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Friday 31 December 2010

Pictures of the day...(Wishing you all a happy new year filled with lots of bushmeat, nuts, bananas, yams, plantain :-) ...

I have had a great time since joining blogspot this year! And to think I created this blog because facebook admin in their wisdom kept seizing my notes! My year has been full of the bitter as well as the sweet.How was yours? much better I hope. Looking forward to 2011..May the new year close the door on sorrow and open the door of love, joy and prosperity in our lives.
May God deliver us andour entire family from evil by His grace and goodness which beyond meagre understanding in Jesus Name. Amen!!

Now for the photos of glorious food!! :P

Maybe I should change my name from Ukodo to Owofigbo? LOL

This, ladies and gents, is Ukodo in all its glory! mwahahaha

Egusi soap and tins! chei!

Not a fan but I respect the adoration agege bread get from its groupies!

Dont scoff! I know a politician who ran on the message of holy amala! ehen!

*speechless* *near fainting*
Wishing you all a happy new year filled with lots and lots of bushmeat, nuts, bananas, yams, plantain, grapes, oranges, pawpaws, lettuce, corn, indomie, beetroot, aubergines, duck, Agbo, 6 to 6, Octopus, Banga, Starch, bacon, Fish and Chips, Curry, Amala, Tuwo shinkafa, shekpe, Pounded Yam, abodi, kpomo, roundabout, Oysters, Frog, Horse, Chimpanzee, porridge, fried rice, fried lice, kia kia, chicken head, turkey, yaradua, point and kill, shiny nose, shaki, ukodo, peppersoup, isi ewu/ogunfe, rice, gbegiri, sare sare, agege bread, ghana bread, plantain, roasted or baked potatoes, glass of milk, cookies or icecream


Monday 27 December 2010

I had stopped to greet a friend when she asked my friend “is that not the murderer”: Ibinabo Fiberesima

I have always respected Ibinabo as an actress and as a person because of her general positive outlook in life. She always came across as cheerful, independent business woman, who had it all together.

So it came as surprise to me to learn that she has been through a challenge as serious as this one, manslaughter..and again has shown a resilient spirit by looking at lessons learned and even taking up a charitable cause based on her experience, but dont let me spoil it, read on :)

Ibinabo’s prison note…

After your horrible prison experience, how is life treating you?

Life has been nice to me. I’m a more relaxed person now than before and I’m at peace with myself and you can notice it.

What would you say is the lesson that your recent experience taught you?

Life has taught me to be more careful; to look before I leap. In the past, I used to take a lot of things for granted, but now, I’m calmer. I also pray a lot these days.

Do you see yourself as a testimony of God’s mercy?

Yes, I’m a defined testimony of God’s mercy. The accident, the trial and the trauma I had to pass through, and finally my release from prison is worthy of a testimony.

I actually don’t remember the accident anymore and it’s amazing. I never believed I could get over the trauma.

While it lasted, I locked myself up in the darkness of my little world for several days without food. It was close to hell.

But I must tell you; the depression, the trauma and the pain were unbearable. I came out of Kirikiri prison, feeling dejected, and abandoned. People no longer wanted me around them any more . But like I said earlier, it’s a different world today.

In prison, the inmates showed me a lot of love, care and sympathy. They also gave me hope and the confidence to live. I was also treated as family in that peaceful environment

Surprisingly and in spite of my incarceration, I’m still celebrated and recognised as a celebrity in the country.
What went through your mind the moment you were ushered into the prison?

First, when I was ushered into the Black Maria, after the court verdict, I went into a shock. I cried out for help, but nobody heard my cry .

And when the Black Maria moved from the court to pick other inmates in other courts, it dawn on me that the game was up.

When we got to a particular court, I refused to climb down from the Black Maria.

There, a woman joined me with a child. I was dumfounded. As I summoned up courage to ask what she was doing with a child in a Black Maria, she said to me; “I don’t have anywhere to keep her, hence I’m going to prison with her.” I felt bad.

Eventually, that same baby was soon to become everybody’s baby in prison .

More drama was soon to unfold as the Black Maria approached the prison gate. I passed out.

I couldn’t believe it. That I, Ibinabo was going to make the prison my new home.

For three days, I was in a shock. And when I recovered, I started receiving inmates who called to sympathise with me.

Soon, life returned to normal and my interaction with other inmates became cordial. Life in the prison could be compared to life in a female hostel in high school.

And since I was a boarder in high school, I was quick to adjusted to the environment.

But what hurts most was knowing that some inmates had spent between five and seven years on awaiting trial. All of these will be contained in my prison notes which will be published soon.

How did I meet Christ, you may want to ask me?

In prison, there was a particular pastor that got me to reflect on what brought me to Kirikiri. I thought of so many things including how I begged the family of the man I knocked down. I also thought of my relationship with God and wondered if l was on a good stand with Him.

I wondered if that may have been responsible for my woes. As I pondered over these things, I got connected to my creator.

At that moment, he told me “this is the path you are going to follow from today if you must find peace in life”.

While the trial lasted, you were always covering your face. Was it done as a result of shame?

Yes. It wasn’t a picture I would want to see when I’m out of the prison. If I had allowed my frustration to be captured through the lens of the press guys, it would remain in my memory forever.

How did the warders treat you?

The warders were nice to me. I was amazed at the way the warders treated me .

Is it true you were drunk when the accident happened?

I was not drunk. I was going to pick up a friend’s daughter at school on Victoria Island. She’d gone to the saloon to make her hair. I was on my way home when she pleaded with me to stop over and pick up her daughter and another lady.

As the lady was not properly dressed, I was counseling her when a group of four guys in a red-car, smoking at random, for no reason trailed and tried to overtake our vehicle.

Sensing danger, I increased my speed, but the guys double theirs.

While trying to avoid hitting their car, I swerved to the other lane and unfortunately collided with two cars on motion. That’s exactly what happened.

