Why You Should Travel To Africa

Hi!

So how was your weekend? How is this new week going so far? I hope according to the plans, and even if its not, keep your head up as it is not over till its over.

When I have a bad day, my escape route is through books!! My mother encouraged me to read at a very early age. I even recall her getting me kid friendly books when I was in primary school, when I was already reading James Hadley Chase books.lol. I was never a Mills and Boons girl, give me a good thriller and am good to go..but I digress

As an avid reader I come across some incredible books that cut across several genre. One of them, Swahili for the broken hearted was very impressive. It was full of adventure, suspense, and a huge dollop of humour. It tells the story of Peter Moore, veteran backpacker, who was dumped by his girlfriend and as a result, decided to travel round Africa. From Capetown to Cairo to be specific and by the cheapest available means!!! This novel is very gritty and realistic, at least from the view of an European tourist. It had me rolling in laughter in several places. I dont want to give any single thing away but check it out if you are interested.

Speaking of travelling round Africa, here are a few secrets recommended by proud Africans. Very long but interesting read.

In Kumasi, Ghana, there is a sword half-buried into a stone: A symbol of Asante power.
Kwame, England



From the Simien mountains in Ethiopia to the Nyika Plateau in Malawi to a walking safari with bushmen in Zambia.
Mukesh Gupta, USA



There is a place just outside my home town of Bulawayo in Zimbabwe called Lumeni falls. It is a magical place. The first time I went there I felt as if I were the only person on earth. The clouds covered the low granite outcrops, and there were no human sounds. What better place is there?
A. Booyse, UK



I have heard the Arc of the Covenant is protected by a group in Axum, Ethiopia. This box contains the original tablet that the 10 commandments were written by God and this is recognized by Jews, Christians and Muslims.
Loren, Los Angeles, USA


In northern Ghana, the Larabanga Mosque remains a mystery to the people of Ghana.There is a legend that the mosque was built by God and it also houses a Holy Koran which also is believed to descend from heaven: A secret that continues to baffle!
Maxwell Eyram Afari, Ghanaian in Brazil


My Village Bambui in Cameroon, is the best in traditional healing and most Villages in Bamenda including my Bambui Village are best in harming people spiritually in their small Palm wine bars. Hence you can't live the bar to ease yourself without taking the rest of your wine with you. At times you are even poisoned from distance.
Tangang Protus Chungong, Bambui Cameroon



In our thriving rainforests, there is a tree species locally known as "nsorkor". It's rich in fluoride and that is why you see most Ghanaians with sparkling white teeth and naturally infectious smiles.
Kwame Boakye, Berekum, Ghana



Africa is perhaps the only continent that still boasts being culturally unspoiled. Its people and culture remain very much as they were thousands of years ago. From the Maasai of southeast Kenya to the tall Dinka of southern Sudan to diverse groups in west Africa, you can't possibly compare this to any other continent. Did you know that Africa is the only continent where cattle herders of Dinka are known to stand with one leg?
Marial Wuoi, USA


Africa has many kept secrets that the world will never know about. Example, in South-eastern Liberia, in the township of Tiaunta, in the District of Ynaboe, there is a certain river that strangers can not visit. In ancient days of tribal wars, this river protected citizens of this town from their enemies. Even today, strangers who venture at the river without the approval of the town's people will have have snakes to content with.
Roland, Liberian in the US



For me, Africa's best kept secret is Ngonnye Falls on the Zambezi in southwest Zambia. It is even more beautiful than Victoria Falls. It's difficult, but fun to get to. You have to wade across part of the river to see it. Breath-taking!
Nick Moore, UK



As an Ethiopian, I believe that The Ark of the Covenant is alive and well in Ethiopia. As it's also stated in the book, The Sign and the Seal: The Quest for the Lost Ark of the Covenant by British journalist Graham Hancock, Menelik (fathered by Israelite King Solomon and born to the Queen of Sheba from Ethiopia) took the Ark of the Covenant from ancient Jerusalem in the days of King Solomon.
Lydia Hailu, California



The walls or moat of Benin city of Edo state of mid-western Nigeria is a place to visit. It's a place you cannot forget because it is mysterious
Scott Odiase, Bologna, Italy



Cape McClear on Lake Malawi is one of the most beautiful places I've been to. The water is like so crystal clear that you don't need to scuba dive to see the colourful fish swimming about. The colours are amazingly beautiful. It's been a while since I visited, hopefully it's still as striking!
Wambui Ngugi, Canada

Some of the most splendid works of humankind are found in Ethiopia. Some of those wonders of this country are the rock-hewn churches of Lalibela, northern Ethiopia.
Berhane, USA

Interestingly, there are enormously plenty of sacred places in Africa that some people are unaware of. For instance, where I come from (Limi in Kajo-kaji) in Southern Sudan, there is what we call "Yige" a sacred place when rain fails, the elders of the village gather and blow it and rain will fall. It's here that the indigenous pay their tribute to the unseen god they call "Ngun" and their prayers are always positively answered. And it is believed that even fertility for both males and females can be restored at the Yige.
Dominic Woja Maku, Canada


The Kilwas of Tanzania have amazing ruins, some of which are the largest and most intact along the Swahili coast.
Beau Llewellyn, Canada


In Botswana about 35 kilometers north of the capital Gaborone, there is a village called Rasesa. At that village there is a huge foot-print said to be of one of the oldest persons in the country called "matsieng". The foot-print is on a rock and it is said during those times the rocks were not solid but soft hence the foot-print where "matsieng" was passing.
Epena Ngatangue, Botswana



I have visited Ethiopia several times. It is really a very rich country that offers a unique and extremely diverse combination of both natural and historical attractions. The natural attractions vary from the volcanic land scape of the Afar desert (cradle of man kind) to the temperate Bale and Simen mountains holding relatively few but extreamly diverse wild life. Historical records start at least 300 BC. I can't list everyting but the most beautiful place I have seen in my life is the Wonchi crater lake located at 3500 meters above see level. The rim of the lake is 500m deep. It is very calm, unpolluted, the green alpine vegetation on the rim of the lake is wonderful. It is realy Switzerland of Africa. Visit this lake in September.
Marcello K



In Machakos, there is an ancient tree with breasts sticking out, when you attempt to touch the breasts, or to cut it down, the tree cries out!
Malinda Harrahs, Kenyan in Germany



The perfectly shaped twin-hills of Somaliland nicknamed "Nasa Habloid" or "the Virgin's Breasts", located on the outskirts of the capital Hargeisa.
Jimaale Hashe, Somaliland



There is a cave in Ibwera, Tanzania nobody knows how far it goes because it is dark inside and there are feet carvings of a man, woman, a child and a dog on the rocks. I wish archeologists went there to know the age of the prints and what is in the caves.
Albina Milembe, Bangladesh


In the northern region of Togo lies the 'Tamberma' region. Barely accessible by road and untouched by modernisation, these incredible people are completely self-sufficient. They live the most simple of lives, in harmony with nature and their indigenous beliefs. Isn't it ironic how such an archaic way of life can teach us so many lessons about the society of war and conflict that we live in?
Rachel, England



