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Monday, 20 June 2016


Hello and Welcome,

I hope you are very well. I have not blogged in a while and I apologise, there has been so many changes to adjust to and unplanned events kept coming up.

Do pardon me from regular blogging as I am still adjusting, however I do this for a dear sister and friend who has asked us to share, she recently lost her husband and has some tips. She is African American but some of her lessons may actually help some of us.

Death is such a forbidden topic especially in Nigeria, perhaps Africa, and yet even after the death of a loved one, the family left behind have to survive through the shock, the changes and adjustments. 


Enough with my ramblings here is what bougieblackgirl has to say on sudden unexpected bereavement;

I just lost my wonderful husband. my husband of 14 years, Joseph, our family’s provider and protector died from a brain aneurysm last week. He was only 34 years old.
Let me be honest with you, I’m devastated, in shock and in some form of denial. When someone called me a widow I was heartbroken. How am I writing? Well writing for you brings me solace.
You see right before he died, everything seemed so normal. We dropped the kids off at school, I went food shopping and we did our normal routine. Within hours he was found unconscious and later declared brain-dead. I asked myself if I was there would he had survived. Why I didn’t see the signs? What could have I done differently? Unfortunately, there was nothing no one could’ve done. Even after knowing all that, I’m still questioning myself.
How am I dealing? It’s been rough. I can’t sleep at night. I force myself to eat and I cry almost every time I’m reminded that he’s gone. The irony is he’s all I want to talk about. It’s hard living in this house because everything in our bedroom is exactly where he left it before he died. I kept it that way. I can’t imagine moving his things. His bottle of water is on his end table. His gum is on his side of our dresser. He’d prepared his work clothes to be taken to the dry cleaners and they’re right where he left them. He was an old school military man raised by old school folks. You know how we military people are. Everything had to be freshly starched.

Even though I’m grieving, I learned so much from this ordeal.
There are also many important steps we must take after a spouse dies. If you ever have to go through this nightmare or you want to prepare for when it happens (because we all die) here is what I need you to do…
1. Lean on your support system. You’ll need them now more than ever for advice, protection and a shoulder to cry on.
2. Find all of your legal documents. This includes birth certificates, social security cards, a DD214 if they were in the military; insurance policies, etc. (Please put them in a safe place so that everyone knows where everything is.)
3. Contact your spouse’s creditors. Some credit card/loan companies have insurance to cover your loved ones debt if they die. We all die so ask your creditors if you can sign up for it and take it. You don’t want you or your loved ones to have the added burden of debt after a spouse’s death.
4. Contact your spouse’s bank to have the funds transferred over to you, if you don’t have a joint account. If your spouse has a debt with the bank, the bank can seize your spouse’s assets to clear up the debt. If they have a debt, contact an attorney before informing the bank. One more thing! Make sure your spouse lists you as the beneficiary on their accounts. If they haven’t, do it NOW.  My hubby had his account before he married me.  I am lucky. Some people aren’t when it comes to death and money. If you aren’t the beneficiary, his other family may contest it. To protect you and your spouse, have them change it.
5. Create a budget to track spending and stick to it. Include bills and money coming in.
6. Find out what bills were paid, what bills are due and pay them. This includes car notes, insurance payments, utility bills, etc. I’ve just had to pay tons of bills including part of my husband’s funeral costs.
7. Cancel your spouse’s drivers license to prevent ID fraud. There are vultures out there. To prevent being a victim of identity theft, contact your state licensing agency.
8. Contact your spouse’s employer and old employers for insurance policies, pensions and 401ks to begin the beneficiary process. When you contact your job’s HR department, ask how long you will keep your spouse’s healthcare. Also ask about their last paycheck and ask how you can begin the claim process. You will also get access to their retirement, if they have one.  (We all die so get a will, GET LIFE INSURANCE and save for retirement!)
9. If your spouse is an organ donor like mine was, make sure you understand what it means. You don’t have to do it. If you do, I applaud you. Get the representative of the donor organization explain in full detail what they are taking and the condition your spouse will be left in. I had a witness (his mom) in the room with me.
10. When we picked out a funeral home we asked for recommendations from family members. Ask around! Our family made an excellent choice. We went with a Black owned funeral home that did a spectacular job. When meeting with the funeral director they will ask you if you want a full funeral with burial, cremation with or without a service, etc.  Funerals are expensive.  Here is a tip. Let them know up front you only have a set amount of money to pay for the funeral. I negotiated prices with the funeral home. You can too. Stick to your budget and don’t spend more than you can. Some relatives will pressure you to spend more, but they aren’t paying for the funeral services. You are! Lovingly ignore them. I’ve had relatives who spent in the five-figure range for another relative’s funeral. Don’t do it!
11. Once you’ve set the dates with the funeral home for your spouse’s service and  set up the burial:
  • Contact the place of service if it is not at the funeral home.
  • Contact the funeral participants and confirm their attendance.
  • Create a program. You can have the funeral home design it or you can design it yourself. If you do design it, you will save hundreds of dollars. That’s what I did. I am self-taught in Photoshop, Indesign, etc.  I made the program just the way my hubby would want it. You can also get pre-made pamphlets designs. All I paid for was the printing. The funeral home will charge you for the number of pages printed in each program.
  • Ask yourself will there be a repass? If so, are you using a caterer? If you need to save money, let family cook or have everyone bring a dish.  Do what works for you.
  • Get the word out about the funeral and burial date and time. Since my hubby was young and his friends were online, I used social media using images expressing the date and time of his funeral. If the person is older go where your spouse’s friends are.
12. Next you will have to pick out an outfit for your spouse. Some funeral homes will sell you one. My hubby was a straight suit and tie guy so I supplied them with a white tee-shirt, black socks, a complete suit, underwear and tie. After dressing your spouse they will ask you to view your spouse before the funeral. Please have someone there with you when you do this. I had my mother-in-law, my sister and my brother-in-law there. It is incredibly jarring to see your loved one in a casket. I will be honest. It broke my heart because I had to face the realization my husband wasn’t coming back. I miss him so much.
13. Once the funeral is over, get multiple death certificates from the funeral home.  You need this document for #3 and #8 during the claim process.
14. Don’t forget to send out thank you cards. This is simple etiquette. I’m doing mine now. Some funeral homes offer them for free. Use them.
15. Go to to see what government benefits you are and your children (if you have any) are entitled to after a spouse dies. Make sure you have your family’s social security numbers, birth certificates and your proof of your marriage. You’ll need them to go through with federal survivor benefits.
16. Ignore the pressure to give away your spouse’s items before you are ready. My hubby died a few days ago and I still haven’t moved his stuff. Yes, people have asked for his things, but I told them to wait.
17. Get a lawyer if you need one. They are there to protect you.
18. Grieve in your own way and seek counseling. My kids and I start counseling next month. Do it.
19. Finally live your life. Life is so short. If something or someone isn’t making you happy change your situation. We take life for granted when it is really a precious gift.
These past few weeks have been the hardest in my life. There are days when I’m too tired to do anything and there are nights where all I want to do is cry. I know things will get better.My husband’s death has devastated to my sons. They cope in their own ways. My oldest is like me, reserved. He asks questions and then goes back to his space. My youngest is hurt, but needs to be around people who love us. We’re lucky. My husband has an amazing family and a group of friends and we have you who are helping us get through this trying time.


I’m not done yet. I have one more thing to tell you. People will probably get mad at me, but I want you to focus on the one word I used throughout this post. What was the one word I used over and over? The word was spouse. Now just imagine if I was just a girlfriend after 14 years of co-habitating?  I wouldn’t have been able to make the medical decisions or even have access to his room before he died. I wouldn’t have had access to our car or even have a legal right to stay in our home. I wouldn’t have had a legal say in his funeral arrangements.  I’d be at the mercy of his family. Luckily they aren’t like that, however, like I said before, some people are. Just imagine. I’d be in probate for my sons’ inheritance. That can take months and even years depending upon who contests it. Who wins? The lawyers! So before people say marriage is just a piece of paper, I’m proof that is so much more. Look, marriage ain’t for everyone but it’s easier when you are dealing with the passing of a spouse.
Please consider protecting your family and yourself. Get insurance and a will, keep your documents in a secure place and make sure your beneficiary information is up to date.  Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, prayers and support. I love you so much!!!
The only limit you have is the one you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

Bougie Black Girl 

Mena says: This is a very strong minded, opinionated beautiful friend and even in her grief she still cares for others by sharing this in her blog (in reference within this blog) and allowing for it to to be shared. This is the 5th unexpected death news I have heard so far and each of them, have families still trying to adjust to the new situation. It is not easy! Please visit her blog and if you want to, kindly support in what way you can. May J's (BBG's hubby) soul RIP and may God grant the survivors favour, Grace and peace to go through this difficult period. Amen 

Friday, 22 January 2016


(If you’re a single mother, you won’t like this..:-)) An American author named Shawn James this week wrote a controversial essay titled ‘Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers’ – detailing 15 reasons why men should not date single mothers. It’s got people talking.

1. Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.
2. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.
3. Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.
4. Emotionally Unavailable- Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children.
In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.
5. The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to c*ckblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to f!ght over her.
Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshyt.
6. The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them.
7. Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullsh*t to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.
8. Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her v*gina.
In their deluded distorted vision of the world Men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.
9. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse.
Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.
10. Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.
11. Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel.
It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six month mark.
Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not common for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.
12. Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life.
The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are.
Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.
13. In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Baddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back.
In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet.
And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man man about her baby daddy so he can go f!ght him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.
14. Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world.
Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do.
On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day.
The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.
15. Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her childrens’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie!
Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that k!lls him.
That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like disease.
Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choos and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot.
Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one.

Follow original debate here

Sunday, 10 January 2016


HAPPY 2016!

Every new dawn is a new beginning and an opportunity to start over....This list tells shows you 70 things every woman must do now to have the life she wants.
  1. Don’t let others dictate the terms of your life. Start living life on your terms.
  2. Wear your hair the way you want.
  3. Wear your makeup the way you want or don’t wear any at all. Remember, it’s your choice.
  4. Dress the way you want.
  5. Be who you want to be in a world that tries to tell you who you shouldn’t be.
  6. Boxes are made for clothes, not people. Step outside the box and step in your greatness.
  7. Guard your mind, spirit and body.
  8. Let go of toxic relationships, even if its with family.
  9. Being nice doesn’t mean you should be treated like trash. You deserve respect.
  10. If someone treats you like trash the first time, they’ll probably treat you like that again. Leave them alone.
  11. Support people who support you. Demand reciprocity.
  12. Stop being hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself and learn from them.
  13. Stop saying “I’m sorry” for no reason. You may not realize it, but you’re apologizing for being who you are. STOP!
  14. Don’t. Apologize. For. Being. You.
  15. Say no and don’t feel bad about it.
  16. Remember, no one is entitled to your time, energy, money, body or attention because of who they are or what they have. This is your life. (See #15)
  17. You don’t need the validation of others. The only person you have to prove something to is you.
  18. What we spend most on time on is our priority. Ask yourself, what do you spend the most time on and do you really want that to be your priority?
  19. Turn off the news and get off the internet. It only depresses you on purpose.
  20. Don’t argue with racists, sexist, bigots, strangers and random trolls on the internet. It’s a waste of your precious time. You’ll never change a mind that is emotionally and financially invested in your humiliation and subjugation.
  21. Block people and negativity ruthlessly!
  22. If someone doesn’t like you, so what. That’s their problem and their loss.
  23. Practice self-care. Self-care is an act of self-preservation and self-love. Protect and nurture your space, mind, body and spirit.
  24. Put yourself first. Take care of yourself. Get your checkups and listen to the doctor’s advice.
  25. Meditate, pray, dance, exercise, walk and listen to music more. Whatever it is; do things that alleviate negative stress.
  26. Get a massage. (HELLO Groupon)
  27. Date who you want.
  28. Remember you’re a prize! People must earn your time, energy, trust and love.
  29. Be mysterious!
  30. Fall in love with someone who loves you more than you love you.
  31. Travel to a different city, state or even country. (Get a passport)
  32. Try different foods.
  33. Make new friends.
  34. Learn a different language.
  35. Remember you deserve love and be loved.
  36. Love yourself the way you want someone else to love you.
  37. How you start in life, doesn’t have to be how you live your life. Walk your own path.
  38. Don’t settle for mediocrity.
  39. Embrace change.
  40. Challenge yourself. Go beyond where you think you can go. Just when you think you’ve gone as far as you can, climb a little higher, dig a little deeper and push a little bit harder. Make a commitment to yourself and your deity (if you believe in one) to do this every single day.
  41. Try and succeed or fail. You’ll never know how far you can go until you try.
  42. Also, try your best!
  43. Trust your instincts. Your instincts exist to protect you.
  44. Unsure about your life? Surround yourself with positive and ambitious people. Behaviors are contagious. They’ll make you positive and ambitious.
  45. Inspire someone!
  46. Be inspired!
  47. Get a mentor.
  48. Be a mentor.
  49. Remember you’re more powerful than you think.
  50. Stop waiting for permission and give yourself permission.
  51. If you want something, go get it.
  52. Inaction is an action. If we decide to do nothing, we can also decide to do something. You have a choice.
  53. Fear isn’t real. It’s a waste of time.
  54. If you don’t like the direction of your life, change it. When we change our minds, we can change our reality.
  55. Don’t let someone else’s limitations on you become your expectations.
  56. Believe in yourself, your dreams and your destiny.
  57. Learn something new!
  58. Create a dream board and put everything you want on it.
  59. Write down your goals.
  60. Create action steps to achieve them.
  61. Focus and work on your goals.
  62. Never give up on your goals.
  63. If someone doesn’t believe in you, so what. What matters is that you believe in yourself.
  64. If you’re having a bad day, don’t forget some people didn’t get a chance to see today. Be grateful for the gift of life.
  65. Remember you’re supposed to be here.
  66. You’re responsible for your life.
  67. Fall in love with you today.
  68. Laugh more!
  69. Be yourself!
  70. Love more and enjoy life!

Wednesday, 30 December 2015



So according to, an orgasm is 'the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region that produce intensely pleasurable sensations followed by rapid relaxation.

It is obviously experienced by males and some females(not all)they are often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations are expressed. In males, orgasm generally leads to ejaculation.

Obviously a physiologic response to sexual stimulation, orgasms usually result from the stimulation of the penis in males and the clitoris in females. Modern findings by Schwartz(1992) support distinction between ejaculation and male orgasm in men and a distinction between clitoral orgasms from orgasms caused by G-Spot stimulation alone in women. Findings also supports female ejaculation,also known as 'squirting' in women.

Such stimulation can be by self-practice (masturbation) or by a partner (penetrative sexual intercourse, non-penetrative sex; also known as outercourse, and other erotic sexual activities). In addition, partners simultaneously stimulating each other's sex organs by mutual masturbation, penetrative intercourse, or other rhythmic inter-genital contact may experience simultaneous

The words I want to draw out are euphoric sensation and intense pleasure and the power they carry. Such is their weight that men like Tiger Woods have suffered for continually seeking it beyond agreed boundaries. Arnold Schwarzenegger the terminator has been renamed the impregnantor, and Former International Monetary Fund Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been accused of raping his chambermaid!

That said, orgasms can also bond a couple in a healthy relationship. It can also lead to a range of often involuntary spoken words and that, dear class, is where my focus is today.  Pay attencion :P

How words said during orgasms links to personality traits...

1. The Optimist - "Ahh...Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes .....Aaahhh ..... ! "

2. The Pessimist - " Ahh ..... Oh No, Oh No, Oh No .....Aaahhh ..... ! "

3. The Confused - " Ahh ..... Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

4. The Traveler - " Ahh ..... I'm cumming, I’m cumming ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

5. The Religious - "Ahh ..... Oh God, Oh God.....Aaahhh ..... ! "

6. The Needy - " Ahh ..... More, More, More..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

7. The Beggar - " Ahh ..... Please ..... Please ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

8. The Submariner - " Ahh ..... Ohhhh ..... Deeper ..... Go DEEPER..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

9. The Sports man - " Ahh ..... Faster .....Faster .....Aaahhh ..... ! "

10. The Mimicry artist - " Ahh ..... Shhhhh ..... Hsssss ..... Shhhhh ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

11. The Dutiful man - " Ahh ..... Oooh maaaa ..... Oooh maaaa..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

12. The Wrestler - " Ahh ..... Hold me tight ....Rougher .... Harder ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

13. The Murderer - " Ahh ..... I am going to cum .....Ahh .....If you cum before me, I'll kill you .....Aaahhh..... !

14. (adapted for Nigerians) YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... YEPARIPA......... MO TIN MBOOOOOOOOOOO


16. The Pain taker.- E dey pain you... Ehn... Make I remove am....Nooooo Noooooo Noooooooooooooooooooo.......

17.The Guarantor.- E no go tear.....hit am well.. welll. e no tearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Recognise thineself? LOL!

