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Tuesday, 17 December 2013


The countdown to Christmas day and a new year is still on! I pray you and your family and friends will be blessed beyond your expectations!

 Do you think Nigerian men (in Nigeria) will agree to be a househusband, only useful for sexual activities? Just came across this write up by Ariyike Akinbobola a lawyer turned media personality titled; The Ikoyi husband.

 Everyday, I wake up by 7.30a.m just in time to take our daughter to school. By that time, the old woman that calls herself my wife along with her two house helps and Phillipino au-pair would have done a fine job of getting our princess ready for school. Before you crucify me for calling her “old”, Let me inform you that my wife is 20 years older than me. This woman was already a grown *** woman before I was born.
In my usual dress code that was gradually becoming more like a super hero’s costume, I wore my casual patterned shorts, a blue Ralph Lauren tee, brown sandals and my Ray bans. Off to school we went.
I was back from school runs in no time. On getting home, I was welcomed by my wife, her friend and the friend’s pretty younger sister who looked extremely familiar. I think she was the babe I tried to block at Sip the other night. While trying not to make eye contact with anyone, I said my hellos and moved on swiftly into the sitting room. As I brought out my X-box, I could hear my Madam’s friends gushing about how her ring still looked brand new after two years of marriage. Of course, my bragging wife gave her usual response of “If you’re worth it, he will go all out to buy you the best. You know this 2.5 carat Tiffany set Kola back a whooping 41,500 dollars”. She went further to say “You don’t even want to know how much my darling spent on our customised wedding bands”.

I remember thinking to myself that babes can be shallow sha. “E ro pe emi Kola, omo Okokomaiko ma naa 41,500 dollars lori ring oshi? Baba e lo ti set back” meaning “Do you think that I, Kola a guy from Okokomaiko will buy a ring for 41,500 dollars? It’s her father that she has set back”. Excuse my Yoruba, it’s just that most times, when I think deeply, I do so in my native language.
As I switched on my X-box to start tanning my game, I overheard them talking about how there are no good men out there anymore. You should have heard how they were cooing about how my wife is so lucky to have a handsome man like me. Her friend kept saying “Kola is such a good guy, his type is very rare these days”. I almost puked out game cartridges from my mouth when I heard my wife say “That’s why I’m the luckiest girl on earth”. *Girl sha…More like old mama*
This is a woman who I can count how many things I’ve said to this year. A woman who has never cooked for me. We live like strangers in this house. We don’t even sleep in the same room and we both know that we’re miserable in this marriage. The only time we communicate is when she wants to have sex and of course me, being the bad boy I am would never say no to sex. In the heat of the moment, she calls me the “banana man”. Yes, we live in Ocean Parade, Banana Island, Ikoyi but that’s not why she calls me “BM” *Winks*

Sometimes, I wonder if Caroline’s friends are dumb enough to believe all she says about me and our marriage especially when her friends who I should ordinarily be calling Aunty Joy, Aunty Fati and Aunty Bisi pass silly comments like “Caro, I tap into your annointing”. These women are still looking for love in their 50s. After all, Caro finally found love at age 42 but they tend to forget that their own fathers are not as rich as my father-in-law who is probably the richest man most of them would ever meet in their lifetime.
On our wedding day, he gave us our place in Banana Island – a block of 12 serviced apartments on Glover road Ikoyi where we would be receiving rent of 700,000 dollars annually; a Range Rover Evoque for Caro, a Range Rover sport for me. Both SUVs specially delivered to us by the car dealer himself. We also got an all-expense paid honeymoon to 4 different continents and a host of other gifts.The cheques his friends gave us amounted to millions of Naira. If you were me, would you ever work again considering the fact that in my past life, I was just your everyday hustler?

Caro must never even know that I’m yet to complete my O.N.D. Now I’m regretting telling her that I finished from the University of Lagos because they won’t allow me buy a degree from there. I should have called a less popular University. Maybe they would have been able to “sort” me out.
It’s easy for you to call me all kinds of names like gold digger, scrub, thief, money grabbing gigolo and all but a man’s gotta do what a man’s got to do. All the while I was living in Okokomaiko, I always told myself that I would make it in life. So I made sure I attended primary and secondary school by force. I also read a lot, I would pick up old newspapers to read just to brush up my literacy skills and my girlfriend, Chi chi was always there to encourage me.

