Ok the title is a decoy, its a code to 'the main the main' gist. The reason for the code is because I am trying to divert the attention of a particular couple and I know for a fact that they despise phrases I used in the title so *hopefully* they will skip this blog. Sod it, I am terrible at codes sef.
Basically someone needs your thoughts, however profound, just help them I don talk talk tire..
Okay so Mena* just met her first boyfriend Ukodo* recently. They were both each others first love long long ago (about a decade) and happen to come across each others path again through social networking sites. They are both single as in 'never been married and have no children' kind of single
Now Ukodo is inviting Mena to be his house guest. Note: * They live in different continents * Mena is single and asks Ukodo about his status, Ukodo has never been married nor has kids, but his status used to be 'engaged to Fluffy*. This has been removed. Mena agreed to be his guest but is confused as to how she should act with him, what to pack in her luggage, what social activities they should do together etc..
1. Should she act like he is toasting her afresh, or act like just a friend, or continue from wherever they stopped?
2. Will your answer be the same if its Ukodo that is Mena's houseguest? over to you friends, SOMEONE IS PANICKING AS ITS KICKING OFF THIS WEEK WE DEY ENTER SO!!
Thanks and have a fun-filled week
Me'mena
1. It depends on what led to their loosing contact. If it is a sort of 'unfaithfulness' on the part of d guy, then d lady should establish that the guy has changed before accepting to be his house guest. And she allow the guy to say his intention, whether he wants friendship, something serious etc. I want to talk from a Nigerian male perspective. If I invite a girl friend to my house to be my guest and she accepts the invitation, then I will take liberty for licence that she has agreed in principle to whatever I do to her. If the lady is not sure of what the intention of the guy is, then I think she should let the guy come out with his intention before moving over to his place to be his guest.
ReplyDelete2. My answer will still be the same if it were to be the other way round.
I agree with surprise.
ReplyDeletesincerely speaking, being a house guest in a guy's home without a chaperone or 3rd party, ANYTHING can happen!
same answer to #2
SO, if she is not yet ready for such, PLEASE TELL HER NOT TO ACCEPT THE INVITATION ON BOTH COUNTS, unless...*shrugs shoulder*
1. this sisi should try to get a better feel of what he wants from her o (or just straight up ask him)...whether its an honest visit or this is meant to be a pick up from the past. because if its left ambiguous, she may end up going there to pick up from the past or with really no agenda at all and at the end she will find it was just a friends with benefits arrangement (but if she doesnt mind that arrangement then nothing spoil)
ReplyDelete2. my ans will change o if the roles were switched. reason being that in her house, shes has home court advantage so the guy may even be too shy to try any moves if they havent "kinda-sorta" discussed where they are going with this. so she will be in more control and probably dictate how the visit should go. but im also with surprise and ibhade that with no third party there, regardless of location, anything fit happen!
I am with Olori. ask about anything that sounds unsure now. 'I don't mind seeing you again. but I am fresh out of a relationship now and will not be rushed'. Confirm practical things like is there a spare room? does Mena have friends in this other continent? Can she afford a hotel room for a night? sometimes it might be important if she needs to drive a point home. These will give Mena alternatives. When there, Mena should use her eyes and ears and find out all she can about Fluffy. If Mena can, avoid sleeping with him yet. It makes us girls too vulnerable to bs.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone una do well. This is a pressing issue and I want them, no her especially to be as realistic as possible in her expectations
ReplyDeleteSurprise: I appreciate your comment and thanks for the male perspective.
They broke up out of youthful exuberance, both were teenagers. They then went out with other people and kept the friendship bit, they havent physically seen each other in 5 or 6years.
Allow the guy say his intention: How do ladies allow man wey no wan talk?
@ Ibhade: thank you my sister, you no see me see government work?
ReplyDeleteChaperone ke, na from one continent to another so question of 3rd party no go dey.
Just to clarify my sis, are you saying say she should not accept the invitation because there wont be any 3rd party?
x
@ Olori: thank you for your comments.
ReplyDeleteAs for the role reversal, I am with you on that, as in its her territory and so whatever she doesnt want to happen will certainly not happen unlike when she is stuck in a strange place at the mercy of a friend.
As per asking what he reallu wants: she said she has asked but he wants them to meet up first so he can explain it all properly o.
What do you think about that kind of reply?
She should be ready to have sex with him, and she also be ready to know it may not lead anywhere.... If Bobo wants to settles down, he will be making plans for her as he has already seen her nether regions. He is just trying to use Okafor's law!