Thanks for reading

Wednesday, 30 September 2015



Following this and this story. Here is one more unedited and true story that makes you ponder...

I was born around 1968 and married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20. A day before the traditional marriage, somebody from my father's side of the family confronted me and said it would be over her dead body before I will have any children since I chose to marry before some of my elders who were still unmarried. I gave my life to Jesus that same year and started praying. I was unable to have children until this woman died after FIVE years of marriage.
On February 22nd, 1989, I fell into an Aquarium glass that almost killed me at Fola Agoro where I was working then as a sales representative, while I was in the hospital, a family member showed up in my dream and said I would not survive the attack. I prayed fervently and asked the Lord to take care of the situation. I survived. (The person died).
In 1992, ( I forgot the exact date), somebody threatened to kill me in my dream, when I woke up, I prayed that God should deliver me from this attack. I went later that day to Mosafejo Market in Oshodi and fell into a big Canal where you board Ketu busses. It took three strong men to drag me out of that pit. I survived again.
Two years after I joined my husband in the States, I had a terrible dream that I was being deported even though I had a "Green Card". On May 31st, 1997, three months after the dream, we visited Nigeria, and my husband left and ran away leaving me and our 3 years old son. God used my boss, Rev. Bosun Ayinde and his wife, Mrs. Peju Ayinde, of Akinola Cole Crescent, Ikeja, with the help of Immigration Officer Popoola and Custom Officer Nta to get me back to the United States after two and a half months of suffering and struggling.
On June 3rd, 2003, after two days of another terrible dream from these wicked people, my three children with their father, (my new husband) were involved in a terrible car accident. All hope were lost, but I cried to Almighty God who performed the greatest miracle of all! Everybody Survived!!! I continued praying and fasting.
On February 25, 2008, I saw in my vision, these wicked spirits told me that they will not rest until they destroy me. I responded that the Lord God whom I serve everyday will avenge and vindicate me as I never do anything do them, and that God will fight my battle for me. The next day, at 6:30am, there was a terrible storm in Atlanta that destroyed GA Dome and World Congress Center. Unfortunately my home was among those that were destroyed. To God be the glory, my three children and their father survived the disaster (I was at work). Halleluyah!!!
The Bible says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord his God delivered him from them all.
My brethren, this is the reason I fight and seek the destruction of my enemies and I also extend these prayers to others who might be going through what I have been through.
I pray that the Lord who had delivered me from all these calamities will deliver you too in Jesus name. Amen.


As written by Taibatu O.O.

Tuesday, 22 September 2015


Found this funny story! I used to live in crazy Lagos and as funny as this is, it could have happened....enjoy

This Lagos sef don tire me. Jeje I was sitting in my car on a very long fuel queue from the Mobil in Maryland. This queue was almost getting to Anthony bus stop. It was one of those days when there was no fuel at all. Suddenly na him I see one guy run past my car with jerry can in one hand shouting "won ti bere oooooo"I quickly jumped out of my car opened my booth, got my jerry can and ran after him. He kept on running towards Maryland. When he got to the filling station he shouted again "won ti bere oooo" this in yoruba actually means they have started oooooo.
He ran past the filling station and headed towards Sheraton hotel. Those that know this area will understand the distance. I tried to run faster to catch up and ask Kini won bere? Meaning "what have they started?" But this boy ran faster. I looked back and I saw like 6 people had joined us everybody with jerry can in one hand. We continued past Sheraton and headed towards Ikeja bus stop. When we got to Ikeja bus stop he shouted again won ti bere oooooo. ....and continued running we all continued asking each other wetin happen but nobody seemed to know as we chased after him.
Finally we got to oshodi isale and he shouted again by this time we were like 40 people running after him all of us with jerry can in one hand. He shouted again won ti bere oooooo!!!!!! He continued running towards iyana Isolo and finally after getting to iyana Isolo he stopped and we were all gasping for breath both men and women, some with pot bellies, I moved close to him and asked Kini won bere?
He answered Chelsea ati Arsenal ni, won ti bere match!! I fainted.

Have a peaceful holiday!


Saturday, 29 August 2015


Read these words and ponder a bit.....

You were born in a first class hospital, I was
delivered at home, we both survived. You went to
a private school and I went to a razz government
school, we both ended in the same University.
You woke up from the bed and I woke from the
floor, we both had a peaceful night rest. Your
outfits are all expensive, mine are all simple and
cheap, we both still cover our nakedness. You ate
expensive food, I ate cheap food
but we both still ate to our satisfaction.
You ride on Lexus jeep, Range Rover, G Wagon,
Hummer Jeep and I use public transport but we
still got to our various destination. You may be
reading this post from your very expensive tech product  and I typed it with my basic one,
we still see the same thing, you got married in
  an exotic placeand I married in a cheap affordable place, we both wore ring
and people ate and had fun.
Life is not a competition and there are different
ways to get a lot of things done, different lanes
all leading to the same destination. Just because
your neighbour is doing things faster does not
mean you are failing.
Happiness doesn't come from having everything,
but from making the best out of what you have,
it's all about how you see yourself.
God bless us all!

Sunday, 4 January 2015

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS....!!! (at least Tozo, Abodi and Kpomo no dey the list


So I am a member of this weight watch group and the challenge is listed below

 This will  be kept in the 'mena makes no promises mena cant keep box'
Think this is really doable?



Soo what are you thoughts on forward mail? Are you like me who deletes by default? I have a friend who only forwards mail to me, and then considers that to be communication! Well the fact that I never reply should indicate that consider that to be b*ll sh*t!!

Then again, you do get the odd one that is so nicely done that it gives that warm feeling in your heart.
The following poem is about showing appreciation for everything. I find it timely as I spend so much of my time worrying about the future, that I hardly appreciate the present. Infact I should stop right here, this minutes and say thank you: "Father in Heaven I thank You for bringing me thus far, Great is Thy faithfulness upon me as well as the person reading this page. You deserve all the praise and adoration, in Jesus name, Amen!"


















FOR THE crazy people I work with...
BECAUSE they make work interesting and fun!




Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart

Wish you love, laughter and peace


Saturday, 11 October 2014



So I have been M.I.A. I went to India for about a month and a half and wow the experience is very different to every single thing I am used too. I will probably publish some of my experiences and photos here soon.

I hope you have all been very well. Any thing new? Please lets share.

By my thinking any one of us can be silently going through terrible ordeals in our lives thinking we are alone, and believing there is no solution, no way out, well there is a way out! All you need to do is speak out or write anonymously, someone somewhere will respond to you. You are never alone, certainly not in blogsville. So I was browsing blogsville when I came across some stories. They claim to be true life stories and the writers actually need our advice, love or just a silent prayer. I couldnt resist but bring some of them to them to my blog so readers who have gone though a similar experience can play agony aunt and give them solutions. Or you can even give them some tough love as well. They will be published from time to time in a series titled 'HELP', this is the seventh part.....You can findHelp 1 Help 2 Help 3 Help 4  Help 5 and Help 6 just by a click...


Her Story: 
"....For months I had put off going to the doctors about a lump I found in my breast.  As i walked into the consultants room the look on the doctors face said it all.

I had been to see the very same doctor two weeks previously for a core biopsy on a large lump in my right breast and a sample biopsy from my lymph nodes. For some reason i was hoping everything was going to be OK but it seemed it wasn't.

"You have Breast Cancer" he said in a very clinical manner...... No bed side manner at all. Everything i planned to say to him totally left my mind and i just sat there sobbing my eyes out. The thought of not being here for my children was the only thing i could think of. How do i tell them? How do i tell my parents? And how the hell do i tell my partner?..I did.

