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Monday, 23 August 2010

...AND THE GENDER WARS CONTINUE.. Advance commander Mena, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, reporting!! :D




There has been an ongoing gender war from eternity past, which might continue well into the future.

Anything and everything has been used as a weapon in this war. But trust me to bring to you the 'word based' weapon :).

I will start with the brilliantly worded, launch attack by men and continue with a retaliatory counter attack, by the women. Dont thank me, its the least I could do considering the circumstances :P

The following was 'lifted with permission' from the notes of a dear American malefacebook friend who is batting for the male side...Enjoy

----------------------------------------------------
THE BROTHA RULES THIS WAR!!

(At last a bruh has taken the time to write these all down)

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side….

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rulez!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. So don't expect us to figure out whats on your mind.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail. According to federal law, blackmail is a felony. All u felon sistas stand Up...lol!

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Don't be mad at our one-word answers.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what Shontana, Shaniqua and Shantell (your girlfriends) are for...LMBO!

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days. Word is bond (for only 6 mos lol)!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We will lie to you.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one... lol!

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials (But u r allowed to pass the popcorn, soda and hot wings anytime:)

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. So stop acting like ur a GPS or somethin. Ur last name aint Garmin. LMBO!

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing, " We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
hot topics as football or basketball.

1. You have enough clothes (actually u have more than enuff. Heck we can' tell the difference between ur closet and a boutique)

1. You have too many shoes (prabbly more than Michelle Obama, lol!)

1. We are in shape. Round IS a shape! (who says a brotha cant rock a lil curve e'ry now and then..lol!)

1. Thank you for reading this.

*round of applause at the extent of the damage caused by the men side of this 'war by words'*

===============


Very well played Mr America!

Now here is the counter attack by the women...The following was copied from the notes of an American female friend. It is best recited to the tune of 'I will survive' by Gloria Gaynor.

Enjoy

-----------------------------------

Lassies, all together now, to the tune of:

"I will survive"

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!

But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...



But there you are, another lie,I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!

I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream

Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!

Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?Don't you know we're only joking when we say size dones'nt count??!!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!Cuz as long as I have batteries,My sex life's gonna thrive!I will always have good sex,With a handful of latex!I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!Cuz as long as I have batteries,My sex life's gonna thrive!I will always have good sex,With a handful of latex!I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

Send this to all of the cool chicks you know, And all the dudes who can handle this new remix...

=====================
Miss America kicked up quite a storm with the above

*Standing ovation*

...and the war raged on...lol
We impose stereotypes upon each sex which repress all those who don't conform . The internet is proving there is no more difference between male and female minds than there is between minds of the same sex.




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5 comments:

Enitan said...

buahahahaha! buahahahaha!! buhahahahaha!! oh my days! At least you had self control not to laugh mena! Sung to the tune of 'i will survuve', that's the funniest thing i've read in a long while..

buhahaha!! Yep, the women won this battle i must say..

*still laughing*

Mena UkodoisReady said...

I cant argue with that :)

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

lmho!....yeah! na wa o!...i couldn't believe i sang the song!... lol... oh! MENA!, it was fun!...but men get there own points sha...hehehe...but we beat then as ALWAYS!

Ginger said...

Hi Mena. Just to tell you I've been reading some of your old posts. Too funny!!