"I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I'm Not Sorry." GETS A RESPONSE

There was an article with the above quoted worded, written by Amy Glass that went viral,  mena's blog published a version..well this housewife had a few choice words.....

 

By now I'm sure a lot of you have seen that ridiculous post circulating around your Facebook/twitter/news feeds written by a woman named Amy Glass titled "I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I'm Not Sorry." The title, let alone the article, is so absurd and nonsensical that I wasn't even going to read it, let alone waste my time writing a post about it here.

However, curiosity got the cat and I read it, and my first reaction wasn't outrage or anger...no, quite the opposite. I laughed, put down the iPad, rolled over and cuddled up to my three year old who had slept in my bed last night because he hadn't been feeling well the day before. I stared at his perfect little face for a bit and reveled in the fact that I was his secure and comfortable place. I noticed his little hand that was resting on my shoulder. He always has to have some body part touching me at any given point while sleeping, whether it's a leg across mine, a hand on my shoulder or my favorite, interlocked fingers. I assume he does so because he feels safe with me and if this is what Mrs. Glass considers "common, average and stupid," well, sign me up.

I've seen a lot of articles in the past 24 hours rebutting this woman's "piece" and doing so angrily. It's not that I don't agree with the opposers, it's just that indignation isn't what I felt when I read Mrs. Glass's article. After the initial shock of thinking "this cannot be real," I became sad for the author. So sad, in fact, that I decided to pen her a open letter…

**********

Dear Amy Glass,

First let me start by saying I am not here to bash you and call you names. I think we both know name calling gets you nowhere and makes your argument less valid. I will forgive you for calling me "stupid" if you promise to forgive me for what I am about to say.

I'm sorry my decision to be a stay at home mom makes you want to vomit. I've never come across anyone with that reaction before. Maybe there are anti-naseau pills you can take? Personally, cottage cheese and sweet potatoes make me want to spew but that's just me.

I know I don't have to defend my position or my decisions to "do nothing" and be a stay at home mom, nor do I have high hopes you will suddenly become respectful and decent, but your opinion piece somehow went viral and a lot of young women read it. I am here in hopes that some of those same young women might read this and see how utterly senseless what you wrote was.

When you ask "do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself," are you looking for a serious answer? Because (raises hand, pick me! pick me!) if so, I can answer that for you. I have done both. At 21, I bought my own home. With all my own money. I worked as a waitress for two years to support myself, and if you know anything about waitressing, it takes a lot of hours working on your feet to make enough to be able to pay all your bills. However I'm sure with your standard of thinking, being a waitress is beneath you and also makes you want to vomit. (By the way, I've cleaned up a strangers vomit before. It wasn't pleasant but just a part of the job. You know, the job I was working to support myself.)

My next job was working for a magazine publishing company. I should mention my dad was my boss. I've had people throw that in before as in "oh, you worked for your dad? Like that's a real job. Please." As if working for my father somehow made me immune to doing actual work or making sure deadlines were met on time. Because I can promise you, my dad's boss? The head of the publishing company? He couldn't give a damn if I was someone's daughter. Deadlines are deadlines, clients demand stellar service and if I didn't do my job, I would be fired. My dad may be my dad but he's not about to give up his golfing trips to Arizona.

I worked at the publishing company right until I gave birth to my first son. I must warn you, what comes next might give you a gag reflex, so grab a barf bucket and hold on.

After I had my first child, I became a full time stay at home mom.

Trust me Amy, trust me…I have questioned my decision more than a few times since quitting my "real" job and staying home to raise living, breathing humans who depend on me for their every need aka "doing nothing." But something you said gave me a major what the f*ck moment.

It was when you said choosing to be stay at home mom was choosing the path of least resistance.

HAHAHAHA. Ha. ha.