Current situation: Diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks my partner of many years just leave me to deal with children.....but not after telling me i deserved to get cancer....

This is Heartwrenching! I am in literally in tears

Sunday, 10 August 2014



Waaay to many sad stories and whats worse some aspects of the media are gourging on yellow journalism, only causing mass hyseria! Please enjoy this humorous post, to laugh off the stress 


America no go kill me!!! You know in this country America, igbo (weed) is the starting point.
So when I got this new job and we were required to come for the drug test, I had an idea how it goes. During my alcohol and drugs class for my driver's license, I learnt igbo stays in the system for twenty one days...that is if you smoked igbo at second week of February, if you took a drug test by same february, it will show you are an "igbobian". (drug user)
I remember the first time I was scheduled to go last year on my visit to faraway Texas, how my brother Riete Ofugara was looking at me asking if i was sure I would pass the test. I was like
"shoo bros, my jaguda no reach igbo side na. shooo"
and Riete says
"Ena you sure????"

Okay this test, we are about twenty and straight off the bat, I identify this "igbobian". Yes he wore a tie and shirt and looked nice but his eyes were a little too red and dreamy. So i am watching this dude saying in my mind "why this guy bother come here sef? How he want take pass?"
And then trust the two girls seated next to me. One was a Jamaican from her Buju Banton accent, the other American
Jamaican :"wah ya niame" The ugly one who is the Jamaican girl asked me
(why na the wowo girls dey start conversation sef? Why not the fine one?')
ENA "I am is actually a very long name but everyone calls me Ena"
Jamaican: Ya smoke?
ENA: Yes fish. I smoke fish. You use it to drink garri.
Jamaican: Garri? You must be Nigerian. I like Nigerians I have dated quite a few
ENA: By few how many?
Jamaican: haha. Buoy you funny. I said a few. haha. Why ya ask me how many?
American fine one: haha. Tanya has dated quite a lot. She wanted to talk to you cos she said you WAS Nigerian.
Jamaican: (To American). Gyal ya talk shit ua know?. Okay, Nigerian, you smoke weed?
ENA: What is weed? (In my mind. "dem send una come? Una be spy abi my village weeeensh???)
Jamaican: Ya know what weed is.Grass
ENA: We clear or rather cut grass in my country with know cutlas...machete
American: He funny. I bet he knows what weed is.
Jamaican: I am talking ganja, kaya, Indonesia, know ya know.
American: Marijuana
ENA: Oh Marijuana? I have seen it on TV. (una papa! Na me una want set up. I jump una pass in Jesus name AMEN!!!)
"Attention everybody" the lady in charge says. "You all must sign the consent form for us to be able to test your urine for drugs and alcohol"
(shoo, booze join?)
And so we were given forms. Yes O! For everything in this country you must sign a consent form. It is the first time i am seeing consent form to take my piss. Well as long as it is not babalawo's cup I am peeing in (voodoo priest) I will give them as much urine as they want.

After the signing of the forms we were given some magic cup to pee in. And so we went on a line to use the bathroom. we were bodysearched and i did not fully understand why. But my eyes were on this American boy whose eyes were a bit too Don Jazzy-like. He was moving from one foot to the other and clearly uncomfortable.
well I went in peeing the cup, wrote my name on the label and submitted. Don Jazzy look alike made sure he was last and then submitted his cup.
There was no long wait. Right there and then oyibo (white people) simply peeled the label and on it were writings and they started computing it in our presence. and then it happened. The oyibo women started laughing and they called Don Jazzy "who is Mr jeffrey Anderson?"
Jeffrey got up. I knew this would happen. I knew he was an Igbobian
Woman in Charge "Is this your urine? Will you please take this cup and pee for us again? There seems to be a problem with your urine sample. We need to redo it"
Jeffrey: (the Don jazzy guy) I ain't got no pee left. I just peed"
Woman in Charge: em...we will give you some juice or water or soda (na soda dem dey call mineral) and you can take it now and in 30 minutes to an hour you should have enough for us. We are sorry"
Jeffrey: Just tell me what the problem is.
Woman in Charge: em..are you sure?
Jeffrey: yeah. What is it?
Woman in charge: According to this urine analysis, you are pregnant.
(silence then laughter.) It is why we need to retake it.
Jeffrey: shiiiiiiiit!!! dayum!!!! pregnant? She fucking said she was on the fucking pill men. shiiiiit!!!
Woman in Charge: She?
(another round of laughter)
Jeffrey: shiiiit my girl be tryna trick me men. I aint got money for child support. She said she was on the pill and now she pregnant. I ain't going down like that men.
(more laughter)
Woman in Charge: We didn't test her we tested you. You....
Jeffrey: Damn bitch, I ain't no tranvestite. I am a man. How can i be pregnant? It was her pee men. I tried to not smoke but me and my boys went out and I was like I had a job interview but my boys were smoking and i was like i should smoke too. shiiiit. I got her pee men! She didn't fucking tell me she was pregnant. Bitch tryna play me men!!!!.
Woman in will have to excuse us. What you did was...
Jeffrey: (Quiet) Men I need this job men! I am on welfare and all.My mom kicked me out that I smoke too much weed. She smokes too. Nobody kicked her out (for her own house?who want kick her out? Oghene biko!)
And then another nonsense happened.
Jeffrey "Hey Nigeria" (I looked around and was wondering who he was talking to) Yes you with the blue tie. (chei na me he dey talk to) Gimme your lighter, I got one last joint i need to smoke men. Bitch be stressing me
ENA: (In pidgin English ) Guy!!! why you want involve me na shoooo! them send you come?
(raucous laughter with "what did he say? what did he say")
Jeffrey: What did you say?
(I put myself together and calmed down)
ENA: jeffrey, why do want to do this to me huh? I don't smoke weed.
Jeffrey: I never said you did. I said gimme a light bruv
Woman in Charge: (dips her hand in her jacket and gives him a lighter.) Take it and you can't smoke on the premises and you have to leave us now.
Jeffrey: thanks. My girl crazy i tell ya. (he leaves. Raucous laughter)
Jamaican: Why he ask ya fi light? me tell ya say ya smoke ya say ya na smoke weed.
ENA: Listen Patra, (I call her the name of that Jamaican singer) I do not smoke. You guys are like Satans to me right now and i say get thee behind me.
(another bout of laughter)
And so the results are handed to us. The lady in charge kept smiling at me when she gave me the papers. Everyone was staring at me when i got mine and the list of drugs i saw on that paper I have never heard before. just one cup and label peeled off and it revealed that of over forty drugs i was negative for all. Trust me as i raised my paper and said
"um... I am drug-free. I am alcohol free. I do not even take aspirin. I pray when sick and Jesus heals me
(raucous laughter) "una dey laugh abi?" i continued in pidgin as i took my seat.
Needless to say i am the most popular guy where I work and they keep asking me
"Hey Nigeria, gimme your light."
But where did that guy hide the pee of his girlfriend that a bodysearch did not reveal? Did he keep it in his mouth????? If yes, did she pee in a cup and he drank it or was it direct from source?
America no go kill me

Written by good friend Ena too Bam

Sunday, 25 May 2014

"LOVE" LETTER TO ALL WOMEN ( This story contains extremely disturbing subject matter. Reader discretion is strongly advised.)

Elliot Rodger went on a shooting rampage in Santa Barbara, California. He is son of Peter Rodger The Hunger Games assistant director. He was raised in the movie culture of Hollywood. His writings say so much about the values he learned from movies and violent video games.

The 22-year-old wrote that “the ultimate evil behind sexuality is the human female.” He added that they “think like beasts” and “should not have the right to choose who to mate and breed with.”

  In his perfect society, Rodger would be the Earth’s “divine ruler,” where he would quarantine all women in concentration camps and then starve them to death.

In his own words:

 Mena: I dont understand how sex is so overrated and so important to people that they think to such extremes....Anyway it is hollywierd, this young man was not raised right, and even as a young adult he finds it difficult to think logically!!!!


Thursday, 22 May 2014

An online prank or was there really a black Queen in the United Kingdom?