When the accident happened, I passed out. And when I woke up, I found myself in the hospital.

As I speak with you, I am yet to set my eyes on that car. I don’t know where they kept the car. And each time I read stories concerning the accident I always feel very bad.

During the trial, did you at any point feel abandoned by relations and close friends?

Abandoned by my friends yes, but by family members, no. They stood by me, while the trial lasted.

A year before the accident in 2005, I had relocated to Port Harcourt. I was in Lagos for a meeting with management of the African Independent Televison (AIT) regarding my annual Miss Earth beauty pageant. They were to partner with my organisation for that year’s edition.

Since the incident happened, I have learnt how not to trust anybody anymore. I put my trust now in the Lord. And this is better explained in the new song I recorded. The music captures my story.

Emotionally, I have been drained and to some extent humiliated, even in public.

I recall a particular situation, where I was called a murderer at a friend’s wedding by a certain lady.

I had stopped to greet a friend when she asked my friend “is that not the murderer”.

I was furious as I confronted her, demanding that she differentiate between manslaughter by accident and murder.

But she later apologised to me, blaming her action on what she read in the national dailies about the accident.

I wasn’t happy that I was involved in that accident and I have said it over and over again that I’m deeply sorry that it ever happened. I don’t know how else to atone for the accident. (The tears started rolling down her cheeks).

I started begging my victim’s family from the very day, the accident happened. My family attended the funeral rites, service of songs and I even attended the 40 days prayer when I was strong enough to move about. I met with the mother and the wife of the deceased. There’s virtually nothing I didn’t do to plead with the deceased’s family to let me off the hook. I’m still pleading with them as I speak with you right now.

Were you expecting the court verdict on the day it came?

I wasn’t. The moment they pronounced the verdict “guilty” I passed out. I didn’t need to hear the rest. I was finished because I had only N5000 in my bag.

While I was trying to mobilise my family members to see how they would raise the N100,000,00 option to jail, a woman I had never met in my life walked up to me to say she’d paid the money on my behalf and handed me the receipt. She urged me to go home and take care of myself. Unknown to Nigerians, I was pregnant when the verdict was reached.

A week after I was released on bail, I traveled abroad to have my baby.

I had complication during delivery and since I was alone over there , I returned home so that my mum could assist me in taking care of the new born baby.

It was indeed when I returned to the country that I started hearing stories that I ran away.

It was also during the period that my lawyer called to tell me that the Lagos State Government had appealed against the N100,000,00 option of fine. Confused, I went back to beg the family again to let me be. But they told me they had no hand in the appeal. That was how I entered for the second trial.

You have not been acting for some years now?

No. I stopped acting because I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. Feeling that the family lost a loved one, I figured that if they kept seeing me on screen, it could raise emotions. So I said let me stay off the screen, for a while for my peace of mind.

The media didn’t help matters too as they kept writing false stories about me. I withdrew from public and social functions.

They kept the attack, reporting stories that I was throwing parties here and there. In fact, most of those reports helped to complicate my situation. People started seeing me as a bitch who did not show an iota of remorse for what happened.

My medical doctor father with whom I lived with, was in pain because of a late colleague, his daughter was on trial.

During the period I lost interest in my businesses. I contracted another company to run my business interests. Nevertheless, I am back into acting and as we speak, I’m on many set.

Before the accident happened, people saw you as reckless?

I’m not reckless at all. I’m a proper lady. I can act to be that person you see on screen, but I’ m not that person in real life.

Yes, I wouldn’t say I was wild, rather I was a carefree person. And before now, a lot of things did not matter to me. But today, I have given birth to children so I need to be a role model. It hurts me when people write careless things about me in the press. My children read too.

Have you ever been married?

No, I have not been married. My first son’s father died. We lost him and my second child’s father could not stay with me. Something happened along the line and we couldn’t be together.

When the media came after me, my guy thought I was the one giving out our personal information to them. I tried to explain things but he wouldn’t listen. So we went our separate ways.

Thereafter, I met my heartthrob, Fred Amata and again the press got involved. Fred was my friend first of all, before he became the father of my baby.

The press started writing that the mother never liked me, even as I speak with you, Fred’s mother and I are the best of friends. I talk with her almost every day.

I was accused of breaking Fred’s marriage. I met Fred, four years after he was separated from his wife. So how could I have caused his marriage to crash. If Fred decides to make peace with his wife, I wish them well. I have a relationship with Fred, he’s my baby’s father. I respect and love him. That does not take away the fact that I’m still single and searching. I want to marry and have a complete family. I know God will grant me my heart’s desire because I live a Christ- like life now. That’s all that is missing me, I want to be addressed as Mrs Ibinabo, I really want to settle down.

While your ordeal lasted, what was the reaction of your parents?

You know because of me, my parents stopped reading Nigerian newspapers. My Dad particularly would prefer to listen to the news on television and radio, because of the negative stories they carry about me.

What project are you working on at the moment?

After I prison, I decided to extend help to the less privileged. I ‘m trying to register my Ibinabo Foundation. But before this time, I have been working with a group of lawyers, who are assisting me to help some inmates regain their freedom especially those who are on waiting trial.

At the moment, we have freed two inmates. Of the two, one spent eight years in prison while on awaiting trail. She was 17 years when she was incarcerated. Right now, we are trying to see how we can rehabilitate her so could move on with her life.

The second person, spent four years on awaiting trial. She has been discharged. There are other inmates we are trying to see how they can regain their freedom again. We visited the prison in Port Harcourt, to share my story with the inmates and also to tell them to hold on to the Lord.


p.s: It was an accident yes, but its difficult to forget especially the survivors of the victim. May the soul of the doctor rest in peace.

Tuesday 21 December 2010

Have yourself a Very Merry Christmas and please give to those who really, desperately, need a helping hand!!!

