OH SUGAR, HOT DANG!

Meet Karrine!

Karrine Steffans (born August 24, 1978 is an American author, most notably of the Vixen series of books. She has worked as an actress and as a hip hop model, having appeared in more than 20 music videos, many by multiplatinum-selling rap artists. She has also written vividly about herescapades. Here is an excerpt.

JUELZ SANTANA: How was it? It was good. He's really wild in bed, and don�t let the 'No homo' stuff fool you, because he is definitely not a homo in bed. His d*ck is like a baseball bat, but it�s thick too like a overgrown German sausage. He likes to pull hair a lot, and he actually likes it better when a girl rides.

50 CENT: What's your story? 50 cent and I have had our share of sexual encounters. We kick it every time he comes to L.A.. His d*ck is not as big as I assumed it would be. It was probably about 7 1/2 inches. But it's not a big disappointment because he can eat pus*y like no other.

How did you meet? I know a few studio owners, so when he was out here recording with Game, I went in to meet them. It jumped off from there.

Does he have a fetish? Yes, 50 loves ti**ies and a*s. I happen to have them both so I guess that's why he immediately came on to me.

He came on to you? Actually he did, I wanted him either way, so if I had to come on to him, or he did, I was still going to get him.

YOUNG BUCK: Was Young Buck good in bed? He was the best I ever had. His d*ck was like the Energizer Bunny. It kept going and going. The sex lasted for hours at a time. It was the best I ever had and it got better each time.

Was this a ongoing relationship? It wasn�t a relationship really, it was more of a sex thing. It lasted about 5 months.

When did you meet Young Buck? I met him through one of my friends. She was dating one of his cousins or someone related to him. She introduced me at a party and he took me back to his hotel after that.

Was he famous when you met him? Not really, he was known through G-Unit but this was before his CD came out. Any other celebrities you would give a try? Yeah. There�s a few, but I doubt any of them would be better.

USHER: Were you in a relationship with Usher, or was it just for the sex? I wouldn't dream of being in a relationship with him. YUCK. It was just for sex, but the sex was NOT all that good either. I kinda felt sorryfor him. So I fu**ed him.

Were you disappointed? Um yeah. Because it was after a concert when we �fu**ed� and it was smelling like straight up FISH up in backstage in his dressing room. It was NOT me either. So I'm like babes? What's that smell. He tried to make it seem like it already smelled like that when they got to the arena. I'm like whatever, can we get this over with.

How was the sex? It was fu**ing horrible and on top of that it was smelling back there. This man is not packing, his d*ck is way small and he was having a hard time trying to find my hole. Then ol� boy did something out of this world, he yelled out something Haitian. I was sick to my stomach. I got dressed and ran out of there.

Are there any celebs you�d want to sleep with? Yes! Just not Usher. I�d fu** Lil Jon before I have sex with Usher again. I really would want to have sex with that guy Tyson Beckford, now he is packing, I seen some movies.

List of Rappers

Mystikal - long Trick Daddy - long and full of energy Twista - medium Will Smith - long Xzibit - long but comes to quick Kool G Rap - Long but cant f**k Talib Kweli - medium Redman - hung like a banana Black Thought - medium Russel Simmons - small Khujo from Goodie Mob - very long Ja Rule - Long and full of energy Jay-Z - Real thick and juicy but you cant stand looking at him when he�s on top OutKast - Both big but Big Boi is bigger and fatter Dre�s is long and slim Pete Rock - big Puff Daddy - medium Rakim - Long Mobb Deep - havoc is big but Prodigy is small M.O.P. - Long pipes but Danze has a smelly body odor Nas - small Nelly - medium Scarface - medium Snoop Dogg - too long Ol� Dirty Bastard - may his big d**k rest in peace Clipse - They�re both long but they cant f**k and Pusha T�s breath stinks Common - Long but too skinny Da Brat - can eat a p**sy. Mos Def - long but his breath stinks Timbaland - long and fat but can't f**k and comes to quick Too $hort - long and thick but talks to much s*it in bed Q Tip - long but skinny. He has an a**hole personality Mase - Long but he has an a**hole personality too Master P - nice and long and can f**k Method Man - Long but comes to quick Missy Elliott - pu**y has a bad odor 50 Cent - medium/long Big Punisher - The same size of a can of air freshener Busta Rhymes - Big and long bit cant f**k. Just because you are left sore he thinks he did something. Canibus - real long Noreaga - Long but he cant f**k Lil Wayne - nice and long Kanye West - Big but he cant f**k KRS-One - small LL Cool J - Nice and fat The LOX - All of them are big except for styles. styles is very tiny. And J Hood is abnormaly fat Ludacris - Just perfect. Long and fat DMX - Long and can fuck forever Fabolous - big d**k but comes to fast Fat Joe - small at first but when erect he�s impressive. Wyclef - Long but his breath stinks Ghostface Killah - Long but he comes to quick

While readers are trying to recover from that shock, she goes on to write this

Sometimes, in relationships, the pleasure is all theirs. Alone, I am a superhero. With you, I am a mere mortal. You deplete me. I’m tired of being your upgrade. We are not equally yoked. You really deserve someone more basic. I’m tired of pretending your mediocracy is okay with me. I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss G650′s. I’m tied of pretending you’re not a burden.I’m tired of pretending I don’t deserve a f-cking BOSS! I’m tired of you driving my car. Stop telling me you love me as if you’re doing me some sort of favor. I don’t need you to love me. I love me. I’m tired of pretending like you shouldn’t be intimidated by the other men in my life. Cuz you should. I’m tired of pretending as if I support your bullshit dreams. I’m tired of pretending your d-ck isn’t the smallest d-ck I’ve ever seen in my life. Cuz it is. I’m tired of pretending your favorite rapper didn’t just beat it up on Friday. I’m tired of paying for everything.

I’m tired of you taking all this sh-t for granted as if you ever deserved any of it. Give me my Mac back. For real tho. I’m tired of washing your wack ass clothes. I hate your whole face. I’m tired of acting like the sex is good.I hate when you roll all the way over onto my side of the bed to hold me. I’m over here for a reason. Did I mention I’m tired of paying for everything? Okay.I’m tired of giving you the game.I’m tired of pretending you’re anything more than a bum. I should’ve just hired you as a cook and kept it moving. I’m tired of congratulating you for accomplishing minuscule sh-t. I’m tired of you begging

I’m tired of moaning when I can’t feel anything!I’m tired of having to think about someone else to get off. I’m tired of having to lock my phone when you’re around.I’m tired of taking showers with you. Can I get a moment! Damn! Yes. He’s better than you. Next question. All night. ‘Til 6 in the morning. Next question.Yes. And I didn’t have to pay for none of it. Next question. Presidential suite. Next question. About 10 inches. Next question.69. Next question. Like a boss. Next question. Balls deep. Next question. I’m tired of having to pretend you’re not the 3rd worst decision I’ve ever made.

You should really be with that one chick who bagged our groceries this weekend. That’s more your speed.

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