Black history claims this be the judge;

Princess Sophie Charlotte was born in 1744. She was the first Black Queen of England.
Charlotte was the eighth child of the Prince of Mirow, Germany, Charles Louis Frederick, and his wife, Elisabeth Albertina of Saxe-Hildburghausen. In 1752, when she was eight years old, Sophie Charlotte's father died. As princess of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Sophie Charlotte was descended directly from an African branch of the Portuguese Royal House, Margarita de Castro y Sousa. Six different lines can be traced from Princess Sophie Charlotte back to Margarita de Castro y Sousa. She married George III of England on September 8, 1761, at the Chapel Royal in St James’s Palace, London, at the age of 17 years of age becoming the Queen of England and Ireland.

Their were conditions in the contract for marriage, ‘The young princess, join the Anglican church and be married according to Anglican rites, and never ever involve herself in politics’. Although the Queen had an interest in what was happening in the world, especially the war in America, she fulfilled her marital agreement. The Royal couple had fifteen children, thirteen of whom survived to adulthood. Their fourth eldest son was Edward Augustus, Duke of Kent, later fathered Queen Victoria.
Queen Charlotte made many contributions to Britain as it is today, though the evidence is not obvious or well publicized. Her African bloodline in the British royal family is not common knowledge. Portraits of the Queen had been reduced to fiction of the Black Magi, until two art historians suggested that the definite African features of the paintings derived from actual subjects, not the minds of painters.

In Queen Charlotte’s era slavery was prevalent and the anti-slavery campaign was growing. Portrait painters of the royal family were expected to play down or soften Queen Charlotte's African features. Painters such as Sir Thomas Lawrence, who painted, Queen Charlotte in the autumn of 1789 had their paintings rejected by the royal couple who were not happy with the representations of the likeness of the Queen. These portraits are amongst those that are available to view now, which could be seen as continuing the political interests of those that disapprove of a multi-racial royal family for Britain. Sir Allan Ramsey produced the most African representations of the Queen and was responsible for the majority of the paintings of the Queen. Ramsey’s inclination to paint truer versions of the Queen could be seen to have come from being ‘an anti-slavery intellectual of his day. The Coronation painting by Ramsey, of the Queen was sent out to the colonies/commonwealth and played a subtle political role in the anti-slavery movement. Johann Zoffany also frequently painted the Royal family in informal family scenes.

Queen Charlotte was a learned character, her letters indicate that she was well read and had interests in the fine arts. The Queen is known to have supported and been taught music by Johann Christian Bach. She was extremely generous to Bach’s wife after Bach’s death. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, at aged eight dedicated his Opus 3 piece to the Queen at her request. Also an amateur botanist, Queen Charlotte helped to establish Kew Gardens bringing amongst others the Strelitzia Reginae, a flowering plant from South Africa. The Queen who had the first one in her house in 1800 introduced the Christmas tree to England. It was said to be decorated with, ‘sweetmeats, almonds and raisins in papers, fruit and toys. Also the Queen Charlotte Maternity hospital was established in London. Set up as a charitable institution, it is the oldest maternity care institution in England.

Queen Charlotte died on November 17, 1818 at Dutch House in Surrey, now Kew Palace, in the presence of her eldest son, the Prince Regent. She is buried at St George’s Chapel, Windsor. The only private writings that have survived are Queen Charlotte's 444 letters to her closest confidant her older brother, Charles II, Grand Duke of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. On 23 May 1773 in a letter, the Queen felt she was in a position of privilege yet a task. Her Christian faith was a protection and a method of endurance, as she quotes from the Bible and recognizes her role as a royal of God beyond her royal role on earth. An exhibition took place in 2004, at the Queen’s Gallery, Buckingham Palace displaying Charlotte and George’s collections and tastes in the arts. Queen Charlotte was the great great-great grandmother of the present Queen Elizabeth II who still lives in the expanded Buckingham House, now Buckingham Palace. Kew gardens still flourishes and is always being expanded, also the Queen Charlotte maternity hospital and many other places still carry her name in honor globally such as Charlotte town, Canada and Fort Charlotte, St Vincent, West Indies.

Sunday, 4 May 2014

Deny housing to Blacks.... they “smell, and attract vermin,”

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,  former NBA all-star, who played for the Milwaukee Bucks and L.A. Lakers from 1969 to 1989,  has no sympathy for Sterling.

But he is upset that everyone is acting so surprised, noting that the NBA owner has said offensive comments in the past and has been sued over both housing and employment discrimination.

Abdul-Jabbar, in an op-ed piece in TIME attacked the collective outrage emanating from America’s media over Sterling’s aremarks to his girlfriend, calling the publication of a private conversation “sleazy” and wondering why earlier, more public manifestations of racism failed to shock those such as Al Sharpton, and the NAACP.
Abdul-Jabbar explains that we’re witnessing a veritable “finger-wagging Olympics . . . all over the latest in a long line of rich white celebrities to come out of the racist closet.”
“Yes, I’m angry, too,” Abdul-Jabbar admits, “but not just about the sins of Donald Sterling. I’ve got a list.”
That list includes Sterling’s girlfriend, V. Stiviano, whose voice is heard on the racially-loaded tape and who likely set the Clippers’ owner up.
“Man, what a winding road she led him down to get all of that out,” he mocked. “She was like a sexy nanny playing ‘pin the fried chicken on the Sambo.’ She blindfolded him and spun him around until he was just blathering all sorts of incoherent racist sound bites that had the news media peeing themselves with glee.”
And speaking of the news media? “They caught big game on a slow news day,” Abdul-Jabbar explained, “so they put his head on a pike, dubbed him Lord of the Flies, and danced around him whooping.”

He wonders why everyone is acting so surprised, noting that the NBA owner has said offensive comments in the past and has been sued over both housing and employment discrimination.
The NAACP “did nothing” after Sterling was forced to pay a staggering $3 million fine for denying housing to Blacks, saying they “smell, and attract vermin,” Abdul-Jabbar noted. They were even going to present Sterling with an NAACP award on May 15th, with the Rev. Al Sharpton on hand. “Suddenly he says he doesn’t want his girlfriend posing with Magic Johnson on Instagram and we bring out the torches and rope. Shouldn’t we have all called for his resignation back then?
Abdul-Jabbar is correct, but it is worse than that. The NAACP accepted multiple grants from the Donald T. Sterling Charitable Foundation and handed Sterling several “image awards” — despite full knowledge of his prior, massive fine for discrimination against Blacks in his slumlord housing.
Abdul-Jabbar, perhaps channeling his closet libertarianism, also blasted the fact that Sterling’s private conversation — however racist — was suddenly broadcast nationwide.
“Didn’t we just call to task the NSA for intruding into American citizen’s privacy in such an un-American way?” he asked, comparing the secret tape-recording to Mitt Romney’s embarrassing 47 percent remark, recorded without the then-candidate’s knowledge.
“The making and release of this tape is so sleazy that just listening to it makes me feel like an accomplice to the crime,” Abdul-Jabbar fumed. “We didn’t steal the cake but we’re all gorging ourselves on it.”
“So, if we’re all going to be outraged,” the former NBA star wrapped up, “let’s be outraged that we weren’t more outraged when his racism was first evident. Let’s be outraged that private conversations between people in an intimate relationship are recorded and publicly played. Let’s be outraged that whoever did the betraying will probably get a book deal, a sitcom, trade recipes with Hoda and Kathie Lee, and soon appear on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ and ‘Dancing with the Stars.’”


Mena: His views appears balanced and quite frankly can be used in comparison to some of the faux outrage and mass hysteria that occur in the online Nigerian community, where some sensational and possibly made up headline takes precedence over relevant issues.
Perhaps one day we will see the light.....

Saturday, 26 April 2014

How to get a dream Husband or Steady Boyfriend or casual "Boy-Toy/F*ck Buddy"... *WARNING SOME STUFF IS REALLY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT*

 Novelist Kola Boof reveals very unusual "Tips" that she says are "guaranteed" to get you the man that you want in whatever capacity that you want him. She
divided this article on "HOW TO GET A MAN" into Two Parts: "SURFACE" and "DEEPER."It is a very long, quite hilarious read. Enjoy......


