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Sunday, 4 July 2010

..for those with a healthy sense of humour ;)




The cheating..breadwinner?
--------------------------

A man had been suspecting that his wife was cheating on him.

So, he planned a dummy trip and returned suddenly, arriving home unexpectedly.

He came in a special taxi after midnight and asked the driver to accompany him into the house to be a witness.

For 10,000/- the special hire driver accepted and followed him stealthily into the house.

Brandishing a pistol, the husband tiptoed into the bedroom with the driver behind.

They entered the bedroom and as the husband switched on the lights, the driver yanked the blanket back and there they were.

The wife was in bed with another man.

The husband mad by this put a gun to the naked man's head as the wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous to us!

I lied when I told you I inherited money. He is the one who paid for all the good things we have been enjoying.

The Prado I bought for you. He paid for this house we now own, he gave me the money we owed the bank and he pays for all the tickets we use for theater.

He also pays our children's school fees and even for that suit and the others you wear.

He even pays our monthly dues!"

Shaking in disbelief, the husband slowly lowered the gun, looked over at the taxi driver and asked, "What would you do if it were you?"

The driver said, "Cover him up with that blanket before he catches cold


A sign?
---------

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings and she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant about 4 months, would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Debbie?"

Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it.

About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something
wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over
the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!!!!



Welcome onboard flight.....
------------------------
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.

This is your captain Boneyface welcoming you on board of Nigeria
Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we
will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may
even be landing on your village!

Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our
passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy
for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make
your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary
Bongo tea and Okin biscuits!

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can
help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where their movie will be
visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let
us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt.
For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt
to the arm of your seat ... and for those of you who can't find a seat,
do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how
to fasten yourself to your suitcase."

4 comments:

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

lwkmd oooooooo!....esp at the doctor's....oh! my ribs ache....

Mena UkodoisReady said...

Thanks my dear, that one was funny, he wants to see the star depicting the wisemen from the east kwo?

I actually couldnt believe the first story. Was just reading and re reading. ', "Cover him up with that blanket before he catches cold
' ke? lnkgp!

Nutty J. said...

LWKMD...Mena where you carry all these come from?

Its hillarious.

Mena UkodoisReady said...

Me sef don dey fear for my sanity...