Hiya!!
So I was browsing blogsville when I came across these stories. They claim to be true life stories with names adjusted for various reasons. I couldnt resist but bring some of them to them to my blog so readers who have gone though a similar experience can play agony aunt and give them solutions. Or you can even give them some tough love or better still, just give your candid thoughts.
Enjoy xx
This is a true story about two ladies. One is a very serious born-again christian sister named Kemi whereas the other is a ‘worldly’ sister named Funmi (names deliberately disguised, no surnames given). They both went to the Obafemi Awolowo University.
Funmi always had the attention of the boys since the JAMBite rush. She lost her virginity when she was in her first year of university within the first month after admission. Then, she had been very heartbroken about the loss and Kemi was there to comfort her.
In all, Funmi had already dated and 'known’ 5 guys by the time she was in part 3 (she totalled 7 guys by the time she finished from school) who all ‘used’ her and ‘dumped’ her. Kemi, on the other hand, didn’t date anyone - she didn’t have time for that.
This is an excerpt of a conversation when they were both in part 3 (300 level) in their room (they were roommates) in Moremi Hall.
Kemi: Funmi, you need to get your life on track and do the right things at the right time. Take me for example, I don’t have anytime for any boy right now, but just time for my studies, my church and the fellowship. All these boys will just use you and dump you and you will just cry and cry, eh!
Funmi: Kemi, am I crying?! I don’t know what to do! Akin left me for another girl-- a JAMBite. I caught him in bed with her in his room in quarters!
Kemi: Akin (pauses)...isn’t he the guy you aborted for? (pauses) What is wrong with you? What were you doing in his bedroom? You are a mess! You are like a prostitute...haba!
Funmi: Abeg, don’t judge me o, not everyone is holy-holy like you. By the way, how do you keep youself a virgin...me I like guys o, I like sex o...you know...it's like heaven!
Kemi: You must be a virgin on your wedding night o...you keep yourself undefiled by praying and staying focused...like me!
Funmi: OK o, but you should date a guy so you can learn about guys o, you know nothing about guys o....just saying!
Kemi: I don’t need to learn anything for now o, I am a child of GOD....I am a spirit-filled born-again sister, undefiled...not like you. When the time is right, GOD will provide me with the right guy at the right time.
Funmi: (pauses) you have started judging me again! (pauses) Why do you always do that...as if you are ‘better’ than me?
Kemi: .....but that is because I am....I don’t need to explain that, it’s obvious!
Funmi: (pauses) You know you should try to be less judgmental, you don’t know what tomorrow may bring for me...
Kemi: You will reap what you are sowing now...all your sex-sex-sex, you will probably get an STD and you will probably get pregnant again and you will probably abort again....your sins will multiply....just saying o! A word is enough for the wise!
Funmi: ....and you? What will you reap?
Kemi: Aaah, everything - good husband, good children, good life...(singing praise song till fade)
....that was 15 years ago.
Today, Funmi (age 36) has four children, and a very good husband. Kemi is unmarried, very single at age 37 and desperately searching.
Very complex one oh!! Right?
Mena
32 comments:
That's the complexity of life for you. It plays out everyday in front of us. It's shows God is no respecter of persons. If you are favored, you are favored. No one should judge lest they be judged. We probably saw Kemi as a Christian sister outside but inside she was something else.....on the other hand, God is probably preparing Kemi for her divine life partner. If we psychoanalyze this thing till tomorrow we will never figure out the mind of God so God knows best.
Kemi is not right because she is too judgemental. God doesnt appreciate a holier than thou attitude. He wants a repentant heart who is remorseful about their sins. Those are the people God helps. I think Kemi's way of life is just too proud and God resists the proud from afar. If a christian decides to go the way of Kemi, he/she must be very humble about it and not see him/herself as better than others; cos truly we're saved by grace not of works lest any man should boast.
my thoughts...
- LDP
This is a very complex case. One thing that is sure is that God is an Almighty, He does as He pleases. I'm very sure that some people have questions to ask from God when they see him face to face.
God may be preparing Kemi for a special purpose. It is not a matter of whether her ways was right before God or not. Kemi's case is a one-off situation. It is not all born-again sisters that experience this long delays. I am very optimistic that in the long run Kemi will not regret ever living a holy life.
God said, i will show mercy on whom i will show mercy, and that is what they like to call the Irony of Life.
The analysis is eternal but leave it at this:Favour is not bought or sold, and it most definitely ain't fair.
The only reason why we end up having good things is because of the grace of God,nobody is holy cos even the bible said our holiness is but a filthy rag.May God have mercy!
Hummm....This is complex, especially in the Nigerian culture. Marriage and kids do not define ur life, bt i guess that's not ao it goes in 9ja.
Kemi might actually be a different person in the face of God, He is all knowing.
Really complex story. Well like everyone says maybe in the eyes of God Kemi is a different person or God is just keeping Kemi for His purpose... Well I don't know but I know that God knows it all.
Love your blog. I am your latest follower.
www.secretlilies.blogspot.com
see the problem with holier-than-thou people? smh
i am with kemi on her moral values but her attitude was nasty and she was so judgemental. i guess she reaped what she sowed,lol
The story is not necesarily over. Funmi may yet find an amazing man and start her family today. Anything could happen to Kemi or her husband (though I wouldn't wish them any bad). It's only at the very end that we can determine the moral of the story
All these things are what we humans see, God is a thousand miles ahead, so really there's nothing for me to add. There's a moral in there sha for all of us.
Anonymous made a very good point. Just like Funmi said, you never now what tomorrow will bring you.
But i don't agree with the way the Kemi girl was acting holier-than-thou. At least if you are going to take on that attitude, be nice about it. If she cared anything for her friend she would try to help her and let her see the way she is living may not be right instead of being so condescending and judgmental.