SURFACE (Dating)

Sisters, these steps are CRUCIAL for putting yourself under a man's skin--they're
also a PSYCHOLOGICAL "trick"---and they work.

The core root of any type of love/relationship is "Friendship", so
start by making it a point to amass at least 20 Platonic Male Friends.

Dismiss the whole notion of having a "boyfriend/a Man/
big romance"--just desire and cultivate a "Pal System."

This will help you to do two things: (1) Expose your personal flaws
to males early (So that some can move away from you or even help you
improve on yourself). (2) Help you "eliminate" any guys you can't tolerate
and would be a waste of time.

FIRST MEET A MAN--don't ask him what he does for a living or
how much money he makes.

Just make it clear that you have your own back and put your gaze/smile
on HIM (his inside character) like a friend would do.

Let the other girls (your competition) ask him Money questions and
everything else that has nothing to do with who he is.

Trust me, some kind of way, it won't be long before he slips you the info on
his financial status--but thing is, he'll have a very "fond" mental and emotional
view of you because you seem to care about him and
not what he has.

Men don't like to be "used" anymore than we do (although, a lot of what I'm
going to tell you in this Blog is on how to manipulate them--I admit that. But
don't be a stupid bitch. If you're going to lead pups to what they really want
(YOU), then be sweet as sugar and soft; understanding; welcoming.)

Don't ever act like a "romance novel reader"--gushy, talking on and on about what
your big dreams are for love and sharing life with a man.  SERIOUSLY--you need
to be "Clinical" and not "emotional" about love/relationships.  Have no expec-
tations, and while being "friendly, approachable & vulnerable" towards males,
don't ever act like you don't already have a man. Don't act available--but be very
cheerful, open and don't be afraid to ever show vulnerability.

OK, you've "cultivated" these platonic friendships with upwards 20 males--now
you have maybe 2 or 3 who hint at or ask you on date.

Once you have the opportunity to "get together" alone with a guy
for a "date" or whatever...immediately inform him that you
"Don't date." 

YOU: "Craig, ho
nestly--I'm not interested in having a relationship or
a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I had a sex buddy, but I'm not even ready
for that yet (
don't forget to mention that sex buddy arc
). But maybe we
could hang out at the park and feed the ducks
? That would be fun!

[If you don't "Get It"--just read that over a few times until you get it.]

If a guy insists on "spending money; a restaurant; movie"--
REFUSEunless you've already had your first 3 "Psyche" Dates.

Many times, this will SHOCK a guy when you say--"No, I can't go
with you to McDonalds/RedLobster...I don't like guys spending money
on me! B
ut let's go down to the park and feed the squirrels."

This is Psychological. It's not about the events. It's about him being trained
to believe that your interest is strictly HIM indigenously.  He should have
this wonderful feeling about you--that your love is free.

 Psyche Dates
Unless it's Absolutely Survival Induced (gas and lights gotta be
paid or some shit). DON'T let a man spend money on you right off bat.

If you LISTEN to Kola's way--then he'll spend TONS of money LATER.

Your first three DATES should be something like:
**Meeting at the Park (you could have sandwiches & soda)
**Meeting at the PUBLIC LIBRARY and chat (make up a reason!)
**Meet at the BEACH...and "talk" while walking on the shoreline.

These are Psyche Dates--any kind of You & Him as a Duo that is
FREE OF CHARGE and focuses on you two forming a BOND.

KOLA'S FACTS OF LIFE: Despite men's legendary insecurity
which leads to videos/magaz. dictating what they "like" and what type
girl they want to "USE" to impress the other fellas--despite their
bravado over having "Swag" and their Dick-size and not being "punks"
to emotions and all that macho MAN shit---truth is--men are just as
senstitive & emotional deep down as we are.  They're not IMMEDIATELY
as intelligent as we are--because SEXISM doesn't allow men to have
the "Emotional Range" that females are allowed (for instance women
can CRY & HUG other women in public; we're allowed to analyze and show intense emotion)...but men do have the capacity for it...and if you gain
(#1) his trust and (#2) his respect/fondness towards you and (3) You're "about
", therefore you're somewhat interesting to him--then you
have a shot at getting him just about any way that you want him.


You've always heard Mama say that the way to a man's heart
is a good home cooked meal.

Well, she was wrong.
The way to any man's heart is through great Blow Jobs. LOL!
Just kidding, sisters (*but then again...I'm not.)
FOOD is one of the three Nervous System Requirements for a happy
Human Being (Food, sex and sleep according to Science), male or female.
So think on this:
A major, crucial trick is to learn how to make at least 5 dishes that your
Guy absolutely LOVES---but that no other chick in the vaccinity knows
how to make!  Can't be one or two has to be at least 5. In my case,
it was like 55. But, believe me, over time, this gives you leverage.

If you live around a bunch of Latino chicks, then don't make it Spanish food.
Get him hooked on Chili Cheese Fries covered in Goat Cheese & Russian
Shredded Pastrami...if you live in Jackson, Mississippi where every woman
can get down on some Soul food...then get him hooked on French Spiced
Pork Chops with mint sauce, coos-coos and potatoes with crabmeat topping.

It can be very simple shit as well, but he's gotta rave it; request it--then you
know you've come up with a winning dish. Sweet Potato pie with ginger and
a bottom layer of cream cheese.

Thing is, if he gets "hooked" on your cooking--then he'll be coming back. Trust me.

The entire 10 years my hubby and I were together--I made his "cereral"
from scratch. Every sunday, I configured and mixed and bagged his
cereal.  I made fresh bread. I made honey wine. My whole kitchen was
set up to "ambush his ass"---and he wasn't allowed to fix shit!

And yes--I am a Womanist/Feminist woman.

In my case, I love cooking--so it's effortless for me. I also come from
a Nilotic Sudanese culture that says: "
Anything that has babies falling
out of its ass should know how to prepare a meal
." But that's just me.
A lot of women hate cooking--and if you're one of those women, then
focus on other areas. But for women who do cook--other than really
intense blowjobs, cooking is about your strongest SPADE in the deck
for screwing up a man's "Selection Process" (and trust me, Men have
about 300% more mating options to choose from than we women
do--so don't frown on cooking and blowjob skills as manipulation
tools if your'e serious about wanting to secure a Man-In-the-House.) 

So,yeah, sisters. You want to take a deep breath..stop being INTIMIDATED
by the idea and task of cooking...and learn to make very simple, quick dishes,
and after you master and "feel comfortable" with the idea that you can actually
whip up a quick, easy meal--expand that--so that you're "experimenting" and
coming up with stuff that your guy really finds "delectable" and can't imagine
himself without.

Also doesn't hurt to rub your man's belly and feet after a meal IF he's the
affectionate type who doesn't mind you touching him.  I was lucky that my
hubby LOOOOVED attention; loved being kissed & hugged & made to feel
like a little boy.

He gave me everything for making him feel that way.


And, of course, hand in hand with great food, men love their dick sucked by someone who appears to LIKE doing it even more than the man wants it.

It's a great way for the guy you love to wake up "some" mornings (with his dick
in your mouth.)  Of course, it goes without saying that men should reciprocate.

--but we're talking about securing a man right now.

Not to be scary--but if a man can fuck you in your face hard--and it seems as though
you're breathing through your asshole, not your nose, while you're slobbing that knob, then you'll have a LOT of power of him.

If you're not the best at Head--you can do things like put a "breath strip Mint" or
Listerine strip or something like that in in your mouth so that your tongue slightly TINGLES his penis. Men like you to do "ice cream licks" on the head; pucker and
lolipop-smack the mushroom...lick the staff...and Deep Throat, hard. If you can
learn to do those motions, plus dart your tongue at say the staff while you're shining
the mushroom head--AND suck on his balls; going back and forth--then you'll be
at least considered "good" at it. 

Of course--you can't just give any guy a blowjob--it has to be someone VERY
special to you.  Let's be clear on that.

I don't think it's smart to give a guy a Blow Job when you first meet him
(or have started the Psyche dating process).  What I always do is make sure that
the guys knows that "I like giving head"---but unless I'm just trying to be his
"fuck buddy/Mistress/Maid"---I'm not giving him a blowjob until at least the
2nd or 3rd time that we've actually made love.