In Benin, I visited several Tchouk markets. These markets hold many sellers of tchouk, which is a millet beer brew. The typical evening involves visiting different women and tasting their versions. If you enjoy the sample, then you sit and drink a full calabash. However, if you don't enjoy the particular flavour you are allowed to move on and sample other versions. This is an example of the cultures that are the true wealth of Africa.
Christopher Wormley, USA



There is a place in Kenya with a hill, which when you put a ball at the middle of the hill the force of gravity is not obeyed. Surprisingly the ball goes uphill instead of downhill!!!!!wierd. Can scientists explain that?
Swaleh, Poland



The beautiful and enormous churches carved out of the mountain in Lalibela, Ethiopia, deserve to be much better known than they are. The Arc of the Covenant, mentioned above, and supposedly housed in Axum, is unfortunately not available to viewing by the public. But that church compound, as well as the nearby Stelae field, is still well worth the visit. So, too, is the wonderful castle complex in Gondar. Throw in isolated island monasteries, the Blue Nile Falls, and a tremendous variety of other wonders, and I'm amazed Ethiopia isn't a lot more heavily touristed than it is.
Brendan Ritchie, Canada



We, from western Kenya, have the annual Luhyia/Maragoli festival, which normally happens from December 25th to the 3rd of January. In addition, we have the 'Crying stones' situated along the Kisumu-Kakamega main road. These stones are shaped like a human being: In between the neck and the rest of the body runs a stream of water that never dries up. This place is very sacred to us Luhyia people.
Elolo, Kenya/USA


Near Machakos in Kenya, there is a hill where water seemingly flows uphill when spilt onto the road.
K Shah, Kenyan in Australia



Victoria Falls is the most sublime wonder of the world, it is the smoke that thunders.
Fungai Mabhurukwa, United Kingdom



The eleven rock-hewn churches built in the 11th century by King Lalibela of Ethiopia are still considered the 8th wonder of the world. These churches are all made out of a single rock and have connecting tunnels. They are in the Wollo province of Ethiopia and are still being used by the Ethiopian Orthodox Christians.
Mseifu, USA



Have you heard of a bicycle made entirely of wood? I have given one to a museum and my children have one. They were made in Tanzania. Africa's creativity is its best kept secret, unfortunately.
Rodney Lobo, Norway



The Drakensberg Mountain range in South Africa has some of the most stunning scenery I've ever seen. With peaks over 11,000 feet, it is higher than the Alps - yet I'd never even heard of it until I came to South Africa.
Frederick Green, South Africa



Benin City, in the south west of Africa is a place to visit. Its ancient kingdom spread to Ashanti in Ghana. It had rings of very deep moats dug around it and its other principal towns in the olden days to ward off invaders. These moats are a wonder to people because they were dug at a time when there was no technological help. Alas, they are now filled with dirt! If only the depth could be maintained by periodic cleaning, it will be a great tourist place.
Comfort Adesuwa Ero, Canada



During my visit to Kenya in 1993, I was taken to Machakos, about an hour's drive from Nairobi. Just outside the town, there was a hill, and a group of small boys were standing along the roadside with bottles of water. For a few shillings, they would empty the bottles on a particular part of the road, and the water would flow up the hill rather than down. I captured this phenomenon on my video. I wonder if it is still there.
Ashok Kumar, UK



Somewhere in Lango or Apac district in northern Uganda exists a set of foot-steps in rock which is locally believed to have been made by the "first man" on earth. I believe people in the area call it "Ongom's foot steps", Ongom being that first human being. Does anybody know more about this?
Okello, Holland



I reckon that the bushmen of a tribe called Koma in Taraba state of Nigeria. Their simple life and hunting method holds much fascination. They know the healing elements of all the plants in the forest.The Koma would snap fingers with you instead of the standard handshake in greeting.
Chiazor, UK



In Botswana there are giant footprints about five metres in length at a place called Rasesa imprinted on rocks
Mufaweli Mubukwanu, UK



The Air Mountains in Niger. Beautiful mountains rising up from desert sands. Truly breathtaking sunrises and sunsets.
Stephanie Santos, USA



Rwanda is a treasure of different landscapes. From the savannahs of Akagera National Park in the East, to the green hills of central Rwanda, to Lake Kivu's shores in the West, to the tropical forest of Volcanoes National Park in the Northwest - one of the few remaining sites to see mountain gorillas in their natural habitats. Rwanda is indeed spectacular and you must see it for yourself.
Fish, United States



There are numerous treasures in Nigeria, like the mystical Obudu mountains which stretch across eastern Nigeria near the border with Cameroun, the ancient cities of Kano and Calabar, also the silver back mountain gorillas found only in the mountains of Obudu and remnants of past civilizations, like iron work left by the nok people and pottery left by the Igbo-Ukwu Obudu mountains
Ifeanyi Nwakwesi, NigeriaUK



In northern Mozambique, the ancient commerical center of Ilha de Mocambique is known for its fusion of African, Arab, and Indian cultural influences. One can visit several churches, mosques, and even an old Hindu temple packed onto a few square kilometers. The island's unique architecture is protected as a UNESCO world heritage site. The waters around the Ilha are home to tens of shipwrecks, some dating back to the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries.
Leila Chirayath, Cambridge, Mass. USA



Apart from the Sahara, Algeria has much more to give. Do you fancy skiing in the amazing Jurjura mountains in the Kabilye region, outside Algiers? If it's too cold, you can always take your skis down to the sandy dunes of the Sahara where a lot of poeple practice sand skiing and boarding!! It's a thrill to be doing these activities, but doing them in Africa gives you an even more amazing rush of adrenaline.
Rachida, London



Africa's best kept secret is the 'Sleeping Masai'. This range of hills is in the Rift Valley on the outskirts of Gilgil in Kenya. When you look at it, it appears to be a man lying down in perfect proportion hence its name the 'Sleeping Masai'.
Allan, Kenyan in England



I know Africa has the most to offer to the world: Sports, music, arts etc. I'm sure there are so many things in Ghana especially the Asante kingdom! The weaving of Kente cloth is a secret to the entire world because there is no weaving machine which can weave at the front and the back of th cloth. It is only in the Asante kingdom!
Daniel Okyere, Ghana



Zambia has the second largest game reserve in the world, and has the victoria falls. I think an area that would be worth investigating are stories about very dangerous snakes in some parts of the country. I'm told that there are areas which no human being would pass through because of rumours of very large snakes.
Haile, Zambia / Uk



In a little town called Chimanimani in the eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe, there is a place called Bridal Veil Falls. It's exquisite in its natural unspoilt beauty, the water falling like lace against the dark rocks with the deep green of the tree and foliage around it. The beauty makes the hairs on your neck stand on end.
Tsitsi, UK



Chinhoyi caves up north of Harare has a mysterious pool which has more than 60 channels running beneath it. Tens of divers perished in the pool. The water is clear and you can see gold at the bottom, but no one has riched the bottom. One of the channel is connected to Kariba dam, 120km away. Visit the place, don't try to dive.
Labiata, Zimbabwe


Education Ridge in Tamale, Ghana, has the most spectacular sunset one has ever set his eyes on. The sun appears very big, yellow and scary then gradually descends and vanishes in the Savannah horizon. It is a scene every sunset watcher should see.
Bako Kirki, Ghana


