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Thursday 20 December 2012

Oh gosh I love you, I love you so much!

A Must Read!!

To marry a good wife is one of the best thing that can happen to a man. The story goes thus:
I, Sarah Adams take Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.
“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” the Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lip. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.

“Never leave me Sarah” he whispered in her ear.

“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.

“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly

The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms

5 years Later
Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.

“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped

Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck

“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.

“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes

“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms

“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down

“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”

“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it and you can continue your reading. pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully

“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”

“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked

“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”

Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down

“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.

“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.

“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.

“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”

“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”

“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake

“Don’t start Sara please”

“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”

“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”

” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour

“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeh and walked out of the study.

Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and saton the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.

2weeks after
“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him

Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”

“It’s urgent”

“I’m listening” He said drowsily

“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”

“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is the UK for Christs sakes”

“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”

“No. That would be rather expensive and…”

“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”

Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.

“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”

“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.

Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”

No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”

“Really?” She turned sharply, excited

“If it will make you happy today”

“Thank you baby” She hugged him.

A week after

Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.

“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.


“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder

“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried

Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…”

That night
“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried

Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”

“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”

“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told m you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”

“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared

Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”

Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.

“The results say you can never have children and we bith know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”

“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried

“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got sserious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.

“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”

“Sra cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”

“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave

“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”

He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.

A month Later
“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and its killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s ,e truly hurting…”

“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”

There was the sound of a car hon

“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”

“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”

“Bye mom” she ended the call.

Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.

“Lawson” She held him

“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face

“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit

“Look what is it” He jerked from her

“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist

“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away

“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit.Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.

“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes

“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying

“They are for you to sign. I want out” Lawson dropped

“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold

“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”

“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry

“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring

“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christs sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”

“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”

“Its your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife

“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”

“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm

Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”

“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again

“She still can;t carry your baby” Sara dropped

“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned

“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.

Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work”

“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”

“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently

“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears

Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.

“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thoight of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”

“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.

“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry

“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes

“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”

“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”

“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”

“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.

In the Morning
Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.

I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.


Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…

“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”

“hI Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”

“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation in fifteen minutes”

“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair

“Everything ok ma’am?”

“Thank you” she ended the call.

She quickly got down from the bed and in her pajamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.

At 2:00pm
She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.

“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open

“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her

“It’s…its Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”

“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”

“Oh God” she held her hair

“What’s wrong?”

But she was already walking away into her car.

“Sara!” He called after her.

She zoomed away.

“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost

“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.

Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”

“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number

“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”

“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her

“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes

Sara was still in her pajamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light.

“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her

“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.

Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.

She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.

“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.

“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”

They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly

“I looked for you everywhere….thi­ s was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m­ so happy you are ok” she touched his face

“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.

“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”

Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.

“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s­ why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, through the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”

“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words

“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears

“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again

“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes

“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

2 years after
Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement

“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child

“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly

“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”

“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”

“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”

Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”

Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”

Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”

“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.

- I got this from a friend, Olufamous blog!!!
Merry Christmas everyone!

Sunday 14 October 2012

Words to Inspire you and me

It is a unique time in our history, the rise of the internet and computer technology have contributed to an unparalleled rate of growth. But crises looms, a global recession, growing poverty, rampant violence, corruption in politics, and threats to personal freedom. With the growth of the Internet age, something unexpected is happening. We have begun telling each other our own stories. Sharing our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our demons. Every second, day in day out, into all hours of the night the gritty details of life on this earth are streaming around the world. As we see the lives of others played out in our living rooms we are beginning to understand the consequences of our actions and the error of the old ways. We are questioning the old assumptions that we are made to consume not to create, that the world was made for our taking, that wars are inevitable, that poverty is unavoidable. As we learn more about our global community a fundamental truth has been rediscovered: We are different. Every human has strengths, weaknesses, and deep emotions. We crave love, love laughter, fear being alone and dream for a better life. An age of sharing ideas and cooperation. An age of artistic and personal expression. We can choose to use new technology for radical positive change or let it be used against us. We can choose to keep the internet free, keep channels of communication open and dig new tunnels into those places where information is still guarded. Or we can let it all close in around us. As we move in to new digital worlds, we must acknowledge the need for honest information and free expression. We must fight to keep the internet open as a marketplace of ideas where all are seated as equals. We must defend our freedoms from those who would seek to control us. We must fight for those who do not yet have a voice. Keep telling your story. All must be heard

Monday 8 October 2012

REST IN PEACE #justiceforAluu4

1. BIRINGA CHIDIAKA LORDSON: Year 2 theatre arts student. His dad is a top Petroleum marketing manager of PPMC, a subsidiary of the NNPC in Port- harcourt. He just turned 20 last week. 2. UGONNA KELECHI OBUZOR: Aged 19, year2 Geology student. Ugonna is from a wealthy family and the only son of his parents. His dad is a top staff of NDDC in Port-harcourt. Ugo was a talented music rap artiste, and has a song he released with his fellow mate, Lloyd. Fondly called Tipsy by his closed friends in school. Ugo had just returned from vacation in London before his life was cut short by residents of Aluu community. 3. MIKE LLOYD TOKU: Year 2 Civil Engineering student, his Dad is a famous Broadcaster and works with Radio Rivers in Port-harcourt. Lloyd who was also a talented singer did a collabo with his late friend Ugonna, which they titled ''ain't no love in the heart of the city''. He also went head to head in a rap competition with the famous VECTOR DA VIPER, when vector visited UNIPORT late last year for a show. Until his death, Lloyd was fondly called Big L' by close friends in school. 4. TAMUNOKENA ELKANNAH: Student of UNIPORT, the late Tekena was an Indigene of Okrika in Rivers state, Age 19.

Thursday 20 September 2012

How to survive a road accident -the gifted ELNATHAN JOHN

The road home is clear. These twenty kilometres are so familiar it is easy to go into auto-pilot and drift into thoughts only my head can manage. I have had a long day- work, a reading, and dinner with a dear friend.

There is a lot on my mind. On the road I drive through the bends and turns that lead me to the wide Umar Musa Yar'Adua express way. In my head I take the bends and turns that lead me through the maze that is my mind. To painful decisions I must take, long overdue. To thoughts of all the things I planned to do before I turned thirty. To the fact that I turn thirty tomorrow and have done none of them. I try to find my way back to the beginning of things; to discover how I got here, this lonely cold place I cannot recognize.