And if you really want a Long-Term relationship with a man (arriving at marriage
or a serious commitment)...then it's BEST not to put out for a very long time.

Sometimes, people fuck right away and still end up together in a deep relationship,
but the odds of that happening aren't good.  Especially if you're a Black Woman
(because in our community, "Color Code" means many of us are "to be Used for
" and discarded dependent upon how Africoid our hair, features & skin tone.)

Doesn't matter if you're a Beauty or a Plain Girl or even Ugly--men want and respect the challenge of that girl who WILL NOT put out.

If you're trying to be his WIFE, then don't let a man do anything more than kiss you,
rub your soft legs, fondle you. Be sweet--but pull away and firmly shut it down.

But if you're trying to be "Mistress/Maid/Fuck Buddy"--then you can let your
creative Rita Hayworth side out and enjoy playing the Whore. (Done "safely" and
"intelligently" it's a lot of fun being a whore, too, and I'm not knocking the girls who
are bold enough to enjoy that end of the racket.)

SURFACE (Don't Do It, Sisters)
Don't get pregnant...OK!

If you want a chance at a serious commitment leading to marriage--do not let
a man get you knocked up.

Because more than likely, a man will leave you if you get pregnant and then
you'll have a serious jacked up time getting a "good quality" replacement for
his ass. 

I know how we, as women, think--"A baby will love me unconditionally and I
won't be alone anymore. It will fill up my will look like this man I love so much


Unless you can feed and clothe and keep a decent apartment--a baby will fuck up your life and seriously slow down your progress in the world.  This is not Africa or a society where babies ARE your life. This is America where the only woman who should think about having a child before age 25 is a MARRIED one.

I was almost 30 when I had my first baby and my Black American Adoptive Mother
raised me and my sisters that we were not to have a baby until we were at least
25.  She used to hiss like a viper when teenaged girls passed our stoop with a
belly sticking out.  

*I had an abortion when I was 17 for the record.  I also lost my virginity when I
was 17.

Even when a Boyfriend insists that you get pregnant and that he WANTS and will love
and support a baby--your chances of being abandoned are extremely high.

Especially if you're a Black Woman.

Don't do it. Stay baby-free as long as you possibly can, and when you do have a
child--make sure that you are financially ready and able to support it by yourself.

Welfare withers the soul and you don't want that for too long--staying on Welfare
can dim your ambition and kill your spirit. GOD BLESS THE CHILD--WHO'S GOT
HER OWN.  Don't have a baby unless you can control everything about that situation.


Whatever your "beliefs" are--whatever your princles and things you stand for are
---NEVER let a man intimidate you into changing your convictions for him.

Once you change your convictions for a man--he no longer respects you.

Men admire and are in awe of women who have strong convictions about something
and demand that their views be respected. 

Now please be aware...a Woman has a right to change her mind about some things.

For instance--you might really feel inside yourself that you should give up being
Christian and become a Jew for your Jewish boyfriend. That's cool---as long as it's
not HIS ORDERS and it's truly, honestly and deeply your own desire.  But do
realize that you can have a Jewish boyfriend and stay Christian. You can.  Just
Tell him he has HIS WAY and you have yours.

But whatever you do, don't let a Man "control" your mind, your decisions, your
convictions, your thoughts. INSIST on asserting (in a pleasant way) who you are at
the intellectual and spiritual core of yourself.

Contrary to public LOVE strong women as long as they're not Mean, Bitter
and Over-bearing.

SURFACE (Violence)

Do not ever...under any circumstances...tolerate a Man "hitting, slapping, kicking or
beating you."

I was once beaten up very badly by a Nigerian boyfriend in London and was
hospitalized. Osama Bin Laden beat me several times--though I was very proud
when Vice President of Sudan stated: "Only two women have ever slapped Bin
Laden--his mother and Kola Boof

Sometimes, I like semi-rough sex (spankings; sex smacks; manhandling). But
stuff like that is between two consenting adults in the heat of passion--I don't
count that as violence.

You can never let a man Beat You or intimidate you with violence, because once
you do--he won't respect you and he'll escalate the abuse.  After so long, it becomes
your fault and not his. Honestly.


SURFACE (The Thing About Beauty)
Please pay attention to what I'm about to say here.

"Don't ever...let a man SEE put yourself together."

I am definitely NOT saying that women should be made up at all times
--I am NOT saying sleep in your make up.

What I am that whenever you need to put on makeup or get your
Hair done...DO NOT let your man watch you do it (or watch it being done).

It's a psychological thing. It takes away from your mystery and allure. You
want to be open and honest with a man--but you also want to keep some sense
of mystery and wonder about yourself. Vanishing with a "plain face" and then
re-emerging with a glam face causes a Mental Blink with men (they're visual
creatures).  Keep that.

One thing I HATE about "Black Women"---they will sit up in the beauty parlor
chair getting a "Weave" and let their man watch. Or press and curl.  Just as sassy
and demure; boisterous. Letting their Man watch them get their hair done.

Or at home--they will let their man sit there and watch them wash and blow dry;
watch them get braids or extensions.

One of the quickest ways to have a man LEAVE YOU (other than getting pregnant)
is to sit up like some stupid Olive Oyl letting him WATCH HOW you put yourself

Granted--many women's husbands watch them get their hair done; put on makeup.
But as well, most women's husbands have mistresses who are more interesting than the
wife and cheat on their women "from time to time." (Fuck what the wives claim and
tell you--men, in general, cheat.  Like Bette Midler said: They do it; they do it; they
do it

But listen girls...

You know what men think when they see a woman, any woman--could be Angelina
Jolie--but you know what men "subconsciously" think as they watch you get your
hair did--watch you put on make up??  They think: "She ain't all that--she's not that interesting anymore--I want to find out who that new chick is."

I don't EVER let men watch me put myself together--unless it's my brothers or my

For Psychological reasons---make the man "constantly curious" by refusing to let
him see HOW you put yourself together.  He'll start to realize that he's seen all
his other women put themselves together--but never you.

YOU stand out.

And if you're a Black girl in America---you damn well better.

You could be "considered" the Ugly girl on your block; but Sister, LEARN
to STAND OUT no matter what you're working with.

The main thing about beauty and that you always, always...strive
to look like yourself.

A good many men are "superficial, insecure." This is a LOOK-CENTRIC society
where so many people aren't aware that there's 2 things that can't be detected with
the naked eye (beauty and love).  People think they can actually SEE...when in
reality, we are all maimed and disfigured by Prejuidce and Social Contruct, Beauty
itself being one of the world's biggest Social Constructs next to RACE. In fact, I call
it Beauty Evil in my books, because we actually think with the naked eye that we
can truly see beauty.

We abuse and destroy so many who really are beautiful, but aren't recognized for it,
because the idea of what is beautiful is an inhumanly narrow ledge.

So that's the thing about beauty--it can't guarantee that you'll be loved, cherished or
anything at all. The most beautiful Black woman is often passed up for a toothless White
whale with brown oily hair, because...STATUS/Level of Whiteness overrides beauty.

One of the ugliest most overrated bitches I've ever seen is Kimora Lee Simmons ("Baby Phat", uh yeah--fat, flat and shapeless alright). But look how this Cabbage-Patch-faced Chinese Golddigger claiming a speck of Black blood is paraded around the Black community by...of course, the darkest skinned of men--notably Djimon Hounsou's niggerstock ass) though she's some Prized Queen simply because she's willing
to help classically self-hating dark Black-skinned black men achieve their goal of
aquiring some form of "admixture"--distance from the inferior Blackness that plagues
colorstruck black men (which among the "darkest men" is practically all of them).

Notice that the REAL TRUE GOLD DIGGERS in the Black world--chicks like no-talent
Kimora, Jennifer Lopez and 200 White Groupie Basketball locker room "trophies" are never referred to as what they are---"golddiggers/dick-suck'n chickenhead Ho's." 

But a Black man will call a young Black woman, the "motherseed" of his own race a"golddigger/chickenhead" in a minute, without qualifying it even. She's black like him--so it's Ok in his "nigger mind" to disrespect and de-value his own image while putting a ring on real chickenheads like Kim Kardashian.

