GREETINGS and welcome Revered audience ;) Are you seated comfortably?
Now that i have your attention, i like to talk about hot beverages...not pears, but teas, hot chocs and coffees! well my opinion on the personality trait behind some customers preferences.
You see, I love people I, GENUINELY, TOTALLY, LOVE PEOPLE and have the gift of reading them. You can call me a looney, a mentalist or a Psychologist, depending on how sober you are;-)
Anyways, after being around some particular people for about a week (ha ha) I feel i have a grasp on the personalities behind their hot beverages tastes!
Still here? a word of advice, Never Forget that by entering my show you are abandoning your reality.:-)
Here we go:
Tea Lovers: These group are most likely to be men. working men to be precise. There is hardly any chit chat. They tend to stick with Breakfast tea( out of other choices including Camomile,Peppermint,Ginseng,Earl Grey) Overhead one saying "Like,if birds could just shut up and make us a cuppa now and then,the world would be a better place yeah'
Expresso lovers: They are experienced, intense,intelligent,driven and almost manic. They are probably the only group that literally ORDERS for a coffee.No sugar nor milk,thank you. They take a sip and seem to travel to utopia,when they come to, they speak a strange language,like "excellent!" "Brilliant!""The coffee beans must be matured""exquisite! or if they are unhappy with the taste "It doesnt have the wham"not enough zing to it" or my favourite:"when i fought in the first world war,trapped in the middle of enemy lines in the backside of Constantinople,on the border with Timbuktu,i came across some coffee beans that added some zen to my ying yang!" Yes,this group knows their coffee from their toffee and can make you create several cups until they achieve euphoria.
Mocha lovers:Often ordered by tourists,They are often flambouyant,very adventurous people.They always chit chat and ask a lot of questions like "Where is Harrods?""What is Mocha anyway""Is there a Chanel Store near here?"where can i get a helicopter out of here,the road is too jampacked""
Americano..er.. lovers: I must admit that these group baffle me. They want coffee but want even more water in it,almost as if they want to kill the coffee taste. They are usually men that look as if their partners dragged them out for some retail therapy. Lady americano lovers almost always ask for white americano. 'Could you tell me when you have enough milk?' .They usually reply "Keep pouring dear,thats it,keep it flowing!"
Hot Chocolate lovers: These group are always warm and friendly. "Hi Gorgeous, Are you alright?" "I hope you get to sit down""What do you do for a living?"" where are you from?""Tell you what,you should runaway to France " Er but madam i dont speak French, "thats irrelevant ,just go"! Hot Choc lovers almost always come back another day just to say Thank You(awww)
Cappuccino lovers: Cap lovers are usually trendy,smart and generally happy people. Some of them are very precise with their order. "Sorry but there is not enough froth in this cap",are sometimes naughty" Can i have two shots of brandy and a stick of cigarettes to go with my Cap" As i look up, from my creative venture ,to make sure i heard right."Gotchya!" They make interesting chit chat. "That lady over there,is my wife, we have been married 9 years 3month and 6 days, and my heart still skips a beat when i look at her" The woman in question is often chasing their four children around the store.Awww
Latte: Ah my lovely Latte lovers. They are often made up of Career driven,people,hardly adventurous and who seem to know what they want."Can i have a Latte with no froth and i mean,no froth" Once during a frothing accident, I apologise profusely, the customer replies"No need to apologise, its your jacket that has a square shaped milk stain on it,not mine" They also can be..er.. refreshingly rude. Here is your latte madam,I hand the cup to the lady."So where is the cookie?" It doesnt come with cookies maam. "Well it should,how can you sell Latte at this amount and have no cookies to go with it!"
They can be a depressed bunch. Answers to my question of how was your day, can range from "Oh Terrible!" to "my baby sitter cancelled on me"or the recently popular."There are rumours of a major downsizing at my office, 800,000 of us will be getting the sack"
Another thing is, Latte lovers are often in the middle of a fight with their partners when they get to me.
"Er.Hold on one sec please,Honey,i dont have any cash with me, could you cover this one for me"
"What!you expect me to pay again!Why dont you use your credit card" "Well i dont have my wallet here"
"why you miserable little...!" I get paid..eventually.
Latte lovers often make my day. A regular statement often in a snotty loud voice is "Please put the change in the charity box" I cant resist but reply as loudly: "Why, all 2pennies of it?!"
Odd Balls. Lovely group of people. They can be any sex,any age,and some of them, more than often cannot speak the English language. One day,A beautiful lady grunted at me,when it was clear that we both did not speak the same language, she pointed at the Latte sign. I artistically created one for her. She shook her head in disapproval,and proceeded to sign language. Taking her cue, I filled a cup with milk and stuck a tea bag in it. She smiled in approval.
Or the middleaged Asian man who ordered a double expresso. He says"You are very lucky you know, Obama won the ticket" Before i snapped out of my reverie to ask for clarification. He quickly walked away. Well i suppose its either one of two things, i look like Obama from the side or he recognises that i am Obamas future partner-should-he-happen-to-be-single-in-future.(evil snigger)
An oddball after my heart came up to my car to order a camomile tea. She let me know: "I want to do the christmas shopping but my daughters in law say i should not spend any money." .
By now i have mastered the art of random small talk,so i expressed surprise that she had adult children. She beamed and says "three of them,all married".I complemented her on her looks. She beamed even more brightly, "i will be 66 next year". I expressed shock as i froth her milk( i am also good at multitasking ha ha) No way!. She insists and says:
"Really,I am 65 now,I tell the truth.."...then she takes off her false teeth for proof..Bless her!
"Excuse me,my dear, i suppose this is a coffee bar and not a library" I jerk up from my writing and attend to her. "Can we have two lattes please?thanks hold on, dont you think my husband looks distinguished in his jumper?i have had the most difficult time trying to convince him" I look up from my creative trance to fix my gaze upon the rather garish,bright red and green colored jacket that her partner was wearing..."I think he looks very ...er..interesting" She gave me a steely gaze, her husband looks everwhere else but at me.. while i continue with my piece de resistance (or however it is bladdy well spelt :P).
Aah i love the customers very very much, but it is a good thing this was a one week undercover/fieldwork social experiment!
Have a nice day & God bless !!