Mena's Muzik
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
LOBATAN!!!!!.......... YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY.
*On a lighter note*
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY. I STILL CAN'T GET OVER IT MYSELF. I WENT TO MINI SUPERMARKET TO PICK SOMETHING TO EAT AND AS I WAS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE, I NOTICED THIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LOOKED AT HIM BUT KEPT MOVING TO THE COUNTER TO GET BOTTLED WATER AND CHOCOLATE.
AS I PICKED THEM AND TURNED, I FOUND THE SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED TO SHOW HIM SOME RESPECT, SO I SMILED AND SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON TO GET A CAN COKE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD BECAUSE HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY "FRIENDLY" AND SAID "HI" AGAIN. HE RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY FOR STARING BUT YOU LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST...WE JUST BURIED HER 2WKS AGO".
I FELT STUPID FOR GETTING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS THAT HIS GIRL IS WITH THE LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD THAT HIS CHILD NEVER SAID GOODBYE TO HIM BEFORE PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT THE STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE.
I THOUGHT HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED TO DO IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM THE CASHIER LADY AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURNED AND SAID THANKS AND "BYE". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY SHOPPING, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS £300!!!. I SAID "WHAT!!... HOW IS A BOTTLED WATER, CHOCOLATE AND A CAN COKE EQUALS £300?"
SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID YOU ARE PAYING FOR HIS SHOPPING TOO.". "MY DAD?" I SHOUTED, "THAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER!!! THIS IS A MISTAKE". SO I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING FOR HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING.
I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST BEFORE HE WAS ABLE TO CLOSE THE DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS.. JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!!
YOU LOVE A GOOD GOSSIP DON'T YOU?
LOOK HOW INTENSELY YOU'RE READING THE STORY LOOOOOL GOCHA!!!
*I was mildly amused and irritated after getting to the end too. LOL, all this fwd fwd mail sef..LNGKMD :-D*
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
*LOVE NIGERIA? DO READ THIS DAMNING REPORT* "Nigerian civil servants are bunch of unproductive elements"
I got a huge PHCN bill on Monday. So today I took permission and went to the office to discuss the details of such an amount, and lo, behold, more and more 'monies' were added. Being a Lagos
I initially wanted to begin this article with an apology to some of the “few” civil servants in Nigeria that may be productive. However, after due reconsideration and review, I had to change my mind. Now I know that most of you who find yourself in this circle will dislike my guts and perhaps call me names, be that as it may, the truth just have to be said, deal with it.
If anyone of you, including you, doubt this, take a gentle sweet drive to any public office close to you, look around and tell me if you don’t find more reasons to justify my point.
Two days ago, precisely on Monday of this week, on an appointment, I went to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. On getting to the office of my appointment, the secretary to the Director whom I was meant to conduct my business with appeared to be very busy, she was engrossed in her laptop computer and didn’t notice when I entered the office, greeted her politely with no responds from her. I called out an hello greeting the second time but still no responds. I sarcastically cleared my throat just to get her attention but no movement so I had to leash out a hard knock at her desk to see if maybe that would get her attention which of course did. She finally rose her head and beamed a smile towards my direction with an “Oh My God” exclamation. I stretched forward my neck to see what got her so focused that she couldn’t answer my greeting or at least to even notice when someone as big as myself entered her office and guess what she was doing – playing poker!!!
The disappointment in my face was noticed immediately because she began making what I considered silly excuses. In as much as I was disappointed, I wasn’t surprised at all because that was not the first time am seeing such in public offices and I sure know that wouldn’t be my last. The arrays of such laxity is common and numerous.
The example I just gave is for civil servants in the junior cadre. Their ogas at the top are the worst – they travel any how; they take unnecessary and unmerited allowances; they come to office very late but close very early with unattended files at their desk. In a whole year, they can’t point to ONE thing they have achieved or done to add value to the position they occupy let alone add value to themselves.
Do you know that an average civil servant, both junior and their ogas at the top does not read any book for self-improvement? They don’t do a single research to see what makes their counterparts in other countries to do well. For them they are comfortable where they are and so, year in year out they do the same thing over and over again without feeling any shame about it.
Most of these civil servants sign up to be sponsored for international conferences in order to gain knowledge that could enhance their work and performance for the betterment of the country, at a fee of about NGN1.5 + million. Go to the venues of those conferences you will never find a single one of them there, they will all go out shopping while other civil servants from other countries are all keen to knowing the newest technology that could be beneficial to their country or the newest method that could be apply to enhance their performance in their jobs. The only knowledge the Nigerian civil servants come back with is a shopping knowledge. So tell me, are they not the most unproductive bunch of elements?
Based on these points I have listed, though there are many others which you can feel free to elucidate here, the solution is simple, for these ones that go for international conferences, every other country have supervisors that leads the delegate for such conferences. The supervisor writes a report on the conference, the activities, performances of the delegates etc. Nigeria should start assigning supervisors to them. On return, all participant has to give an individual account of the training and knowledge received from the conference and be able to tie such knowledge to an enhancement in their job. If a participant is not able to do this, that participant will have to refund the morning spent on him/her for the conference and that will mark the end of sending such participant to conferences to represent the organization.
The government should establish it in all Parastatal that if a civil servant does not get “this” skills or “that” knowledge at “that” level within “this” year of stay, that civil servant will automatically be sacked. This will lead to self-improvement for all civil servants in the country.
The day the Nigerian government starts putting a monitoring eyes on the job of civil servants in the country, that will be the day that will mark the beginning of our national development.
Monday, 15 July 2013
KOLA BOOF'S THOUGHTS ON THE TRAVYN MARTIN'S VERDICT
Kola Boof says she was so affected by the trial of George Zimmerman that she had to see her shrink. On the day of the verdict she was so devastated that she published the following in her website...Enjoy
Dear Black America,
I am so devastated by the Trayvon Martin verdict that I can't do Twitter or Facebook at this time. I hope you will
read and pass around this rather crude letter explaining exactly what I feel right now.
You are the stolen African people who saved my life by adopting and raising me. I love you so deeply...you could never possibly know how much.
I don't know how you (African-Americans) survived in this country psychologically 400 years...I don't think I could do it.
Dogs in the Michael Vick trial were rated higher
life forms than Trayvon Martin...and a Black man (Vick)
did prison time for killing those dogs. Yet racist asswipe George Zimmerman will do ZERO time for taking 17 year old Trayvon's innocent life.
As many of you know, I had to go into therapy this week because I am so distraught and irritated by the murder and treatment of Trayvon Martin and by all the black boys and black girls who have been unjustly murdered in the same manner as he was. I have never gotten over the murder of Latasha Harlins, she is my Emmett Till.
And more recently Aiyana Jones, Rakia Boyd and Oscar Grant and the names of many others fill me with
disillusion and confusion.
I am devastated because the murder of Trayvon Martin...and the racist-inhumane aquittal of the blatantly racist Latino 'Good 'Ol Boy' George Zimmerman only stands to remind us GLOBALLY that Other Humans have never placed value on African lives.
Certainly not all Whites are racist and not all whites
support this verdict--Prosecutor John Guy proved that with his passionate agency for Trayvon Martin. But at
the end of the day...it might as well be....all whites. Because our suffering and status as Black people is still the same. And my 2 sons fear for their lives wherever
they go, not just because they see how paranoid I have become...but because literally every week there's another example of the White dominated U.S. Judicial system failing to protect or fairly judge the straits of a Black life.
Marissa Alexander (who got 20 years in prison for firing a warning shot to scare off her abusive husband but did not kill or injure anyone)....is the most shocking example
of how unfairly the racist U.S. Judicial system treats Blacks. Add to that VOTING RIGHTS being taken away and so many other examples.
At this moment I am taken back to racist Arabs in Sudan and watching my birth parents murdered in front of me when I was six (*murdered because my Arab Muslim father who had purchased my birth mother Jiddi...publicly opposed slavery in Sudan, the building of Lake Nuba and the methods of Neimri cutting down trees). To this day, 4 million Africans are enslaved in the Arab nations...exported mostly from Sudan and Mauritania and no one cares. If I bring it up I'm accused of being an Islamophobe despite the fact I was born Sunni Muslim and know first hand of what evils I am speaking. But no--you can't question Arab Islam in
White Liberal U.S.A.
This is why I refuse to call myself a "person of color."I wish Black Americans would stop this insane belief that
anyone with a smidgeon of color (aka George Zimmerman) is automatically in the same boat as our ally.
Quite frankly, there are even Mulattoes who are not in the same boat with us--some are, some aren't. But this whole
idea of SOLIDARITY based on being brown is total camel shit!
Arabs, Latinos, the Foon (Asians) and other Mixed race
groups are "People of Color"....and they place the Black struggle at the back of the bus time and time again. I've
seen Arab, Asian & Latino sisters refer to The Helix (nappy hair) as ugly and a curse...rather than what it is
....the Proof & the Crown of the African races. Theseso called brothers and sisters see Blackness as inferior,
less human and place less value on our humanity just like Whites do. So we're fools to keep trying to claim all these
'friends' when the fact is...Black people have never had any real true friends and can barely trust other Africans.
So this is why I told you Black Americans, I am not a Woman of Color...I am a Black woman. Maybe now you understand why.
And to you Black men who (like trifling idiots) keep claiming that White Women are superior to Black women
---and that women who look like your mothers are the
lowest things in creation---this is exactly what you deserve. Your "White Queen Savior" (eye roll) really showed up for your asses today. Just like Paula Deen
and Susan Smith, they know how to treat you niggerstock!
Charles Ramsey saved the lives of 3 "pretty white girls" and they got on national t.v.and thanked everybody for their freedom....but him, the man who saved them.
You Black MALE motherfuckers are in worse trouble than
you realize now that you've told the entire world that your
Black mother's womb is inferior to every other race of women on earth...based on degree of darkness and nappy hair.
Some Black man sent me an email complaining that Halle Berry is marrying a white man this weekend...that me & women like her have betrayed the black man....and that he's seeing more and more Black women marrying white men.
Other Black men have bitterly attacked me for marrying a White man...but let it be known...that's your goddamn fault that me, Halle, Naomi, Diana, Iman and so many are with White men.
Black women didn't want these fucking White men. But you fixed it to where...what else can we do? And I hope these Black American women soon wake up and stop babying and coddling your asses too. Because they certainly deserve to atleast be judged by the 'content of their character' by Black men...and not stereotyped and dehumanized by the Black Man in the same manner that White society stereotypes and dehumanizes us all.