Oh girlfriend. My dear, sweet Amy. How much you still have to learn. Have you ever gone grocery shopping with three stage 2 clingers, all fighting over who gets to sit at the front of the cart? Have you been flying on a plane with a sick child who can't for the life of him make it into the emergency barf bag? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed knowing that it was only noon and you still had a good eight more hours of running kids to practices, recitals, more practices and making sure they had a proper dinner? Or what about being up all night, for three nights in a row, tending to a sick child? I'm sure you have pulled an all-nighter before related to work issues, but chances are since you are childless you were able to take a nap the next day or go to bed relatively early.

Of course I'm sure all of that is silly, trivial, meaningless stuff to you. And no, Amy, I'm not pointing all of this out to prove how "hard" is it to raise children. I don't go around complaining to anyone who will listen how horrible my life is. I chose this life and I love this life. But you know what else I don't do? I don't bash women like you who choose not to have kids and call you "stupid" for your decision.

It seems to me, Amy, that you have chosen the path of least resistance. You can get in and out of the grocery store with no distractions. You get to put on some headphones and read an entire five chapters with no interruptions except for what beverage you would like on your comfy business class flight.

After a long day of (really, really important) work, you get to come home to an empty house. No kids to feed, bathe, do homework with, read to, tuck into bed. No husband to tend to, third party mess to clean up or "stupid" household to manage.

Oh and also, it's really easy to mock housework and "managing a household" when you run a household of a grande total of one.

In other words, you get to come home and relax. Pop in a microwave dinner and watch as much trash tv as your heart desires. That or you can go out and get drinks with friends at your leisure. No husband to check in with and no babysitters to line up. You can stay out as late as you want on weekends because you know there won't be two fresh faced little firecrackers up in your grill at the crack of dawn.

You, my friend, have it easy.

You also say that "doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business." Yet isn't it of utmost importance for a mother to raise their sons and daughters with the values, morals and ethics it takes to become a doctor, engineer or business owner? I'm sure I don't have to remind you that the youth of today are drastically showing signs of unearned entitlement and laziness. Why do you think that is? It couldn't possibly be because of attitudes towards motherhood like your own...

Oh and ps. Aspiring doctors and engineers need clean laundry just like the rest of us.

At the end of all this, I am truly sad for you. Someone lied to you. Someone told you that being a mother and wife is not important. Not worthy. I feel sorry for you that you will never know what it feels like to have a part of you look into your eyes and say "I love you mom." To know what it feels like when your child wraps his arms around you and squeezes so tight because he hasn't seen you since nap time. To know what it feels like to put your feet up after a long, hard day, right next to your husband, your partner in crime, and look at each other without saying a word knowing that you guys are doing alright together. Going through this rough and tough life as allies.

Because I don't care what anyone else in your professional life tells you…your boss, your mentor, your employees…you are disposable. You may be damn good at what you do, but you can always be replaced. In a heartbeat.

I don't think my kids would feel the same about me.

(My husband is a different story.)

Article

JACK GLEESON GOT KING JOFFREY

 









I am new to Game of Thrones, and have found this King Joffrey character sooo annoying! So I went online to see if there were people who felt the same way, lo and behold,  King Joffrey is one of the most despised television characters, with his mum, Cersei and (to my amazement) SKYLAR of Breaking Bad Series?? Anyway back to Joffrey.
I also found that the 21 yr old actor,  Jack Gleeson, is actually quitting the noble acting profession altogether. I found this rant of his very funny. Jack Gleeson, King Joffrey from 'Game of Thrones,' rants about celebrity culture and its vapidity......

When Jack Gleeson announced in November 2013 that he would be retiring from acting after concluding his role on "Game of Thrones," it didn't come as much of a surprise. He's made no secret of his preference to avoid interviews and other events to promote the HBO fantasy series, and also has made it clear he wants to focus his efforts on being a scholar.

For a character like Joffrey Baratheon, who is played by a relatively unknown star like Gleeson, the intersection of reality and fiction often become muddled. Instances of Gleeson being harassed by people on the street because they so hate his "Game of Thrones" character make it pretty clear why Gleeson would want to leave the Hollywood scene as soon as he is able.