I am tired. I shake myself awake. My body fights back- it demands rest and it demands it now. Five more minutes, I tell myself, five more minutes until I get home. I reach the express. Some parts are lit, some parts are not. I drift again and in one second it all happens. I run into a curb at one of the points where the road bends suddenly. Instinctively I step on the brakes. It is too late. I lose control of Sylvanus, my old tired car and we are screeching at a 45 degree angle. I hit something else and my head slams into the steering wheel. My head spins and suddenly everything is upside down- my body, Sylvanus and my thoughts. Sylvanus comes to a halt by the side of the road. Upside down, I feel the blood filling up my mouth.

It is fear that actuates my body, makes me ignore the pain and crawl out through the shattered glass. Fear that a fire might break out and I might get trapped in a burning vehicle. I drag myself to the side of the road, my white caftan soaked in blood. I feel open flesh hanging in my mouth. It is 2am. I am cold. Alone. In pain.
Writers who try to describe blood must not have bled like this. Real blood pouring from ones body does not smell metallic. It smells like fear. Like death.

The first car that stops is a green taxi. I am lying on the gravel with my right hand up in the air, calling for help. The taxi reverses, stops and suddenly drives off. I think of crawling back to the car to see if I can find my phone. I am too scared of a fire and too weak. Slowly as I slip in and out of consciousness cars begin to stop and voices begin to multiply.

“Do you know anybody’s number?’  someone asks, from a distance almost as if he is afraid to come close. I shake my head. He is shouting. Everyone seems to be shouting.

“My phone,” I manage to say, “in the car. My phone.”
I am afraid the phone might have flown out of the car during the crash. Someone finds it.
“Your wife, what is her number?” A man assumes I am married. I shake my head. Suggestions fly over my head. My father’s voice, on discovering I was not quite acting like a virgin, plays in my head: “I was not up to your age when I got married.”
“His brother.”
“His family”
A police van stops. They do not come close. They make radio calls that have nothing to do with an ambulance or first aid. I know at this point I must do something or bleed out in front of passers-by arguing about what to do.
“Call Achile,” I say to the man holding my phone, spitting out a glob of blood. I try to get up. They all scream at me to lie back down. They try Achile. He is asleep. They try Al-kasim. He is asleep.
Suddenly I feel like this is it: I am going to die out here alone. My parents are nearly 200kilometers away and the only other relatives who are in this town, are strangers to me.

“Garki hospital!” I call out as the police and others argue. “I have a card in Garki hospital”
Nobody is listening to me and I am fighting to retain consciousness.
After a few minutes, a man who I later will learn is Group Captain Onyike, orders the policemen to stop what they are doing and take me to the Air force Base where he lives and where there is a hospital. I am put at the back of the police van like a ram that has been knocked down by a car. I am handed my phone and they drive off.

I am afraid that I will lose consciousness completely and nobody will know where I am. I manage to send messages to a few people and tweet with the only information I know. That I am at the back of a police truck headed for the Air force hospital near the airport. I pass out.
Group Captain Onyike makes sure I get treatment. I come to and the doctor is able to get a friend, Salisu on the phone.

In the morning, the worst has passed. I am stable. Kasim, Musa and Achile are around and are taking care of things. I open my eyes and I see the dear friend with whom I had dinner last night. I am not sure how she knew or who called her. As much as I did not want her to see me like this, I am grateful that she is here. And I cannot stop my tears from rolling. But for the quick thinking of an air force officer, she might have been the one to tell stories of my last words, my last thoughts, my last feelings.

This is how to survive a road accident in Nigeria: Pray. Pray that someone with quick thinking and hospital contacts runs into you. Do not expect the police to know what to do. Do not expect emergency services. Just pray.

Elnathan John writes here

Sunday 9 September 2012


The Buddha was sitting under a banyan tree. One day, a furious Brahmin came to him and started abusing him.

The Brahmin thought that Buddha would reciprocate in the same manner, but to his utter surprise, there was not the slightest change in the expression on his face.

Now, the Brahmin became more furious. He hurled more and more abuses at Buddha. However, the Buddha was completely unmoved. Actually there was a look of compassion on his face. Ultimately the Brahmin was tired of abusing him. He asked, “I have been abusing you like anything, but why are you not angry at all ?”

The Buddha calmly replied, “My dear brother, I have not accepted a single abuse from you.”

Looking at his disturbed face, Buddha further explained, “All those
abuses remain with you.”

“It cannot be possible. I have hurled all of them at you,” the Brahmin persisted.

Buddha calmly repeated his reply, “But I have not accepted even a single abuse from you ! Dear brother, suppose you give some coins to somebody,and if he does not accept them, with whom will those coins remain?”

The Brahmin replied, “If I have given the coins and not needed by
someone, then naturally they would remain with me.”

With a meaningful smile on his face, Buddha said, “Now you are right. The same has happened with your abuses. You came here and hurled abuses at me, but I have not accepted a single abuse from you. Hence, all those abuses remain with you only. So there is no reason to be angry with you.”

Monday 3 September 2012

How to worship the Nigerian god...

...The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.

If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.

These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.

Culled from the Nigerian Daily Times as written by ELNATHAN JOHN

Wednesday 15 August 2012


I have been a lazy blogger and its all my fault and I am sorry. That said I just have to blame it on moving back home and the kind of high pressure job I got. I am currently on 'sick' leave in London, (meaning I am in ownersip of my own time), and therefore hope to be inspired for new stories.

Lets start with this: CONFIDENCE TRICK AKA 419

From Wiki: Con may to: Confidence trick, also known as con, scam, or flim flam
A confidence trick is also known as a con game, con, scam, grift, hustle, bunko, bunco, swindle, flimflam, gaffle, or bamboozle. The intended victims are known as marks. The perpetrator of a confidence trick is often referred to as a confidence man or woman, con man or woman, con artist or grifter. When accomplices are employed, they are known as shills. Confidence tricks exploit typical human characteristics such as greed, dishonesty, vanity, honesty, compassion, credulity, irresponsibility, desperation and naïveté. As such, there is no consistent profile of a confidence trick victim; the common factor is simply that the victim relies on the good faith of the con artist. Victims of investment scams tend to show an incautious level of greed and gullibility, and many con artists target the elderly, but even alert and educated people may be taken in by other forms of confidence trick.[2]

Shills, also known as accomplices, help manipulate the mark into accepting the con man's plan. In a traditional confidence trick, the mark is led to believe that he will be able to win money or some other prize by doing some task. The accomplices may pretend to be strangers who have benefited from performing the task in the past.

