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Friday, 11 February 2011

DATES/RELATIONSHIPS FROM HELL 2..(and the morale of each story ;)




Hello! Thats sisi up there, loving her mask!

So hi everyone, its Friday, a day notorious for dates and relationships..so I figured that a blog about that will suffice. :P

This is a continuation of dates and relationships from hell. I have been laughing my head off as well as shaking my head. Sometimes relationships are as complex as brain surgery and yet its comic timing is perfect!

Please read the following stories in this part and laugh and learn. That crazy little thing called love? Its not a small 'sonething..'


A sexy woman went up to the bar somewhere in Ikeja, Lagos, she gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. she seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. " I'm afraid I can't" breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need for you to give him a message" she continued, running her foreginger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"what should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

" Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.


Moral of the story . Be quick to point out your manager!


His main babe: welcome dear... made dinner for you
The man: Thanks dear, not hungry...
His main babe: Why....? Had dinner somewhere with that useless girls in your
office again eh?
The man: Don't be ridiculous... com'on, come off it... i had a rather late
lunch after a rather lengthy afternoon meeting

2 hours later,'the man' and 'his main babe' are enjoying a preamble to the main event. 'The man' decides to use his fingers to prep 'his main babe' before proceeding to the main event... Suddenly, his main babe let's out a shriek, starts to tap his hands in quick succession indicating that he should relocate his them before saying "you chop suya, you chop suya, so upon all the better better food wey i dey cook give you, you still go dey chop malam mumuni suya with that useless girl.... wait for me i dey come, you go see pepper today". As she rushes to the bathroom to clean up, 'the man' is left bewildered and cursing his luck wondering how on earth she found out after all the trouble he had taken to clean up


Moral of the story
... no play 'anyhow' with madam after you don chop suya ?


Funke and Funto have been friends forever. Both of them went to the same primary, girls secondary school, both of them gratuated from the same university reading the same course.

Funto introduced Funke to her brother Folusho, and the two of them started dating. That was 10years ago.

Funke just want to get married now, but Folusho always had one project or the other he needs to accomplish before he settles down.

Funke met Nifemi at a party and one thing led to another. From the very first night Nifemi told Funke that he wants a wife not a girlfriend.

Funke went back to Folusho one more time to beg him to marry her, but Folusho was so busy with his numerious projects.

Funke loaded her wedding pictures onto her Facebook page. That's how Folusho got to know that Funke had gone ahead to marry Nifemi at the registry and he was so heartbroken.

Moral of the story......this new FB olofofo settings na wah o

There was a certain Naija girl (name withheld for religious reasons) who took a picture with one of her 'more attractive' friends and put this picture on facebook as her profile picture. Well, she caught the attention of a certain guy (name withheld for security reasons). The guy thought that she was a very attractive girl, and he wanted to know her better (prospective date?). Unfortunately, the girl had blocked access to her other pictures (apart from the profile pic), so the guy had no choice but to add her as a friend (you mustn't let the fish escape, shey you get!). So he did....

She checked out the guy....I think he must have been an 'attractive' guy and she accepted his friend request. However, to the dismay of the guy, even when the girl added him, he still didn't have access to her other pictures (apart from the profile pic, which wasn't tagged by the way). Well, no shakings -- the guy decided to open up a 'communication line' with such a fine babe. They started chatting. The chat went something like this...

Guy: Omo, shey u know say u fine sha!
Girl: Thank you...lol.....you are not too bad urself....lmao
Guy: I don't have access to your other fine pictures o....
Girl: I generally don't put my pics on facebook, i am a very private person...lol
Guy: Don't be a stranger now....abeg
Girl: Are you a born-again christian?
Guy: yes I am, I born-again pass pastor sef
Girl: be serious now....
Guy: why are you interrogating me now...this is our first chat....
Girl: I want to get to know you better now...lol...
Guy: OK, first things first...who are you in the picture, the lady on the right or the lady on the left...
Girl: Does it matter? lol
Guy: yes it does, it matters o
Girl: :-)
Guy: :-(
Girl:I am the lady on the left...
Guy: DAMN!!!!
Girl: ?

At this point, the guy LOGGED OFF, DELETED, and BLOCKED the girl.

Moral of the story
1. NEVER put a profile picture with you and another person (except if you are 'finer' than the other person).
2. If you meet a guy, LET HIM SEE ALL YOUR PICTURES FIRST....be sure to include pictures in which you had no make-up and was not too glamorous....it's better to keep it real

Have a great Friday and dont say Mena's blog never teaches you nothing! lol! :P

xoxo
Memena

4 comments:

kitkat said...

lmao! the stories are hilarious!
expecially that last one where the guy was stalkin the wrong chick on fb. guys are jerks hey!..is it her fault she isnt pweety?lol

Ibhade {NG} said...

lollllllllllllll...* i am coughing ooooo..shioo! all these happen for sure? from letting the bartender suck her unwashed fingers, to the guy with the suya hand, then fb amebo & the wrong stalker???...lolllllll..kai! you do wound me with laff ooo this evening.

Lily Johnson said...

Hilarious! Liked the morals of the stories too. Lols at you chop mallam munini suya.
Lovely post!

rethots said...

You should collect royalty on this.