The 21-year-old was invited to speak at Oxford Union in England on Nov. 27, and video from the event has only now been uploaded online. In a rant of an essay about celebrity culture, Gleeson -- often humorously -- makes it very clearly why he despises the "brittle pedestal one inch off the ground" he seemingly unwittingly has found himself on.

The 30-minute-long speech is quite long, and Gleeson delves into the history and theories of what he thinks made celebrity such an integral part of society in the present day. He also explains why he opts not to do interviews and steers clear of the public eye. It is very lengthy, so here is a partial transcription of his rant:

    "All I've done is act in a TV show and pretend to be mean for money, essentially. Worst comes to worst, I thought to myself, I can at least bring along my trusty crossbow and sexually threaten some unsuspecting students with impalement, but we discussed that and that didn't fly with the board.

    "From your invitation, it returned my thoughts to an all too similar event I participated in a few weeks previous during which 20 minutes into a rather long hour-long Q&A session both qs and as respectively dried up very quickly. So with 40 minutes left of the event and apparently all value sucked from it like a tropical mini CapriSun, my blood froze as I gazed out at the sea of awkwardly shifting faces.

    "The silence was finally broken by a strained question about what I had consumed for breakfast that morning. It was at that point I realized that after a mere 21 years of a relatively uneventful life, one can not simply expect to talk about oneself for an hour, especially without either sliding into kind of irrelevant or the babbling. I literally just don't have enough to talk about for an hour.

    "So in a bid to kind of avoid the inevitable drought of questions tonight, before we come to the forthcoming Q&A, I decided I would kind of try to waste as much time as possible talking about something that kind of won't preemptively answer any questions -- because every answer is golden in terms of time -- but will perhaps hopefully be interesting and relevant to my life and kind of 'Game of Thrones.'

    "So basically, since the show has aired -- and apologies for the kind of length and boring nature of this. I did it all last night and it's very rambling and please feel free to switch off at any point during it, but I'm just going to try and read it in an interesting way, because it's not interesting.

    "Since the show has aired, I feel I've been given an insider look into an ever-pervasive and yet often mysterious aspect of society; namely, our culture of celebrity. Strangers on the street now call me 'Jack,' and my public image is democratized by fans and public institutions alike on the Internet. I'm also given opportunities, like this one tonight, which I see as truly once in a lifetime.

    "So feeling somewhat within but also very much abstracted from modern 'celebrity culture,' if you want to call it that, that kind of feeling has provoked a lot of reflection within me about my position within the thing, so I kind of wanted to take this opportunity to perhaps talk about those reflections. But I do appreciate the irony about talking about kind of celebrity in this context. I hope the irony is taken with a pinch of salt.

    "I feel like some of these reflections are perhaps somewhat unique in the sense that I'm in a unique position straddling kind of cigarettes and books of a student simultaneously with the cocaine and prostitutes of a celebrity.

    "Ever since my mother sent me to Saturday morning grammar classes when I was 7, I wanted to become a famous actor. I loved the idea of captivating an audience and moving them truly through performance, but more importantly being recognized and heavily lauded for that talent.

    "Early on, I just performed in some small films and short plays and the like, most notably giving my Joseph in a school nativity at age 8. Critics hailed my Joseph as being 'raw' and 'entrancing' and having a 'profound insight into the character that will never be matched by anyone ever again.'

    "It was thrilling. Indeed, I drew a great deal upon my Joseph when I played 'little boy' in 'Batman Begins' in 2005. 'Little boy' had the same passion and drive I'd seen in Joseph, the same resilience, but most importantly the same love for his pregnant wife Mary.

    "However, despite only being a minute role, my appearance in 'Batman Begins' presented me with my first encounter with 'celebrity.' After the film came out, I was always forever 'the kid from 'Batman.'' Amongst my peers, my now defining feature being brought up as an ice breaker; a vaguely memorable tidbit on certain social occasions.