My heart still belongs to Chi chi, she has always been the love of my life from our childhood days in Okoko. Infact, we’re still together. I’m currently paying her school fees in Bowen University, Iwo and I just bought her parents a house in Lekki. These are people who never dreamt of coming to visit friends on the Island. Now, they live here on the Island close to me. It’s almost as if the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge was built for me because it’s very easy to go see my babe in Lekki.

I’ll stay married to my ‘old cargo’ because I don’t ever want to go back to poverty. Even if I’m to cry out of frustration, I’ll feel happier doing so in my Range Rover instead of the Danfo buses I was once accustomed to.

I am not ashamed to say that I am the latest Lagos big boy (LBB). I am the guy that pops a minimum of 15 bottles of any bottle my love interest at a club decides to drink, I am the man that would buy the only bottle of Gouts de Diamants at the club so that the real rich kids can bow. I am that guy that stops to pick up prostitutes at night by the law school junction in Victoria Island. I am the man who lives off my wife and father-in-law’s wealth. I am that father who loves his little princess with a passion. I am a kept man. I am the Ikoyi husband.

Mena says: This is not a current trend, its been on for ages. My question, why isnt this very lazy, shameless man keeping his end of the contract?  Caro is keeping her end, at least from what I am reading, so why the Chichi by the side? I think it is because men ideally prefer to be the Lord of the Manor, Head of the house, Man of the Home etcetera regardless of how they came into the resources that perhaps put them there.. But thats just my opinion


LadyNgo said...

MY question is even without a job, how does one find the time to be entertaining a wife, a girlfriend, and still be picking up prostitutes on the side?!?

Anonymous said...

This is a very ungrateful piece of sheet.

lady ngo what else does he do with this time?

QTY said...

Hmmm, its true I am one of those wives, I buy myself so many things and boast they are from him to cover my hubby's insecurity and inferiority complex

Phillips said...

'He who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord'
Note it said, 'A wife' and obtains favor from the Lord

Until the time NIGERIAN women learn they are the ones who become wives who harbours the Lords favour so therefore should be chased, revered and respected. This will continue

Anonymous said...

Its not just in Ikoyi, Any woman just keeping a man and covering up falls into this catgory

Ifeoma Williams
Ini Edo
Mercy Johnson
Madame make up fela Durotoye
even Toyin Lawani and many more, they just cover up for him.

tearywideeyed said...

I am blog hopping this week. Saw this same story in Bellas blog. Why is it trending? This is not news.
One is known all over the island. The wife is not 20 years older than hubby but yes she is older and phaps because she is on the very large side ppl think she is far older. Bought her husbands’ family a house, parents sponsored the very expensive, classy wedding and till now parents money are the main breadwinner. Hubby is a seriously kept big boy whose only job is to gym and pose, while her family provides. They have a little child and while she knows better about her guyy, I hope he sticks to cheating and not keeping any woman outside their family. Because I.M.H.O She is a humble person and deserves a peaceful NUCLEAR home and happy marriage for life. It will break her heart if he uses her like that and move in with some younger lady, she don try.

An Honest MAN!!! said...

What will you say about people like me?

I was working in Nigeria, a good job at that. An ex girlfriend came for holidays and we fell in love and with time planned our wedding. She also has a good job, Medical Doctor but in Europe. We discussed how distance will affect things and TOGETHER AGREED I live my job. Now I am currently in Europe, I have no good job and totally depend on my (now) wife. I have applied almost every second in every available vacancy to the extent of paranoia, I wonder if its racism, if my Nigerian qualifications& work experience are not recognised here. Age is a hidden but huge factor here in getting some jobs, this is in addition to if you are white, or with a whiteish surname, the country you come from, your UK qualification and so on. I spend most of my time job hunting and taking care of the children while My wife does everything. I cant even support my family back home. They cannot come and visit me without my wifes consent. What will you say about me? There are many of us in Europe. Be careful how you do your creative write ups and think about the other side of the coin