Those guys are certainly pleased to wish you a merry christmas!! LOL

How is your christmas holiday going to be? Mine will be..erm..ok, Look, I am not even going to pretend, this christmas period is going to be rough on so many levels. The striking thing about 'rough' periods in my life's journey is that those are the periods I am more likely to give. My parents have virtually giving up on this overtlykind and giving aspect of me, they believe that I do it inspite of my own difficulties,and strongly believe it is a negative trait. I still recall from a fortnight ago, the look from my dad as he said; 'I pray you would end up with an equally kind man for a husband...'.
Thats what he said with words, his expressions was more like this; 'The world is full of selfish and callous people who actively seek out to gain from people they regard as suckers,people who give from the kindness of their heart I hope and pray you never fall into the hands of such selfish people'. Bless him.

Anyway I was sent this letter from one of the charity organisations I joined and I feel it is rather apt for this season. It is deep stuff and definitely puts things in perspective! Do read on.....

Dear Friend of The Vine,

At this time of the year it's especially important to think of others. I'd like to encourage you to read the following article from our ministry partner, CoAid.

Have a blessed Christmas,

God bless,

Steve Neill, for The Vine

Being a middle-aged punster, I often joke that how you think of your family is all "relative". Something that is relative is how we view poverty. Many of us have been hit by hard times in this economic squeeze and Christmas for many is not the same as previous years.

In Zimbabwe there are doctors performing caesarian sections with the lights from their cell phones. In Kenya there are 4,000 Somalis (mostly women and children) arriving at the Kakuma refugee camp every week. Here in Denver, homeless families living in hotels have been forced to move out due to cockroach infestations.

We may not have cozy answers as to why tragedy and hardship befalls us but we can be assured that God has not abandoned us. In October I visited Albania and was asked to speak to a group of 150 refugees living in a large building with one outhouse. The families inside earned less than $5.00 a day. I shared on the Christmas story. It was very special to see the combination of joy, serious thought and conviction at the end of the time of sharing. People could begin to see that despite unemployment, uncertainty and poor health, we have a creator and a savior that listens, cares and wants to be with us. Even more than that, we have a creator and savior who has been there!

* Jesus was born into poverty... into a hard working family doing their best to make ends meet. He was born in a barn.

* Jesus was born into a situation where people would be suspicious about the circumstances of his birth. Back in the 1970's when I was in school, kids born out of wedlock were given a pretty rough time.

* Jesus was presented to God in the Temple with the offering of the poor. Mary and Joseph presented 2 young pigeons.

* Jesus as a toddler was taken across an international boundary because of a valid threat of persecution. He became a refugee. Many have asked over the years, what happened to the gifts of gold, frankincense and Myrrh, surely they couldn't have been that poor? Having lived as a missionary most of my life, my guess would be that it got them to Egypt and then they found themselves using it to help others in need. Did Joseph find a job? How did they communicate? What kind of help did they get finding somewhere to live? How did they deal with the fear of a different culture?

* Jesus had to face the common question of "why me?" when he returned to see the parents of children that had been slaughtered in a genocide by Herod. I've been surrounded by many people that have suffered greatly in their emotions because they were a survivor. What was it like for Jesus to come home?

As we enter this Christmas season let us not just stand in awe that God came to Earth as man but also stand in awe that God Himself has been there when we think of the homeless families in the hotel, when we think of refugees, when we think of the poverty that is the result of evil regimes in places like Burma and Zimbabwe.

It's my prayer that as we ponder how amazing Jesus is and as we approach 2011 that you will enter this New Year:

* Listening... to people in their pain and be the emotional, spiritual and social support to people in need that Jesus calls us to be.

* Praying... for the end of regimes that are causing suffering to millions.

* Giving... to organizations that are making a real difference in the lives of the hurting.

At CoAid there is a lot we can do in the coming year to ease the plight of children in Burma and help refugees know that Jesus understands because he has been there.

May you be blessed and be a blessing in this Christmas season.

Please consider making a donation to the work of CoAid:

Thank you and God bless,

Phil Gazley
Vice President - CoAid

I think his message is clear enough even as we know there are people needing our help beyond 'co-aid' some even within our families, schools or offices.

Like I said at the beginning of this note, my Christmas day is going to be rough, as bills aside, I have about 50pounds left in my account,from now till the end of next month and I dont see how that will get any better. The fact that its a holiday makes it bad, the fact that it is not going to get any better makes it really really really bad. It is mental torture to think of the events that led to this stage and even worse to think of how I would cope with it all. However It is even more heartbreaking to think that there are people living in FAR FAR FAR worse situation and not to do something, anything about it.

The bottomline of this message is just to encourage you to think about other people who might be in an even more difficult situation than you may find yourself and to ask that you give from your heart to help them out but ONLY if you feel compelled to. :)


written with huge dollops of Love&Ukodo ;)

Saturday 18 December 2010

Guest blogger: On clearing away clutter

Today’s post is by a blogger called evolving spirit. I find it relevant even as the year winds down and we take stock of the last 11+ months. I enjoy reading her blogs but she has not posted anything in 4 months now, after she spoke about an operation that didnt go smoothly. I hope she gets better and continues sharing her experiences and wisdom.

One of the easiest ways to get organized and to clear away clutter is by taking out the trash. If you want to start organizing and clearing away clutter, start by clearing away what you know is trash: junk mail, flyers left on your door or mailbox, empty food and/or drink containers, empty boxes from mailed or bought items, empty grocery bags, dry cleaning plastic, old magazines, etc.

As you clear these items away, you might want to consider how you can cut down on some of this type of trash that enters your life. Perhaps removing yourself from catalog mailing lists and investing in reusable grocery bags could be a start. Then as you sift through and release this trash, start identifying other items in cupboards, drawers, and the refrigerator that can be considered trash and remove these items. Start on one element at a time.