A greedy or dishonest mark may attempt to out-cheat the con artist, only to discover that he or she has been manipulated into losing from the very beginning.

Now that the education bit is over, I will tell you about a time when a good friend almost got scammed, the only reason she escaped it was because the scammer mentioned church. He should have stuck to worldly promises...Like getting her a rich husband that would carry her round the world!

No, not that church cleared her eyes....Church made her loose interest in the scam.

It was early morning, She was sent to buy bread for breakfast. Met some men dressed in suits, in a not very great looking car. They said they came from America to minister in Nigeria and couldn't find the location of the church, heck, didn't know the church. The
next second another guy (shills) stopped and exclaimed that he had seen them on tv and told them where the church was. The same man told her they were great men of God who heal and perform miracles. They said they wanted to pray for all of them in the car as a way of thanks for assisting them but felt she (my friend) would be to embarrassed to kneel on the road in the street, so this shills (as defined above) the passing man, said he knew a place. My friend said she would prefer something like a present, they looked at her with shock. Well she waited for the present. They told her she needed prayers more becuase her fathers relatives were trying to kill her and would that in 7 days time. The mad woman (my friend) told them to wait so she can call her daddy as he needed to hear about his people. As soon as she brought out her cell, the passing man jumped into the car and they sped off.

How low can these people go!
Ever experienced a confidence trick? Please share :))

Have a great one!

p.s: The picture has nothing to do with the post o but then when have they ever!! matched?

Wednesday 1 August 2012


My name is Ese.

I’m a typical Nigerian guy and I cherish my Fridays a lot; I get to hang out with the sickest guys every Friday night and secondly, It’s another escape from my nagging and boring wife. I get confused sometimes on whether she’s my mother or my wife. Don’t get it twisted; I love her pieces. It just gets complicated; like I wish we never got married…marriage has turned her into something that doesn’t amuse me. I wish she was still the adventurous, charming, high spirited lady I dated for five years.

A lot of people say its unethical for married guys to be found in a club, but I wish everyone won’t be too quick to judge and understand that people look for fun to run away from their problems; they just want to breathe, like me.

I forgot to say that I work in Guarantee Trust Bank along Lekki, I love my job and my job loves me, maybe its because I’m the senior banking officer. Lol. This particular morning, a lady breezed into my office. My heart raced faster because I had not sighted anything this beautiful in a long while. She wasn’t the typical slender Barbie, in fact, she was a bit chubby but her smile, cuteness and…I was tripped.

“Hi Good morning! Your ATM has swallowed my card!” She laughed, unlike a typical customer that would ram you.

I just tried to form Boss laughter…

“Good morning, You know what? I’d personally make sure they get it out for you, but not today. Can you wait till Monday?” I smiled

“GTB shaaa! OK, can I just drop my number so you could call me up or just text when its ready so I don’t come twice? Please? My name is Nancy” She blinked her eyes in a funny way.

“Sure” I smiled

We exchanged numbers. What a lucky Friday!

So it was 10:00pm and I headed to the club…as usual my friends were chilling for me. My wife had called a couple of times, I just ignored it. She knows I’m never home Friday nights.

“Look at you!” I heard someone say. I raised my head and it was the ATM lady-Nancy.

“Wow, look at you too!” I was surprised to see her but I was happy I didn’t have to wait till Monday to see her again.

“Happy Friday!” She screamed because of the noise, “Wanna dance?”

I didn’t even have the chance to answer, she already pulled me to dance floor. I really suck at dancing but she helped me; she was a great dancer! I had fun! At some point we decided to go to a private area and we talked, ranging from work, business to personal life. I tried to hide my ring as much as possible, I certainly didn’t want this to end now.

“You are a really wonderful lady. You are so interesting…any guy would want to be with you all day” I said.

“I wasn’t always like this but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to be sad” she sang

Then her phone rang…

“Hey baby! Yeah I’m at the private lounge, I’d like you to meet someone…alright boo” she talked excitedly as usual.

I was in shock until this tall handsome man walks up to her and kisses her.

“You were late. Meet Ese; I met him this morning, he’s helping with your ATM I told you got swallowed and Ese this is my B to the O-O,” she laughed “Meet my husband Kolade, we only come here to dance every fortnight Friday; away from work, stress and kids.”

“Wow, a pleasure” I managed to shake him

Then she stood now excitedly holding her husband’s arms.

“Why don’t we invite Dayo for Mimi’s 16th birthday tomorrow?” Her husband said

They have kids too? How long have they been married and they look like a couple just dating!

“Silly me, please come for my second daughter’s 16th tomorrow. It would be an honor” She brought out an I.V from her purse.

I began to feel so ashamed of myself…this was another guy like me, getting it right with one woman.

I collected the I.V and promised to be there.

“See you tomorrow! Have you had something to eat Kolade?” she talked and dragged her husband along.

They left and I kept staring at the thin air like I had seen a ghost. They come just to dance together every fortnight Fridays? Why didn’t I think of that! Temi loves to dance…she also likes long walks, she loves to talk…she loves jazz music, there’s this vivid picture I have of me putting her hand on my chest when we danced at a jazz club on our first year anniversary…I found myself typing all the things I knew Temi loved to do on my I pad and I realized I had denied her of all…I had made her the old woman she acts.

What the hell was I doing here! I didn’t even tell my friends goodbye, I walked out of the club into my Jaguar. Temi’s call came through and I picked at first ring.

“Temi?” My heart raced

“I know you are not coming home…”

“I am, stay up so we can gist. Been a while” I decided to do everything on that list and to even add many more for the rest of my lifetime with her.

“Are you alright?” She was shocked I suppose

“And I’d like us to go for a birthday party tomorrow. I want you to meet this amazing couple”

“You sound different Ese”

“Maybe I’m different”

“Don’t say it! don’t say it! when you come we will gist very well” she laughed
She laughed!!! In just that laughter that I hadn’t heard in a while, she sounded like the lady I married six years ago…

Dear reader,

I wrote this natural piece just to remind us that creating memorable moments with our partner matters. Do you know that little things are the sweetest things? Just creating time to gist and laugh with your partner, having a day in the week that’s exclusively for you both-No friends or kids allowed.