The Lola areas in the mountains of Nimba, southeast of Guinea, is the only place in the world where you can find the largest frogs in the world.
Tokpa Monnemu Zerekorey, Guinea/Conakry



I would like people to know about the three huge stones standing on top of each other, called "Kitmikayi" found in the western part of Kenya.
Janet Akinyi, Kenya



The most enchanting place I have ever seen is the natural formation of rocks located in the midst of the St. Paul River in the city of Arthington. This is a place where the earth shows the beauty and greatness of God's work. The serenity of this place is awesome!
Yata, Fullerton, USA



You need to be in my home area of Ankole to see the magnificent beauty of the people that God gave dominion over the beautiful secret places. My God, the people here are just so beautiful!
Graham Kateihwa, Mbarara, Uganda



Kakamega Forest, the only equatorial rain forest in Kenya, is famous for its diversity of butterfly species.
Tezira Lore, Kenya



The Table of the Sun Festival of Dance and Culture. This takes place every year in Mbarara western Uganda. It brings over 20 countries together with the aim of choosing the best dance group in the world. The festival attracts over 30,000 people. At this festival only clothes made in Africa is acceptable and only traditional drinks and culturally specific meals are allowed.

ll my votes for The Holy Arc of Covenant in Axum, Ethiopia, taken by Menelik, the son of Queen Sheba and King Solomon from the Temple Mount, Jerusalem.
Martin, Netherlands


The biggest tree in West Africa, which can be found in Akim Oda, a popular town in Ghana.
Alexander Adjekum, Ghanaian in Ohio, US.

Lyike is a popular inland lake in my village Amaba Isuikwuato in Abia State Nigeria. Before pipe borne water came to my village a few years ago, it provided more than 80% of the water used by the villagers. It is believed in some quarters that it provides security for the community and can cure some ailments. We use only calabash to scoop the water and do not go near it with slippers or shoes. Also you cannot go near it with any form of light or take photographs. The water is cleaned at least two times a year by selected women (those born and and married to men in the village). Any time I travel home, I visit this serene and virgin environment yet untouched by civilization.
Chinedu Ibeabuchi, Lagos, Nigeria

Standing on top of the hill called Kachwekano overlooking Lake Bunyonyi (second deepest in Africa) in Kabale district (South Western Uganda), the Muhavura ranges ahead can make your heart skip a beat. It's almost as if you can touch them.
Kanyima Twehamye, UK (Ugandan)



The ruins of Mapungubwe allow for a fascinating and unmatched glance at the social and political structures in Southern Africa over 500 years ago. The ancient City situated on the northern border of South Africa, was once a powerful trading city with Arabia and India. It developed into the largest kingdom in the sub-continent before being abandoned in the 14th century. Artefacts found within the walls of the city such as the "Golden Rhino" are symbols of this once powerful African Kingdom.
Gary, London

There is a place called Great Zimbabwe here in Zimbabwe. It's amazing. It's a whole ancient village built before colonisation that is made of granite stone only.
Natasha Mawarire, Zimbabwe



The fortified ruins at Djado, in Niger, are something of a mystery. They are huge , old and no one knows for certain who built them!!
Mike Barton, England

One of the best kept secrets in Africa are the caves found in Tassili Najjer in Algeria where you'll find paintings from a different era!
Begoña Belmonte, UK



Bujugali falls at the source of the White Nile in Uganda. One of the best white water rafting stretches in the world.
Andrew, UK



When I lived in Zimbabwe, we had near our house an ancient ringing rock that was used historically to warn people in the Honde Valley of approaching danger. When struck with another rock, the large rock rings like a bell. There are holes worn in the side from the centuries of use, but this rock is little known by anyone and is still there in the Nyanga mountains where I found it again not long ago.
Andrew, Ireland



The several golden Crosses and crowns, Maqdala Ethiopian Treasures, of Emperror Tewodros II looted by the British army and nowadays found in different museums in the UK are real hidden secrets. The British capture of Maqdala, Emperor Tewodros's mountain capital in north-west Ethiopia, took place in 1868, immediately after the Ethiopian monarch committed suicide to avoid falling into the hands of his enemies. The soldiers then looted everything in his castle and transported it to the UK.
Assegid, Ethiopia/Germany



The high plateau of Zomba in Malawi must rank as one of the finest landscapes in the world. Sombre yet beautiful and mysterious.
Mike Ashwood-Smith, Canada



There is a place called Wondo Genet South of Addis Ababa in Ethiopia. With it, an amazing variety of plants, a breath taking landscape completed with a natural hot spring is a magical place. It's ancient forests are some of the oldest. A recent fire has damaged some of the old trees. This will be an opportunity to focus some attention for its preservation.
Asfaw, California



Kakamega Forest! The last of the African Rainforests. With some of the most unique Flora and Fauna: Colobus Monkey, HornBills, Snakes, Orchids etc. It is under threat from deforestation. Please help preserve it.
Drupadsinh, Kenya



The Johannesburg War Museum has the only version of the Messerschimdt ME 292 night fighter. This is also part of the long tradition of the airforce in SA. The country has the second oldest airforce in the world and the creator of the SA airforce Jan Smuts was also instrumental in starting the oldest airforce in the world, the RAF.
Mone, South Africa

Location: Wase, Plateau State, Nigeria. During the summer birds of different species come to mate and breed in this place known as the Wase rock. This rock is symbol of life and strength for the locals (the Tarok and Jukuns). For centuries this rock has been worshipped and lately has become a tourist attraction.You need to there to understand.
Uche Njoku, England

In Patiko-Gulu Uganda on 'Got Patiko'- a small mountain, there is a trail of blood running from the top of the mountain downward, believed to be blood of victims of slave traders. The mystery is that after many years, even the heavy tropical rainfall has failed to wash it away!
Cankech JB, Uganda



In Zimbabwe, outside Bulawayo, there is a very big cave in Matopo called "Ilitshe likaNtunjambili", meaning The Rock with two Entrances. It is one of the most spectacular natural phenomenon in the world that one can never wish to miss. Not too far from there there are the Balancing Rocks of Matopo. It will be great to see the sites and then listen to the history attached to them. Zimbabwe is rich in natural resources, I love my country.
Mark Msimanga, Canada

You have read the testimonies, so what are you waiting for? The end of life? Right now, is the time to explore the Secrets Of Mother Africa!!

Mena

YOU DESERVE TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED! AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Hello!!! :)

So, on facebook I once came across a page, whose owner proclaimed:

" A LADY THAT DRESSES PROVOCATIVELY IS BEGGING FOR IT AND DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED "

So I asked on my on page: To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement above?

The comments came in fast and furious!! Let me stop there so as not to influence any one's comments on this version.

So I ask this same question on my blog page. a. Do you agree or disagree in any way with the argument that someone deserves to be sexually assaulted based on how they present their sexual parts and why? b. Is your answer based on the gender of the person? i.e. Would your answer be the same if it were a man displaying his sexual parts?

1001 thanks for stopping by and/or commenting, have a splendid TGIF!!

Mena

Photo sources : Google images and the off side

This is a true story about two friends. One, a very serious born-again christian lady, the other is a ‘worldly’ lady...

