By now I'm sure a lot of you have seen that ridiculous post circulating around your Facebook/twitter/news feeds written by a woman named Amy Glass titled "I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I'm Not Sorry."
The title, let alone the article, is so absurd and nonsensical that I
wasn't even going to read it, let alone waste my time writing a post
about it here.
However, curiosity got the cat
and I read it, and my first reaction wasn't outrage or anger...no,
quite the opposite. I laughed, put down the iPad, rolled over and
cuddled up to my three year old who had slept in my bed last night
because he hadn't been feeling well the day before. I stared at his
perfect little face for a bit and reveled in the fact that I was his
secure and comfortable place. I noticed his little hand that was resting
on my shoulder. He always has to have some body part
touching me at any given point while sleeping, whether it's a leg
across mine, a hand on my shoulder or my favorite, interlocked fingers. I
assume he does so because he feels safe with me and if this is what
Mrs. Glass considers "common, average and stupid," well, sign me up.
I've seen a lot of articles in the past 24 hours rebutting this woman's
"piece" and doing so angrily. It's not that I don't agree with the
opposers, it's just that indignation isn't what I felt when I read Mrs.
Glass's article. After the initial shock of thinking "this cannot be real," I became sad for the author. So sad, in fact, that I decided to pen her a open letter…
**********
Dear Amy Glass,
First let me start by saying I am not here to bash you and call you names. I think we both know name calling gets you nowhere and makes your argument less valid. I will forgive you for calling me "stupid" if you promise to forgive me for what I am about to say.
I'm sorry my decision to be a stay at home mom makes you want to vomit. I've never come across anyone with that reaction before. Maybe there are anti-naseau pills you can take? Personally, cottage cheese and sweet potatoes make me want to spew but that's just me.
I know I don't have to defend my position or my decisions to "do nothing" and be a stay at home mom, nor do I have high hopes you will suddenly become respectful and decent, but your opinion piece somehow went viral and a lot of young women read it. I am here in hopes that some of those same young women might read this and see how utterly senseless what you wrote was.
When you ask "do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself," are you looking for a serious answer? Because (raises hand, pick me! pick me!) if so, I can answer that for you. I have done both. At 21, I bought my own home. With all my own money. I worked as a waitress for two years to support myself, and if you know anything about waitressing, it takes a lot of hours working on your feet to make enough to be able to pay all your bills. However I'm sure with your standard of thinking, being a waitress is beneath you and also makes you want to vomit. (By the way, I've cleaned up a strangers vomit before. It wasn't pleasant but just a part of the job. You know, the job I was working to support myself.)
My next job was working for a magazine publishing company. I should mention my dad was my boss. I've had people throw that in before as in "oh, you worked for your dad? Like that's a real job. Please." As if working for my father somehow made me immune to doing actual work or making sure deadlines were met on time. Because I can promise you, my dad's boss? The head of the publishing company? He couldn't give a damn if I was someone's daughter. Deadlines are deadlines, clients demand stellar service and if I didn't do my job, I would be fired. My dad may be my dad but he's not about to give up his golfing trips to Arizona.
I worked at the publishing company right until I gave birth to my first son. I must warn you, what comes next might give you a gag reflex, so grab a barf bucket and hold on.
After I had my first child, I became a full time stay at home mom.
Trust me Amy, trust me…I have questioned my decision more than a few times since quitting my "real" job and staying home to raise living, breathing humans who depend on me for their every need aka "doing nothing." But something you said gave me a major what the f*ck moment.
It was when you said choosing to be stay at home mom was choosing the path of least resistance.
HAHAHAHA. Ha. ha.
Oh girlfriend. My dear, sweet Amy. How much you still have to learn. Have you ever gone grocery shopping with three stage 2 clingers, all fighting over who gets to sit at the front of the cart? Have you been flying on a plane with a sick child who can't for the life of him make it into the emergency barf bag? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed knowing that it was only noon and you still had a good eight more hours of running kids to practices, recitals, more practices and making sure they had a proper dinner? Or what about being up all night, for three nights in a row, tending to a sick child? I'm sure you have pulled an all-nighter before related to work issues, but chances are since you are childless you were able to take a nap the next day or go to bed relatively early.
Of course I'm sure all of that is silly, trivial, meaningless stuff to you. And no, Amy, I'm not pointing all of this out to prove how "hard" is it to raise children. I don't go around complaining to anyone who will listen how horrible my life is. I chose this life and I love this life. But you know what else I don't do? I don't bash women like you who choose not to have kids and call you "stupid" for your decision.
It seems to me, Amy, that you have chosen the path of least resistance. You can get in and out of the grocery store with no distractions. You get to put on some headphones and read an entire five chapters with no interruptions except for what beverage you would like on your comfy business class flight.