    "The labeling didn't bother me, but I didn't necessarily enjoy it. However, little did I know that a far more concentrated form of that slight societal abstraction was going to be placed in my lap five years later when I would, as a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 17-year-old, step into an audition for some HBO show called 'Game of Thrones.'

    "Chapter Two [laughs]. If I'm being honest, upon hearing the joyous news that I'd received the role of Joffrey, I really did not expect all the subsidiary things that come from ... being an actor on a successful television program. I had no predictions or expectations of all the attention, invitation to events, and of course all the cocaine and prostitutes that awaited me around every corner. I was literally just excited to act in a cool show.

    "Perhaps that was naivety or perhaps -- like everyone else involved in the show -- I just simply didn't anticipate the success of it. In any case, whatever the reason was, what it led to was a sharp shock when I realized I had, unbeknownst to me, signed an invisible contract which required me to enter into a strange new echelon of society.

    "People suddenly wanted to take pictures of me on the street, and journalists were interested in what kind of socks I preferred. Among certain groups of my peers, my jokes seemed to become a lot funnier, which perhaps was all the comedy books I was reading at the time or perhaps it was sycophancy, I don't know.

    "It was an atmosphere from which I instantly wanted to retreat. I detested the superficial elevation and commodification of it all, juxtaposed with the grotesque self-involvement it would sometimes draw out of me. Being a faceless member of a mob, I soon realized, is far more comforting than teetering on a brittle pedestal one inch off the ground.

    "The exclusion and subtle differentiation that comes with even a rather diluted form of celebrity that I had embarrasses me. But what shook me as most odd, however, about the whole thing was how I odd I indeed found it all. Celebrity is seen by a huge amount of people and certainly myself for a while as the pinnacle of society, of success. It is revered almost religiously, both the institution and its quickly growing member base.

    "Indeed, these days the apotheosis of celebrity is not just combined to the worship of movie idols, pop stars, sports heroes or even reality TV stars. We have bloody celebrity chefs, authors, comedians, politicians, intellectuals, scientists, business people, cheesemongers or something, milliners -- hat makers, for those of you who didn't get that -- who constantly stick out their faces at us on advertisements and talk shows, magazines covers. But this reverence and invasion is often welcomed and indeed fostered by a great percentage of the public.

    "I started to wonder why that was and whether there was any harm in that reverence. They're just people, after all. So whilst one can trace the origins of kind of celebrity or whatever you want to call it back to the Romantic era, and people like Samuel Johnson, or even before -- Beckett -- it was truly in the 20th century -- proliferation of photography, radio, television and finally mass media -- that finally a fecund ground could be laid for, in particular, sports stars, movie stars and singers to be massified as recognizable, influential public figures.

    "This kind of fostered a culture dominated by what [Jean] Baudrillard called the 'simulacra,' which are images that contain no reference to the real world. For upon being able to, for the first time, see and also hear the well-known figures of the time -- people like Charlie Chaplin and Gloria Swanson -- the public began to kind of, perhaps unconsciously, reduce them down to their image alone, leading to a perhaps irreparable commodification of these photogenic celebrities.

    "... So what are the dangers, then, involved in being a celebrity? On the one hand, in some ways, there's the true loss of the self by virtue of being over-democratized, over-saturated -- over-loved, perhaps. Without an internally directed compass, an ego can drown in its own fascination, leaving the bearer unable to posit or hang anything actual onto themselves.

    "... Celebrities become excluded from every day life, kind of in exile in an echelon that is deemed better anyway: Life of celebrity, all the fame and glamor. However, no matter how much we can lust after this exile, wanting to be a celebrity is a manifestation of a dehumanization, essentially. One becomes easier to fictionalize when removed from any self-likeness of the perceiver, and thus easier to judge and also consume.