I'm an Egyptian-Sudanese woman from Nilotic stock--you really thought I would sit alone waiting for your selfish smug asses? No. I love my White Jewish husband. He gives me what I need in every way. And it's not because I rejected Black men. It was Black men who rejected me by trying to exploit me, an African mother, "for sex"...with no ring. They bring up Osama Bin Laden...but leave out the fact Somi kidnapped and raped me. Notice my Black boyfriend in 1996 did not protect me from Somi. He left the restaurant on Osama's orders and never looked back. Leaving me to that fate. Fuck Djimon and all my recent boyfriends.
I lived in U.S.A. on and off 30 years and I really find Black American Men (not all, but most) to be traitorous lying double-standard thinking sexist assholes. They hate the
Black woman for making them black; hate her because her womb produces black babies--but they make up lies and excuses, 'other reasons' as to why they can't affirm
their own reflection.
You want to see a REAL "nasty attitude"---go to the Post Office or supermarket here in Southern California and see these Fat White Wives treating their Black husbands like Tobey from "Roots." But Black men loveFAT long as it's white, love a feminist as long as she White, love a nasty attitude and golddigging HO as long as she's White.
So let this trial be another reminder of what Black men have to look forward to since they didn't stay and raise their own daughters to be the women they needed like they should have in the first goddamn place.
Rachel, the pretty Haitian girl from the trial, said that Trayvon Martin was a different breed of Black man. He accepted her as a friend, adored her and never made fun of or disrespected her like the majority of Black males in her community did.
I have Black men friends (Posr, Dumi Lewis) who are like
that and I'm so grateful that we have a few. Watching the trial, it struck me what a great person Trayvon was and how loving and giving he was to his community and his family.
He didn't deserve to be shot down like an animal and he especially did not deserve this verdict...which basically says his life was less valuable than the dogs Michael Vick went to prison for killing.
This trial is one of but many bitter reminders that NOTHING has changed for Blacks in the world. We have been placated and our faces have been grinned in. But we are still not seen as equal human beings.
I love you Black America...and I, as an African woman, am reminded by this verdict just what the tip of the iceberg has been for you...and I honestly don't know how you survived 400 years of this with your minds almost intact.
Many people keep Tweeting & Facebooking me for a
statement on this trial and I'm just too devastated to be
online right now.
But I'm here to say that you're the Best human beings in America, the most beautiful...and the most magical (because your hearts are broken). I'm so grateful that you adopted me and saved my life. I'm so proud of who you
are Black American people.
tima usrah
(through fire comes the family)
KOLA BOOF(Naima Bint Harith)
Monday, 8 July 2013
WAS NIGELLA LAWSON TO BLAME?
Multi-millionaire art collector Charles Saatchi a former advertising tycoon, 70, has begun divorce proceedings against Nigella Lawson 53, television chef because she refused to defend his reputation after he was pictured with his hand around her neck at their table. He told The Mail on Sunday: ‘I am sorry to announce that Nigella Lawson and I are getting divorced'
Full statement below:
Saatchi was seen clutching 53-year-old Ms Lawson’s throat and tweaking her nose for 27 minutes in horrifying pictures taken during an argument at Mayfair restaurant Scott’s on June 9.
A week later the images were published in a Sunday newspaper and within hours Ms Lawson had fled to a £10,000-a-week bolthole with her son Bruno, 17. They have not spoken to each other since. Despite repeated pleas from Saatchi his wife has refused to answer his calls or return his text messages.
Saatchi is said to have earned a fortune of up to £135 million while Nigella, daughter of former Tory Chancellor Nigel Lawson, has wealth estimated at £20 million.
Read more at the Daily Mailhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2357634/Charles-Saatchi-breaks-divorce-news-Nigella-Lawson-exclusive-statement-Mail-Sunday.html#ixzz2YTvs8eq8
Friday, 5 July 2013
THE TRAGIC TALE OF THE LATE GEORGE CLARK WHO WAS REALLY ETENG IKPI ITAM
A man engulfed in flames hung out a car door as the vehicle sped down Old Liverpool Road the morning of Jan. 11 before smashing into a wall. The man was dead before firefighters arrived.
So began the final mysterious chapter of two lives lived by one man. The investigation into the fiery car crash would eventually tell the tale of a black man living under a white man's name, a Nigerian musician who became an unemployed American mechanic, and a secret revealed only by death.
Detective Jon Seeber and several other detectives from the Onondaga County Sheriff's Office began the tedious process that morning of piecing together what clues they could find. Their goal was to identify the man and notify his family.
The body was badly burned. The car's registration gave detectives a name: George Clark.
Fire investigators soon sifted through the wreckage. A New York driver's license in the man's wallet - which he had been sitting on - was spared from the flames. It also belonged to George Clark.
The driver's license listed an address at P.O. Box 26, at the Postal Service's South Salina Street office in Syracuse. As several detectives talked with witnesses to the crash, others searched for a street address to find a family member. That turned up an apartment on West Genesee Street in Syracuse.
In heaps of documents in the tiny apartment detectives found bills, junk mail, pay stubs, tax returns, a worn birth certificate, expired driver's licenses and a folded, tattered Social Security card. All said George Clark. It was affirmation that they had the right person but little help in notifying the family.
Bank records showed he had less than $1,000 in his account. Staff at a temp agency where he worked said they often had trouble reaching him. His records there listed no family members or contacts. Authorities turned to database searches to find a relative.
An identity unravels
Detectives ran George Clark's name and Social Security number through a state and federal criminal history database and made an startling discovery: The number was tied to another George Clark.
That George Clark lived in North Carolina and had a criminal history. A mug shot and other records showed the George Clark in North Carolina was a heavyset white man in his 50s. The photo on the driver's license salvaged from the car crash showed a black man who was much older and thinner.
Jon Seeber and his fellow detectives were left scratching their heads.
Police in North Carolina confirmed for the sheriff's office that the George Clark there was alive. He told detectives he had problems with identity theft over the years, and that he had previously lived in New York City.
The name that just earlier that day authorities believed belonged to the man killed in the car crash was now all but meaningless.
The dead man had paid taxes and traffic tickets, bought car insurance and life insurance, received a physical from his doctor and gotten approved for a car loan, all using another man's identity.
Seeber went back to the man's apartment. It was a small efficiency with few amenities, but Seeber wanted to be sure they hadn't missed any clues.
In stacks of personal papers, detectives found a battered manila envelope wedged between several other envelopes in a drawer. Scrawled on its front: "Roots."
Inside was an old photo of the dead man playing guitar and about a dozen folded letters written on cheap paper.
The letters were addressed to Eteng Itam. They were from a son, brother and sister. The letters - from the 1990s and 2000s -- asked how Itam's life was in the United States, said how much he was missed and informed him that his father was sick and dying. They also thanked him for sending money orders to his son.
George Clark was really Eteng Ikpi Itam, a 63-year-old Nigerian.
Who was George Clark?
Friends and acquaintances told detectives they only knew the dead man as George Clark. He never once breathed a word about his true identity, though in hindsight, some said, there were hints.
"Basically he was a loner," said Venus Dennis. She met Clark in 2003 outside a bakery in Syracuse. They struck up a conversation and he asked for her phone number.
The pair began going to dinner and spending time together. He occasionally came over to Dennis' house. He mostly went to work and went home, she said.
He told her he worked as a mechanic at Sears for some time and later had a temp job at a plastic manufacturer that lasted two years. Dennis sometimes dropped him off for work there.
On the weekends, he preferred to stay in his apartment rather than socialize.
"If you invited him to a BBQ, he would bow out nicely," Dennis said.
Dennis said she invited him to movies many times, but he never accepted. Instead, he'd typically drive Dennis and her son to the theater and then pick them up later.
He did seem to like two things: cars and books. He read often and would hunt for books at bookstores and thrift shops.
Sherba Whitehurst, who met Clark around 2000, said he preferred books about cowboys and the Old West.
He also loved music, played an old acoustic guitar on occasion and frequented jazz festivals and events in Syracuse.
Although he apparently never revealed his true identity, he did drop hints, friends said
"Sometimes he'd talk to you in riddles," she said. "He never said he was from Nigeria." He spoke English, but Whitehurst said she sometimes heard him talking on his cell phone in some other language.
He did tell Dennis that he was from Africa and had left because of a land dispute with his brother, but provided few other details.
He would often become depressed over money, Dennis said. More than once he told her he was behind on his rent and having trouble finding work with the temp agency. Dennis said Itam also showed her a hatchet he kept behind the seat of his car.
"I kind of distanced myself after that," she said.
Who was Eteng Itam?
The detectives slowly uncovered details of Eteng Itam's life in Nigeria. With help from the State Department, they contacted the Consulate General of Nigeria in New York City. The consulate eventually found Itam's family in Nigeria and notified them of his death. DNA kits sent to Africa and returned by the family to the Onondaga County Medical Examiner's Office positively confirmed months later that it was Itam's body in the January crash.
Detectives weren't able to talk directly with Itam's family. They, however, heard from a handful of his childhood friends who learned of his death through his family.
Those friends recalled a much different person than the quiet loner who lived in Syracuse, kept to himself and worked with his hands.
Eteng Ikpi Itam was born June 13, 1949, in Cross River, Nigeria. He came from a financially comfortable, educated and well-respected family, said Eteng Eno, whose father and family were close with Itam's father and family. Eno runs a chemical business in New Jersey.
Itam's father was a prominent government official, his sister a college professor and one brother a chief justice, Eno said.
Growing up, Itam was an intelligent and polite young man, the friends said. In his younger years in Nigeria, Eno considered Itam something of a role model. He graduated from high school with honors. He was tall, handsome and well-dressed, Eno said, and he never wanted for a date.
He attended college and studied veterinary medicine, Eno said. His real passion, however, was music. He taught himself to play guitar and performed for school groups and church and holiday events.
Eno said he believes Itam studied veterinary medicine to satisfy his father, though he longed to be a musician.
"His father didn't want him to do music," said Sylvester Ikpi, a childhood friend who now lives in Maryland.
Itam came from a large family, Eno said, and his father had many children, several marriages and several divorces. Itam was the only child his father had with his mother.
"I suspect that he didn't see himself fitting in with a large family," Eno said.
At some point, Itam went in a different direction. Eno remembers overhearing his father and Itam's father discuss his son's lifestyle change. Itam, quit his job and moved. He began playing music professionally and toured with several groups, including one that eventually went to play in the United States in the 1970s.
When the band returned home, Itam stayed behind in New York City.
Ikpi came to the United States in 1977 and received letters from Itam's family asking him to look him up. They hadn't heard from him.