Lady, when last have you told your partner he is so darn hot? Guy! When last have you told your lady she is the sweetest thing? When last have you whispered ‘Thank you’? When last have you been quick to say ‘I’m sorry’?

Do you even have a clue on what your partner loves to do?
When you ignore little things, they are the little pieces of rocks that build up to become a mountain you can’t easily break down.

Pay attention to little things, believe that they work and experience new bliss!

Good luck lovers!! Have a blessed, fab August everyone, I appreciate and love! xx

Wednesday 18 July 2012


Hi, Please click for life's choice 1, life's choice 2, life's choice 3-4 life's choice 5 life's choice 6 for the earlier stories on Love Under Water by Femi Job

Enjoyyy ;)


Funmi woke up suddenly. At first she didn’t even know where she was, until she realized that she was in her room. The phone was still screaming out for attention, and so she reached for it.

Funmi: Hello…..Tayo.

Tayo: Hey, as I was saying before – I think you should move in with Wale – that is the only REAL advice that I can give you. I know that you love him and he loves you. Lola is talking nonsense about you getting pregnant for Wale…it’s not time for that yet. Dupe is talking nonsense about you dumping Wale – she doesn’t want you to be happy and she’s trying to make you sabotage your relationship. Lola’s and Dupe’s views are both extremist views, mine is more realistic and straightforward.


Funmi: Thank you so much Tayo, I will think deeply about what you said. OK.

They exchanged pleasantries and the call ended. Funmi looked at her wristwatch – the time was 4’48pm – she had taken a nap. She dialed a number.

Akin: hello?

Funmi: Hello, Akin, how are you? I do hope all’s well?

Akin: Funmi, I am good. Thank you.


Funmi: Akin, I want to ask you a serious question and I want you to be very honest with me.


Akin: OK, shoot!


Funmi: Does Wale have any terminal cancer? Is he dying of a disease that I do not know of?


Akin (pauses): NO! Wale doesn’t have any terminal cancer and is not dying of any disease. Why would you think such a thing? Those are very morbid thoughts, you know?


Funmi: Akin, please tell me the truth.


Akin: I am telling you the truth – Wale is not dying of any disease…Why? Did someone tell you that he was dying?


Funmi: NO…I guess I am just worried. He still hasn’t proposed to me – and I think that maybe he hasn’t done so because he is dying.


Akin: He is FINE. My advice for you is this – you propose to him. I read somewhere that love speaks from the heart. If you want to be with someone you love, you lay your heart bare before the one you love. I can imagine that your friends may have given you advise from a lady’s perspective – as for me, I say you surprise him and propose to him.


Funmi: Akin, you wouldn’t lie to me right? If Wale was dying, you would tell me right?


Akin: If Wale was dying, I would tell you…but be rest assured that he is not. How is Tayo by the way?


Funmi: Tayo is fine – I just spoke to her a few minutes ago.


Akin: I miss her a lot, you know. Ever since we broke up, I have been like a vagrant – wandering this jungle alone. I want to tell her to forgive me, but I know that I am beyond redemption. (pauses) Do you know if she will ever forgive me?


Funmi: I don’t know the answer to that question – but I hope she does forgive you. You guys were so perfect together.


Akin: NO we were not, or else we would still be together – forever. (pauses) we could never be as perfect as you and Wale are.


They exchanged pleasantries and the phone call ended. Funmi called Wale.


Wale: Funmi darling, my sweetie, my lover, my friend, my companion, Ololufe mi, the one who makes my heart beat faster - the one and only lady in the world who can make me happy. …..How are you?


Funmi: Wale, sweetie pie, I am fine. I wanted to call you to discuss something, is this a good time?


Wale: This is not a good time. I am in the middle of a business meeting. I will call you back in about an hour. LOVE you!


Funmi: Love you too.


Wale hung up the phone.


Funmi was quiet for a while. Earlier today, she had asked all her friends – Tayo, Lola, Dupe – for what to do regarding Wale (he hadnt proposed to her yet). The meeting didn’t go well because Dupe and Tayo had a fight. She had come home, taken a shower, and then a nap – and then she had the strangest dream.

She dreamt that Tayo was sleeping with Wale and that he was dying of terminal cancer – oh, it was Akin who told her that – this was why she called him just now. In the dream, it was as if she was an outsider observing everyone and herself. She dreamt that Lola’s baby was Wale’s. She dreamt that she (Funmi) proposed to Wale (and he said yes). She dreamt that Dupe was having an affair with Wale? Well, it’s just a dream. She was going to play a game. She picked up the phone and called Lola.


Lola: Funmi, HI!


Funmi: (deliberately raising her voice)When were you going to tell me that Wale is the father of your child?


Lola was very quiet – very quiet. It was as if her voice had vanished into oblivion. And then she spoke.


Lola: I am so sorry Funmi. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.


Copyright* – Femi Job
PHOTOS from Part 1-end googleimages

Sunday 1 July 2012


Hi, Please click for life's choice 1, life's choice 2, life's choice 3-4 life's choice 5 for the earlier stories on Love Under Water by Femi Job

Enjoyyy ;)

This story is about to end. It will end in the next episode. This episode and the next one are as important as the ones that came before, perhaps even moreso. Before I go on, I want to summarize the salient points that we took in in all the previous episodes.

We have already met the ladies, we determined that Funmi (age 36) wanted to marry her boyfriend of 5 years (Wale) and was seeking advice from her friends on what to do. Lola advised her to get pregnant and use that to trigger marriage, Dupe advised her to dump her boyfriend and move on. Tayo advised her to stay the course and move in. We find out later that Tayo is sleeping with Wale.


We find out that Tayo is pregnant, but we don’t know who the father of the baby is. We find out that Lola is lying to her husband (Yomi) about the real father of her child (and Akin – Tayo’s ex – knows about this lie). We learn that Funmi proposed to Wale (and not the other way round), but we are happy for her at least. We understand also why Tayo broke up with Akin (she was pregnant for him and he had no respect for her unborn child). We are shocked to discover also that Lola still fantasizes about Wale. We realize that Chigozie (Dupe’s husband) and Tayo are involved in a lascivious affair. Akin has something very important to say to Funmi but hasn’t said it yet.