And I'm serious about that. To me--Kim Kardashian is a very beautiful woman. But
she's still a Chickenhead Ho--everybody's been in her mouth; everybody!  And the shit is on FILM! Yet because of her color and hair texture, the "niggerstock" rise her up as some glorious genetic achievement--a PRIZED goddess with the power to "transform" nigger men into NEUTRALIZED, more socially acceptable, less threatening caricatures of a black man.

Obviously I don't have too much respect for the Blatant Colorism I perceive in Black men like Taye Diggs, Djimon Hounsou, Seal, Lomar Odam, Kobe Bryant (those types)--but
what I hate the most from those men is the constant message that "their mother's black
" image continued in new younger Black not valid; not beautiful; not respectable; not valuable. But in all their "boisterous Kingly-ness" notice they can't AFFIRM their own motherseed (their mirror image; the Black female).  These men CONFIRM what their White Slave Master said along---that Blacks are inferior as a "race"; that Black man will cut off his right leg to have a White woman; that Black children are worthless, ugly and 3/5th of a human being. THOSE MEN, without realizing it (because they're dumb Nigger men) are using their life's "ACTION" to tell that LIE about all Black people everywhere.

It is without a doubt, the biggest LIE ever told on American soil, and I'll never forgive
"those men" for telling that lie while holding up chickenhead-HO's like the ultra-gorgeous Kim Kardashian and Kimora Simmons as "GODDESS SAVIORS."  Bull-fucking-shit

So don't OBSESS...don't obsess, sisters, over the "beauty standards" and America's
claim that there are no beautiful "Black women"--only beautiful Mulattos. 

I Kola am not a raving Beauty by American standards. Many men in America have told me that I'm ugly (mostly Black men). But the thing is...I look like myself, I am an African Mother whose womb produced TWO BLACK MEN and I look like Africa. I decided; I decided...that I am beautiful.  When I look in the mirror--I see that Africa and the African
people, male and female, are still alive. If you ask my sons who the most beautiful woman on earth is, they will both tell you without thinking--"Mommysweet."

And that's as it should be.

They believe I am beautiful because I believe it and since their births, I have wrapped
their lives in a world of KOLA BEAUTY.  Every Black woman should let go of the Slavery
Mule/Maid GUILT, the "American Beauty Standards System," the classically colorstruck Dark Skinned Black Man and his plantation-BET inflicted BLINDNESS and adopt the KOLA BEAUTY standard in their lives. You'd produce prouder more self-loving Black children, because truly....BLACK is beautiful.

If Black Women want Black Men to start thinking that Black is beautiful...then Black
MOTHERS are going to have to start creating that reality in the heads of their sons
early and stop claiming they think Black is beautiful while talking out the side of
their mouth about "bring me some good hair grandbabies!" or "get your nappy black
self over here
!"...or all the other ways that BLACK MOTHERS systematically and
"accidentally" raise their boys to accept the Dominant Culture's view about us.

It is true that the Media and Men are powerful...but women have power, too. And we
don't use ours enough to design the world and the society the way that WE want it.

No one is going to establish a "Black Beauty Standard" in America for Black Women
but us.

Queen Sojourner Truth once said: "You have take what you want."

That means we, Black women--not Mulattos, not sympathetic White feminists--but
we, Black women, have to rise up IN OUR OWN HOMES and begin to create and
design a "Black Aesthetic" for us; a standard that is for us and OUR children.  When
I teach my sons the African/Cushitic principle about their hair being "The Proof"
--in other words, the marker GOD put on Africans and only our race as "Proof" that we are
his direct children; the ones made in his image and made FIRST as Africa itself is FIRST, I am doing that. Because in order to keep that crown in their family line, they're going to have to marry a woman who can produce "The Proof."

That is the way that you make strong, self-loving Black men so that the next crop
of young sisters can have love and romance--you pass it down.

But, unfortunately, we have a lot of weak ass Black women who think putting a long
Blond weave and green eyes in their heads makes them beautiful (we've all, including
me, done some formulation of the "White Girl Drag")--but all it does is makes us look inferior and desperate (and pathetic).

No one can respect someone who doesn't cherish and respect themselves. The #1 reason
WORLDWIDE that "Black People" are disparaged is because of how they mistreat,
disrespect, devalue and dehumanize their own people----and that hate started when we
AFRICANS sold our own children into slavery.

Men like Taye Diggs and Seal don't realize that their inability to reproduce their own
image via children is exactly what makes the rest of the world see them as "inferior."
Almost every rich, successful White man AFFIRMS his Kingdom by reproducing SONS
in his own White image--which is human nature...But almost every rich, successful Black
man does the weak ass Michael Jackson "Baby Moon Chalk" trick.  Their message is that the answer to racism is to get rid of the STAIN (blackness) and then we can all sing "We Are the World" and fling our long Spanish hair around while pinning "Mother of the Year" on Madonna.  These men always shout "One love"; they're always up in some Mexican King's face talking about "You my brother" in typical "ass-kissing black man tenor"--but there's no tangible evidence that these niggerstock Africans love their own family; their own people.  They're lost and trifling, and like the ancient loser-ass MOORS--they think EXTINCTION is a medal.

So, we, as black women, need to seriously rethink our ideas about "beauty" and get
really serious about REJECTING the "American White Girl Beauty Standard" and
start creating and imposing our own standard of beauty.

Especially us Dark Skinned Black and YELLOW women--the ones who actually have the genetic power to keep our people alive and in existense. We have to stop being invisible while Mixed race and Biracial are overly represented and falsely held up as "The Black Woman." That's fucking bullshit, and we who are AFRICANS (Chocolate, Red and "Africoid" Yellow) have an obligation to not stand for the way White Supremacy uses/employs/stations Mixed People to make the real Blacks invisible.

Our daughters won't have "good authentic black men" if we don't produce any, sisters. 

SURFACE (Uncles)
When you're dating a man and you already have children--don't bring him around
your children for a very long time (at least 3-4 months).  Schedule time to "screw" somewhere far away from your kids---or, if your kids are away from home visiting grandparents or first husband or something---that's another decent time. (Sometimes
in the "plutonic friendship" Stage, it's fine for him to meet the kids--yet again, once it
becomes a romantic thing; cut that out immediately).  Don't let men meet and
interact with your kids until the two of you have gotten very, very serious.

Men respect women who respect their children. 


Many women let themselves go as they age...they lose vaginal power.

I am ritually/tribally infibulated (muscles cut loose at birth or age 3 and stitched
Tighter into cylinder shape and then Vagina lips SEWN SHUT until the marriage create what African man calls "Perpetual Virgin").  Even after babies, Infibulation does not go "loose." You are "Perpetual Virgin" for life.

Of course, my life's work as a Womanist has been to PROTEST the horrible female
circumcision/infibulation that afflicts at least 100 million African women (my country
Sudan and Egypt are the world's leaders in this ancient Islamic practice)....but I have also used my vagina to my advantage with men.  My birth mother did not allow my Clitoris to
be removed in the Infibulation process and that has been a great blessing to me.

Transplanted to Western Society/Culture as a young girl...I was able manipulate men
all through my 20's and 30's with the outrageous lie that I was a "virgin" and that he'd
be the first one getting it.  When he DID get it---I usually got lots of money and gifts;
incredible respect for this sweet "virtuous" African girl who never been fucked before.

Tight stuff, girls, is GOOD to have.

So many Western women do themselves a favor by douching with Vinegar & Water (to
get a pucker pull-in) and doing CRUNCHES...daily, 50 to 100 CRUNCHES per

This gives you tighter coochie, Sisters, and though it is work, there are intimate moments
when you'll be glad you put in time. Of course, you have to get a dildo and practice
USING your tightened stomach muscles to make your vagina "GRIP." If you can
master "gripping" with your vagina--you'll have power that a lot of other women
don't have.  Men love it when their penis "arm wrestles" with the vagina.

Once you pass 40 and have had babies...the time that most women complain of being
"way too loose," you might consider going to a Doctor and having your vagina
RE-Tightened. It is a safe surgical process and many women are starting to do it.

I'm not saying that you should...I'm just saying that a Tight Tiny Pussy is not something
that all the other girls at the office or on the subway are likely to have going for them.

Men like tight little holes because Psychologically it makes them feel so BIG and dominating---and it feels really silky good when it's gripping their staff.