This is an interesting story. I agree with everyone's opinion. But I also believe some things are not cut and dry. I certainly don't approve of Kemi's judgmental attitude and I think it's just a lack of wisdom. Funmi on the other hand had serious self-respect issues, even if she was happy-go-lucky. Obviously, balance is the key and missing in both of them.
However their lives turned out later in life is really not a question of reprisal after all it rains on both the just and unjust. By the way, chastity is a virtue anyday, never mind the hype.
And like 9jafoodie said, marriage and kids do not necessarily define your life or virtues.
I believe there's more to the story than this brief summary so let's hope they both find fulfillment in life whatever their station. :-)
Very blunt ending / turn of events there. Kinda like a brute slap on the face! But hey, who can explain such. We just take em as they come.Like all have said, something better might still be ahead in the near future for Kemi...who knows.Not an excuse for being a slut *evil wink*
T.Notes
Thanks everyone!!! XX
// God said, i will show mercy on whom i will show mercy, and that is what they like to call the Irony of Life.
The analysis is eternal but leave it at this:Favour is not bought or sold, and it most definitely ain't fair.//
This has me covered in goose pimples. So true oh!!
please keep the comments coming. I will address us in time
Lots of love
Mena
This is not the end of the story
Kemi, I must say was too judgemental but that might not be the reason for her inability to get married...being a virgin is not passmark for marriage oh.
The thing is no one knows tomorrow oh! So we can't judge anyone- God knows what He knows
Adiya
nice blog. pls follow mine mena.
Complex as in megally!.This simply reminds us all that it is not by good works for they are but filthy rags before the All righteous God.His grace does it all.
Loving ur blog.
www.amandashares@blogspot.com
the irony of life.
SIN IS SIN!
NONE LESSER NONE GREATER; funmi fornicated, kemi judged!
Interesting comments so far however everyone seems to be forgetting one thing and I attribute that to Nigerians and their cultural mindset. Do you people sincerely think that it is God's wish for everyone to get married? Just because Nigerian society makes marraige and child bearing seem like the begining and the end of one's life does not mean that it is that way with God. This is also why some women and men keep hopping from one bad marraige to the next and they wonder why they are not happy in the institution. God has a different purpose for each individual. For some, it is the purpose of marraige and kids and for others, it is something else. Here in the West, I see single women making strides everyday. Some are at the peek of their careers, others adopted a baby or two and are enjoying motherhood, others are making a positive impact in their communities through volunteer work (Volunteering, yes,...a strange word for many Nigerians.....), others are U.S Supreme Court Judges, others are researchers and experts in their chosen fields and the ADVANCED societies they live in celebrate their accomplishments.
However, Nigeria is another case. It is an overwhelmingly negative, unproductive, oppressive, disorderly, UNADVANCED society. It is a society I will never want to raise my kids in even if they paid me to. We Nigerians blame our leaders for the mess the country is in but most of its citizens are as much to blame with their backward, oppressive, gendercentric mindsets. Even other Africans here abroad talk negatively about how Nigerians are obsessed about marraige and the birth of children and how Naijas pop babies out like unspayed rabbits knowing they lack the adequate financial resources to take good care of the kids and offer them an enviable quality standard of living. Anyway, na una sabi. Peace!
Thank you Anonymous Anonymous. You said it all. I feel the same way about that backward Godforsaken society.
Condoleeza Rice is not married and she is the most powerful woman in U.S. Same with Oprah
If they were in Nigeria, they would not reach such potential because people wont be able to look past their single ness.
That said, both ladies have lives to live and should have spent more time living their lives than sleeping around and judging/montoring each other.
God does not see as man does.The whole idea of Christianity is that popular acclaim does not translate to Godly approval;the voice of the people is not necessarily the voice of God.God does not judge success by man's yardstick.
Having said that,the likes of Kemi should not be so proud and judgmental.After all,Jesus came to save sinners,people like Funmi.
http://henryik2009.wordpress.com.
One should be careful about being judgmental of others. Kemi was too harsh in giving her opinion of Funmi's life and conduct. If she is your friend, try and give her some direction, support and keep your harsh opinions to yourself.
I do not think that Kemi is being punished at all. For all she knows, she may be living her miracle now. It is possible that if she had gotten married by force by fire, she would have ended up with a husband that beats her or cheats on her and gives her a disease. Sometimes inaction is a blessing.
cest la vie
Anonymous @17.26 - I LOOOVE YOUR COMMENT......without the denigration. Our cultures needs to evolve beyond marriage and kids..
Hi Mena,
You wanted a light topic?Try this for size:
http://henryik2009.wordpress.com/2011/02/22/nigeria-i-pass-my-neighboursocial-emulationlethargic-citizenship-and-the-self-bigotry-of-low-expectations/
life does not go in a straight line, simple. sooner or later, we will all realise that and stop being so cocky when we think we r on the 'right' path. as my mom says, "the world turns"
You guys have said it all.
I appreciate every single comment in here.
And for those who asked me too, I am following you right back
Thank You
X
He is a merciful father....... nyc one mena
Yes it is true that marriage and kids do not define an individual but unfortunately in the society and culture that we were brought up in, that is the highlight of our life. It is same in Ghana as I believe it is in Nigeria.
The fact that Funmi is unmarried and desperate goes to show that she also believes that too. I wouldn't be surprised if she is looking at how Kemi's life turned out and asking God why.
Marriage and kids are not for all of us. The earlier we as a people come to this realisation, the earlier we can live contentedly as people in other cultures do (it's not easy though when your mum is breathing down your neck asking for her grandchildren).
But again, God surely knows best.
Great work Mena. I'm loving your blog.
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