Yomi just found out that Lola has been lying to him – he is not the Abeke’s father. Chigozie feels bad after his rendezvous with Tayo and wants to make amends with his wife Dupe. And then the shocker – Dupe is sleeping with Wale. we read about Abeke having seizures in the hospital where she was abandoned by Yomi. Yomi contemplates killing his wife but decides to be mature about things and instead engages her in a conversation in which he lets her know that her game is up. There is a minor scuffle and Lola pushes him such that he becomes unconscious and unresponsive. Lola panics and calls Akin. She tells him Yomi is unconscious but she lies about what really transpired between Yomi and herself to lead to such an outcome. Akin gives her medical advice and is on his way to her – he still hasn’t told Funmi what he wants to tell her (something really important). Meanwhile, Wale is assisting Dupe with physical exercises to keep in shape. After the workout, she tells him she is pregnant for him and he brushes her off. She MUST sleep with her husband quickly and push the illegitimate child on him or else wahala dey. When she gets home she quickly tries to do this (as does her husband for other reasons).

By now, people are wondering about some new information that I have summarized above that they seem to have missed when they read the episodes preceding this one. For example, when did I write that Tayo was pregnant? You have to go back to the appropriate episodes to find the new information – I added some information to EVERY episode. You may have to read the episodes again. This does 3 things – it gets you up to date on information, it refreshes your memory (it’s been 2 weeks since the last episode), it prepares you for this episode and the next one (the final one). YES, I know it can be a hassle to go back and read, especially when you are anxious to see things unfold, but you MUST.

NOW, let me tell you how this story will NOT end. It won’t end with Yomi dying and Lola becoming a widow running after Wale for child support. It won’t end with Dupe losing 100 lbs. it won’t end with a showdown ‘fight’ between Dupe and Tayo. It won’t end with Akin getting back together with Tayo. BUT it will end abruptly – I want you to mentally prepare for this. You may be used to happy, predictable endings, but I can assure you this is not going to be that. Those of you that are already familiar with how I write know that it would be a futile exercise to try to predict where I am going with this story. The story is unpredictable even for me, how much more for you

We will start this episode by asking ‘what does Akin want to tell Funmi?’.

Funmi and Akin were in Akin’s car – Akin was driving. He was going to Lola’s place and when he told Funmi all that had happened, she stopped what she was doing and tagged along so that she could be of some help. Lola was one of her best friends.

Funmi: Akin, what did you want to tell me that is so important?


Akin (pauses, takes deep breath): It’s about Wale..


Funmi; What is it about Wale?


Akin: Wale is dying. He has terminal cancer. The cancer started 5 years ago but it has progressed till its final stage. We were managing it, but all treatment options have failed. Funmi, Wale has only about 3 months to live.


Funmi (sobbing) Oh my GOD, WHY….why didn’t I know this. Why didn’t anybody tell me until now?


Akin: Wale forbade me to tell you, and still does. I am telling you this because after you proposed to him, I thought it would only be fair that you know. He plans to tell you but only when he is dead. I am not supposed to tell you. First as his doctor we have doctor-patient confidentiality. Second, I had to keep this secret - as his best friend. 5 years ago, just before he met you the prognosis was even bleaker. All the experts estimated then that he had just about 2 years to live. This is why he never proposed to you - he didn’t want you to be the lady that was engaged to a man who died. He actually wanted to spare you the grief – he hoped that if he postponed the engagement long enough, he would die before your life was turned into misery.


YES, I know he told you that he wanted to make money etc, but he has money already. His uncle – Chief Ajao – helps him to manage a lot of money. A significant amount of money has gone into managing his cancer. He thought he would be dead 3 years ago and now you are planning the wedding of a man who would be dead in 3 months. YES, you could ask – we gave him 2 years – he lived 5, we give him 3 moths, he could live more. But this is the end for him. The cancer has undergone metastasis. It is already in his brain.


What Akin wasn’t telling Funmi was that Wale has prostate cancer and that one of the medical interventions to battle the cancer was to administer testosterone to him. However, for Wale, implanting testosterone caused a very high libido and increased sexual activity. Wale was sleeping around because of the high testosterone. If he didn’t have sex, depression would set in – in other words, he was using ‘sex therapy’ to combat depression. Another reason he was sleeping around, he had once confided in Akin, was that he wanted to feel deep intimacy and pleasure before he died. NOW, Akin couldn’t tell Funmi that Wale was very ‘promiscuous-for-medical-reasons’ – how do you tell someone that. Akin had performed some abortions on some women that Wale impregnated.


Funmi: that is so selfish of him. Everytime I pushed him for marriage, he would just simply dodge the issue when all he needed to do was to tell me that he was sick and dying. I spent the last 5 years putting pressure on him for marriage instead of helping him face his disease. (pauses). Which kind of woman am I? (crying profusely) Which kind of woman does not notice that her man is dying? Am I not in tune with him?


Akin: Don’t cry Funmi. He wanted to tell you on more than one occasion, but he didn’t want to ruin your joy. I guess he was afraid to allow you to face the fear that he faces every day. He wants you always to remember him as a very strong man – not a man struggling to cling on to life as it flows away beyond reach.


By now they had reached the street that led to the estate (gated community) that was Lola’s home. They turned right by the red gate, then they turned left at the third left turn. Both Funmi and Akin were quiet. One more turn to the right at the junction, Akin thought. And then they were there. The ambulance hadn’t arrived yet. Akin and Funmi got out of the car and went into the house. Akin was running, Funmi was walking very slowly – she would fall if she ran.



The Viagra wasn’t working. They had been doing foreplay for a very long time and yet Chigozie wasn’t ‘ready’. Dupe was doing all her best, but nothing seemed to be turning her husband on.


Dupe: work it now….work it! 30 minutes have passed and you are still not ‘ready’ for action. Do you have any medicine you can use?


Chigozie: Yes, let me go and take my Viagra. Please do not be upset with me.


Chigozie got offthe bed and ran to the drug cabinet (in the bathroom). He knew he needed action so he swallowed 6 pills of Viagra. He had already taken 4 pills before Dupe came home. Now he was on 10 pills straight. He ran back into the room and again told his wife not to worry – that the man will ‘rise up to take Zion’. And then it happened – suddenly the room became dark.


Chigozie; Dupe, did you put off the light?


