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Wednesday 19 February 2014


So I am a lover of the 'Arts' and am a lover of wittty sarcastic remarks so naturally I found this very funny! The words in the title is just a tip of the iceberg as he says more. For instance he says the following:
 "It is certain that when he makes water his urine is congealed ice." That was just one of the eloquent ways Shakespeare managed to insult someone.

That William sure had a way with words! I hope you enjoy this is as much as I did.

1. Away you three-inch fool!

This sentence is a vicious attack on a man’s confidence and in modern times it’d sound something like “Get out of my sight you tiny penis having chump!” Words can hurt. Sticks and stones will break your bones but an itty-bitty penis comment will eat away at you like cancer. If you’re looking to land a devastating blow, this is your balled up, brass knuckle decorated fist.

2. I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.

How cold blooded would it be to tell a friend to settle for whatever they can get. This is the same as saying “No offense, but you should probably date anyone who is interested because you’re not exactly a catch.” Ouch, you may as well save some syllables and say “Beggars can’t be choosers, ugly.”

3. You scullion. You rampallian. You fustilarian. I’ll tickle your catastrophe.

2014 adaptation: “You trick. You mark. You mark ass trick. You trick ass mark. You punk bitch. You skip scap skank. You scallywag. You ho. You  heffer. You hee haw. You hoolie hoo. I’m going to laugh when you get the horrible karma you deserve in life.

4. Villain, I have done thy mother.

This is a straight to the point mom joke, and not so much a witticism as a “I banged your mom, deal with it, you candy-ass jabroni.” type statement.

5. I will bite my thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.

*Holds up middle finger* COME AT ME, BRO. Yeah, that’s what I thought, pussy!

6. Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for I am sick when I do look on thee.

That’s the equivalent of saying “Look, don’t test my patience because I already can’t stand your existence.

7. They lie deadly that tell you you have good faces.

“I don’t know who lied and boosted your ego, honey, but you aren’t cute.”

8. Thou art the son & heir of a mongrel bitch.

Let’s face it — this is ten times better than our watered down, lazy “Son of a bitch.” With this phrase, you’re not just the son of a bitch, you’re the heir of that bitch. Also, that bitch isn’t a regular bitch, it’s a mongrel bitch.

9. Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

Translation: You belong in the underworld or at a DMV, anywhere else is more pleasant than you deserve.

10. Away you moldy rogue, away!

This is like a quick “Scram, scumbag!” This brief statement has great potential if you’re looking to shoo away a pickup artist at the bar or a pesky Internet troll. It’s well under 140 characters, which makes for a perfect response to any obnoxious tweets sent your way.

11. I do desire we may be better strangers.

Oh snap, basically this is saying “We don’t need to be friends and to be honest I’d rather we don’t interact at all, ever.” It’s a fairly blunt statement, but sometimes thou must keepest it real.

12. I wonder that you will still be talking. Nobody marks you.

Nowadays we would say “Are you seriously still talking? Feel free to stop because no one’s listening.” That’s fine, but the Shakespearean way sounds a lot cooler and it’d be awesome to see a group of bros at the bar trade in their STFUs for a solid, “Nobody marks you.”

13. The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon! Where got’st thou that goose look?

Modern version = Get a tan you pasty betch*. You look like a Twilight character who worked a 1,200-hour** shift at a bakery*** that has no windows or any type of opening for so much as a glimmer of sunlight to get in. 

*Mispronunciation of the word “bitch” that is commonly used today.
**Twilight vampires don’t need sleep, so a 1200-hour bakery shift would be a cakewalk.
***Because bakers get covered in flour.

14. Thou art a boil. A plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.

A wordy way of saying, “You’re a leech.” I drop this every time someone conveniently forgets their wallet when the check arrives, or asks to use my laptop.

15. A fusty nut with no kernel.

You know what this is hinting at – it’s like saying someone’s a few channels away from the deluxe package. A few episodes short of a season. A few letters short of a complete sentence

16. Methinks thou art a general offence, and every man should beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to breathe themselves upon you.

You’re horrible and you deserve the worst.” This sounds like a retro version of what internet commenters say about Kanye West or Justin Bieber, but I think we should save this kind of verbal lashing for greatest offenders and worst enemies. Also, it’s super fun to say “methinks” so at the very least, consider adding that word to your vocabulary.

17. More of your conversation would infect my brain.

Basically: “Talking to you is making me dumber by the sentence.” The thought of having a discussion with someone so unintelligent that their words are giving your brain cells a fast acting flu that kills them almost instantly is one thing, but to tell a person their talking is responsible for the virus is another. Doeth thou command soothing ointment for thy blistering Shakespeare burn

  More of Shakespeare's Finest Insults

Shakespeare Knew How To Say It!

  • Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death
  • Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat
  • No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out contries in her
  • Thou lump of foul deformity
  • Thou unfit for any place but hell
  • He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not, the ape is dead
  • You kiss by the book
  • Why he's a man of wax
  • You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so
  • Whose horrible image doth unfix my hair and make my seated heart knock at my ribs
  • You egg, you fry of treachery
  • Fit to govern, No, not to live
  • I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapour of a dungeon, than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses
  • Damn her, lewd minx
  • You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness
  • I do not like your look, I promise thee
  • You Banbury cheese
  • King Urinal
  • She's a great lubbery boy
  • Thou disease of a friend

 Mena: ROFL!


Friday 14 February 2014


The charismatic wife of the POTUS, Michelle Obama turned 50 January 17th, and doesnt she look years younger, healthier and dare I say sexy? :) Here are some other celebrities who are already 50 or are turning 50 this year.

Sharing a name as well as a birthdate with Michelle Obama is Michelle Fairley., an award winning very talented actress. She looks beautiful, healthy and classy


Sandra Bullock might not look a day over 30, but the "Gravity" star is turning the big 5-0 this July. The Oscar-winning actress isn't letting the milestone slow her down one bit. The glowing momma is not only raising her three-year-old son, Louis, but she is also expected to be seen on nearly every major award show red carpet this season. Sandra has been nominated for a Golden Globe and a Screen Actors Guild Award for her starring role in the hit film "Gravity."

Sandra's "Speed" co-star Keanu Reeves is also celebrating the 50-year milestone this year. While he looks like he hasn't aged a bit, he told GQ magazine in 2012 that his body definitely feels older.
"My knees are well aware of it," he told the mag. "Mortality is very different when you're 20 to when you're 50."

 Elle Macpherson definitely seems to have found the fountain of youth. And while some might be daunted by turning 50 in March, the supermodel doesn't seem to have a care in the world about her next big birthday.

"'It doesn't bother me becoming 50 at all, the alternative is death, so that is not an option," she told Contact Music in May 2012. "I rather like the idea of flowing on with life. I have had amazing life experiences and hopefully another 50 years of experiences ahead of me.''

 "Friends" star Courtney Cox will also be making the journey into her fifties in June. But this birthday is one that she admits she isn't ready for at all.

"That's gonna be brutal," she told New You magazine in January 2012. "I'm not that interested in that! That sounds different. It feels different."

Mena: I really like Elle's response!!

Monday 3 February 2014


Hello and thank you for visiting today! I did this post here and have decided to re-publish it honor of my mother. It helps that her birthday is tomorrow of course :). Please as you eyes gaze on this /  read this, kindly say a word of prayer to God for this woman, I know you don't now her, but just do this huge favour

....I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

*I normally could write up a storm without a hitch, even when in an assessment period,and really should concentrate on studies,but ...poetry..i am bad at poetry.
Its my mum's birthday/week so i am taking from other peoples works..talented people, forthright poems..*

Thank You

Your hearts like a crystal,
Natural and bright,
It melts all my grief,
And sorrow from sight.

You nourished my cravings,
Since I was a pea,
You stood by my side,
And would walk through the sea.

You sacrificed so much,
I wish to repay,
With words and actions,
I’ll always convey.

Today is your Birthday!
My love is so true,
You are my mother,
And I thank God for – you.

by Martin Dejnicki

My Miracle Mother

Mom, I look at you
and see a walking miracle.
Your unfailing love without limit,
your ability to soothe my every hurt,
the way you are on duty, unselfishly,
every hour, every day,
makes me so grateful
that I am yours, and you are mine.
With open arms and open heart,
with enduring patience and inner strength,
you gave so much for me,
sometimes at your expense.
You are my teacher,
my comforter, my encourager,
appreciating all, forgiving all.
Sometimes I took you for granted, Mom,
but I don’t now, and I never will again.
I know that everything I am today
relates to you and your loving care.
I gaze in wonder
as I watch you being you—
my miracle, my mother.

By Joanna Fuchs

She nags because she loves you

My Mother, My Friend

Dear Mam, I want to let you know
how much you mean to me,
And express my love and gratitude
for all you've helped me be
You've been the perfect mother
Kind and loving too,
I grew strong with your support,
Dependable and true

You were always there to guide me
throughout my childhood years
You encouraged, praised, and loved me,
and wiped away my tears
And when I'd grown, and flown the nest
the bond between us grew,

Throughout the years your life and mine
have always been entwined,
The bonds of love, unbreakable,
withstand the test of time
Though I may not often tell you,
I hope you know it's true -
You've been the perfect mother,
and I'll always love you

Sheila Brookes

I will always love you