Hiya!!

So I was browsing blogsville when I came across these stories. They claim to be true life stories with names adjusted for various reasons. I couldnt resist but bring some of them to them to my blog so readers who have gone though a similar experience can play agony aunt and give them solutions. Or you can even give them some tough love or better still, just give your candid thoughts.

Enjoy xx

This is a true story about two ladies. One is a very serious born-again christian sister named Kemi whereas the other is a ‘worldly’ sister named Funmi (names deliberately disguised, no surnames given). They both went to the Obafemi Awolowo University.
Funmi always had the attention of the boys since the JAMBite rush. She lost her virginity when she was in her first year of university within the first month after admission. Then, she had been very heartbroken about the loss and Kemi was there to comfort her.
In all, Funmi had already dated and 'known’ 5 guys by the time she was in part 3 (she totalled 7 guys by the time she finished from school) who all ‘used’ her and ‘dumped’ her. Kemi, on the other hand, didn’t date anyone - she didn’t have time for that.

This is an excerpt of a conversation when they were both in part 3 (300 level) in their room (they were roommates) in Moremi Hall.

Kemi: Funmi, you need to get your life on track and do the right things at the right time. Take me for example, I don’t have anytime for any boy right now, but just time for my studies, my church and the fellowship. All these boys will just use you and dump you and you will just cry and cry, eh!

Funmi: Kemi, am I crying?! I don’t know what to do! Akin left me for another girl-- a JAMBite. I caught him in bed with her in his room in quarters!

Kemi: Akin (pauses)...isn’t he the guy you aborted for? (pauses) What is wrong with you? What were you doing in his bedroom? You are a mess! You are like a prostitute...haba!

Funmi: Abeg, don’t judge me o, not everyone is holy-holy like you. By the way, how do you keep youself a virgin...me I like guys o, I like sex o...you know...it's like heaven!

Kemi: You must be a virgin on your wedding night o...you keep yourself undefiled by praying and staying focused...like me!

Funmi: OK o, but you should date a guy so you can learn about guys o, you know nothing about guys o....just saying!

Kemi: I don’t need to learn anything for now o, I am a child of GOD....I am a spirit-filled born-again sister, undefiled...not like you. When the time is right, GOD will provide me with the right guy at the right time.

Funmi: (pauses) you have started judging me again! (pauses) Why do you always do that...as if you are ‘better’ than me?

Kemi: .....but that is because I am....I don’t need to explain that, it’s obvious!

Funmi: (pauses) You know you should try to be less judgmental, you don’t know what tomorrow may bring for me...

Kemi: You will reap what you are sowing now...all your sex-sex-sex, you will probably get an STD and you will probably get pregnant again and you will probably abort again....your sins will multiply....just saying o! A word is enough for the wise!

Funmi: ....and you? What will you reap?

Kemi: Aaah, everything - good husband, good children, good life...(singing praise song till fade)

....that was 15 years ago.

Today, Funmi (age 36) has four children, and a very good husband. Kemi is unmarried, very single at age 37 and desperately searching.

Very complex one oh!! Right?

Mena

To whom it may interest: A fan's devotion to Jeta Amata

Hi folks. If you are a big fan of Nollywood, especially its filmmakers, then read on..

My Hollywood movie

Something funny seems to be going on in Nigeria. Everyone who goes to Los Angeles and puts some faceless individuals in his or her movie comes back to Nigeria to say I shot a Hollywood film. Such ignorance. The culprits include Stephanie Okereke and her hot mess Through the glass, Lancelot Imasuen, Chineze Anyeane, King Joe and some others. Anchor Baby is a movie I have not seen, it has much hype, its has been said that its not all that great, but what I like is that it is moving like a lion. It has won awards at actual festivals and stars Sam Sarpong and some recognizable names, yet, it has not gone anywhere to say that it is a Hollywood film. At least not that I have heard. It has 25,000 fans on facebook. It is not doing great at the cinemas because of course, the box office breaker Genevieve Nnaji is not in it and the people is stars are really not that dear to anyones heart. I call that unfair, but Chineze did an impressive job in marketing, people need to learn from her.

Sorry, I digressed. I want to give kudos to the only bonafide Hollywood filmmaker in Nigeria, Jeta Amata.

He is the only one who can say “I have made a Hollywood film” because his films are on Netflix and they are guild films. Funny enough, no one talks about him. No praise, nothing. They only run after the clanging empty barrels. I read a headline that said “How a student film changed nollywood” (ije) and I was offended. I said, so what have Jeta Amata and Tunde Kelani been doing all this while? Ije, a student film, supervised by professors in class, and Inale, Black Gold, Amazing Grace made by an independent filmmaker who went to hustle to raise his financing. Is it really Ije that has redefined Nollywood? Absolutely nothing special about the film, the trailer for Jeta’s Hollywood star studded Black Gold has not changed Nollywood, neither did his Amazing Grace which I watched on Netflix and can rent from blockbuster.

How can we so soon forget people who set the pace? What makes a movie a Hollywood film? A film is a Hollywood film if it pays allegiance to the guilds of Hollywood and if it is distributed by Hollywood.

If you have not seen the massive trailer for Jeta’s black gold. This is the film that will redefine Nollywood. Jeta was mentioned in variety.com and CNN and Hollywood reporter. I am yet to read about Ebuwa and Ije in any international film print. Kodak wrote on Ije because Ije was shot on a Kodak grant. But jeta and Kunle are simply doing massive things.

Please give credit where it is due.

Lovely, well written piece on Black Gold and its producer. The movie seems interesting..what do you think?. If you have seen it, do you agree with this write up?

Cheers
Mena

*Ahem*....... candy thoughts, caramel dreams and fluffy 'tales'

Ok the title is a decoy, its a code to 'the main the main' gist. The reason for the code is because I am trying to divert the attention of a particular couple and I know for a fact that they despise phrases I used in the title so *hopefully* they will skip this blog. Sod it, I am terrible at codes sef.

Basically someone needs your thoughts, however profound, just help them I don talk talk tire..

Okay so Mena* just met her first boyfriend Ukodo* recently. They were both each others first love long long ago (about a decade) and happen to come across each others path again through social networking sites. They are both single as in 'never been married and have no children' kind of single

Now Ukodo is inviting Mena to be his house guest. Note: * They live in different continents * Mena is single and asks Ukodo about his status, Ukodo has never been married nor has kids, but his status used to be 'engaged to Fluffy*. This has been removed. Mena agreed to be his guest but is confused as to how she should act with him, what to pack in her luggage, what social activities they should do together etc..

1. Should she act like he is toasting her afresh, or act like just a friend, or continue from wherever they stopped?

2. Will your answer be the same if its Ukodo that is Mena's houseguest? over to you friends, SOMEONE IS PANICKING AS ITS KICKING OFF THIS WEEK WE DEY ENTER SO!!

Thanks and have a fun-filled week
Me'mena

50 Ways to Bless Others + 15 motivational truths

Good day all :)) How are you? I hope very well!