Dupe: No, please be quick and let us do this thing o…


Chigozie: I can not see anything o. I think I am blind. I think I overdosed o. I read the label before, they said Viagra can cause blindness. (begins to scream).



Tayo was lying next to Wale on the bed. They didn’t have sex today, they just laid there. There was a silence so profound in the room – the type of silence that happens between lovers.


Wale (hoarse voice): I have just about 3 months left Tayo. I am almost at the end. want you to be prepared for me not coming here again. I know I have never said this to you before but I want to say ‘I love you’.


Tayo: I know you do. I love you too.. But please don’t speak about that right now. Let us just enjoy every moment we have to share. (pauses) I am pregnant – I do hope it’s yours – you know - someone to remember you by even after you are (she paused here and began to cry).


Wale held her very close and rocked her while singing a Christian song. He knew that of all the people that he knew, Tayo would miss him the most. They had intimacy and pleasure. She was the best person in bed that he knew. He knew she had other lovers, but he wasn’t jealous. She knew he had other lovers too, but she wasn’t jealous too. In many ways, they were like a secret couple – they could do everything in the confines of the bedroom, but outside they were merely friends. Tayo was one of the best friends to his fiancée and he was the fiancé of one of her best friends. But beyond the descriptions of friendship and acquaintanceship, wale and Tayo were lovers in the true sense of the word. Tayo was so vulnerable, he thought. She was sobbing so painfully, and then the tears started falling down Wale’s cheeks. He was not normally one to cry, but right now he was crying like a baby. He felt so lonely. Like water falls over the edge of the waterfall, he felt himself about to fall over the edge of life



Sunday 24 June 2012


*Alleged* true article I saw online of an encounter....DO NOT READ ALONE IN THE DARK ;)

Before I begin let me give you a quick rundown of my background before this series of events.

I was a typical rebellious teenager, kicked out of my parents house at the age of 17. At that time my life was at a low point. A friend and I began researching local legends and the paranormal out of boredom really. Nothing real exciting, lost graveyard exploring in the middle of the night, ouija board, and mostly just a strong interest in the occult. We did experience a few scary events, but the overall feeling that we had opened ourselves up to something horrible is what scared us the most. In particular, I remember the feeling of being vulnerable and the feeling like there was something terrible out there and it knew who I was.

FYI, I decided to tell my story this morning because I woke up thinking about this experience and I think I'm only now truly understanding what it was.

At the time of my experiences I was married to my ex-wife and we had two very young children together.

Here we go, the first night of my series of experience went something like this......I was up late on my computer. At the time I was still in college taking some online classes. My computer desk was situated in my bedroom on the opposite wall of the doorway. So, if you were to sit at my computer, your back would face the doorway into my room. It had to have been after midnight, perhaps much later. I was the only soul awake in our apartment, the lights were off, and the only sounds in the home were of my fingers punching the keys on my keyboard. Suddenly, a child's voice came from directly behind me. "Daddy." It was loud, and scared me half to death. I whipped around expecting to see that one of my little ones had gotten out of bed, but there was noone there. I couldn't believe it. Clearly I had heard something. It was plain as day. I hurried into my kids room and there they were. Both of them sound asleep in their beds.

The next morning I told my Mary (ex-wife) about what had happened. She quickly told me I must have been tired and should have gone to bed earlier. I also had entertained that exhaustion must have been the culprit. I went about my day having for the most part let go of the idea.

A few nights later I heard a loud band on either the front door or a wall in the living room. It wasn't like someone's knuckles making the tell-tale sounds of a knock, more like a bang. We lived in an old apartment complex on the edge of a vast field on the edge of town. Our apartment was on the bottom floor with a vacant floor above us. There was no lighting other than a small porch light which always made us nervous coming home at night because it would have been the perfect ambush spot for a robber. So, hearing the bang in the living room was a sure sign that someone was trying to break-in. I grabbed my shotgun, woke up Mary, and she had her cell phone ready to call the police as I checked out the apartment. There was noone at the front door. The kids were sound asleep, we went to bed.

A few nights later, having put the events behind me I had gone to bed. I awoke in the middle of the night hearing something...I put the shotgun next to the bed.

The next evening Mary, the kids, and I had made a pallet on the floor in the living room and were watching a movie as a family. Mary was laying in front of me and was sound asleep halfway through the movie. At one point I rolled over to see the kids had fallen asleep on the pallet between me and the couch. Towards the end of the movie I heard a commotion in my children's room. It was the sounds of movement-activated toys that begin playing songs and sounds when you shake them or bump them. Immediately, I realized that my two year old must have gotten up from behind me and wandered into his room to play. A smile came to my face with the thought. Suddenly, a dark shape darted across the living room, into my room, from the kid's room. I rolled over, both kids sound asleep. This whole incident from the toy sounds, to the shape darting across the room, to my realization that it wasn't one of my children, occured in just a few seconds. Again, I investigated. Tonight the kids would sleep in my bedroom floor on a pallet of blankets.

At this point, Mary still doesn't believe me so I tell my younger brother who isn't sure what to believe. He decides to come spend the night at my house. I am sound asleep when I wake up to someone knocking on my bedroom door. It's my brother. I open my door, he just wanted to let me know that one of my kid's is awake and wandering the apartment and it woke him up. Confused, I asked what he was talking about? He replied that one of my kids was saying, "Daddy" and it woke him up, and I needed to check on my kids. The problem was that my kids were safe and sound and asleep on a pallet in my floor. They had fallen asleep in my bedroom watching tv earlier in the evening and we kept them in the room so my brother could sleep in their room.

Now I have someone that believes me. Over the next few weeks more things happen. Strange things. One afternoon I emerged from my room to find that my daughter was asleep in the sink in the kids bathroom? Somewhere I have a picture of it. Probably on the hard drive of my old PC that crashed. Another evening I came home from work to find Mary asleep in our bedroom and my daughter asleep on the kitchen tabletop? Also, by this time the kids no longer slept in their room, and I had developed a fear of going into the children't bathroom. I was especially scared to look into that bathroom mirror.

One night, I woke up hearing something at my bedroom door. My doorknob was turning, I could see it plain as day. Thankfully, it was locked. Same story, the kids were asleep in the floor on a mountain of blankets and pillows, Mary was asleep, and I'm grabbing for the shotgun. I woke up Mary, who at this point she just rolls her eyes in disbelief. As I grab the still door-knob it twists in my hand. Obviously, this scared the sh#& out of me. A few minutes later I get the courage to have Mary rip the door open with my shotgun trained on the door opening. Nothing there but the blackness of the living room.