After a long day of (really, really important) work, you get to come home to an empty house. No kids to feed, bathe, do homework with, read to, tuck into bed. No husband to tend to, third party mess to clean up or "stupid" household to manage.
Oh and also, it's really easy to mock housework and "managing a household" when you run a household of a grande total of one.
In other words, you get to come home and relax. Pop in a microwave dinner and watch as much trash tv as your heart desires. That or you can go out and get drinks with friends at your leisure. No husband to check in with and no babysitters to line up. You can stay out as late as you want on weekends because you know there won't be two fresh faced little firecrackers up in your grill at the crack of dawn.
You, my friend, have it easy.
You also say that "doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business." Yet isn't it of utmost importance for a mother to raise their sons and daughters with the values, morals and ethics it takes to become a doctor, engineer or business owner? I'm sure I don't have to remind you that the youth of today are drastically showing signs of unearned entitlement and laziness. Why do you think that is? It couldn't possibly be because of attitudes towards motherhood like your own...
Oh and ps. Aspiring doctors and engineers need clean laundry just like the rest of us.
At the end of all this, I am truly sad for you. Someone lied to you. Someone told you that being a mother and wife is not important. Not worthy. I feel sorry for you that you will never know what it feels like to have a part of you look into your eyes and say "I love you mom." To know what it feels like when your child wraps his arms around you and squeezes so tight because he hasn't seen you since nap time. To know what it feels like to put your feet up after a long, hard day, right next to your husband, your partner in crime, and look at each other without saying a word knowing that you guys are doing alright together. Going through this rough and tough life as allies.
Because I don't care what anyone else in your professional life tells you…your boss, your mentor, your employees…you are disposable. You may be damn good at what you do, but you can always be replaced. In a heartbeat.
I don't think my kids would feel the same about me.
(My husband is a different story.)
**********
Dear Amy Glass,
First let me start by saying I am not here to bash you and call you names. I think we both know name calling gets you nowhere and makes your argument less valid. I will forgive you for calling me "stupid" if you promise to forgive me for what I am about to say.
I'm sorry my decision to be a stay at home mom makes you want to vomit. I've never come across anyone with that reaction before. Maybe there are anti-naseau pills you can take? Personally, cottage cheese and sweet potatoes make me want to spew but that's just me.
I know I don't have to defend my position or my decisions to "do nothing" and be a stay at home mom, nor do I have high hopes you will suddenly become respectful and decent, but your opinion piece somehow went viral and a lot of young women read it. I am here in hopes that some of those same young women might read this and see how utterly senseless what you wrote was.
When you ask "do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself," are you looking for a serious answer? Because (raises hand, pick me! pick me!) if so, I can answer that for you. I have done both. At 21, I bought my own home. With all my own money. I worked as a waitress for two years to support myself, and if you know anything about waitressing, it takes a lot of hours working on your feet to make enough to be able to pay all your bills. However I'm sure with your standard of thinking, being a waitress is beneath you and also makes you want to vomit. (By the way, I've cleaned up a strangers vomit before. It wasn't pleasant but just a part of the job. You know, the job I was working to support myself.)
My next job was working for a magazine publishing company. I should mention my dad was my boss. I've had people throw that in before as in "oh, you worked for your dad? Like that's a real job. Please." As if working for my father somehow made me immune to doing actual work or making sure deadlines were met on time. Because I can promise you, my dad's boss? The head of the publishing company? He couldn't give a damn if I was someone's daughter. Deadlines are deadlines, clients demand stellar service and if I didn't do my job, I would be fired. My dad may be my dad but he's not about to give up his golfing trips to Arizona.
I worked at the publishing company right until I gave birth to my first son. I must warn you, what comes next might give you a gag reflex, so grab a barf bucket and hold on.
After I had my first child, I became a full time stay at home mom.
Trust me Amy, trust me…I have questioned my decision more than a few times since quitting my "real" job and staying home to raise living, breathing humans who depend on me for their every need aka "doing nothing." But something you said gave me a major what the f*ck moment.
It was when you said choosing to be stay at home mom was choosing the path of least resistance.
HAHAHAHA. Ha. ha.
Oh girlfriend. My dear, sweet Amy. How much you still have to learn. Have you ever gone grocery shopping with three stage 2 clingers, all fighting over who gets to sit at the front of the cart? Have you been flying on a plane with a sick child who can't for the life of him make it into the emergency barf bag? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed knowing that it was only noon and you still had a good eight more hours of running kids to practices, recitals, more practices and making sure they had a proper dinner? Or what about being up all night, for three nights in a row, tending to a sick child? I'm sure you have pulled an all-nighter before related to work issues, but chances are since you are childless you were able to take a nap the next day or go to bed relatively early.