Mamuje's thoughts as well as Nutty's thoughts have partly inspired this blog.
So here is the rule, for the 50 ways bit of the post, count and tell me your score, I know most of the suggestions are unfamiliar to our culture but lets just have fun with it) Will let you know mine at the bottom of the note.no cheating o! nutty J :P! ehen! xx

Ever think your life is unremarkable? It is not always the big things that create the largest impact in our lives, and the lives of others. Here are 50 ways to bless someone else. In the process of blessing others, you'll find that you are blessed as well. Choose one to do today and start on the path to a remarkable life!


50 Ways to Bless Others

Pay for the meal of the car behind you at the fast food drive through
Volunteer to read to children at your local library
Bring a family meal to a sick friend
Serve the family! (and if you can stay for clean up, that's a plus!)
Leave an extra large tip for a waiter or waitress
Mow your neighbor's yard
Or shovel it, depending on the season!
Bring some goodies to share at work
Send a thank you note to your child's teacher
Drive an elderly or handicapped person to the gorcery store.
Leave a bouquet of flowers on someone's doorstep
Pay for a soldier's mealPick up litter
Offer to help a parent load their groceries in their car while they load up their kids
Offer a genuine compliment to a stranger
Give up your seat for someone
Give up that great parking space!
Clean up the dishes in the breakroom at work
Give your pizza delivery guy a gas card with his tip
Host a kids movie night and give the parents some much needed time slone together
Send a thank you note to your local police office
Leave your magazines at a doctor's office once you've read them
Cut out a comic strip or article of interest for a friend
Visit your local animal shelter and offer to walk some of the dogs
Hold the door open or someone
Smile and thank a cashier
Pay for someone's toll
Donate your gently used professional clothes to an orgaization that helps people get back into the workforce
Listen to someone who is going through a tough time
Give an inspiring book to a friend in need
Share your umbrella with someone who doesn't have one
Leave enough change in the vending machine for the next person to get a snack
Maintain waterbowls and birdeed for migrating birds
Surprise your spouse with breakfast in bed
Write a note to a family member telling them why they are special
Have a food or clothing drive for a local shelter
Donate blood
Print an inspiring story and post it on your work bulletin board
Buy books for a day care center
Donate art supplies you no loner use to a classroom
Volunteer at a senior center
Fill your spouse's car with fuel
Donate your cut hair to Locks of Love
Cut coupons and leave them by the items at the store
Leave comments on a blog page you like
Drop off a toy or game at the hospital
Give your friends photos you have taken that include them
Invite someone who lives alone over for dinner
Put a quarter in an expired parking meter
Tell someone special in your life that you love them.
Give your significant other foot rub, with no strings attached

Scored 19, how about you?:))

15 things you probably never knew or thought about....

1. At least five people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least fifteen people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.


5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you recieved. Forget the rude remarks.
14. Always tell soemone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take time to let them know that they are great

WHY WOMEN CHEAT by Michelle Langley

I pasted an article on 'Why men cheat', sometime back and am pleased to inform you that the research has finally figured out why women also cheat.

Enjoy :)

Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces

Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men.


The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships
Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.



Stage 1

Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.



Stage 2

Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a "new" man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters.
Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.



Stage 3

Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love.
These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions.
Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 - it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands.
The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”
Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness.
Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a "new" relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.



Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.


Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise

Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. Today's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved ─ once you understand what the real problem is. The information in Women's Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarried, and to dating males and females.

Michelle Langley, author of Women's Infidelity.
Link to Source


For me, whilst I think the writer makes some valid points..for a western ultral liberal culture however in more conservative society, the elements are either far less or do not exist. Take my culture for instance, it is believed that if a woman sleeps with another man, her children and her husband will die one after the other. Yes there is no scientific basis for this 'belief' but do not underestimate the power of superstition and folklore handed from generation to generation to keep women in check.
What do you think? :)

I DON'T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE, says South African novelist

An award-winning writer has provoked fierce debate in South Africa after candidly saying that she does not like black people.

Annelie Botes, a leading Afrikaner novelist, said she would invite a white, coloured (mixed race) or an Indian man in for a drink, but would "feel threatened by a black man".

The comments, quoted in South African newspapers, have caused a storm in a country still sensitive about race relations 16 years after the end of apartheid. Botes claims she has received 1,000 supportive emails but there was also widespread condemnation of her views.

The row began when Rapport, an Afrikaans paper, asked her to name people she does not like. Her reply: "Black people." Soon after, she was sacked as a columnist for another newspaper.

Then South Africa's Mail & Guardian contacted the author, whom it says is probably the most popular contemporary female writer in Afrikaans, the language of the descendents of Dutch and other European settler farmers. Botes recently won the Afrikaans category of the K Sello Duiker Memorial Literary award for her novel, Thula-thula, which tackles child abuse and incest.

The 53-year-old stood by her original comments. "I'm scared," she told the paper. "In my daily life there's no one else that I feel threatened by except black people. If a courier comes to my door and he's white, coloured or Indian, I'd have no problem inviting him in for a glass of water. But I would feel threatened by a black man."

She added that two years ago her laptop, containing a manuscript, was stolen while she was asleep and a neighbour was murdered. "You tell me what the face of crime is in South Africa. If you hear the window shatter and confront the perpetrator, who do you expect that crook to be?"

Asked about challenging racial stereotypes, she replied: "I don't have the means to get my head around that of a black man. I can't understand that.

"As a writer, I write what I see, what I experience and put it into context. It isn't my job to be politically correct."

Botes also said she would never appoint a black gardener. She is planning to emigrate to Britain, where her children already live, as soon her husband goes on a pension.

She added: "Here in Port Elizabeth, I wouldn't go to a deserted beach alone. It's simply too dangerous. The English villages where my kids live don't even have streetlights and I would walk there in the middle of the night without fear."Her interview triggered dozens of comments on the Mail & Guardian's website, including one claiming to be one from Botes herself.

The article had chosen to "emphasise the negative", she wrote, and contained "nothing about my anger regarding the government closing down thousands of farm schools in remote areas and thus depriving black children from an education.

"Nothing about how I as scribe of a village church stood up against the white elders because they treated the church cleaner like scum, and how I lost my job because of my persistent view. Nothing about how I admitted that whites committed unthinkable monstrosities against blacks under the old regime. Or about my acknowledgement that the old government were thieves too. Or how we as whites tend to humiliate "incompetent" blacks at cash points. Or about me having no problem sharing my table and toilet with a black person."

But there was criticism from other readers:

Fungayi Dzvinyangoma posted: "Someone needs to tell this bigoted woman that there are a lot of black people in England. However, if you get burgled in Britain the face is most likely to be white. She seems to forget the history of South Africa so quickly which could explain why the blacks have to resort to criminality. She benefited from state criminality for decades."

There was support for Botes, however, from a user called George S. "I think the lady should be applauded for her courage in speaking out instead of being vilified. Perhaps she only expresses fears that many whites harbour. Perhaps she generalised this issue but then I say these things work both ways."

Despite Nelson Mandela's efforts at reconciliation, racial tensions in South Africa surfaced earlier this year when white supremacist Eugene Terre'Blanche http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/eugene-terre-blanche was hacked to death in his bed, allegedly by black workers on his farm. But the majority of crime victims are poor and black. Last week Brandon Huntley, a South African who argued that whites are targeted by black criminals, lost his refugee status in Canada and now faces a new hearing.