Ikpi and others were never able to find Itam, but he apparently sent a letter to family in Nigeria with his P.O. box as a return address. That is how he received the letters that led detectives to his real identity. When he rented the box in 1996 Itam listed the names George Clark and Eteng Itam. In 2009 he removed his real name.
According to Itam's death certificate, he obtained a visa good for four years but that expired. Detectives said birthday cards found in his apartment indicated he may have stayed in a homeless shelter in New York City. A check with the Department of Immigration and Customs Enforcement turned up Itam's date of birth, but his alien number has been reassigned and his file long since destroyed.
Little is known of Itam's time in New York City during the 1970s. An old, undated ID card found in his Syracuse apartment shows that he worked for East Side/West Side Messenger Service. He was using the name George Clark by then.
Seeber said detectives believe Itam stole the identity of George Clark Jr. while in New York City, but that they found no evidence that Itam committed any other crimes. The real George Clark was born in Brooklyn, but it's not apparent if the two men ever knew each other or met.
A phone message left for George Clark in North Carolina was returned by his mother, Joyce Clark, who said her son was out of town and unavailable to answer questions.
Asked about her son's identity being stolen, Joyce Clark said the identity theft "ruined his life," but that he has since gotten a fresh start.
She said she and her son never had anything to do with Eteng Itam.
"We never seen him before in our lives," she said. That happened years ago. We don't know a damn thing about him and I'm glad he's dead."
A meeting of two lives
Even after the mystery was solved, questions lingered about Itam's final resting place.
According to Itam's death certificate, Geico refused to pay on his life insurance because of the identity theft. His family in Nigeria couldn't afford to have his remains shipped home.
The Onondaga County Department of Social Services paid most of the $3,450 cost of the Itam's burial in Loomis Hill Cemetery. Just a few people attended the March 22 service and burial: A few friends, several officials from the Nigerian consulate in New York City, a minister, the funeral director and Itam's landlord.
In the end, the man who lived quietly for decades as George Clark was buried in Syracuse under a modest grave marker that simply reads Eteng Ikpi Itam.
Source: : Sycracuse.com
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
CAN YOU DECIDE IF MAN SNATCHING OCCURED HERE?
While I do not agree that a Man can be snatched, like huh? is he a purse? Kindly read the story below and determine if any snatching occurred there....
Segun had been on my case for at least 2 years.
I met him one hot Saturday as I was waiting for a taxi on a Grogner Street in Iwaya, Onike. He pulled over and asked where I was headed. I don’t ever talk to people on the road but this day, the look of the mist on the window of his air conditioned car made it difficult to ignore him given the extreme heat I was exposed to.
I stepped into his car, grateful for the ride, yet determined to let him know I was no cheap girl that jumps into available cars.
“Thank you so much, Sir, for the ride. I normally wouldn’t do this but I have been standing outside in the sun for at least 30 minutes. The cabs come in trickles and are either taken or too expensive. No one is interested in going my way”
“Where might that be?” He asked, totally ignoring every other thing I had said.
“I’m going to Ikota but I’ll drop off once we get to any major road where I can find a cab”.
“You’re in luck. I’m actually going to VGC butI need to get to Surulere first. So I can either drop you off at a taxi park or you accompany me to Surulere and then I drop you off at your doorstep.”
Inasmuch as I was so eager not to overuse help being rendered, I opted for the latter option. I was in no hurry whatsoever to go my empty home. Mom and dad were on their way to Ikene for a week long engagement and my younger siblings were all in school. My best friend, Mololu had kindly volunteered to spend the week with me but she would not be getting to mine until Sunday night so that meant I’d be spending Saturday night by myself with only Larry, the dog and Mustafa, the gate man, for company.
I looked at my wristwatch, with its recently cracked screen and declared,
“Well, it’s just 1.00 and I’m not in a hurry so I’ll go with you”.
I got to meet him properly. His name is Segun, a businessman who was into the oil and gas sector. He had been working for himself in Libya before moving to Nigeria earlier that year. The Nigerian side of his business was only just growing and was already facing major challenges but a meeting he had in Abuja two weeks from our meeting would determine if a major stumbling block would be removed and his license would be granted. He saw an RCCG band on my wrist and asked me topray along with him. I promised to.
As he dropped me off at about 4pm that Saturday evening, I felt like I knew him already....
...Segun was very chatty, divulging a lot so quickly. During those hours we spent together, I also found out that he has a 5 year old daughter by a white French girl he dated all through his university years in France. The lady had gone on to marry another Nigerian and they lived in Port Harcourt with his daughter, Amélie. His dad was long gone and his mom had raised he and his siblings by herself. I did what I do not ever do. I gave him my phone numbers and my pin and from there, we became friends. The problem with Segun was with his way of showing concern and love. My primary love language is Quality Time and I’m not really the type to get all mushy too early. So it came as a bit of a rude shock to me when I received my first “love you baby”, 2 weeks from the day we met. I really didn’t know what to make of the message and it abruptly ended our chat as I did not respond. To be fair to him, I assumed he was simply overjoyed as he was granted all necessary permits we prayed for, that he spoke out of turn.
About four hours after, at1 am, I got another message from him telling me how much he’s so into me and how he feels like he has finally found what he had been looking for and if I would be okay being a second mom to his daughter and how he wants me to meet his mom. I read it and responded with a “BRB”. Later in the day, we met up for a meal and then I explained how, though I appreciate his feelings, it was all too soon for me and I would appreciate¬ if I am given a bit more time to be on that kind of level with him. In the meanwhile, I suggested that we remain friends. He looked a bit disappointed but accepted and declared that he was in no hurry and would wait for me however long it took me to realise my feelings for him or develop them.
Segun was extremely generous to me, almost worryingly so. Once he travelled and brought me an orange Hermès’ Birkin40cm bag which retails for about $2000. I was shocked and despite loving nice stuff, I didn’t want to take it from him initially but I eventually did mentioning it to him that he really didn’t need to spend that much on me and he should focus more on growing his business.
Mololu usually saw one Harrods or Neiman Marcus shopping bag or the other and was always encouraging me to “stop fronting and say yes to Segun before a sharp girl does”. I guess because of the manner in which he approached me, it made me a bit overly cautious since this his asking out was more like a proposal and he seemed so sure of his feelings for me. I slowed things down a lot and outrightly refused to meet his mom for the first three months. I didn’t want to get carried away at all and kept praying and taking things slow. Despite our living so close to each other, I hardly went to his and since I come from a relatively strict home, his visits were sparing as well (of my doing).
About six months after we met, work commitments took him away from Nigeria for a long while. During that period, he would come to Nigeria at least once a month, bombarding me with all manners of gifts. Even when he was not around, he’d randomly have flowers delivered to my office.
He would send handwritten letters by DHL and whenever anyone was travelling to Nigeria, he would have them deliver something to me, however small. There was a time he sent me a bottle of Lucozade because I had lamented that the Nigerian one tasted different. When it came to giving, Segun was without fault. But in my opinion, there was more to consider than how generous a man is.....
...Sometime, five months ago, Mololu was sent to England for a training to last 3 weeks and she used the opportunity to shop and ended up having 2 extra boxes. She complained over the phone to me telling me the airline was overcharging her and then, partly because I felt it right to help and partly because I had ordered somethings which she was bringing for me, I decided to ask Segun if he could help out since I know he always travelled light and never uses the extra allowance granted to him. He accepted to help bring the extra boxes and I gave her his hotel address to drop them off a day before her flight. He was due in Nigeria a week and half after.
My suspicion was first roused when, upon his arrival, he took the bags to Mololu’s in Ogudu, instead of as I expected, bringing it to me and having us sort ourselves out. I asked for the favour. I mentioned to him that my stuff was included in the box so it came as a surprise to me when he drove all the way to hers the next day to drop the boxes off. When I asked him why he did that, he said the boxes were quite heavy and that he was going that way and decided to drop them off. I had more questions but felt since I was not his girlfriend, there is a limit to the questions I can pose without looking funny. My pride got in the way and I decided not to mention it anymore.The calls reduced. The texts were shorter. The usual “love you” closing went missing. ‘Mololu too reduced her communication with me. Then one day, she drove to mine and after lunch asked the most random question, ‘Are you and Segun in a relationship?”.¬ She looked like she had struggled to ask that question but at the same time, as though that was her aim for coming to mine.
“Why do you ask?”
“Nothing at all o. Just wondering ’cause you have known him for a while and you said you were praying a while back for direction and was wondering if maybe God said no since you are not dating him”, she mumbled.
“Omololu, did I say we are not dating?”
“Oh sorry. But I kinda know you are not”
At this stage, I know she and Segun must have spoken about our relationship status and so I decided to cut to the chase.
“Did Segun mention it to you himself?”
She looked down and playing with her perfectly manicured nails, said yes. I had noticed she brought a brand new car to mine with a new plate number. She had the black of my Hermes bag too. Wow! I didn’t want to believe what I know just had to be the truth. It was written all over her face. I don’t know where I got the strength but I said not a word after that. Awkwardly,¬ she picked up her bag and car keys. I noticed then it was a Hyundai. It must be the Sonata she always wanted ever since it was released last year. She would always point at every 2011 Sonata she saw on the road and say she’d one day, get it....
.......To cut the very long tale short, my best friend Omololu and my 2 year old toaster are now together. Segun drove to mine 2 weeks after Omololu did and said somethings to me. He first of all apologised. He said he was not sorry for moving on but sorry that it had to be someone I knew simply because of the sake of his consideration of my feelings and not because it was wrong. He said, as I never for once, declared any form of feelings for him during our almost 2 year friendship, he does not feel he had wronged me in any way. He said he would always be grateful for meeting me as, through me, a door of everlasting joy had been opened to him and he would like my blessing as he walks into it. I was weak.
To be honest, I’m not hundred percent certain which hurts more, the fact that I’m losing a really nice and eligible suitor, that I lost him to a ‘friend’, the sneaky way it happened or the fact that I almost executed the deed for them by creating an enabling environment.
I really wanted to know how it all happened and so I demanded the tale, not from Mololu, but from Segun himself. He told me that the week before he travelled, when he saw her at mine, they had got talking whilst I was in the bathroom and she had mentioned she would be off on training and that she would be doing crazy shopping for her new apartment. They had a few ‘moments’ that day but they did not exchange numbers. It was the day she brought the bags to his hotel that the sparks went flying. She had gotten to his hotel at about 12 noon and they went to out together and he dropped her off at her hotel at about 9pm. Early the next morning, at about 5 am, he drove down to her hotel to take her to the airport himself and from their journey, they got even closer. According to him, he knew that morning that he was ‘home’. That conversation sounded painfully familiar and I couldn’t help my grimace. At that juncture, I held up my hands and told him I was satisfied with the information he furnished and that they both have my blessing. He hugged me and left.