ReplyDelete@ Ginger: Thanks for stopping by and giving your take.
ReplyDeleteok lets see
. yes there is a spare room
. mena has other friends yes but its like visiting lagos for the first time while your friends live in jos.
.no money for hotel oh, its all this shant gree i must travel by fire by force runs, so she doesnt have spare money.
. Thanks for that tip about Fluffy! I have been hammering on that fluffy issue, she says she suspects the rship is dead as fluffy is even in another continent (Australia loun loun) and they (ukodo&fluffy)have not had any recent pictures since 2008.
I agree wellu wellu that she should find out the truth about Fluffy because in as much as she trusts him as per they have dated before, men too sabi lie.
I mean who knows if its a case of the one that got away? since it was mena that broke it up?
Thanks for the tips :)
@ Mamuje welcome:
ReplyDeleteThanks for summarising it that way. Perhaps its all about sex, I have mentioned that angle.
But she said she feels he just might want to just meet up to catch up, no strings attached but of cus if she offers sex he will collect.
Basically her problem is this: should she be a sister mary amaka guest, stay in her own room, no hugs or body contact and risk possibly turn him off finally, or should be sexy, homely, warm, and sha make him wonder what went wrong?
e don taya me to talk so I just had to beg una, helep me out
thanks in advance
X
LOL @ okafor's law. truly truly that reply aint werking for me o. it seems like thats a stylish way of saying "why do we have to define it, lets just see how it goes" which could be an underg way of saying this is a friend with benefits something lol...as surprise said, thats a license for him to do what he likes.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand though, since u said (thats if i read the comments properly o :) she was the one that broke it up in the first place, it may just be that he wants to rekindle things (second chance at their love maybe) but just like me, I like to have these kinds of discussions face to face rather than over the fone or fb or bbm. this fluffly situation sef get as e be but as much fb stalking as she can do (which i dnt really subscribe too o lol) before she goes should be done biko so that she can have an idea wat is up as this guy isnt talking much and spare money no dey! but as ginger also said, all this 'I don't mind seeing you again. but I am fresh out of a relationship now and will not be rushed' will make him give her an ans with necessary hints as to wats going on in his head
uhm....Hard to chew somehow.
ReplyDeleteThe afore=commenters have captured it well.
It is true that anything can happen while she is there so if she is aversed to anything happening, she should probably check into a hotel and prolly cut the trip short sef.
If she is not aversed, she should visit him like a friend. She shouldnt plan on anything romantic. Why? Guys can be dickheads, and unless they have talked the talk, she shouldnt assume that they are starting off where they left off from.
In any case, Nne...going there dey risky gan-an.She no get another friend in this other continent she fit stay with during her stay?
Cos even if homeboy no get magomago plans, it will be difficult for him not to develop some, with her being a few steps away from him in the house...
Did you say she was single?
ReplyDeleteno long thing, she should go there and have the gbenshing of her life, but she should also make sure he spends good cash on her.
Its either she would have enjoyed a semi fully paid holiday with fringe benefits or he would fall in love with her all over again
why does ukodo want mena in his house?? hmm *suspicious frown* ..mena should be cautious but shouldnt give ukodo the cold shoulder. mena should make sure she has her own seperate room sha,lol. mena should be ready to scream at the top of her lungs if ukodo trys to touch her,lool :)
ReplyDelete@mena..The presence of a 3rd party would checkmate any moves from the guy... they have not seen each other physically for 5 years, hormones would be raging...but IF the gal can hold her ground, then no problemo, but IF the 'feeling' is still there, the guy would know her weakness & would definitely work on it..except he is not a 9ja guy o.. hahahhahaa..they are too fast!
ReplyDeleteThe MOST important thing is, WHAT DOES SHE WANTS? & asking a typical 9ja guy to declare his intention, MIGHT be a license for him to tell her what she expects to hear from him.
Came back to read other comments. Babe should follow her instinct adn be truthful to herself about what she wants and what he is offering.
ReplyDeletep.s. Who is paying for this reunion sef?
Lol@ the decoy thing!
ReplyDeleteI think Mena should just come out and ask Ukodo. It may be awkward but it makes life easier for everyone.
@ Olori: thanks again.