Marga Collings, a manager at Botes's publisher NB, said today: "We believe that all our authors are entitled to their own views.

"In this case, the publisher does not share the author's view."

Botes herself declined to give further interviews. "I regret to say: No further comments," she wrote in an email to the Guardian.

Article: I don't like black people, says South African novelist


Other reactions

Such racism has no place in modern South Africa- Zukiswa Wanner

I visited the town of Port Elizabeth in South Africa last week for a literacy campaign that I am part of; I was to be there for the whole weekend. I was with another writer – a white woman, Fiona Snyckers. She was driving our car. On the day I arrived, I went to two schools in areas referred to in South African lingo as "townships". In Zwide and later in New Brighton, we met many friendly people. Not once did we feel threatened. Indeed, when we got lost and asked someone for directions, they decided to drive in front of us to show us where we should go. We later joked that perhaps there was a reason Port Elizabeth was referred to as "the friendly city." And this was in the townships, whose sole inhabitants are black people.

It was therefore a bit of a surprise to me when I picked up the Mail & Guardian on Friday to read writer Annelie Botes's opinion: she does not feel safe in Port Elizabeth. When asked by Rapport newspaper whom she didn't like, she paused and said: "Black people."

Sadly, Botes decides to see the black person as the Invisible Man. Part of this is that she is one of the last remnants of white South Africans who have remained in the nation, and yet choose not to cross the boundary to get to know the other side. Reconciliation to them continues to be about black people knowing how to speak English or Afrikaans properly, but never about trying to care to learn the language or culture of the black people who make up the majority of the nation's citizens. To her, the face of crime in South Africa is going to be black. Well, black people make up more than 80% of this country's citizens.

But here is a story of true crime as true as your stolen laptop or your neighbour's murder. I live in a working-class white neighbourhood in Johannesburg. Two years ago, my neighbour had her bag snatched while waiting for her husband to open the door. She screamed, and my other neighbours of all races rushed to her rescue and caught the man in the hockey field down from my flat. The victim of the crime in this instance was a black woman. The perpetrator was a white man. I, however, don't go about thinking that every white person is going to rob me because I am a black woman. I get to know my neighbours. And those I like I get on with and those I don't, I discard. But I don't discard all my neighbours because of their race. I would miss out on many a wonderful experience otherwise.

When I first read Annelie Botes's article, I seriously thought of buying her a copy of Kevin Bloom's Ways of Staying. But after much thought, I have decided I am not going to. I have decided that I want her and all people who walk around with the cancer that is racism, whether they are black or white, to leave this country so the rest of us who love South Africa and want to make the best of it can get on with the job.

I hope she surrenders our passport, while she is at it.

Article: Annelie Botes's ugly racism

Source: Guardian.co.uk

It's MY BIRTHDAY tomorrow....how would it have been if I wasnt born?

Yes, I said it, sometimes I wish I hadnt been born. God forgive me, but I cant help it. Look I am being honest, open and vulnerable today and I can moan all I want.

Its just that there is so much pressure just being alive in today's world. Take for instance childhood:
'You must come between 1st and 5th'

and the disappointment in the times you dont. Or take for instance being the first child of your parents;

'you must set a good example for your younger ones'.

Ah well, being that when I fall, I fall spectacularly, you can imagine the pressure.
And all these are mentioned, resounded, announced every year on March 12th my birthday so much so I am forced to contemplate what if I was not born?

Anyway I am getting older tomorrow, (March 12) and my sister is forcing us to celebrate here , come and join us from 11pm if you want. I can already imagine the prayers, calls, texts, emails and facebook comments. I know its going to be about why I REFUSED to get married, as if dem dey refuse? Enjoy this old note and hopefully you will understand what I mean.


GREETINGS Revered audience. Welcome to the ramblings of an overactive mind!

There are several actions that are universally accepted to be 'abominations'. If we say it is the act of paedophilia for the western world, Eating a cow in some parts of india, blood brother marrying blood sister for some parts of Africa and being a single lady of a 'certain' age in Nigeria. Yes if you are single and matured, you are regarded as wrong, ..then..if you are single, matured and an extrovert, heck you are the devils wife! You just must marry regardless of what you feel about it! perhaps this is the result of some evolutionary thinking..death and misery for anyone who doesn't seem to match up to a certain culture's expectations..Welcome to my rant.

My relationship with chieftess is bittersweet. Chieftess is probably my best example of an entreprenuer, always ready to take risks, extremely confident, can do attitude, a go getter, a leader really. In as much as people that take the extra risk get the huge profit that may come with it..there is the little matter of a loss! Take for example this day when her mobile phone buzzed in with a text that she won a million bucks. She barged into my room and told me to go to their website. From the middle of my snooze I utter it is 419, she snaps that it isnt and asked me to hurry up, so hurry up I did. Went to the website, eneterd her name, address, phone number, account number and so on, pressed enter, stupid website asked for her details again, this time asking for an atm number and pin. I gave her the I told you so look, while she, naturally puts all the blame on me, stating, "you know I dont know anything about lottery and fraud". OH SO I KNOW ABI?? I scream, er, in my mind of course.Hope you get the picture now, she is the most loving, generous to a fault and my constant lifecoach/motivator..sadly..she could be the opposite as well.! Hold on one second and allow me to explain.

Imagine this scenario: Chieftess and I went to the cornershop to get a travel card for our journey, when..out of the blues, she tells the shop assistant that I REFUSE to get married. Needless to say I have been the butt of the lady's jokes.
think am over reacting? think again..

When I used to work in Lagos, I lived with my chief and chieftess and this was how our relationship went. I get up by 5am, just to beat the traffic to work, chieftess steps into my room or the shower and asks when will you get married? I come back from work, hassled due to the stress of the day, looking forward tio a relaxing evening, who is by the garage? Chieftess packed with her question. You really should get married. Then chief sends me out on one of his millions of errands, chieftess joins me in the car, I drive she talks.. and talks, the whole premise of the talk, is my refusal to get married!

Do I reply? not really, with chieftess am not as talkative or creative as I normally am. I am melancholic, almost mute, definitely passive..passive aggressive i mean.

Then you can imagine my consternation, when chieftesses female relations come around, I am not sure how this happens but it seems that in their eyes, I am a blind, mute toddler!
'Ehn Mena, see how big you have grown, oya turn around'... just to keep the peace, I wear a pained smile and turn around..
'Ha, see your *kebe, am sure you have male admirers..'
'Pscheiuw', the very familiar refrain from chieftess is spoken.. 'Mena refused to marry ooo, speak to her for me ooo.'
"Efe why now?
"why are you being selective"
I hope you note that they have not given me a second to reply..
"Time waits for no one o, especially for ladies, all my daughters are in their husband house" etc etc and so on!

Sometimes my anger get the best of me and I snap back.

There was this week chieftess really got under my skin. She had got a new job, basically to inspect my outfit and make up, just before I leave the house, regardless of where I am going, then inspect it when I come back in, in her explanation 'you never know o, that is how you will meet 'the one' looking like a masquerade'
Cheiftess, dont you think the one is the one, regardless of beauty??
I of course say this in my head...