    "And lastly, of course, there's the issue of privacy. That comes up a lot. We've seen ... why we become fascinated by the banal, mundanity of celebrity life. You know, what kind of bananas they like, and stuff. They are the prescribed role models of our time, representing some form of ideal in apparently every aspect of life, be it in their professional success, cheese preference or even drug preference.

    "Perhaps the desire to simultaneously position celebrities on both planes -- the ordinary and the abstracted -- is a bid to retrieve some of the immortality we have given them. By empathizing with them and humanizing them to an extent, we for a brief moment share in 'the glory of celebrity life' -- or perhaps at least remind ourselves that if they can do it, I can do it.

    "In conclusion -- thankfully -- it seems that celebrities have become vessels of either, as I say, an economic, revolutionary or sociological instinct to consume and imitate certain extraordinary members of society. We've seen how this reverence can have profound effects on both parties, oftentimes more negative than positive.

    "I believe that communal admiration of individuals is healthy for society. It facilitates, in one way, the base of our universal standard, morals, but also publicly espouses the virtue of certain practices that are kind of like 'inherently good' in some kind of ideas of what the good is.

    "However, this kind of celebritization is only a positive one if the individual represents values that should be imitated by, say, a reasonable, moral person. We need to be choosier with our celebrities, or else we may find ourselves again in that situation where we just find ourselves acting out the role of the town drunk constantly.

    "And we also need to temper the concentration with which we love to celebritize; primarily for the sake of the celebrities themselves and their self-evaluation, but also for ourselves. Just as the object of our attention can become rendered hollow and externally directed with too much worship, so too I feel can the worshipers sacrifice their own individual self or autonomy in favor of giving it up to a higher power.

    "We need to fight against our human instinct to deify our role models, but also fight against our instinct to subjugate our own individuality in the process. Star gazing is one of the most profoundly human things one can do. But perhaps we must more frequently tear ourselves away from the mystery and beauty of the starry heavens above, and rather inspect, admire and foster the moral law within."

Article by: By Terri Schwartz

MENA: I absolutely love and agree with his rants!!!

INTERESTING MESSAGE FOR WOMEN *AND MAYBE DAD'S WITH DAUGHTERS;)* ----> Do people really think that a HOUSEWIFE is really on EQUAL FOOTING with a woman who works and takes care of herself?

Hello

So I found this article that reflects on choices women have to make sometime in their lives, the author defiantly takes a very strong position, what is your opinion on this?

I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry 

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.
Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?
I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance. The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality.
You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”
Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back.

Article By Amy Glass

 

 

Sad? Lonely? Depressed? This is for someone going through a bleak period

Hi

How has been January so far? I hope very well.  For me now new resolutions,  I havent fulfilled my old ones, plus I have decided to take things one day at a time.

So enjoy this one; I hope it brightens up your day

I GOT DIVORCED BECAUSE I COULDNT HAVE A BABY

I Met my ex-husband in 1993 when i was 18 and we loved each other . And in 1994 we got married. He travelled abroad in 1996. i waited for him for 9 years before i joined him abroad by then i was 29 years . After i joined him, he got irritated, saying i should hurry up and have children . He started making caricature of me making references to me as barren . I started training as a nurse and after i got a job in the same hospital as him. Before i knew it , he began having affairs with people in our work place.Even when i was a student.,It wasn’t easy , cos my home was hell. i had abuses on my childlessness. How i passed my school exams ,till today i don’t know. He started dating my manager at work cos we were both in the same industry. Even when i confronted him , he didn’t deny it .
I had issues with irregular periods so we tried IVF and it failed . All hell was let loose .Then he called me that someone was pregnant for him and that someone was my manager at work. I Begged him to still stay with me even though there was a child on the way. He said he wasn’t interested and that i should leave his house. I cried and cried but God told me that he will give me a child. By then i was 38 years. He was insulting my parents everyone that spoke to him , he picked a fight with,. later he moved out of the house to live with my manager. He also got me a divorce just to get rid of me. I still refused to leave cos i loved him and i remembered how far we had come .
Finally i moved in with my sister and we divorced in July 2011. Then I started seeking God more than ever.