That evening, Omololu updated her status with these words “Those that wait on the Lord will rejoice. I rejoice. Behold, my Boaz!”. His picture was her DP. I remember that picture. I took it with his iPhone whilst trying out an app. Each day, a new picture of him would be put on display. There was even one of herself, Segun and his daughter. She had firmly ingrained herself in his life.
Due to how serious I know Segun is, it came as no shock to me when she told me they were getting married and she really wanted me to be her chief bridesmaid though if I felt I could not do it, she would understand. According to her, she was doing that for the friendship we once shared which she hoped we could revive. I refused. But not before letting her know that I could be counted on if she needed any assistance.
At about 12 midnight, I got this email from her, “Sweetheart¬, I love you. God knows I do. I apologise for how I might have hurt you but despite all, I would be a liar to say I would or could elect to do things differently if given a second chance.
Oluwasegun has brought me the type of joy I thought was only for the fairy tales. But through him, I have my very own fairy tale. I love him with all my being. I know I might come across as insensitive and selfish. I am sorry. But please, try and find a place in your kind heart to let go of any hurt you might be experiencing and enter into a place of happiness for me, Omololu, your sister and best friend since our Corona days. It should not be heard that we are fighting over a man and remember, my darling, you never were in a relationship with Segun.
You never took the plunge, you shielded your heart from hurt and refused to commit to anything. I know you babes. When you truly love a man, you have no time for such long due diligence exercises. If you want to be sincere with yourself, you would admit that Segun never did anything to your heart. Your heart did not skip beats with the sound of his voice. Your body never quivered with the touch of his hands. I understand you two never even kissed. You clearly never felt love for him.
However, I cannot discount the friendship you shared. Till date, he still goes on and on about how you are the only friend whose loss moved him to his core. I can testify too of your level of regard of your friendship and respect for him. But my dear, friendship and respect are not solid foundation enough upon which to construct a marriage. You knew this and this is why you stalled. What did not grow in 2 years would most likely never grow.
I hope you understand that the aim of this email is not to throw in your face the fact that Oluwasegun and yourself never had anything concrete but to let you take a proper, honest and dispassionat¬e look at goings on. If you do, forgiving me would come, naturally.
I can’t stop loving you dear. I am sad that the vow we made to each other 16 years ago to be each others’ maids of honour even if one got married first would not be fulfilled. Please, re-examine your heart and find a place in it to forgive me.
Yours now and always,
‘Mololu.”
The tears came pouring down. I couldn’t say exactly why and they were not asking. I felt sorry for myself. I felt sad because I really wasn’t crazy about Segun but we could have made it work, I guess. Omololu now was benefitting from all the prayers I invested in Segun, all the fasting. That, more than anything hurt me. I would have married Segun. I just needed him to pass one more test and voila, I’d have said yes to him. I never thought he’d stop loving me. I never though I’d lose him and certainly not to my friend, my supposed best friend *** grr
I eventually decided to be her Chief Bridesmaid and muster strength to be happy for her. There was no faking the look of intense joy on her face when I told her I changed my mind. She jumped on me in her usual boisterous fashion, laughing and crying at the same time.
God has been helping me. It has been hard. Especially when I see the look on Segun’s face as he looks at her. He never looked at me that way, I must confess.
His business has been doing greatly and he is sparing nothing for his wedding. His daughter, upon Omololu’s request, will be both the little bride and the flower girl. Omololu’s nephew will be the ringbearer. Her Eli Saab dress is absolutely beautiful. Segun flew us both to England to get it. She asked for a size bigger and I suspect she is pregnant.
With each day, the feeling of hurt and betrayal gets slowly taken over by happiness for her and hope for my own future. I still haven’t met anyone worth reporting on and despite this, I have joy. Not happiness, but joy; joy that all will turn out well. But for now, I still can’t help from asking myself each time I look at Omololu, ‘How could she?!‘
Dear readers, what are your thoughts? Would you call Omololu a ‘man snatcher’? Was the writer at fault? Did she stall for too long??..
Mena: The detailed amount of materialism in the story sef tire me pass.
Segun had been on my case for at least 2 years.
I met him one hot Saturday as I was waiting for a taxi on a Grogner Street in Iwaya, Onike. He pulled over and asked where I was headed. I don’t ever talk to people on the road but this day, the look of the mist on the window of his air conditioned car made it difficult to ignore him given the extreme heat I was exposed to.
I stepped into his car, grateful for the ride, yet determined to let him know I was no cheap girl that jumps into available cars.
“Thank you so much, Sir, for the ride. I normally wouldn’t do this but I have been standing outside in the sun for at least 30 minutes. The cabs come in trickles and are either taken or too expensive. No one is interested in going my way”
“Where might that be?” He asked, totally ignoring every other thing I had said.
“I’m going to Ikota but I’ll drop off once we get to any major road where I can find a cab”.
“You’re in luck. I’m actually going to VGC butI need to get to Surulere first. So I can either drop you off at a taxi park or you accompany me to Surulere and then I drop you off at your doorstep.”
Inasmuch as I was so eager not to overuse help being rendered, I opted for the latter option. I was in no hurry whatsoever to go my empty home. Mom and dad were on their way to Ikene for a week long engagement and my younger siblings were all in school. My best friend, Mololu had kindly volunteered to spend the week with me but she would not be getting to mine until Sunday night so that meant I’d be spending Saturday night by myself with only Larry, the dog and Mustafa, the gate man, for company.
I looked at my wristwatch, with its recently cracked screen and declared,
“Well, it’s just 1.00 and I’m not in a hurry so I’ll go with you”.
I got to meet him properly. His name is Segun, a businessman who was into the oil and gas sector. He had been working for himself in Libya before moving to Nigeria earlier that year. The Nigerian side of his business was only just growing and was already facing major challenges but a meeting he had in Abuja two weeks from our meeting would determine if a major stumbling block would be removed and his license would be granted. He saw an RCCG band on my wrist and asked me topray along with him. I promised to.
As he dropped me off at about 4pm that Saturday evening, I felt like I knew him already....
...Segun was very chatty, divulging a lot so quickly. During those hours we spent together, I also found out that he has a 5 year old daughter by a white French girl he dated all through his university years in France. The lady had gone on to marry another Nigerian and they lived in Port Harcourt with his daughter, Amélie. His dad was long gone and his mom had raised he and his siblings by herself. I did what I do not ever do. I gave him my phone numbers and my pin and from there, we became friends. The problem with Segun was with his way of showing concern and love. My primary love language is Quality Time and I’m not really the type to get all mushy too early. So it came as a bit of a rude shock to me when I received my first “love you baby”, 2 weeks from the day we met. I really didn’t know what to make of the message and it abruptly ended our chat as I did not respond. To be fair to him, I assumed he was simply overjoyed as he was granted all necessary permits we prayed for, that he spoke out of turn.
About four hours after, at1 am, I got another message from him telling me how much he’s so into me and how he feels like he has finally found what he had been looking for and if I would be okay being a second mom to his daughter and how he wants me to meet his mom. I read it and responded with a “BRB”. Later in the day, we met up for a meal and then I explained how, though I appreciate his feelings, it was all too soon for me and I would appreciate¬ if I am given a bit more time to be on that kind of level with him. In the meanwhile, I suggested that we remain friends. He looked a bit disappointed but accepted and declared that he was in no hurry and would wait for me however long it took me to realise my feelings for him or develop them.
Segun was extremely generous to me, almost worryingly so. Once he travelled and brought me an orange Hermès’ Birkin40cm bag which retails for about $2000. I was shocked and despite loving nice stuff, I didn’t want to take it from him initially but I eventually did mentioning it to him that he really didn’t need to spend that much on me and he should focus more on growing his business.
Mololu usually saw one Harrods or Neiman Marcus shopping bag or the other and was always encouraging me to “stop fronting and say yes to Segun before a sharp girl does”. I guess because of the manner in which he approached me, it made me a bit overly cautious since this his asking out was more like a proposal and he seemed so sure of his feelings for me. I slowed things down a lot and outrightly refused to meet his mom for the first three months. I didn’t want to get carried away at all and kept praying and taking things slow. Despite our living so close to each other, I hardly went to his and since I come from a relatively strict home, his visits were sparing as well (of my doing).
About six months after we met, work commitments took him away from Nigeria for a long while. During that period, he would come to Nigeria at least once a month, bombarding me with all manners of gifts. Even when he was not around, he’d randomly have flowers delivered to my office.
He would send handwritten letters by DHL and whenever anyone was travelling to Nigeria, he would have them deliver something to me, however small. There was a time he sent me a bottle of Lucozade because I had lamented that the Nigerian one tasted different. When it came to giving, Segun was without fault. But in my opinion, there was more to consider than how generous a man is.....
...Sometime, five months ago, Mololu was sent to England for a training to last 3 weeks and she used the opportunity to shop and ended up having 2 extra boxes. She complained over the phone to me telling me the airline was overcharging her and then, partly because I felt it right to help and partly because I had ordered somethings which she was bringing for me, I decided to ask Segun if he could help out since I know he always travelled light and never uses the extra allowance granted to him. He accepted to help bring the extra boxes and I gave her his hotel address to drop them off a day before her flight. He was due in Nigeria a week and half after.
My suspicion was first roused when, upon his arrival, he took the bags to Mololu’s in Ogudu, instead of as I expected, bringing it to me and having us sort ourselves out. I asked for the favour. I mentioned to him that my stuff was included in the box so it came as a surprise to me when he drove all the way to hers the next day to drop the boxes off. When I asked him why he did that, he said the boxes were quite heavy and that he was going that way and decided to drop them off. I had more questions but felt since I was not his girlfriend, there is a limit to the questions I can pose without looking funny. My pride got in the way and I decided not to mention it anymore.The calls reduced. The texts were shorter. The usual “love you” closing went missing. ‘Mololu too reduced her communication with me. Then one day, she drove to mine and after lunch asked the most random question, ‘Are you and Segun in a relationship?”.¬ She looked like she had struggled to ask that question but at the same time, as though that was her aim for coming to mine.
“Why do you ask?”
“Nothing at all o. Just wondering ’cause you have known him for a while and you said you were praying a while back for direction and was wondering if maybe God said no since you are not dating him”, she mumbled.
“Omololu, did I say we are not dating?”
“Oh sorry. But I kinda know you are not”
At this stage, I know she and Segun must have spoken about our relationship status and so I decided to cut to the chase.
“Did Segun mention it to you himself?”