I should explain that through this entire event our marraige had been deteriorating. There were fights, yelling, arguing between us. Also, my curiosity of these events led me to think about it a lot. I was back to researching similar stories on the internet. I also found myself watching a lot of horror movies, it was like that was all I wanted to do. I was truly terrifiyed by the situation I was in, my marriage was dissolving, but horror movies seemed like a good idea.

She spoke with a chaplain at the Air Force base that she worked at. He mentioned a simalar story that he had dealt with before. He specifically asked if we were dabling in the occult or watching horror movies. He also specifically asked if there was much anger in the home, and if our relationship was struggling. He told her the child's voice I was hearing saying "Daddy" was no child, but an imposter posing as a child.

Now she was also scared.

The fighting continued as we continued to fall apart. I began finding reasons to leave home.

The last occurance happened one evening as I was leaving to go meet my brother to do some fishing. I left the apartment and began walking to my truck. I had the urge to turn around as if someone was following me. In the window of the second story apartment above our I saw something....It was the face. It was utterly horrifying. It was staring right at me and it had a smile on it face. I can only describe it as an ashen face, or like a really dark face that had appeared to have a white make-up on. Minimal, or no lips with a mouth full of crooked teeth. If you have seen the movie 'the exorcist' the it would be similar to the face that appears briefly on the wall of one of the rooms when they turn the lights off. I tried to explain it away at first, but the apartment was vacant. The face turned as I walked backwards towards my truck, following my movement. It was clearly watching me with its creepy smile. I got in my truck and did a once around the block drive. I came back home and it was no longer in the window.

I'm not sure why that apartment above us was always vacant. At one point there were people living there...briefly. They were constantly screaming and arguing.

Anyway, we got a divorce. Life has moved on. I have had more scary experience sorta follow me wherever I go. I could go on for

Anyways...believe me or don't. I don't really care. It happened to me, and it happens to many people. There were many other things that occured to me during this time. I only stated the parts that were still vivid enough to give an account in detail. However, I remember the entire few months in my life as living in fear.....


P.S: The Ouija board has long since been destroyed. As a matter of fact it was home-made by some friends of mine, and I. It was something we played around with prior to my demonic encounters. I believe that I made myself a target so to speak by using it. Or, I opened a doorway that allowed them to get at me. This was several years ago, We have all since moved on....

I think if you go looking for something the ways that I did then you will find them...or they will find you

Wednesday 13 June 2012


Hi, Please click for life's choice 1, life's choice 2, life's choice 3-4 for the earlier stories on Love Under Water by Femi Job

Enjoyyy ;)

The baby started having very severe seizures. One of the nurses was speaking in tongues and casting and binding the demon of epilepsy while the other nurse was looking for a spoon to push into the baby’s mouth. As the nurses gathered round the spectacle, only one nurse had the chutzpah to call the doctor. The doctor came and observed that this was a tonic–clonic seizure – a type of generalized seizure that affects the entire brain. He quickly ordered the nurses to insert intravenous lines, and he administered a dose of phenobarbitone. Then the seizures stopped. Abeke seemed to be in deep sleep.


Doctor: Where is this child’s father?


Nurse #1: He already left. He was angry when he left. He left after seeing you. Which kind of man leaves a child in a hospital and just leaves? O ma ga o (translation – it is tall….no…it is serious)


Doctor; Oh, Mr Yomi Onikoyi…do you have his number? You have to call him to let him know that his daughter is still here and she needs medical intervention.



Yomi was calm now. His phone was ringing, but he didn’t pick it. He had thought of many things on his way. He wondered, for instance, how he would get some acid from his car battery – he was thinking of pouring this on his wife’s body. He wondered also, where he could get a very sharp machete to hack her to pieces. Perhaps, he thought, he would just strangle her. But by the time he reached home, he was exhausted from ‘thinking’. He entered the house. Lola greeted him, smiling, as he came in.


Lola: Where is Abeke?


Yomi: She is at the hospital.


Lola: Which hospital? Was she admitted?


Yomi: I don’t know if she was admitted or not, but she is at the hospital?


Lola (panicking, raising her voice): Which hospital? Which hospital?


Yomi: I can’t remember the name of the hospital. I think the name starts with ‘M’.


Lola: You left our daughter in a hospital and you can’t remember the name? ARE YOU MAD?


Yomi: Our daughter? I didn’t leave my daughter in any hospital o. I don’t have any daughter. I left a bastard in a hospital that I do not care to remember.


At his outburst, Lola stopped. She wondered why he was suddenly hostile to Abeke, and then she suspected that he knows the truth. BUT she had to be sure that he knew.


Lola: I don’t know what you are talking about.


Yomi; Liar! Whore! Harlot! Prostitute! You think I do not know that I am not Abeke’s father? Do I look like a total fool to you? àsírí ti tú (translation – the secret is out).


Lola (begins to cry): I was going to tell you but I didn’t know how to. I was raped. I am a victim here.


Yomi: haaa! O ti tún bère iró (translation – you have started another concoction of lies). If you were raped, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me before we married. If I remember correctly, you came to meet me and told me that you were pregnant for me, and then I did the right thing and married you.


Lola: If I told you I was raped, I was afraid that you wouldn’t marry me again.


Yomi: But you continued lying. You falsified Abeke’s genotype to keep me in the dark about your evil scheme. Anyway, mo ti so tè mi (translation – I have said my own). I want you out of this house within the next one hour. Go and pack all your things, and all the things of your bastard too. I will leave now and come back in one hour. I will come back with a machete and with acid. If I find you here, I will hack you to pieces and burn you with acid. Is that clear?


Lola looked into his eyes as he said this, and she could see nothing but cold detachment. It was then that she realized that he was serious. She got on her knees and started crying and pleading with him. But he would have none of it. When she realized he wasn’t going to forgive her, she stopped pleading.


Lola: I will go. But tell me which hospital you left my daughter in. I have to know where my daughter is.