Like I was saying, she did that consistently, but added a new twist to it.

One fateful day, I had awful cramps so was not in a good mood. Chieftess came in from one of her social gatherings, all breathless..
' I spoke to Madame OTT today'.
'Thats nice how is she?' my faint attempt at polite conversation.
'Ah she said you needed deliverance!'
*cue in uncomfortable silence*
"Did you hear me, she said she knows of this place that they performed reliable deliverance activities so we will be going there"

My

blood

boiled

!!

boiling blood: "Did you say deliverance?"

Chieftess: "Yes oh, Mrs X, Y and Z even advised me to do it".

I imagined the scenario... Yes it was a detailed scenario..., all in my head, but close to the truth..

At her fellowship meeting the following conversation 'might' have taken place.

" Madame ott, Mena refused to marry"
"How old is she?" ..
and when she hears my age, she reacts dramatically, shaking her head. This must have been her reply.."ehen, its the spirit of delayed marriage, some girls are married to spiritual husbands"

trust chieftess to swallow it, hook, line and sinker.

"Chineke meh, really? Olorun ooo, what can I do? chei what can she do? haaaaa!"

At this point Madame OTT summons Madame X,Y,Z. " come and hear oo, I cant solve this alone".
"Really, what happened, is chieftess fine?" They all chime in..
"She is fine, its Mena, Mena has a spiritual husband thats why she is anti marriage"
"Anti marriage ke? okkk, that should be because someone is impersonating her, borrowing her face so men cant see her properly with their spiritual eyes". Mrs Y explains
"Ezeokwu!! Ha, borrowed her face?" says chieftess, getting hysterical now
"Yes" all the self proclaimed prophetesses agree. "She needs deliverance."

In my head, that was how it came about. I was seeing red so I just had to snap:
" Tell Madame ott that I think she also needs deliverance as she has refused to have a successful marriage!"
(Mrs OTT: Her best friend adviced her about the philandering manner of her husband, Alhaji OTT...The advice was so good, that this so called friend collected her husband and married him..as in traditional, registry and white. i.e he abandoned Mrs ott and her 10 kids!)
"I am sure you spoke to Mrs xyz? Tell them that they need deliverance as well. Their family is not perfect either". I continued, blood blowing, eyes flashing..
(Mrs X's had three married daughters, married for gazillion years, no children from any of them yet)
(All Mrs Y's children were borderline druggies.)
(As for Mrs Z; One of her sons Mr Z has been married 3 times, and 3 times the ladies took off. While her daughter Miss Z was abandoned on her wedding day, bros just did not show up!! Note am not judging them, how can I? But isnt it ironic that the same people who gossip about you then claim to advise you, are usually quite miserable themselves? People in glass houses should not throw stones. gbam! )

"Why are you speaking like this" asked a curious chieftess
"Because they dont know me or what I have been through, why should they immediately think the worst of me? Chieftess, by highlighting what naija people will term as their 'faults', I am trying to make you understand that life is not as perfect for everyone. They are so happy gossiping and then 'advising you' about me, that they have not taken the time to focus on their own issues, i.e mind their own business. Yes you got married early and to a responsible person but it doesnt always work like that. And if we keep treating people as if there is something evil about them just because they dont meet our personal expectations, not only do we destroy their self esteem, we set ourselves up to be exploited by cunning people who bring in all sorts of 'solutions'"

'Are you saying you wont come? Dont worry i will go on your behalf'. Concluded chieftess, she obviously did not take in a word I said.

Chieftess set off to the deliverance centre, she had barely walked in, when pastor shylock took one look at her and put her on dry fasting. Yep she came back to tell me.

"hmm, see people praying, some even moved into the compund, others were crying " He just put me on fasting without asking why I came".

Unable to resist rolling my eyes, "how can he do that, he didnt even ask after your health.."
Chieftess cuts in with.. "He immediately took offerings"

My sarcasm knew no bounds, 'Oh so now you are paying for your deliverance? even though the reason for the deliverance and the type of deliverance has not been expressed?? " Remember when you were 419ed at Balogun Market?

BALOGUN MARKET

It was yuletide season and chieftess went to the market to get some items. Soon enough, some prophet came and spoke to her. 'Madam, something serious is going to happen to one of your relations.
'Really? Who are you and what do you mean'
"My name is shepherd shogologobanboje and I am just telling you in advance..its a girl.. Well her friends are planning on doing something very bad to her".
By now governess is very interested
Chieftess:"What? Is this true?"
Shogologo:"Yes I have seen it"
Chieftess: "What can I do"
Shogologo: "I will tell you, if you have x amt, I will apply this cream on it, and that evil action will backfire..".

When Chieftess eventually told me about the incident
I
was
livid
!!

Then I reminded her of the Amuwo incident...

AMUWO ODOFIN

Chieftess was an executive in a ladies social association. Naturally when a member starts something, and speaks positively about it,almost everyone will do the same. So it was that Chairlady Q, said she has seen a prayer warrior in amuwo area, and that the woman is powerful. Chieftess swallowed the story, hook line and sinker and soon enough convinced all of us to go to the woman for her services.
IF IT WAS JUST PRAYERS I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AS SKEPTICAL AS I WAS!!
The lady wore an all white outfit, her flat had a rancid smell and she could hardly move/breathe (she was borderline obese) Soon enough the prayers began. In the middle of the prayers she came to each one of us to tell us our spiritual issues. I will only speak of my own experience. The lady came to me and prayed for me, I was on my knees, she was standing and began to 'lay hands' on my head, then she applied pressure on her hands, I remained kneeling, she applied even more pressure, my neck ached, but i remain on my knees! She finished the prayers for each of us and asked us to take a seat. She told us all our problems. OBVIOUSLY EVERY BODY JUST HAD TO HAVE A SPIRITUAL PROBLEM! Like I said earlier, i will stick to my own 'spiro issues!'. She said I has a huge black snake feeding from my back, she said in other to get rid of the snake, I had to perform a white fasting. Apparently white fasting means 6 to 6 and break with white foods like rice, bread etc. oh and she said we had to drop x amount of money so she can do her part in breaking all the issues that she saw.
THAT
WAS
WHEN
MY
SCEPTISM
BECAME
FULL BLOWN
!!

Anyways back to my 'deliverance' story. Chieftess soon came round to my way of thinking. *But that was for a short time, I will continue in part 2 of the note*
Remember when I wrote about Chief and our health scare? Well my best friend since my MBA, I will call her chinese, said she was going to buy some things to cheer chief up and to apologise for not being with me. So I thought I should let chief know about it

Me: Chief, chinese wants to get some gifts for you, she said...
Chief *cuts in*: Chinese? congrats! I dont mind a chinese man for an inlaw..

My reply came in absolute sarcasm
' Its not yet legal for a woman to marry a lady in Britain nor in Nigeria, (same sex marriage) but dont fret, when it becomes legal I will marry her!!