Of course I'm sure all of that is silly, trivial, meaningless stuff to you. And no, Amy, I'm not pointing all of this out to prove how "hard" is it to raise children. I don't go around complaining to anyone who will listen how horrible my life is. I chose this life and I love this life. But you know what else I don't do? I don't bash women like you who choose not to have kids and call you "stupid" for your decision.
It seems to me, Amy, that you have chosen the path of least resistance. You can get in and out of the grocery store with no distractions. You get to put on some headphones and read an entire five chapters with no interruptions except for what beverage you would like on your comfy business class flight.
After a long day of (really, really important) work, you get to come home to an empty house. No kids to feed, bathe, do homework with, read to, tuck into bed. No husband to tend to, third party mess to clean up or "stupid" household to manage.
Oh and also, it's really easy to mock housework and "managing a household" when you run a household of a grande total of one.
In other words, you get to come home and relax. Pop in a microwave dinner and watch as much trash tv as your heart desires. That or you can go out and get drinks with friends at your leisure. No husband to check in with and no babysitters to line up. You can stay out as late as you want on weekends because you know there won't be two fresh faced little firecrackers up in your grill at the crack of dawn.
You, my friend, have it easy.
You also say that "doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business." Yet isn't it of utmost importance for a mother to raise their sons and daughters with the values, morals and ethics it takes to become a doctor, engineer or business owner? I'm sure I don't have to remind you that the youth of today are drastically showing signs of unearned entitlement and laziness. Why do you think that is? It couldn't possibly be because of attitudes towards motherhood like your own...
Oh and ps. Aspiring doctors and engineers need clean laundry just like the rest of us.
At the end of all this, I am truly sad for you. Someone lied to you. Someone told you that being a mother and wife is not important. Not worthy. I feel sorry for you that you will never know what it feels like to have a part of you look into your eyes and say "I love you mom." To know what it feels like when your child wraps his arms around you and squeezes so tight because he hasn't seen you since nap time. To know what it feels like to put your feet up after a long, hard day, right next to your husband, your partner in crime, and look at each other without saying a word knowing that you guys are doing alright together. Going through this rough and tough life as allies.
Because I don't care what anyone else in your professional life tells you…your boss, your mentor, your employees…you are disposable. You may be damn good at what you do, but you can always be replaced. In a heartbeat.
I don't think my kids would feel the same about me.
(My husband is a different story.)
Hahahaha. TOTFTTLMBO
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA.
Best reply yet.
Well done!
Mena I just saw ur bb broadcast, clicked on the link and read both blogspots, phew long read. This housiwife has a sense of humour particularly with that last paragraph and last sentence about her husband. Looking at both issues, I think both women have valid points and person A life choices should not rile up person B so deeply. And mena I write this as a mother of 3 who has a full time career, a career that brings home the bacon as hubby is not working at the moment, yes we exist!!
ReplyDelete*housewife.
ReplyDeleteSorry about typos. Also just read that she worked in Dad's business, I wish I have that option
I am a happily married housewife and am luvin' it
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to type but my time is short
ReplyDelete// To know what it feels like when your child wraps his arms around you ... To know what it feels like to put your feet up after a long, hard day, right next to your husband...... Going through this rough and tough life as allies.
Because I don't care what anyone else in your professional life tells you…you are disposable. You may be damn good at what you do, but you can always be replaced. In a heartbeat.//
The career driven lady can own a successful business, and a full healthy life, Oprah anyone?? There are other succcesful women, I chose Oprah bcos she is popular
Housewife you are on point,but let us be truthful about our lives, esp African and some Asian housewives, it is not all roses, not only do housewife get a generally unfair blow in life you know, horseband cheating, horsebands family giving you hell, (in some asian culture housewife is burnt alive) verbal abuse bcos from horses thinking, you just laze around spending his money,threatened with being sent back to parents house therefore suffering in silence,being judged for state of the home, being judged for every bad turn her horseband and children take, and as per cheating hubby concern, finally being replaced for a younger version, not forgetting most times her children (and what ever bond they have) will be taken from her ( as beng housewife all her life, she aint financially stable enough to claim full custody) and reduced to visitation rights if possible.
It is known that children grow up and some impressionable among this children dpending on age, blive things easily and keep away from their mothers, and in many cases have been known to even kill their mothers. isnt that disposable?
I cant say it all with this short spare time but u get the drill
No, I am not single, and am not completely supporting the article by the single successful woman but lets state reality, we can pretend with social airs in our real lives that all is so perfect but haba pretending hockery dockery in the blogosphere too?
no way!
Like I said in my last comment, Who needs a sword when they have wits. Oh and that last paragraph (...you are disposable...) will get Amy thinking....
ReplyDelete