She looked down and playing with her perfectly manicured nails, said yes. I had noticed she brought a brand new car to mine with a new plate number. She had the black of my Hermes bag too. Wow! I didn’t want to believe what I know just had to be the truth. It was written all over her face. I don’t know where I got the strength but I said not a word after that. Awkwardly,¬ she picked up her bag and car keys. I noticed then it was a Hyundai. It must be the Sonata she always wanted ever since it was released last year. She would always point at every 2011 Sonata she saw on the road and say she’d one day, get it....
.......To cut the very long tale short, my best friend Omololu and my 2 year old toaster are now together. Segun drove to mine 2 weeks after Omololu did and said somethings to me. He first of all apologised. He said he was not sorry for moving on but sorry that it had to be someone I knew simply because of the sake of his consideration of my feelings and not because it was wrong. He said, as I never for once, declared any form of feelings for him during our almost 2 year friendship, he does not feel he had wronged me in any way. He said he would always be grateful for meeting me as, through me, a door of everlasting joy had been opened to him and he would like my blessing as he walks into it. I was weak.
To be honest, I’m not hundred percent certain which hurts more, the fact that I’m losing a really nice and eligible suitor, that I lost him to a ‘friend’, the sneaky way it happened or the fact that I almost executed the deed for them by creating an enabling environment.
I really wanted to know how it all happened and so I demanded the tale, not from Mololu, but from Segun himself. He told me that the week before he travelled, when he saw her at mine, they had got talking whilst I was in the bathroom and she had mentioned she would be off on training and that she would be doing crazy shopping for her new apartment. They had a few ‘moments’ that day but they did not exchange numbers. It was the day she brought the bags to his hotel that the sparks went flying. She had gotten to his hotel at about 12 noon and they went to out together and he dropped her off at her hotel at about 9pm. Early the next morning, at about 5 am, he drove down to her hotel to take her to the airport himself and from their journey, they got even closer. According to him, he knew that morning that he was ‘home’. That conversation sounded painfully familiar and I couldn’t help my grimace. At that juncture, I held up my hands and told him I was satisfied with the information he furnished and that they both have my blessing. He hugged me and left.
That evening, Omololu updated her status with these words “Those that wait on the Lord will rejoice. I rejoice. Behold, my Boaz!”. His picture was her DP. I remember that picture. I took it with his iPhone whilst trying out an app. Each day, a new picture of him would be put on display. There was even one of herself, Segun and his daughter. She had firmly ingrained herself in his life.
Due to how serious I know Segun is, it came as no shock to me when she told me they were getting married and she really wanted me to be her chief bridesmaid though if I felt I could not do it, she would understand. According to her, she was doing that for the friendship we once shared which she hoped we could revive. I refused. But not before letting her know that I could be counted on if she needed any assistance.
At about 12 midnight, I got this email from her, “Sweetheart¬, I love you. God knows I do. I apologise for how I might have hurt you but despite all, I would be a liar to say I would or could elect to do things differently if given a second chance.
Oluwasegun has brought me the type of joy I thought was only for the fairy tales. But through him, I have my very own fairy tale. I love him with all my being. I know I might come across as insensitive and selfish. I am sorry. But please, try and find a place in your kind heart to let go of any hurt you might be experiencing and enter into a place of happiness for me, Omololu, your sister and best friend since our Corona days. It should not be heard that we are fighting over a man and remember, my darling, you never were in a relationship with Segun.
You never took the plunge, you shielded your heart from hurt and refused to commit to anything. I know you babes. When you truly love a man, you have no time for such long due diligence exercises. If you want to be sincere with yourself, you would admit that Segun never did anything to your heart. Your heart did not skip beats with the sound of his voice. Your body never quivered with the touch of his hands. I understand you two never even kissed. You clearly never felt love for him.
However, I cannot discount the friendship you shared. Till date, he still goes on and on about how you are the only friend whose loss moved him to his core. I can testify too of your level of regard of your friendship and respect for him. But my dear, friendship and respect are not solid foundation enough upon which to construct a marriage. You knew this and this is why you stalled. What did not grow in 2 years would most likely never grow.
I hope you understand that the aim of this email is not to throw in your face the fact that Oluwasegun and yourself never had anything concrete but to let you take a proper, honest and dispassionat¬e look at goings on. If you do, forgiving me would come, naturally.
I can’t stop loving you dear. I am sad that the vow we made to each other 16 years ago to be each others’ maids of honour even if one got married first would not be fulfilled. Please, re-examine your heart and find a place in it to forgive me.
Yours now and always,
‘Mololu.”
The tears came pouring down. I couldn’t say exactly why and they were not asking. I felt sorry for myself. I felt sad because I really wasn’t crazy about Segun but we could have made it work, I guess. Omololu now was benefitting from all the prayers I invested in Segun, all the fasting. That, more than anything hurt me. I would have married Segun. I just needed him to pass one more test and voila, I’d have said yes to him. I never thought he’d stop loving me. I never though I’d lose him and certainly not to my friend, my supposed best friend *** grr
I eventually decided to be her Chief Bridesmaid and muster strength to be happy for her. There was no faking the look of intense joy on her face when I told her I changed my mind. She jumped on me in her usual boisterous fashion, laughing and crying at the same time.
God has been helping me. It has been hard. Especially when I see the look on Segun’s face as he looks at her. He never looked at me that way, I must confess.
His business has been doing greatly and he is sparing nothing for his wedding. His daughter, upon Omololu’s request, will be both the little bride and the flower girl. Omololu’s nephew will be the ringbearer. Her Eli Saab dress is absolutely beautiful. Segun flew us both to England to get it. She asked for a size bigger and I suspect she is pregnant.
With each day, the feeling of hurt and betrayal gets slowly taken over by happiness for her and hope for my own future. I still haven’t met anyone worth reporting on and despite this, I have joy. Not happiness, but joy; joy that all will turn out well. But for now, I still can’t help from asking myself each time I look at Omololu, ‘How could she?!‘
Dear readers, what are your thoughts? Would you call Omololu a ‘man snatcher’? Was the writer at fault? Did she stall for too long??..
Mena: The detailed amount of materialism in the story sef tire me pass.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
SHE BARES HER BREASTS IN THE RIVER ONCE A MONTH + other secret things you may not know about LEGEND KOLA BOOF
I have a much better grasp of this outspoken woman from the first time I posted about her (See http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2010/05/legend-of-kola-boof.html )as I have now read more on her work, and philosophy. But to recap: Egyptian-Sudanese-American novelist and poet Kola Boof has been an agent for Sudan’s SPLA and was the National Chairwoman of the U.S. Branch of the Sudanese Sensitization Peace Project.
Kola once said:

She once famously said: ...Thirty years of rap stars, Black, White and Latino have singled out the Black man’s mother as “an innately born gold digger” and “nagging shrew” unworthy of love or respect as a woman. The message on nearly every single CD is that Bitches and Ho’s (which is how the Black Man’s mother is openly referenced on the public radio or at cookouts in the back yards of Black households in the United States) are to be used as sex mules; suitable for freaky sex, preferably discarded afterward and routinely impregnated...Everybody’s been in Kim Kardashian’s mouth. Just as Ray J. stated in a recent television interview, that’s her claim to fame. And Kim Kardashian’s men, Black as they want to be, have to be rich enough to afford her—yet there’s no song on Black American radio that disses and degrades her. To the contrary, she’s written about as though we’ve been descended upon by Elizabeth Taylor.
O.J. Simpson’s famously dead wife, Nicole, was an uneducated “waitress” that he purchased Breast Implants for—then married and put in a five million dollar mansion. But there was never any song castigating her for being a skank and gold digger. Jennifer Lopez rose from a Solid Gold dancer and got all her breaks in life by sleeping with successful Black men who could further her career (Keenan Ivory Wayans, Sean Puffy Combs)…at which point…she took her “stardom created by the Black Community” over to White man Ben Affleck, then to her Puerto Rican husband’s bed; mission accomplished! Kimmora Lee Simmons, a rather pretentious phoney that I “viciously” slapped in the mouth several years ago—supposedly because I’m jealous and bitter about her Cabbage-Patch Face; Bread Box Shaped Body and don’t forget—her spectacularly flat ass, girdle-controlled tummy and butt pad supported photo shopped Ebony magazine layouts—started her gold digging in the African-American community, where she knew her failed Chinese model status would command top dollar. No Black officials greeted her with the words “skank” and no rappers berated her skin complexion or accused her of being a gold digger—as they did the singer Usher’s dark skinned self-employed Black millionaire wife.
Kimmora married Black hip hop Tycoon Russell Simmons, declared herself a “black woman” (as anyone in America can do at will; the Black Americans are ex-slaves and have no standards) and eventually launched a clothing line using Russell’s money he made off the Black Community (purporting this to be a “talent” in Essence Magazine); then after being dumped by Simmons for a more exotic even less Black-looking bombshell; tacked herself onto Djimon Hounsou (who, of course, I’m jealous that she stole from me; sarcasm intended). For this new gig, Kimmora had a baby despite the fact he wasn’t about to marry her—and, in my opinion anyway, dutifully produced the “lighter baby with good hair” as a holiday mascot for his skin-bleaching minions back in Benin, West Africa. Kimora is no more with Djimon
Of course—nobody in the “Hip Hop Culture” refers to women like Gary Coleman’s White wife or Kobe Bryant’s video hoochie turned wife—or Kobe Bryant’s “rape accusing” Blond in Colorado with the SPERM of three men on her panties—as “bitches, Ho’s or gold diggers.” Black men just don’t disrespect the White Man’s Mother like that.
A few years ago, Kanye West and Jamie Foxx had a huge hit with a song about Gold diggers. This caused, at last, a music video that focused on beautiful child-bearing age Black women—the Black Man’s mother. At the end of the song Kanye announced, “I’m going to leave you for a White Woman!” And all of Black America and the White Pop music world laughed, applauded, cheered and drove the song to #1 on the charts—despite the fact that almost none of today’s rich and famous Black men being exploited for their money are getting bilked by Black women.
It was a totally different reaction than Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable and Lauren Bacall got for starring in the 1950’s gold digging blockbuster “HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE”—an all blond Hollywood celebration of beautiful women’s right to be paid “at the altar” just for being bombshells. And there’s tons of other films that cheer and celebrate the entitled White gold digger from “GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES” to Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s affectionate comedy “GOLD DIGGERS”—to all those celebrated Larry King Live and Anna Nicole Smith tabloid weddings. Amazingly, no one ever writes songs berating these types of women for marrying ugly rich men old enough to be their ancestor.