Then as you move through the process, move to larger projects; for instance, closets, attic, garage, basement, and rooms. Start with trash first and be honest with your items. Unless they are holiday items being stored yearly for holiday usage, if you have something stuck away that hasn't been used for a year or more, it is most likely trash, or at least something to donate.

Often just by going through and removing trash that we hang onto in our lives we can make a huge leap in getting organized, and the removal of the trash that clutters our environment can go a long way in clearing the clutter of our minds.

This is just a beginning step and a metaphor for clearing out the clutter of one's life. What is cluttering your life? What steps can you take to clear out the trash, cut back on allowing trash to enter your life, and clean up your environment, your mind, your body, and your spirit?

My thoughts: Nothing to add, except to express my appreciation for this article and to wish her a speedy and full recovery.You can follow the evolving spirit here.

Friday 17 December 2010

Words of wisdom on 'starting and KEEPING a family'

Todays featured author: James has a few words of advice for the 'about to weds'. Enjoy!

A wise saying says ‘The Apple never falls far from the tree’. I spent the most of yesterday mulling over this saying and wondering why some people do the things they do. I have often wondered why women were made? Why men exist at all? What is their purpose? But what set me off, is why man is inherently a BEAST. Why would anybody take it upon themselves to kill a fellow human being, lets not even talk about killing millions. I did some research and came up with a few pointers I feel are worth sharing.


Born between 1923 and 1925 into the Kakwa tribe in Koboko(pointer no 1), near Arua in the northwest corner of Uganda, close to the borders with the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Sudan. His father is a farmer and a follower of Islam. His mother is a member of the Lugbara tribe and is said to practice sorcery(yet another pointer). Amin's parents separate soon after his birth. Amin is raised by his mother, who becomes a camp follower of the King's African Rifles, a regiment of the British colonial army. She will have more children from other relationships, with Amin becoming the third of eight siblings.


Born on 20 April 1889 in Braunau am Inn, Austria, into a lower middle-class family of peasant origins. His father, a customs official, is 23 years older than his mother, a domestic servant. Hitler is dominated by his father and spoilt by his mother. His father dies in 1903, his mother in 1907. He has one half-brother, one half-sister, and one full-sister.


Born Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili on 21 December 1878 in Gori, Georgia, in the then Russian Empire. He is the fourth but only surviving child of a poor and struggling family. His father, a cobbler, is a violent alcoholic who becomes estranged from the family. His mother is a seamstress. She is devoted to her son, who she nicknames "Soso", the diminutive of Joseph.


Tyson was born in Brooklyn, New York, United States. He has two siblings: a brother, Rodney, and a sister, Denise. Tyson's father, Jimmy Kirkpatrick, abandoned his family when Tyson was 2, leaving his mother, Lorna Smith, to care for them on her own. The family lived in Bedford-Stuyvesant until their financial burdens necessitated a move to Brownsville when Tyson was 10 years old. She died six years later, leaving 16-year-old Tyson in the care of boxing manager and trainer Cus D'Amato, who would become his legal guardian. Tyson has been quoted saying, “I never saw my mother happy with me and proud of me for doing something: She only knew me as being a wild kid running the streets, coming home with new clothes that she knew I didn't pay for. I never got a chance to talk to her or know about her. Professionally, it has no effect, but it's crushing emotionally and personally.” Throughout his childhood, Tyson lived in and around high-crime neighborhoods. He was repeatedly caught committing petty crimes and fighting those who ridiculed his high-pitched voice and lisp. By the age of 13, he had been arrested 38 times.

These 4 men have in their own ways left indelible marks on the face of the earth, and they all seem to have something in common, their early childhood upbringing. They all had seemingly violent domineering fathers, broken marriages, and mothers who probably spared the rod to the eventual detriment of the child, not to mention our poor world. But lets not be generalistic. Am sure there are probably 1000’s of other men who fall under this category but didn’t end killing millions of people or cannibalizing their fellow humans. Mike Tyson made this select list because he was once a pin-up poster boy for ‘women batterers Inc’ and that was actually what set me off on wondering why men are such BEASTS. But lets not get it twisted, ‘Men’ in this lexicon is not targeted at the male species specifically, our female counterparts were just as evil.


Jezebel was the daughter of Ethbaal, King of the Sidonians (1 Kings 16:31).
Her name originally meant 'The Prince Baal exists'. Baal was a weather god worshipped in the Syro-Palestinian world. In Biblical Hebrew Jezebel's name means 'there is no nobility'. Jezebel's domination of her husband was directly responsible for the whole of Israel falling into the sin of idolatry. The whole nation suffered a famine caused by the lack of rain. This was God's judgement on them 1 Kings 17. This was particularly humiliating for Jezebel since Baal was supposed to be the god of weather.

Personally I think Jezebel never really had a chance at living a godly life as the odds were seriously stacked against her from birth. I mean what do you expect when your parents decide to name you after a weather god(mood swings for 1) and probably brought you up knowing no other god but baal.

This simply makes my earlier assumption correct. We are who we are because of our up bringing and the kind of family we are raised in. This is all the more important in this age where parents rarely have time for their children and leave them to the whims and caprices of house helps and guardians at school. Spending just 2 hrs with your children daily before they go to bed (since you don’t get in till 7pm daily at the earliest) doesn’t count as quality parenting time. Lets not inadvertently be responsible for the next mass murderer or even worse still the anti-christ. We shall be judged by our actions or in-actions.

Don’t be fooled by his/her seemingly meekness, quietness, kindness, richness, or even humility. If theres serious baggage in his/her nuclear family (parents, siblings), chances are they are bringing it with them. So before you make that all important choice of marrying someone and raising kids, spend time with their family. Make sure their grand-father or great grandfather wasn’t a serial killer/mass murderer or something.

It sounds old fashioned granted, but it will save you a whole lot of future heart-ache…gaddemit, it’ll save the whole world a whole lot of pain!!