Yomi ignored her and made for the door to leave the house. She followed him and stopped in his path. She again demanded to know where her daughter was. He pushed her away and continued walking, she recovered and pushed back. She pushed a little too hard. He hit his head hard against the wall and slumped on the ground and was unconscious. She thought she had killed him and tried to rouse him, but he was unconscious. She tried to listen for a heartbeat and feel for a pulse but there were none. Had she killed him? She was in trouble. She had to call for help – the only name that came into her head was Akin. She decided she would lie to him that her husband suffered a heart attack and then tell him the truth when he came by. She picked up the phone and dialed Akin’s number. As the phone was ringing, she was muttering under her breath the same words over and over again.


ABEKE, where are you?




Akin: There is something I want to tell you…..


But just then the phone rang and it was Wale. Funmi excused herself and walked some distance away to engage in some intimate talk. Akin watched her walk away and shook his head. She noticed that he did this and filed it away in her mind to ask him later why he did. The phone call lasted for about 20 minutes and she came back to the table.


Funmi: sorry, it was my sweetheart who called. So you wanted to tell me something?


Just then the phone rang again – it was Dupe. Funmi and Dupe talked for just a little bit. The conversation wasn’t very pleasant. As Funmi was talking with Dupe, Akin’s phone rang - it was Lola.


Lola (screaming): Please help me!


Akin: Omolola, what is it?


Lola: It’s my husband o…I think he’s dead. He’s not moving!


Akin: Calm down, take deep breaths. Tell me what happened!


Lola: He came back to the house, and we had a very intense argument. He was screaming when he suddenly held his chest in pain and dropped to the floor. I have been trying to wake him up. You are the only doctor I know. Please help me.


Akin: I think he may have had a heart attack. I will send the ambulance to your house right away. Please stay on the line.


Akin kept her on hold, while he made another call. Funmi had already angrily ‘cut’ the phone connection with Dupe and she could see from Akin’s tone that the phone call was of a very serious nature and so she was silent. Akin kept the ambulance service on hold, while he switched back to Lola.


Akin: Lola, the ambulance is on its way. Now, listen carefully to me, I want you to do the following - lie Yomi on his back, check that nothing is obstructing his airways , listen for his breathing - listen with your ear just over his mouth for breathing…Is he breathing?





Wale rolled off Dupe. He had just had a series of convulsive shudders that signaled the end of this ‘exercise regimen’. Dupe called them her exercise regimen and Wale was ‘helping’ her to try to lose weight. Dupe had already fallen off the cliff more than once within this ‘session’ – 3 times actually. It was always ‘multiples’ with Wale. And now, they were both lying down on the bed in the hotel room. YES, they had just had an intense ‘workout’ schedule – Dupe had read somewhere that intense sexual activity helped to burn calories. Dupe passed the cigarette to Wale and he took a puff. He started humming a popular christian song.


Dupe: Wale, I haven’t seen my period!


Wale: What does that matter to me?


Dupe: It means that I may be pregnant!


Wale: That’s good right? You know what to do – if you want it you keep it, if you don’t want it, you lose it….very simple! End of discussion!


Dupe: Is that all you have to say?


Wale: What do you want me to say? That I am very happy? You want me to get up and start dancing? Normally I use protection when I have sex; it was you who insisted you wanted it ‘raw and natural’. So (pauses), it is your fault you got pregnant, not mine!


Dupe: I just told you that I may be carrying your child and you are talking about abortion?


Wale: OK, what do you want me to say? OK, no abortion. You can go home and sleep with your husband and tell him that he is about to become a father.


Dupe: But he will know – we haven’t had sex in a very long time.


Wale: Then you have to ‘force’ him, you are a woman aren't you? Use your 'persuasive' skills and your body. That is the only way that you can cover up your adultery. You are guilty of adultery, not me. I am not married yet - so I am not guilty of any adultery. You are the wife of a deacon, not me! And right now, (you), you are in a hotel room with another man. You have defiled your matrimonial bed. You are a very 'nasty' woman. Exodus 20:14 says that ‘you shall not commit adultery’. So my advice is simple – go home when you leave here, and ‘do’ your husband and when the pregnancy starts to show, tell him that it is his own…or else ‘remove it’. I can get my friend Akin to help you remove it discreetly if you want.


Dupe: If I am nasty, what are you?


Wale: I am just a man trying to help you lose weight -- out of concern for your health and out of the goodness of my heart.


Dupe was silent. She wasn’t talking anymore. She was thinking of how she was going to get her husband to make love to her tonight.



Chigozie still felt bad. He was going to try to be nice to his wife tonight to serve as expiation for his peccadilloes. He needed to atone. He placed the bible over his heart and then over his loins and started to speak in tongues.


Chigozie (praying inwardly): GOD help me. SAVE me from that woman. I bind and I cast Tayo into the lake of fire in Jesus’ name!


But he wasn’t praying with conviction. He was still remembering how Tayo had ravaged his body and his body was responding. His trouser was swollen and he used his bible to cover it again. Oh, Dupe would get home soon, he must be ready. Chigozie quickly took viagra - medicine that would make him 'potent' when his wife was around - he normally wasn't responsive to her. Thirty minutes later, Dupe came home.


Chigozie: Modupe, welcome home. Where have you been?


Dupe: I was at the gym, working out, trying to lose some weight so that you can notice me again, my dear husband. I miss you so much (starts crying).


Chigozie (embraces Dupe) Stop crying! I miss you too.


They were in very close proximity and their bodies were touching. Dupe kissed him, almost tentatively. Chigozie did not resist. They locked their lips in a ‘french kiss’ for what seemed like a long minute and then Chigozie tried to carry her, but he couldn’t – she was too heavy – and so, he led her by the hand to the bedroom.


It was time for atonement, he thought, time to do the right thing. It was time for sex, she thought, and if she was already pregnant, it was time for her to give her baby a father.
Please click for life's choice (6)

Tuesday 12 June 2012


;It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Further more, scientific tests have proven its value.We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases: Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases,vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT 1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3.. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life. The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/reduce main diseases: 1. High Blood Pressure (30 days) 2. Gastric (10 days) 3. Diabetes (30 days) 4. Constipation (10 days) 5. Cancer (180 days) 6. TB (90 days) 7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily

This treatment method has no side effects,however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times. It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active. This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. May be it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain... For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks: ·Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting, · Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. · You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. · Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. · 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleeLet's be careful and be aware. The more we know,the better chance we could survive...

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to everyone they know, you can be sure that we'll save at least one. Please copy and paste to people you know. Good luck with the tip.