Happy belated Birthday from me, to my dearest sister (March 10)

Thanks for reading
Mena

WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSER. (One of those info you need to pass on)

Hello


I decided to post about this because of a childhood friend who is experiencing violence in her home. She actually kept this fact hidden, until her hubby decided to beat her up at HER WORKPLACE! So she couldnt hide it from anyone anymore. Out of respect to her, I cant publish more.Yes, they are still together, you know Nigeria na, the pressure to be mrs somebody sometimes transcends self preservation!

Before an abuser starts physically assaulting his victim, he typically demonstrates his abusive tactics through certain behaviors. The following are five major warning signs and some common examples:



Charm
Abusers can be very charming. In the beginning, they may seem to be Prince Charming or a Knight in Shining Armor. He can be very engaging, thoughtful, considerate and charismatic. He may use that charm to gain very personal information about her. He will use that information later to his advantage.

For example; he will ask if she has ever been abused by anyone. If she says, "yes", he will act outraged that anyone could treat a woman that way. Then when he becomes abusive, he will tell her no one will believe her because she said that before and it must be her fault or two people would not have hit her.

Another example; he may find out she experimented with drugs in her past. He will then threaten that if she tells anyone about the abuse he will report her as a drug abuser and she will lose her children. The threat to take away her children is one of the most common threats abusers use to maintain power and control over their victims.

Isolation
Abusers isolate their victims geographically and socially. Geographic isolation includes moving the victim from her friends, family and support system (often hundreds of miles); moving frequently in the same area and/or relocating to a rural area.

Social isolation usually begins with wanting the woman to spend time with him and not her family, friends or co-workers. He will then slowly isolate her from any person who is a support to her. He dictates whom she can talk to; he tells her she cannot have contact with her friends or family.

Jealousy
Jealousy is a tool abusers use to control the victim. He constantly accuses her of having affairs. If she goes to the grocery store, he accuses her of having an affair with the grocery clerk. If she goes to the bank, he accuses her of having an affair with the bank teller. Abusers routinely call their victims whores or sluts.

Emotional Abuse
The goal of emotional abuse is to destroy the victim's self-esteem. He blames her for his violence, puts her down, calls her names and makes threats against her. Over time, she no longer believes she deserves to be treated with respect and she blames herself for his violence. For some survivors of domestic violence, the emotional abuse may be more difficult to heal from than the physical abuse.

Control
Abusers are very controlled and very controlling people. In time, the abuser will control every aspect of the victim's life: where she goes, how she wears her hair, what clothes she wears, whom she talks to. He will control the money and access to money. Abusers are also very controlled people. While they appear to go into a rage or be out of control we know they are very much in control of their behavior.

The following are the reasons we know his behaviors are not about anger and rage:

He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.

If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.

The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.



Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

Interesting statistics on Domestic Violence in U.S

Females are more likely than males to experience nonfatal intimate partner violence.
On average between 2001 and 2005, nonfatal intimate partner victimizations represented —
• 22% of nonfatal violent victimizations against females age 12 or older
• 4% of nonfatal violent victimizations against males age 12 or older

Between 2004 and 2005, rates of intimate partner violence remained stable for —
• white females at 3.1 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older
• black females at 4.6 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older
• white males at .7 per 1,000 persons age 12 or older

Rates of nonfatal intimate partner violence for females who were married, divorced, separated, or never married were lower in 2005 than in 1993.

Females who were —
• separated reported higher rates than females of other marital status
• married reported the lowest rates of nonfatal intimate partner violence

On average between 2001 and 2005, children were residents of the households experiencing intimate partner violence in —
• 38% of the incidents involving female victims.
• 21% of the incidents involving male victims

Source: Bureau of Justice Statistic: Office of Justice Programs


Domestic Violence news
Nunn to be arraigned in domestic-violence case

LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) -- Former Kentucky Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Nunn is to be arraigned this week on domestic-violence charges.

The 56-year-old Nunn is charged with fourth-degree assault and third-degree criminal mischief after a Feb. 17 incident with his former fiancee, 29-year-old Amanda Ross.

Nunn resigned last week as deputy secretary of the Health and Family Services Cabinet, which oversees the state's domestic violence programs.



Winfrey to air domestic violence show

CHICAGO – Oprah Winfrey says pop star Rihanna's alleged beating by singer boyfriend Chris Brown has the talk show queen so sad that she'll do a show dedicated to dating violence this week.

The hourlong episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" will air live from Chicago on Thursday. Winfrey offered Rihanna advice on her Friday show, saying, "Heal yourself first and also, love doesn't hurt." She also told the couple they should seek counseling.



Little Rock Women Arrested for Domestic Violence

Little Rock - A 29-year-old woman is being held on domestic battery charges after police say she stabbed the father of her children in the head with scissors during an argument.

Twenty-nine year-old Corliss Harris was arrested about 5 P.M. Saturday. Police say 27-year-old Khalid Rahmann came to their headquarters with a head injury and blood on his clothes around 2 P.M. to report the assault. He reportedly told them the two got into a domestic altercation when he went to Harris' home to get some pictures and other belongings.

Harris is being held at the Pulaski County Jail without bond



Domestic Violence Linked to Poor Health in Older Black Women

PHILADELPHIA, March 6 -- Exposure to domestic violence may have lingering health effects for black women, researchers found... In general, the researchers said, older black women are at a higher risk for poor health, so it's particularly important to examine any factors that could increase their risk any further.

So they surveyed 158 black women 50 and older (mean age 61.5) who were attending ambulatory care clinics in a large, inner-city, public hospital that serves as a "safety net" for low-income and uninsured individuals.

Lifetime exposure to domestic violence was measured using the Family Violence against Older Women survey, and health status was assessed using the physical and mental component summary scores of the Short Form-8.

Overall, 27.8% of the women had a high lifetime exposure to family violence.

Women with high exposure to family violence and those who were younger, had lower income, and were unemployed or disabled reported worse physical and mental health status.




Aside from my friend's experience, the fact is that domestic violence can happen to both women and men by women and men. It happens to victims of every economic status, occupation, race, religion, culture, and location. It occurs in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships too. If you know anyone who has been abused get them help. Do not forget to pass this on.

Mena

..on a lighter note- Mena's Delightful Tips To Ensure The Perfect Marriage..:P *Recycled*

I. Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Peter.”

“Peter! But he is your enemy!”

“Yes, I know that ! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”


II. Always Wear Your Wedding Ring

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? ”

The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”


III. When In Doubt, Ask Dad

“Dad, I was away for a few days. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife telling her that I’d be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife was in another man’s arms. Why? Dad, tell me why!”

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”



IV. Maintain the Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and complaint, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor, “You’re still getting the same service!”


V Be Affectionate

A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”

“I would love to.”, replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”



VI Call Out His Name

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

“Take my advice,” said the neighbour, “and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: “Is that you, Jim?” And that cured him.

“Cured him !” asked the woman, “but how?”

The neighbour said, “You see, his name is Bill.”

VII Use Your Mouth And Tongue

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out onto the table.
She started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Harry?" she answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Harry, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again, "Well I bought that with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Harry, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."

VIII Give Thoughtful Praise both in Words and Deeds

'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end.'

'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'

I hope I have helped people out there, send my cheques in the mail.

Memena ;-)


P.S: Have a wondeful time weekending y'all. I am all sorts of excited as its countdown to my birthday. Yippee. LOL

Mena