James Famo

Mena's thoughts: What James did was to give a snapshot of the lives of certain notorious people, tracing the actions they took during their lifetimes,to events that must have affected them during their childhood stage of development.Personally I believe there are many situations we cannot control in life's journey, however we can be more vigilant to certain character traits inherent in ourselves or in a potential mate before making that big step to starting afamily or even leaving an abusive partner/family. God help us all. :D!

Tuesday 14 December 2010

“WOMAN! part ௨ ( No such thing as marital rape in Nigeria!!”)

Top of the day!! So yesterday I published an article written by Chimamanda on this topic and it seems as if I was misunderstood. I have gone back to give a more detailed view of my thoughts on her write up.Please note that Mena is not a feminist oh, heck I dont even know what the concept really mean if I am honest. If I was strictly one, why would I publish blogs that practically bashes women, like this for a start? Nah I am interested in all topics and it just so happens that yesterday (13th Dec) and todays topic happen to be centered on male chauvinism. honest.

Na hin another opportunity to expantiate on the topic presented itself. What happened was that, on facebook, a friend of mine added me to a closed group. I later noticed that it was a group dominated by Nigerians and it was open to any kind of topic, from sexual explicit types to lighthearted jokes. Soon enough the female bashing topics began. "Why do women jazz men" "Why are women gold diggers" and topics of that nature. One particular topic and its responses stood out to me, and I have copied a little bit of it in here (replacing the original names of course)

Author: Topic: She got out of bed at 5am to get breakfast ready and by 7am she rushed out of the house, stopped to drop the kids off at school. She had a very hectic day at work. Stopped to pick the kids at the babysitters at 7pm, rushed home to get dinner started, helping the kids with their homework in between. Dinner's ready & served at 8pm, By the time everything's cleaned, put away and children tucked into bed, it's 10pm about time hubby gets home. She serves him his dinner, and by the time she's done cleaning up, she was ready to drop. She was hoping to retire early, but hubby had other plans in mind. "Darling, please I'm very tired tonight"... "what do u mean u r tired? u must b joking"... The argument went on for a coupla mins and hubby eventually forcefully had his way........

QUESTION:a) Does an individual have a right to refuse sex in a marriage?
b) What do u think of spousal/marital rape?
Author:spousal rape - non-consensual sex in which the perpetrator is the victim's spouse.....

Mary (A): @topic: Yes, one has a right to refuse sex in a marriage, and (B) Yes, there's such thing as a spousal rape, it is a crime punishable by a jail term.

John: @topic: Sex is a mutual thing, if she is tired, appreciate and understand that she is tired, get a rain check, it's better when both parties are active participant.

James: @topic: She better learn to do all that and more, and still shag her husband silly if he asks for it...wetin be the big deal sef..

Matt: @topic: Not nice @ all. If she don taya, she don taya be that. Me i go wait for @ least 1hour make she rest first. If after that, she no wan do............I go BEG am. If d agro really cash me....:). Odawiz na 'sai gobe' be dat. *sai gobe is hausa for 'till tomorrow.....:)* *wink*

Victor: @topic: To be candid, it's bitter but the truth is individual has no right to refuse sex in marriage, if per adventure something like this siuation above arises, i believe there's a way she can present her case to her husband the he will fully understand her.

Lisa @Victor - a way 2 present her case???? What ye ye case???? Even GOD sef give us d free will 2 do as we much more mortals!!!!!!!1

Victor @Lisa this is a sensitive issues that had destroyed a lots of marriages & i believe we need to learn from each other, i might not be right but according to my believe, individual have no right to refuse sex & i believe any man that forcefully have sex with his wife is not normal, fine we can call it rape simply because we are in Western World but in 3rd World Countries where women has less or little right of their own

Lisa @Victor - u need a reality check o big

Peter: @topic: Okay firstly if you do not want to have sex you should not. Secondly and this is a personal opinion there really cannot be rape in a marriage especially when you are not seperated. Yes it sounds cold but it is true

Jane : @Peter - if u dey live overseas - why can't u try it on ur wife & let her report it 2 d cops to find out if na rape or not - married or seperated eh??????

Peter @Jane: long shot here says you are single and not exactly young. You wan to live by culture you probably don't even adapt, come on. I do not have to rape anybody and for the life of me never had sex with anyone tha did not want to. You got to get it right getting emotional is never reasonable.

Jane @Peter: - first of all, u need 2 get ur facts right b4 u begin 2 size me up!!!'s so hard 2 believe dat u haven't done such act b4....u sounded so cold & uncompassionate in ur comment above.

Peter: You know what as far as I am concerned marriage is overrated and was invented by a woman. Men don't want to get married you women do so do we make an issue out of it. Be happy living your life the way it is and if a man who is 50 is happy getting it off with an 18 year old what do you care! Please get a fucking life and stop lamenting at the fact that you are in your mid 30s and God maybe early to mid 40s and not married or divorced or a single mother, get on with life!

Jane @Peter: - my point exactly........another unreasonable comment coming 4rm u.......why I'm I not surprised! Thanks 4 proving me right!

Peter: @Jane: believe it or not do not feel the need to prove a point to you or anybody else. You don't open your mind talk less of see reason, yeah I am the bad guy cos rape in marriage does not make sense but bcis it make sense in a couple of western world your own tradition gies down the drain and you wonder why you and I cannot discuss at the same level! Educate yourself open your mind be objective.

Eve: @Peter: What a chauvinistic talk, stop blaming wrong things on culture and tradition, what culture and what tradition makes it right to force sex on someone who doesn't want it? I don't think there is anyone who doesn't want to get married, men or women, just because of circumstances beyond their control that made things happen, a beg go siddon some place if u have nothing tangible to offer this group. I am so shocked that in the 21st century there would be someone with such an archaic talk.