ReplyDeletere-friends with benefits right? thats how its looking oh.Yes she was the one that broke it up
re-fluffy:Ah ah should she stalk or shouldnt she stalk the fluffy situation? lol
completely agree with this: 'I don't mind seeing you again. but I am fresh out of a relationship now and will not be rushed' will make him give her an ans with necessary hints as to wats going on in his head
@Honeydame: Its all this economy travel arrangements that has placed her in that situation where everything is on ukodo's hands. No money, no asking out, no confirmmation of status of fluffy, everything vague?. Thanks for coming back my dear, I will tell her all you and everyone else said korokoro
@SexBomb: Makes sense on some level but I just think that gives too much power to Ukodo. thanks for stopping buy :)
@ Kitkat: Seperate room and scream lungs out ba? Will let her know. thanks dear
ReplyDelete@Ibhade: True Talk be that o! 7 good years for that matter and these are heathy people who have been lovers before. I just dont want my friend to get hurt but if she knows what she wants, then nothing I say can stop. thanks dear
@ Ginger: 'answering papa's name o'
Its mena's first trip to Greece* (not real place) and she is travelling on limited funds. A free house with a friend would enable her save from her travel money. Problem is the 'friend' she wants to stay with is her ex of years backk :)
I agree the ball is totally in her court
@Natural Nigerian: Thanks for visiting. Just for clarification: You think Mena should Ask him what? Do you mean the sleeping arrangements in the visit?
or
who fluffy is?
or
the 'very' question as in asking him out? I thought men took to their heels at such directness?
Thank you very much :)
To be real the only way outta this is sincerity and honesty to themselves and each other (and i'm talking from either side).
ReplyDeleteMena has to be completely sincere with herself about what she wants and why she wants it but she also has to talk to ukodo straight-up about what is supposed to be going on and how she's feeling, and this goes both ways.
let the truth be spoken with Love. They both have to be willing to be unselfish when it comes right down to it so that they can move on from where they are right now.
Just my two kobo
BTW @ Mamuje- Okafor's law???????? who and what is that? Please educate my illiterate self oh, abeg.
I think Ukodo should make the first move, and she should take things slow and as if for the first time.
ReplyDeleteMena should bear in mind that Okafor's law stands a 90% chance of coming into play here. If she has no qualms with that...and knows that this may not lead anywhere...then I say fire down and have fun joor.
ReplyDeleteBut if she wants it to lead somewhere....then let her let him chase her...whether in his country or her country...
@ wise sage: my person where you run go na? :(
ReplyDeleteI agree honesty is the way forward, but do men really tell the truth?
Okafor's law says something like once two people have made love and somehow parted, if they ever find themselves again, they will most likely make love again, regardless of if they are involved with others. or something like that..LOL.
@Hmm, straight to the point. Mena should allow the man be a man and act like its the first time. Gracias my sis
@Nutty Jay: LOL@okafor's law again. Yes she should let him do the chasing and act like its the first time. Got it! Thank you my perzonal perzon!
xxx
Olori is right, no one's advice would prepare her enough, she needs to understand what he hers in mind before she can know how to act around him ... by that i mean she should ask him str8 off, n the answers to those questions of yours would roll in automatically
ReplyDeleteThere is too much uncertainty and second guessing here. Life is not this hard. Why is Mena trying to second guess what Ukodo wants? If she is looking for something steady and sure, this is certainly not it as she is NOT sure. If it is uncertainty and cloudiness she wants then this is it.
ReplyDeleteTo clarify, I think Mena should ask him about Fluffy and then if necessary, the sleeping arrangements. The last question should be attempted only if Mena has come to terms with the worst case scenario response/reaction.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I say "If necessary", I mean based on the answer regarding Fluffy. I assume that Mena will not go ahead and ask the second question is Fluffy is very much in the picture but will (if she still accepts the invite) pack her long johns and thermal underwear rather than her sexy lingerie...
ReplyDeleteI'd go with Myne's advise. Ukodo should make the first move to demonstrate his re-commitment to their relationship. If he doesn't come across as wanting to re-commit, then I suggest Mena should be very careful to even go over to Ukodo's
ReplyDeleteMy own 2cents.
- LDP
Thanks all! Your comments were deeply appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThey met up as friends, kept it platonic, hung out and no one was hurt emotionally at all.
She is back, happy refreshed and Its all over!
Thanks friends, you guys are waay too kind. :)
Hi Mena,how can I send u a story to share on ur page to allow other people's opinion and advice.thanks
ReplyDeleteChy: please do
ReplyDeletedak_dame@hotmail.com
x
Thanks all! Your comments were deeply appreciated. They met up as friends, kept it platonic, hung out and no one was hurt emotionally at all. She is back, happy refreshed and Its all over! Thanks friends, you guys are waay too kind. :)
ReplyDelete