For beautiful Black women who want to be the rich man’s bombshell wife, however, it’s a whole multitude of double and triple standards. If you study songs recorded over the years by T.I., Polow da Don, Young Berg, Dr. Dre and even Jay Z…the lightness or darkness of said Black female’s skin is what these men encourage young boys to use for measuring how soon said Black Woman is to be discarded after receiving her 2-Live-Crew inspired beast fucking. On those same CDs by artists like Polow da Don, T.I., Young Berg and even early Jay Z, you’ll find songs celebrating Mixed-race Brazilian girls; the prized “Biracial” beauty; the European Hottie—but the slutty things these women do in the lyric are related with affection and not rapped about in a contemptuous hateful manner as when the subject is a “brown girl” or “Sista girl.” Even the “Red Bone” songs are no longer complimentary. High Yellow-skinned Negro women who once denied Colorism, benefitted from it and looked their noses down at Real Black Women are now beginning to get the Dark girl treatment in lieu of the White or Mexican fantasy she was always the “stand in” for in the first place. But skanky whorish gold diggers or not, the White and White-like colored women are promoted by Black men as “wife” material.
Whatever you think about me writing this commentary; I’ve already heard it.Fuck Kola Boof?? I’ve heard it all my life. Dark skinned women like me deserve to be on the bottom of the food chain and we’re just “bitter and jealous” if we dare raise issue with the double and triple standards.
It simply isn’t true.
I’ve had the most wonderful Black Man on earth love me, marry me and give me two beautiful sons (granted, he’s not American, but he’s still a Black Man). My ex-husband became a millionaire five years after we married, and we were together for ten, so no one can claim that I was a gold digger. Additionally, I’ve dated my own share of rich and famous Black Men.
More secrets about Kola Boof as she stated on her facebook page;
1. Kola Boof was asked by producers to do a screen test for the role of STORM in the original "X-MEN" movie and declined due to the required blond hair.
2. Kola Boof is the first author since Truman Capote to be regularly impersonated by drag queens.
3. Kola Boof, according to Sudan's former Vice President Hasan Al-Turabi
is the only woman to slap Osama Bin Laden...other than Osama's mother.
4. Kola Boof holds the record for the Black woman (Wendy Williams is 2nd place) most called "Ugly" by the U.S. American press. Kola Boof has been called unattractive by reporters Connie Chung, Peter Bergen & Morgan Spurlock (*None of whom have ever met Kola Boof in person)...Kola's been called ugly in rappers Wale's song "Bad Girls Club" and featured on American magazine covers as "Ugliest Woman Alive" and called ugly
by GAWKER. **This is why Kola, a former model, has a new video blog coming in the fall.
5. Kola Boof loves "old cars" and takes autos from the 50's and 60's and restores them. Most of her cars are cherried-out old cars.
Mena says: I personally admire her because she goes where no one dares to go.
Kola once said:
" I don't deny that I'm a controversial, provocative public figure. I reject all man-made religions, be it Christianity, Islam, the Jewish faith, Buddhism or any worship that was created by men. I am a womanist and an African mother. I bare my breasts in the river once a month and I believe in the womb. "

She once famously said: ...Thirty years of rap stars, Black, White and Latino have singled out the Black man’s mother as “an innately born gold digger” and “nagging shrew” unworthy of love or respect as a woman. The message on nearly every single CD is that Bitches and Ho’s (which is how the Black Man’s mother is openly referenced on the public radio or at cookouts in the back yards of Black households in the United States) are to be used as sex mules; suitable for freaky sex, preferably discarded afterward and routinely impregnated...Everybody’s been in Kim Kardashian’s mouth. Just as Ray J. stated in a recent television interview, that’s her claim to fame. And Kim Kardashian’s men, Black as they want to be, have to be rich enough to afford her—yet there’s no song on Black American radio that disses and degrades her. To the contrary, she’s written about as though we’ve been descended upon by Elizabeth Taylor.
O.J. Simpson’s famously dead wife, Nicole, was an uneducated “waitress” that he purchased Breast Implants for—then married and put in a five million dollar mansion. But there was never any song castigating her for being a skank and gold digger. Jennifer Lopez rose from a Solid Gold dancer and got all her breaks in life by sleeping with successful Black men who could further her career (Keenan Ivory Wayans, Sean Puffy Combs)…at which point…she took her “stardom created by the Black Community” over to White man Ben Affleck, then to her Puerto Rican husband’s bed; mission accomplished! Kimmora Lee Simmons, a rather pretentious phoney that I “viciously” slapped in the mouth several years ago—supposedly because I’m jealous and bitter about her Cabbage-Patch Face; Bread Box Shaped Body and don’t forget—her spectacularly flat ass, girdle-controlled tummy and butt pad supported photo shopped Ebony magazine layouts—started her gold digging in the African-American community, where she knew her failed Chinese model status would command top dollar. No Black officials greeted her with the words “skank” and no rappers berated her skin complexion or accused her of being a gold digger—as they did the singer Usher’s dark skinned self-employed Black millionaire wife.
Kimmora married Black hip hop Tycoon Russell Simmons, declared herself a “black woman” (as anyone in America can do at will; the Black Americans are ex-slaves and have no standards) and eventually launched a clothing line using Russell’s money he made off the Black Community (purporting this to be a “talent” in Essence Magazine); then after being dumped by Simmons for a more exotic even less Black-looking bombshell; tacked herself onto Djimon Hounsou (who, of course, I’m jealous that she stole from me; sarcasm intended). For this new gig, Kimmora had a baby despite the fact he wasn’t about to marry her—and, in my opinion anyway, dutifully produced the “lighter baby with good hair” as a holiday mascot for his skin-bleaching minions back in Benin, West Africa. Kimora is no more with Djimon
Of course—nobody in the “Hip Hop Culture” refers to women like Gary Coleman’s White wife or Kobe Bryant’s video hoochie turned wife—or Kobe Bryant’s “rape accusing” Blond in Colorado with the SPERM of three men on her panties—as “bitches, Ho’s or gold diggers.” Black men just don’t disrespect the White Man’s Mother like that.
A few years ago, Kanye West and Jamie Foxx had a huge hit with a song about Gold diggers. This caused, at last, a music video that focused on beautiful child-bearing age Black women—the Black Man’s mother. At the end of the song Kanye announced, “I’m going to leave you for a White Woman!” And all of Black America and the White Pop music world laughed, applauded, cheered and drove the song to #1 on the charts—despite the fact that almost none of today’s rich and famous Black men being exploited for their money are getting bilked by Black women.
It was a totally different reaction than Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable and Lauren Bacall got for starring in the 1950’s gold digging blockbuster “HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE”—an all blond Hollywood celebration of beautiful women’s right to be paid “at the altar” just for being bombshells. And there’s tons of other films that cheer and celebrate the entitled White gold digger from “GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES” to Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s affectionate comedy “GOLD DIGGERS”—to all those celebrated Larry King Live and Anna Nicole Smith tabloid weddings. Amazingly, no one ever writes songs berating these types of women for marrying ugly rich men old enough to be their ancestor.
For beautiful Black women who want to be the rich man’s bombshell wife, however, it’s a whole multitude of double and triple standards. If you study songs recorded over the years by T.I., Polow da Don, Young Berg, Dr. Dre and even Jay Z…the lightness or darkness of said Black female’s skin is what these men encourage young boys to use for measuring how soon said Black Woman is to be discarded after receiving her 2-Live-Crew inspired beast fucking. On those same CDs by artists like Polow da Don, T.I., Young Berg and even early Jay Z, you’ll find songs celebrating Mixed-race Brazilian girls; the prized “Biracial” beauty; the European Hottie—but the slutty things these women do in the lyric are related with affection and not rapped about in a contemptuous hateful manner as when the subject is a “brown girl” or “Sista girl.” Even the “Red Bone” songs are no longer complimentary. High Yellow-skinned Negro women who once denied Colorism, benefitted from it and looked their noses down at Real Black Women are now beginning to get the Dark girl treatment in lieu of the White or Mexican fantasy she was always the “stand in” for in the first place. But skanky whorish gold diggers or not, the White and White-like colored women are promoted by Black men as “wife” material.
Whatever you think about me writing this commentary; I’ve already heard it.Fuck Kola Boof?? I’ve heard it all my life. Dark skinned women like me deserve to be on the bottom of the food chain and we’re just “bitter and jealous” if we dare raise issue with the double and triple standards.
It simply isn’t true.
I’ve had the most wonderful Black Man on earth love me, marry me and give me two beautiful sons (granted, he’s not American, but he’s still a Black Man). My ex-husband became a millionaire five years after we married, and we were together for ten, so no one can claim that I was a gold digger. Additionally, I’ve dated my own share of rich and famous Black Men.
More secrets about Kola Boof as she stated on her facebook page;
1. Kola Boof was asked by producers to do a screen test for the role of STORM in the original "X-MEN" movie and declined due to the required blond hair.
2. Kola Boof is the first author since Truman Capote to be regularly impersonated by drag queens.
3. Kola Boof, according to Sudan's former Vice President Hasan Al-Turabi
is the only woman to slap Osama Bin Laden...other than Osama's mother.
4. Kola Boof holds the record for the Black woman (Wendy Williams is 2nd place) most called "Ugly" by the U.S. American press. Kola Boof has been called unattractive by reporters Connie Chung, Peter Bergen & Morgan Spurlock (*None of whom have ever met Kola Boof in person)...Kola's been called ugly in rappers Wale's song "Bad Girls Club" and featured on American magazine covers as "Ugliest Woman Alive" and called ugly
by GAWKER. **This is why Kola, a former model, has a new video blog coming in the fall.
5. Kola Boof loves "old cars" and takes autos from the 50's and 60's and restores them. Most of her cars are cherried-out old cars.
Mena says: I personally admire her because she goes where no one dares to go.
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
PSLAM 23 ON MY MIND
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Monday, 10 June 2013
11-yr-old Orphan Raped to Death
WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP? WHAT ARE THE MOTIVATION BEHIND THIS MADNESS? I MEAN THIS JUST BREAKS MY HEART!!!

An 11-year-old girl, Chinecherem from Uruagu Nnewi, Anambra State who was allegedly raped by a 32-year-old son of her mistress is reportedly died.
Chinecherem, an orphan and the only surviving child of her parents, according to the source, was raped in the night by her mistress’s son on May 27, 2013 at Uruezi Egbema Ozubulu in Ekwusigo Local Government Area where she was serving as a maid.
Daily Sun was informed that on the night of the incident, the victim’s madam had travelled out leaving Chinecherem and her son to take care of the house.
“When Ifeanyi defiled her, she started bleeding in the morning. The boy disappeared after raping Chinemerem and it was his father (Ifeanyi’s father) who discovered that something was wrong in the morning and took the little girl to a hospital, where she was crying in agony, touching her private part before she gave up on June 3, 2013,” the source said.