Peter: I guess your 35 usd a year maybe 40 and at best 50 makes you happy and sure makes you feel you know all! You need to get a life opps sorry start with an identity maybe maybe your sorry ass has a chance. I am out of here!

Admin: @Peter: ......pls dont go..................this thread here show n says alot............some men will neva eva respect women...........regardless........a woman had a hectic day..........n cos hubbys dick is up she must ansa............this men...tality is selfish.......most of these comments from some men here says alot.......SELF, SELF CENTERED, CONTROLLING,...........WOMEN DONT MEAN SHITT TO U......IRU WON WOMANIZE ALL THEIR LIVES COS THEY CAN GET WOMEN CHEAPLY..........THEY DEGRADE WOMEN IN ALL WAYS U CAN IMAGINE...............ALL MEN HAVE MOTHERS, ITS ENUFF TO RESPECT WOMEN GENERALLY, BUT HOW CAN U WHEN U DONT TAKE A MIN TO APPRECIATE WOMEN......STAY IN DA LABOR ROOM WITH THEM......ITS REALLY REALLY SAD N YA ALL R EDUCATED...........SUCH MEN KISS ASS OF FOREIGNERS WHO DO IWE IGBELU FOR THEM.............LOL.....O MA SE OOOO.

Adam: @Eve & Jane: yes to your comment about marriage rape in abroad...but in no no rape in marrriage. I don't think the man will ask for sex everyday. Sex is part of marriage life . Man should not rape is is painful to the woman...... Lets us think before we do things.

Peter: @Adam: I think this is a replica of Nigeria itself, we kinda let the truth go over our head. If ou marry someone and he does or she does not want give you sex regardless of the reason then they don't! Now if they force themselves over you within the confinements of marriage is it right hell no! is it rape I am sorry but going to have to go with Hell no again. Does not make it right and does not make it rape. Rape is a very ugly word people.

Author:@Peter: Rape is ugly, but it's what it is.... spousal rape - non-consensual sex in which the perpetrator is the victim's spouse.....

Ali: Dem no PAY you dowry wey you dey REFUSE sex??...Rubbishhhhhh

Author: @ Ali: what's supposed to mean? so bcos dem no collect dowry she has no right to say no to sex....... we know ur type....

Peter: @Author: Yeah right categories him he has an opinion.

Simbi: @topic: Yes of course they do.... So many marital rape issues has been swept under the carpet especially back home in Nigeria, I know a lot of people that got swollen faces because they refuse sex with their spouse, I seriously wish it will be taken serious like the normal rape thing.... most of these women cannot come to say it publicly that they have been rape. The first response is "no be your husband?"


So folks, this is the kind of thinking Nigerian women are subjected to! This is Nigeria!!! Just imagine that in our society, violent rape of women is condoned. "She asked for it' "No means yes" what sort of society are we breeding that takes such an inhumane view of womanhood??

Just like I said yesterday, the present ugly situation exists because our society gradually (say by the late 18th/19th century) started placing premium on the male child, making him more important than the female child by dictating for males only to inherit properties even going as far as to classify women as properties. Our culture that dictate that men are superior to women, or that husbands are domestic gods in their homes. In addition the notion was that only male children receives a proper education. Even today the family expends more resources on the male child (if any) than the female child. This results in the current position where many women simply cannot support themselves, they rely heavily on the men for their daily survival, since men have by culture grabed all the resources of wealth in our male dominated society. hence the avenue for abuse.

Note: Again, I speak in general terms for the sake of debate, as I acknowledge not every single woman is denied opportunity in the Nigerian society. If anything there has been a shift in thinking in recent times however that shift is merely a drip in the ocean of societal double standards.

I rest my case :D

Monday 13 December 2010

“WOMAN! part 1( which man buy this car for you?”)

These post is in two parts, second part continues here

Firstly, Mena is not a feminist oh, heck I dont even know what the concept really mean if I am honest. If I was strictly one, why would I publish blogs that practically bashes women, like this for a start? Nah I am interested in all topics and it just so happens that todays topic is centered on male chauvinism. honest.

The following article was written by Chimamanda Adichie. Here are some excerpts:

Sitting beside a male friend in his car, and I roll down my window to tip a young man, one of the thousands of unemployed young men in Lagos who hang around, humorous and resourceful, and help you park your car with the expectation of a tip. I brought the money from my bag. He took it with a grateful smile. Then he looked at my friend and said, “Thank you, sir!”

This is what it is to be youngish (early thirties) and female in urban Nigeria. You are driving and a policeman stops you and either he is leering and saying “fine aunty, I will marry you,” or he is sneering, with a taunt in his demeanour and the question so heavy in the air that it need not be asked: “which man bought this car for you and what did you have to do to get him to?”

More article: A humid night two years ago, sitting beside a male friend in his car, and I roll down my window to tip a young man, one of the thousands of unemployed young men in Lagos who hang around, humorous and resourceful, and help you park your car with the expectation of a tip. I brought the money from my bag. He took it with a grateful smile. Then he looked at my friend and said, “Thank you, sir!”

This is what it is to be youngish (early thirties) and female in urban Nigeria. You are driving and a policeman stops you and either he is leering and saying “fine aunty, I will marry you,” or he is sneering, with a taunt in his demeanour and the question so heavy in the air that it need not be asked: “which man bought this car for you and what did you have to do to get him to?” You are reduced to two options; to play angry and tough and to thereby offend his masculinity and have him keep you parked by the roadside, demanding document after document. Or to play the Young Simpering Female and massage his masculinity, a masculinity already fragile from poor pay and various other indignities of the Nigerian state. I am infuriated by these options. I am infuriated by the assumption that to be youngish and female means you are unable to earn your own living without a man. And yet. Sometimes I have taken on the simpering and smiling, because I am late or I am hot or I am simply not dedicated enough to my feminist principle.

