic White feminists--but
we, Black women, have to rise up IN OUR OWN HOMES and begin to create and design a "Black Aesthetic" for us; a standard that is for us and OUR children. When
I teach my sons the African/Cushitic principle about their hair being "The Proof"
--in other words, the marker GOD put on Africans and only our race as "Proof" that we are
his direct children; the ones made in his image and made FIRST as Africa itself is FIRST, I am doing that. Because in order to keep that crown in their family line, they're going to have to marry a woman who can produce "The Proof."
That is the way that you make strong, self-loving Black men so that the next crop
of young sisters can have love and romance--you pass it down.
But, unfortunately, we have a lot of weak ass Black women who think putting a long
Blond weave and green eyes in their heads makes them beautiful (we've all, includingme, done some formulation of the "White Girl Drag")--but all it does is makes us look inferior and desperate (and pathetic).
No one can respect someone who doesn't cherish and respect themselves. The #1 reason
WORLDWIDE that "Black People" are disparaged is because of how they mistreat,
disrespect, devalue and dehumanize their own people----and that hate started when we
AFRICANS sold our own children into slavery.
Men like Taye Diggs and Seal don't realize that their inability to reproduce their own
image via children is exactly what makes the rest of the world see them as "inferior."
Almost every rich, successful White man AFFIRMS his Kingdom by reproducing SONS
in his own White image--which is human nature...But almost every rich, successful Black
man does the weak ass Michael Jackson "Baby Moon Chalk" trick. Their message is that the answer to racism is to get rid of the STAIN (blackness) and then we can all sing "We Are the World" and fling our long Spanish hair around while pinning "Mother of the Year" on Madonna. These men always shout "One love"; they're always up in some Mexican King's face talking about "You my brother" in typical "ass-kissing black man tenor"--but there's no tangible evidence that these niggerstock Africans love their own family; their own people. They're lost and trifling, and like the ancient loser-ass MOORS--they think EXTINCTION is a medal.
So, we, as black women, need to seriously rethink our ideas about "beauty" and get
really serious about REJECTING the "American White Girl Beauty Standard" and
start creating and imposing our own standard of beauty.
Especially us Dark Skinned Black and YELLOW women--the ones who actually have the genetic power to keep our people alive and in existense. We have to stop being invisible while Mixed race and Biracial are overly represented and falsely held up as "The Black Woman." That's fucking bullshit, and we who are AFRICANS (Chocolate, Red and "Africoid" Yellow) have an obligation to not stand for the way White Supremacy uses/employs/stations Mixed People to make the real Blacks invisible.
Our daughters won't have "good authentic black men" if we don't produce any, sisters.
When you're dating a man and you already have children--don't bring him around
your children for a very long time (at least 3-4 months). Schedule time to "screw" somewhere far away from your kids---or, if your kids are away from home visiting grandparents or first husband or something---that's another decent time. (Sometimes
in the "plutonic friendship" Stage, it's fine for him to meet the kids--yet again, once it
becomes a romantic thing; cut that out immediately). Don't let men meet and
interact with your kids until the two of you have gotten very, very serious.
Men respect women who respect their children.
SURFACE (TIGHT TINY VAGINA)
Many women let themselves go as they age...they lose vaginal power.
I am ritually/tribally infibulated (muscles cut loose at birth or age 3 and stitched
Tighter into cylinder shape and then Vagina lips SEWN SHUT until the marriage
night....to create what African man calls "Perpetual Virgin"). Even after babies, Infibulation does not go "loose." You are "Perpetual Virgin" for life.
Of course, my life's work as a Womanist has been to PROTEST the horrible female
circumcision/infibulation that afflicts at least 100 million African women (my country
Sudan and Egypt are the world's leaders in this ancient Islamic practice)....but I have also used my vagina to my advantage with men. My birth mother did not allow my Clitoris to
be removed in the Infibulation process and that has been a great blessing to me.
Transplanted to Western Society/Culture as a young girl...I was able manipulate men
all through my 20's and 30's with the outrageous lie that I was a "virgin" and that he'd
be the first one getting it. When he DID get it---I usually got lots of money and gifts;
incredible respect for this sweet "virtuous" African girl who never been fucked before.
Tight stuff, girls, is GOOD to have.
So many Western women do themselves a favor by douching with Vinegar & Water (to
get a pucker pull-in) and doing CRUNCHES...daily, 50 to 100 CRUNCHES per
This gives you tighter coochie, Sisters, and though it is work, there are intimate moments
when you'll be glad you put in time. Of course, you have to get a dildo and practice
USING your tightened stomach muscles to make your vagina "GRIP." If you can
master "gripping" with your vagina--you'll have power that a lot of other women
don't have. Men love it when their penis "arm wrestles" with the vagina.
Once you pass 40 and have had babies...the time that most women complain of being
"way too loose," you might consider going to a Doctor and having your vagina
RE-Tightened. It is a safe surgical process and many women are starting to do it.
I'm not saying that you should...I'm just saying that a Tight Tiny Pussy is not something
that all the other girls at the office or on the subway are likely to have going for them.
Men like tight little holes because Psychologically it makes them feel so BIG and dominating---and it feels really silky good when it's gripping their staff.