The source said that hospital authorities confirmed that there was a lot of semen deposited in her private part. The victim was said to have lived with the family for seven years and had taken her common entrance to enter junior secondary school before she met her death.
When contacted, the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO) of the Anambra State Police Command, Awka, Mr. Emeka Chukwuemeka confirmed the incident and said investigation was still ongoing while the suspect is still at large.
Culled from Hope for Nigeria and The Daily Sun.

An 11-year-old girl, Chinecherem from Uruagu Nnewi, Anambra State who was allegedly raped by a 32-year-old son of her mistress is reportedly died.
Chinecherem, an orphan and the only surviving child of her parents, according to the source, was raped in the night by her mistress’s son on May 27, 2013 at Uruezi Egbema Ozubulu in Ekwusigo Local Government Area where she was serving as a maid.
Daily Sun was informed that on the night of the incident, the victim’s madam had travelled out leaving Chinecherem and her son to take care of the house.
“When Ifeanyi defiled her, she started bleeding in the morning. The boy disappeared after raping Chinemerem and it was his father (Ifeanyi’s father) who discovered that something was wrong in the morning and took the little girl to a hospital, where she was crying in agony, touching her private part before she gave up on June 3, 2013,” the source said.
The source said that hospital authorities confirmed that there was a lot of semen deposited in her private part. The victim was said to have lived with the family for seven years and had taken her common entrance to enter junior secondary school before she met her death.
When contacted, the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO) of the Anambra State Police Command, Awka, Mr. Emeka Chukwuemeka confirmed the incident and said investigation was still ongoing while the suspect is still at large.
Culled from Hope for Nigeria and The Daily Sun.
Friday, 7 June 2013
COSSY FINALLY SPEAKS OUT

...in a candid interview with Ademola Olonilua.
Before I go to the interview, I just want to say I am puzzled at the sheer amount of negative articles based on this woman. Ok from the little I know of her is that,
She is very well educated (Master degree level)
She is an actress (I have seen one of her movies)
She is a musician (I have listened to two of her songs)
She has big breasts
Her outfits are usually sexy
Thats about it. So why all the negativity? She has no sex scandals, she has not stolen from anyone, neither has she killed anyone.
I think she is just a person trying to survive, just like you and I.
Anyway here is what she had to say in the interview;
Do you regard yourself as a musician or an actress?
I’m an all round entertainer. I’m an artiste, actress and also an activist.
You once said you were born again?
I never said that. I’m a sinner and have come short of the glory of God. He that is without sin should cast the first stone. My problem is that I’m too real in the midst of lots of fake people. It is by the special grace of God that people, even pastors, will make heaven. What’s the difference between I that love to show off my cleavage and the pastors that love to show off their flashy cars?
The in thing now is private jets. I think I’m better off because with the economic situation, lots of stress and all, some can channel their frustrations and some people can get relieved at the sight that makes them forget the terrible situation. But some of these church owners don’t know how to give back to the society, you don’t need to be a member before you can benefit.
Churches can just buy basic foodstuffs and give to the needy. There are a lot of ills in this society. I don’t even want to mention the corporate thieves that get patted on the back for embezzling money meant for the old and retired citizens. Next time you see such people, ask them if they are born again because I’m a sinner. I pray God will give me my heart desires because my flesh is so weak.
There are rumours of you having HIV. Is it true?
I will love to know where the rumour started, so I can sue. Also, the bloggers will write whatever they think will drive people to their sites without verifying if it’s true or not.
Like a website just cooked up a story and said that I have HIV twice and I’m afraid to have it the third time. To an educated person, such stories are more like a joke but to those that don’t know better, they may believe it. I don’t have HIV, I don’t have AIDS. That does not mean it’s a death penalty for those that have it.
But I read it somewhere that a friend close to you confirmed the story…
Well, I can come up now and say that Bill Gates is my grandfather; talk is cheap. I will like whoever that said that I have AIDS to come out publicly and say it. I don’t bite. I just need who I can show proofs to, not the public. So if you think and believe I have AIDS, just quote yourself and not base it on rumours.
My friends, the few that know me well and come to my place, are not cowards. They stand firm and fight for what they believe in. So if whoever said that can’t come out, then I don’t have who to respond to.

Why these many negative stories about you?
I’m blessed. When God has blessed you abundantly, you will surely have enemies. A lot has been said about my person. The first was when I stopped acting awhile back. Rumours went round that my father shot me. Later, it was that my father disowned me. It was published in newspapers. I later went to an event with my daddy.
He even granted an interview. We posed for pictures but that interview was not published. Maybe they want to sell an image that I’m not in good terms with my family. Well, blood is thicker than water. I’m well loved and cherished by my parents and siblings. Also, a movie I did in 2003 called Itohan and directed by Chico Ejiro made headlines in 2009. The dog issue: some mischievous persons that have access to the location pictures connived with a journalist.
They called me up about the pictures; after telling them the source, they still went ahead to write a terrible story about my person. Up till now, some people still make mention of it.
The video is online and also on my tweet page for people to watch. I’m even tired of trying to defend myself. Then this HIV story by an imaginary friend. I wonder what next. Maybe they will get someone that looks like me to act a sex movie. Whatever happens, I’m strong, I will survive because I have God’s grace and I am immensely blessed.
Talking of such films, US-based Nigeria actress and producer, Afro Candy, said she would like to feature you in one of her s3x movies.
Like I said, talk is cheap. I’ll like to have a dinner date with Richard Branson, it’s just a wishful thinking. It’s when she approaches me then I will know she is serious. I have gone through a lot, now I know better. I can’t condemn her, she is Hollywood standard when it comes to showing off her body.
The likes of Janet Jackson, Halle Berry even most of their female musicians have gone nude, and Nigerians adored them. For me, I can’t go totally nud3, never. My mum told me never to go nude. If not, I have got a beautiful body and I’m not afraid to flaunt it. Besides other artistes have taken pictures with panties and bra, maybe on the beach. So it looks cool but when you wear and pose on bed, it smells sex.
About the pictures you posted on Twitter, why did you post them only to remove them and apologies?
I took those pictures in a friend’s guesthouse. My photographer took them. I was wearing a G-string and bustier. It was an on the spot thing. I didn’t make up for the pictures and she took them with her Blackberry phone.
They were not good enough. I guess I was bored then. I can be up to no good when I’m bored and need a little distraction. So now I watch it when I’m bored; I watch what I do, so I won’t take such pictures again. Not as in looking at the pictures. I don’t have them at all.
Why did you apologies?
My friends and fans didn’t like the pictures; that’s why I apologized.
I will stop here.
Culled from Ademola Olonilua and The Punch newspapers
Please give Cossy a break, cut her some slack, chill for her matter jor, and no I dont know her in anyway, I just feel sad for her, you know what I mean?
Enjoy
Mena
Friday, 31 May 2013
(WIERD WORLD) INTRODUCING ALAN MILLER WHO CLAIMS TO BE JESUS CHRIST

The name of the man in the photograph is Alan John Miller. Miller is a former IT professional who now claims he is Jesus Christ.
He runs a religious movement known as the Divine Truth from his home in the Australian province of Queensland.
With him in the photo is his partner. Miller says the woman is Mary Magdalene and that she was present at his crucifixion.
He recalls raising his friend Lazarus from the dead.
Funny thing is that some people are buying Miller's story, hook, line and sinker.
People have left behind families and businesses in North America and Europe and relocated to Australia to be closer to Miller and his teachings. These people truly believe Miller is Jesus Christ and insist there’s nothing sinister about him or his teachings
So, will you leave everything and migrate to Australia just to follow Allan?
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY!
Monday, 27 May 2013
HOW SHE GOT OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:- AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH HER METHODS

She has been suffering all manner of physical and psychological abuse since getting married 4 years ago. Of course, the once loving, dark night in shining armour suddenly became a monster…not necessarily over night. For 3 years, she took these ill treatment silent-slaps, kicks at the slightest provocation. Then this fateful day, after taking all the beatings as usual, she called her elder sister. She could hardly talk on the phone. Sensing something terrible may be happening to her kid sister, the elder sister rushed down-all the way from Dolphin to Isheri ,Magodo to ascertain what the matter was. What did she see; Black eye from previous beatings, bruises, belt marks, and fallen strands from her braids-all signs from the latest beating.
Her brother in-law was so rude and was in mood to speak with her. She stepped outside, made a few calls and went back into the living room. In less than 1 hour,a Toyo...ta Bus loaded with a few young men; some i...n and other spotting military camouflage.
In summary, the brother in-law ended up in a nearby hospital and later on in Igbobi Orthopedic hospital that evening having sustained severe dislocation of his right wrist, shoulders and ankle. The elder sister of the woman in question had called her siblings-all of them boys and one of them suggested they storm there to at least teach the guy a lesson…to which the elder sister gladly and promptly approved. And what a great lesson it was.
The guy spent two weeks in the hospital-with all the bills paid by the wife’s family. While on admission, the wife’s siblings went to his place of work to secure his job and gave his employers the full report of what transpired. He got some good briefing and debriefing when he got back to work in addition to being read the Riot Act on resumption after his forced leave.
It’s been one year after .The guy seems to have learned a good albeit indelible lesson. The wife still provokes him like any human being would do to another human being. The guy still reacts, but not with his hands, legs or belts.
He has learnt to talk and express himself verbally having known the implication of doing otherwise. But do we need such treatments for men to know that it is absurd to hit their wives no matter the provocation?
Do you agree with how the situation was dealt with? If not can you suggest a better way of addressing such situations?
Thursday, 23 May 2013
A QUIRKY LOOK AT THE WHORE-VIRGIN COMPLEX

Hello
So I came across these guidelines on How to get a Nigerian man to marry you
Getting a Nigerian man to marry you is the easiest thing in the world. These easy steps will get you married, bedded, bare foot and pregnant in less than a year, guaranteed or your money back.
-- Be very religious. Nigerian men loveeeee them some religious girls. you don't actually have to be, you just have to pretend that you are. talk about the night vigils you go to every now and then. slip in some Bible passages in random conversations even when they don't fit in. Give him a Bible for his birthday. call him randomly for "morning prayers". a nigerian man will marry a woman who appears to be religious. fake it till you get that ring baby girl.
-- Pretend to be maternal. Pretend that you love children so much. especially other people's children. coo at them at grocery stores, malls, lounges, planes. talk about how much you love children. carry his friends' kids all day long. offer to help feed them, pretend girl. you're auditioning to be his baby popper, act like one.