I have a friend who is, on the surface, a cliché. An aspirational cliché. She has a beautiful face, two degrees from an American Ivy League college, a handsome husband with a similar educational pedigree and two children who started to read at the age of two; she is always at the top of Nigerian women achievers lists in magazines; has worked, in the past 10 years, in consulting, hedge funds and non-governmental organisations; mentors young girls on how to succeed in a male-dominated world; recites statistics about anything from trade deficits to export revenue. And yet.

One day she told me she had stopped giving interviews because her husband did not like her photo in the newspaper, and she had also decided to take her husband’s surname because it upset him that she continued to use hers professionally. Expressions such as “honour him” and “for peace in my marriage” tumbled out of her mouth, forming what I thought of as a smouldering log of self-conquest.

Another friend is very attractive, very educated, sits on boards of companies and does the sort of management work that is Greek to me. She is single. She is a few years older than I am but looks much younger. The first board meeting she attended, a man asked her, after being introduced, “So whose wife or daughter are you?” Because to him, it was the only way she would be on that board. She was, it turned out, a chief executive. And yet. She lives in a city where her friends dream not of becoming the CEO but of marrying the CEO, a city where her singleness is seen as an affront, where marriage carries more social and political cachet than it should.

Another friend is a talented writer, a forthright woman who makes people nervous when she speaks bluntly about sex, a woman who describes herself as a feminist, and who talks a lot about gender equality and changing the system. And yet. She earns more than her husband does but once told me that he had to pay the rent, always, because it was the man’s duty to do so. “Even if he is broke and I have money, he will have to go and borrow and pay the rent.” She paused, rolling this contradiction around her tongue, and then she added, “Maybe it is because of our culture. It is what they taught us.”

There is, of course, always that “they”. Two years ago, we were slumped on sofas in his Lagos living room, my brother-in-law and I, talking about politics as we usually did.

“I think I’ll run for governor in a few years,” I said in the musing manner of a person who only half-means what they say.

“You would never be governor,” he said promptly. “You could be a senator but not governor. They won’t let a woman be governor.”

What he meant was that a governor had too much power, and was in control of too much money, none of which could be left to a woman by that invisible “they”. And yet. I realise that 15 years ago he would not have said, “you could be a senator.” Civilian rule brought greater participation of women in politics and the most popular and most effective ministers in the past 10 years have been women. In the next decade, my brother-in-law could be proved wrong. In the next three decades, he will certainly be proved wrong. But she would have to be married, the woman who would be governor.

My first novel is on the West African secondary school curriculum. My second novel is taught in universities. One question I am almost always certain of getting during media interviews is a variation of this: we appreciate the work you are doing and your novels are important but when are you getting married? I refuse to accept that the institution of marriage is what gives me my true value, and I refuse to come across as silly or coy or both. The balance is a precarious one.

“Would you ask that question to a male writer my age?” I once asked a journalist in Lagos.

“No,” he said, looking at me as though I were foolish. “But you are not a man

The Nigerian writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 33, won major literary awards in 2005 and 2007

Mena's thoughts: I think what Chimamanda was talking about was the almost unspoken condescending way women are potrayed in Nigeria and in instances conditioned by society to behave.I think the situation exists because our society gradually (say by the late 18th/19th century) started placing premium on the male child, making him more important than the female child by dictating for males only to inherit properties even going as far as to classify women as properties. Our culture that dictate that men are superior to women, or that husbands are domestic gods in their homes. In addition the notion was that only male children receives a proper education. Even today the family expends more resources on the male child (if any) than the female child. This results in the current position where many women simply cannot support themselves, they rely heavily on the men for their daily survival, since men have by culture grabed all the resources of wealth in our male dominated society. hence the avenue for abuse.

And just as the areaboy felt the money was from chimamanda's friend all because he is a man..and the policeman assumed that a man bought the author her car, other demeaning stereotypes are 'accepted' in our society.

Here are a few;
If its not the notion that You are nothing without a man or children, it is the supposition that any material items you own was bought as a reward for 'servicing' a man.

As a woman there is a ceiling you 'should' aim for and not be overambitious as that is the 'proper' way to behave regardless of the fact that you are trained for the job and have the relevant experience to take it on.

What is worse about this thinking is how women are objectified in Nigeria. Its either you are the innocent virgin submissive very young lady (note some read submissiveness to mean you should be emotionally, verbally and physically assaulted with a grateful smile on your lips and longsuffering knees on the floor thanking God for a man)or you are the outspoken, 'open eye' whore (God help you if you are also still single and an adult) or you are the diabolical, jealous, desperate old witch out to suck the blood of people so as to live longer (reserved for much older women)

Other variations of woman hood exists but I think you get my drift.

Just imagine that in our soceity, violent rape of women is condoned. "She asked for it' "No means yes" what sort of society are we breeding? Also imagine what some ethnic groups put widows through so they can prove they dont have a hand in the death of their husbands. Who encouraged this process? Why dont they subject men to the same humiliation?

They dont because society has been conditioned to accept the villification of women in our society.

Note: I speak in general terms for the sake of debate, as I acknowledge not every single woman is denied opportunity in the Nigerian society. If anything there has been a shift in thinking in recent times however that shift is merely a drip in the ocean of societal double standards.

I rest my case :D

Wednesday 8 December 2010

OFFICIALLY tendering my resignation as an adult!!!!!!!

To Whom it May Concern
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to play dodgeball at recess and paint with watercolors in art.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in our youth, we matured and learned too much.
There are nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, and abused children. Lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain, and death. A world where companies poison our water and our soil, and children kill.

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to return to the days when children played hide-and-seek outside instead of being glued to a television, when video games were as harmless as Pac-Man...instead of spine-ripping, blood-splattering mind numbing like Mortal Combat, and TV still had some shows on that weren't about sex, killing, and lies.

I remember being naive and thinking everyone was happy because I was. Afternoons were spent climbing trees and fences and riding my bike.
I never worried about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car.
I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.'s my checkbook , my car keys, my credit card bill, and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause..."Tag! You're it!"

Monday 6 December 2010

What Not To Do In Paris

very very interesting article
5. DON'T try to see the Louvre in 3 hours or under
You've come all this way and we know you might have other places on your itinerary, but dashing through the Louvre Museum is just robbing yourself. It really deserves an entire day, especially considering how much you spend on the entrance tickets (14 Euro per person, for the whole place) and how long it'll take you first find the Mona Lisa and then wait for the crowd to part enough so that you can get a picture with it in the background.

4. DON'T don a beret, striped shirt, red neck kerchief, grow out a thin mustache, or do any combination of those things.
This is what is called "perpetuating a stereotype." You don't drive to Texas and throw spurs on your boots and the biggest 10-gallon hat on your head, do you? A trip to Paris is not Halloween. Regardless, there will be those who violate this rule, and we have no doubt that they will also try to wear kimonos in Japan.

3. DON'T forget to purchase an RER ticket for the train to the airport
Many tourists are tripped up on this since they believe that the initial entry ticket to the Metro will get them out to Charles de Gaulle airport. Alas, no. There are RER police that come aboard to check ticket, making sure you have a full fare ticket for the airport. If you're caught lacking, then the fine is at least 20 Euros—it'd be a shame to lose your airport coffee and baguette money before even reaching CDG.

2. DON'T go to Paris with the belief that luxury goods will be cheaper

Because they won't. Brands, especially French luxury brands, have their images to uphold. Just because they are headquartered in Paris or their goods are made in France doesn't mean that they'll give you a proximity discount. Fine things take so much to manufacture, and because so many tourists come to Paris with the dream of purchasing a Chanel jacket or a Louis Vuitton bag or an Hermes boot here, that's all the more reason to keep price high (or higher!).

1. DON'T order a la carte at dinner

Going out to a mid-price or fancy restaurant is a dream, when you're in France and looking for the best wine and unpronounceable cheeses. Instead of racking up an astronomical bill by picking and choosing, better to go with a prix fixe menu, a more economical way to enjoy a variety of courses. Most restaurants have prix fixe menus that change daily, but beware of any outright labeled as "tourist menus," since those will often skimp on the portions or offer up blander choices.

What are your Paris DOs and DON'Ts? Have you done any of the above and loved or regretted it?

Sunday 5 December 2010

Health tip for the week:CLEANING YOUR KIDNEYS!!

This was forwarded to me by the Professional Services Director / Lecturer, Brent Sickle Cell & Thalassaemia Centre,
Central Middlesex Hospital (so i think it's worth taking note of)

Years pass by and our kidneys are filtering the blood by removing salt, poison and any unwanted entering our body. With time, the salt accumulates and this needs to undergo cleaning treatments and how are we going to overcome this?
It is very easy, first take a bunch of parsley and wash it clean
Then cut it in small pieces and put it in a pot and pour clean water and boil it for ten minutes and let it cool down and then filter it and pour in a clean bottle and keep it inside refrigerator to cool.
Drink one glass daily and you will notice all salt and other accumulated poison coming out of your kidney by urination also you will be able to notice the difference which you never felt before.
Parsley is known as best cleaning treatment for kidneys and it.

My thoughts: It sounds simple enough, worth a try! What say you? Have a wonderful week!! God bless !!


Friday 3 December 2010

Attention! For women who love Nigerian men...(on a lighter note :P)

found this hilarious take on certain groups of Nigerian men online.This is just for fun and should not be taken personally nor seriosly.I just choose to end an incredibly stressful day this way. Hope you like??

Good Qualities:

1. He is very loyal

2. He maintains monogamy

3. Could be very yielding/gullible

4. Gives you access to all his assets

5. Follows your advice and directions to the letter

6. Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness

7. Takes care of your kids

Poor Qualities:

1. Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money, spending money

and spending money.

2. May be semi-literate or illiterate.

3. May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth.

4. More likely to be crude and unrefined

5. Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc

6. May not be presentable

7. May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwilling to explore.

8. Could be gullible/easy to deceive


Good Qualities:

1. Could be very romantic.

2. Could be caring

3. Tries to maintain leadership in the home.

4. Disciplines kids well

5. More white-collar career inclined

6. Literacy level is usually high

Poor Qualities:

1. More likely to philander

2. More likely to eventually marry another wife

3. More likely to marry you for your money/connections.

4. Could be highly assertive.

5. Most times you would take care of yourself after a while.

6. You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it.

7. Family members may be given priority.


Good Qualities:

1. Believes in marriage

2. Takes care of you and your needs.

Poor Qualities:

1. May end up not taking full care of the kids

2. Could be very harsh

3. Does not take any nonsense

4. You may end up taking care of him

5. You cant cheat on him.


Good Qualities:

1. Believes in marriage

2. Takes care of you and your children's needs.

3. Loves to give good sex

Poor Qualities:

1. Get ready to have 16 children

2. You may end up taking care of him

2. You cant cheat on him.

3. His romantic nature is very harsh and forceful

4. Very demanding in bed

5. Be sure to accommodate two more wives, girlfriends and dont employ

a pretty househelp.


Good Qualities:

1. Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence.

2. Is usually very religious

3. Hardworking

4. Good in bed

5. Quite organised and clean.

Poor Qualities:

1. Be prepared to have 12 kids

2. Your cooking may not be good enough

3. He will either be very ugly or handsome, very short or tall.

It's from one extreme to another and nothing in between.

4. Prepare to have a husband years older than you and possibly in his fifties while

you're only 25 years old.


Good Qualities:

1. Hardly believes in premarital sex.

2. Very religious

3. Takes care of you

4. Usually comes FULLY EQUIPPED down under..!

Poor Qualities:

1. You may be wife number 4

2. You may be wife number 4 at 14

3. You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime.

4. If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family member.

Hope you like??