-- Don't ever mention that you're a "feminist". femi-gini? that shit don't live here miss. Fuck women rights. accept all traditional roles even when you're dating. when you are dating him, make sure his food is ready as soon as he walks through that door bitch. it doesn't matter that you're in school or you are also working like him, shit like that don't matter. you have to show your man that you can put your back into it and be that super woman who will clean, cook, pop your back in bed and still pop out those kids.
-- You gats deny all them man them. Have you ever had sex? made out with someone? ummm...you don't have to tell your nigerian man that. when you're asked your body count is 1 or 2, never more than 3 though cos you're already side stepping into whoredom. never mind that your nigerian man's count is like 54, who cares? he's only out there fucking everything in skirt so that he can impress you in bed. all of what he does is for you, you ingrate!! he's out there putting his penis in everything in other to come home and please you in bed and you have the guts to say you have a body count of more than 3? if any man claims he has slept with you, cry and swear that you know no such man. refer to rule number 1, start quoting Bible passages about how your enemies are chasing you and shit.
that whole subtracting 7 from your body count is bullshit. you only have 3 choices: 1, 2, or 3. other than that, you might as well just remain single.
-- A nigerian man has needs that only you can't meet. you have to give him some penis room. why are you being selfish? let men be men. let them have wings to fly. don't be asking him why he came home late. you smell perfume on him? be happy that some girl is keeping him moisturized and smelling all good. that's one thing you don't have to do today. Let them have some fun girl, you just want that ring on your finger don't you? relax. that diamond that you can instagram with well manicured fingers is coming.
-- Last but not least, cook up a storm!!! your man should not be going hungry. cater to his food palette girl!! if you don't cook for him some other girl will cook for him and steal him away. cook him new delicacies all day, find out how his mother used to do it, cook for his friends too. why do you want to eat in restaurant? bitch please use that money and take your arse to the grocery store and make that man some food. let him save that money he would have used to take you out on your ring darling. be wise. a stitch in time saves nine.
This is my good deed for the day. Let him who have ears, listen or something like that.
love,
Sandra Oke

And I also came across this article Female 'Purity' Is Bullshit
Everyone else on earth is as annoyed with "purity" as I am, right? The idea that there are two kinds of women—"good girls" and everyone else, and one of them is good for fucking and the other one is good for marriage and never the twain shall meet.
The first painful thing I read today was a dumb collection of dumb shit written by a dummy, entitled "Why Good Girls Have Become As Extinct As Unicorns". In it, the anonymous male author explains that modern women are disgusting sluts who deserve to be taken advantage of, so if you manage to find a "good girl" (ideally by grooming her from kindergarten onward), you should legally cleave to her and imprison her in your bungalow posthaste before some other dude snatches up "your" prize. You can always cheat on her later when she gets "boring," which she definitely will, because she's not a person, she's just a vagina. This is "the mindset of men in the 21st century." Deal with it, ladies.
The second painful thing I read today—an utterly gutting counterpoint to the first—was a speech by kidnapping and rape survivor Elizabeth Smart. Speaking at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, Smart explained why she didn't try to run from her captors, or even cry for help when they took her out in public:
Smart said she "felt so dirty and so filthy" after she was raped by her captor, and she understands why someone wouldn't run "because of that alone."
Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, saying she was raised in a religious household and recalled a school teacher who spoke once about abstinence and compared sex to chewing gum.
"I thought, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.' And that's how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value," Smart said. "Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value."
Smart's reluctance to fight for her freedom isn't the cause of her rape or her harrowing 9-month imprisonment (her captors hold those distinctions entirely), but it's possible that she might have been rescued sooner had she not been socialized to believe dangerous ideas about female virtue and worth. Smart, understandably, internalized the things she had been taught all her life: that her value was inextricable from her "purity," that a woman without value had no reason to live, and, more obliquely, that her life and her body weren't really her own anyway. So what was the point? Why live? Why fight? The myth of female purity—the idea that "good girls have become as extinct as unicorns"—could very easily have contributed to years more sexual slavery for Elizabeth Smart. Or her death.
Fuck all of that.
Girls and women, if no one has ever told you this before, or if you just have trouble believing it: you are good, you are whole, you are yours. You do not exist to please men, and your value as a human being is not contingent upon your sexual capital. "Purity" is a lie. Do not even worry about any of this garbage, because it's about as real as a fucking unicorn. And like my Nana always used to say, "Never take life advice from a grown man who believes that unicorns are 'extinct.'"
And this "good girl" shit isn't just limited to odious ding-dongs like dude-who-doesn't-know-the-difference-between-extinct-and-fucking-mythological. I know plenty of progressive, liberal, adult men who openly say they're looking for a "good girl"—who prioritize some paternalistic illusion of "self-respect" over personality and chemistry. And to those dudes, I say, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HOW CREEPY THIS IS. Can you imagine if women went around saying they were just looking for a "good boy" and sometimes they "jokingly" scout kindergartens for promising baby virgins?!?!?! Groooooooooss!!!!!
To clear up any confusion, let's take a comprehensive look at female purity and why it is bullshit.
You Can Tell Something Is Bullshit If All of the Justifications for It Are Bullshit
Okay, guy, so why do you feel like you want/need/deserve to settle down with a "pure" woman? I'm genuinely listening.
"Oh, it's because sluts are gross."
Too vague. Do better.
"Well, their vaginas are real stretched out and big."
No.
"Ummmmm, they probably have a bunch of diseases?"
Easy fix! Setting aside the fact that plenty of women contract STIs from monogamous partners or during "safe sex," it sounds like your real problem here is with illness, not sex. So I assume you'd be fine dating a promiscuous woman who practiced safe sex and happened to be STI-free?
"No, because I want a girl who's traditional and family-oriented."
Having sex doesn't mean you don't want to have a family. It just means that you want to have sex.
"Yeah, but a slut is more likely to cheat on me."
Really? Then why do couples in the Bible Belt have such a high divorce rate?
"The devil, I guess?"
NOPE.
"I just can't stand the thought of her getting fucked by all those other guys."
So you're about to have sex with a woman you're attracted to, you really want to have sex with her, but all you can think about is her getting pounded by tons and tons of dicks? That sounds like an entirely different issue.
"No! I just mean that I struggle with the same powerlessness and insecurity that all human beings do, so as a coping mechanism I take advantage of our culture's patriarchal power structure and exorcize my feelings of worthlessness by perpetuating shame-based proprietary attitudes over women's bodies. Basically I'm obsessed with controlling women's lives because I can't control my own."
Oh, honey. I know.
Men Are Lying
Men can't actually care whether or not women are "pure," because there is no way for "purity" to be verified. It's just not a real thing, and chasing some phantom virtue for your entire life is a great way to ensure that you waste your goddamn life. By Professor Unicorn's own admission, above, even if you claim to be "pure" he will probably just assume you're lying, and even if you can somehow prove your purity he will get bored with you eventually anyway, because boner. This entire "conversation" is just an effort to rig a system in which men get to determine female worthlessness no matter the input. There is nothing you can do to be pure. Meanwhile, they get to do literally whatever they want with anyone, to anyone, at any time. The double standard is so blatant it's almost too boring to point out.
If you spend any time at all browsing body-positive Tumblrs, you'll notice that they're constantly invaded by men determined to insert their big, throbbing, veiny opinions into women's personal spaces. Queer women, fat women, women in pain, women trying to practice very basic self-care and sexual reclamation—they're all subject to unsolicited male assessment and exploited for male arousal. Women can't even escape sexualization in the context of attempting to make a statement about their own sexualization. It's relentless.
I got catcalled outside the coffee shop in the middle of writing this article—my brain mired in thoughts about purity and sexualization and objectification. A dude drove by in a car, leaned out the window, and yelled "EXCELLEEEEEENT!" (I will concede that it's possible he just mistook me for Rufus.) So what is it—am I supposed to be modest and pure, or do I become a sexual commodity as soon as I step outside in a belted muumuu and janky flip-flops? Well, the two aren't nearly as incongruous as they appear. A catcall is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The purity myth is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The fetishization of female purity in a world where catcalls are an acceptable form of communication telegraphs one thing very clearly:
"Women, stop sexualizing yourselves—that's our job, and you're taking all the fun out of it."
The sexualization of women is only appealing if it's nonconsensual. Otherwise it's "sluttiness," and sluttiness is agency and agency is threatening and so, therefore, sluttiness must equal disposability.
Women's Unhealthy Choices Are Nobody's Fucking Business
Everyone makes unhealthy choices sometimes. Life is long and complex. Everyone has sex with partners they regret, and strays out of their comfort zone for the wrong reasons, and enters into self-destructive relationships with the best intentions. But those choices are unhealthy for the person making them, not for anyone else. And those choices have no bearing whatsoever on anyone's worth as a human being. Sometimes perspective, born out of pain, can actually make life richer. Your good choices are yours and your bad choices are yours too.
Would it be better for you in the long run not to send naked pictures of yourself to a manipulative sociopath? Probably. But that's not because sending naked pictures of yourself is an inherently "bad" thing to do. Nudity isn't bad. Sex isn't bad. Nipples aren't bad. Even chastity isn't bad. Literally all of this shit is arbitrary. The only "mistake" is placing your trust in the wrong person, and the culpable one in that scenario is the person who chooses to be untrustworthy—not the victim taken in by it.
Our culture deliberately socializes women to be taken in. We condition girls (explicitly! Not even covertly!) to believe that if they're not sexually attractive, they're nothing. They're garbage. They might as well not exist. We reinforce, over and over, that their attractiveness has an expiration date, so the only thing they can do is desperately leverage that attractiveness while they can. If they resist that conditioning, we sexualize them against their will, and if they give in to that conditioning—or worse, if they are raped by a predator—we reveal the trap: Now you're a slut, and it's your fault. Now you're tainted. Now you're worse than nothing. Now you might as well not even cry out when your rapist takes you to the gas station in a wig and sunglasses.
So, Girls, Fuck All of It
If you want to. Or don't fuck any of it, if you don't want to. Fuck women. Fuck men. Fuck no one. Point is, you get to fuck what you like, when you like, and your worth is not determined by some golden ratio of extreme boner tantalization vs. minimal boner touching. BONERS ARE NOT THE BOSS OF YOU. You are the boss of you.
Blogged by Lindy West
Mena says: According to WIKI, Statistics prove that a number of men suffer from the Madonna-Whore complex. First identified by Sigmund Freud, this psychological complex is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes. Men with this complex desire a sexual partner who has been degraded (the whore) while they cannot desire the respected partner (the Madonna). Freud wrote: "Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love."[Clinical psychologist Uwe Hartmann, writing in 2009, stated that the complex "is still highly prevalent in today's patients"
But Where do you stand?
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