March 2012 i saw this guy at the station awaiting for a bus who happens to know my sis. And we got talking , and after chatting with him, he asked suddenly if i was married and i said no. He took my no and said he would want his bro to marry me . May 2012 his brother called to say has heard a lot about me and that hes interested in me. Even when i told him i was divorced he didn’t mind. We got married. Between Jan – Feb i began taking fertility medication 2013. In Feb i missed my period. And that was when i tested and found out i was pregnant. And in Nov 2013 i had my pretty daughter at 41years.
The joy in my heart when i see my daughter has caused me to forget the pain i went through as well as forgive my ex-husband. God is so good . He has wiped my tears . I don’t know what you are going through ,but keep trusting God and he will surprise you . And to the men , as much as its in your power do not abuse your wife because of any circumstance that she cannot change. Support her , go through that journey with her. I am in a happy place now.My husband is a gift from God . I encourage everyone to hold on to God he knows how to change your story .
God bless you

Mena: Very encouraging story, God bless to you too, and to everyone just longing for something, hold on!

 

 

AS TOLD BY A PROUDLY 'KEPT' HOUSEHOUSEBAND

The countdown to Christmas day and a new year is still on! I pray you and your family and friends will be blessed beyond your expectations!

 Do you think Nigerian men (in Nigeria) will agree to be a househusband, only useful for sexual activities? Just came across this write up by Ariyike Akinbobola a lawyer turned media personality titled; The Ikoyi husband.

 Everyday, I wake up by 7.30a.m just in time to take our daughter to school. By that time, the old woman that calls herself my wife along with her two house helps and Phillipino au-pair would have done a fine job of getting our princess ready for school. Before you crucify me for calling her “old”, Let me inform you that my wife is 20 years older than me. This woman was already a grown *** woman before I was born.

In my usual dress code that was gradually becoming more like a super hero’s costume, I wore my casual patterned shorts, a blue Ralph Lauren tee, brown sandals and my Ray bans. Off to school we went.

I was back from school runs in no time. On getting home, I was welcomed by my wife, her friend and the friend’s pretty younger sister who looked extremely familiar. I think she was the babe I tried to block at Sip the other night. While trying not to make eye contact with anyone, I said my hellos and moved on swiftly into the sitting room. As I brought out my X-box, I could hear my Madam’s friends gushing about how her ring still looked brand new after two years of marriage. Of course, my bragging wife gave her usual response of “If you’re worth it, he will go all out to buy you the best. You know this 2.5 carat Tiffany set Kola back a whooping 41,500 dollars”. She went further to say “You don’t even want to know how much my darling spent on our customised wedding bands”.

I remember thinking to myself that babes can be shallow sha. “E ro pe emi Kola, omo Okokomaiko ma naa 41,500 dollars lori ring oshi? Baba e lo ti set back” meaning “Do you think that I, Kola a guy from Okokomaiko will buy a ring for 41,500 dollars? It’s her father that she has set back”. Excuse my Yoruba, it’s just that most times, when I think deeply, I do so in my native language.

As I switched on my X-box to start tanning my game, I overheard them talking about how there are no good men out there anymore. You should have heard how they were cooing about how my wife is so lucky to have a handsome man like me. Her friend kept saying “Kola is such a good guy, his type is very rare these days”. I almost puked out game cartridges from my mouth when I heard my wife say “That’s why I’m the luckiest girl on earth”. *Girl sha…More like old mama*

This is a woman who I can count how many things I’ve said to this year. A woman who has never cooked for me. We live like strangers in this house. We don’t even sleep in the same room and we both know that we’re miserable in this marriage. The only time we communicate is when she wants to have sex and of course me, being the bad boy I am would never say no to sex. In the heat of the moment, she calls me the “banana man”. Yes, we live in Ocean Parade, Banana Island, Ikoyi but that’s not why she calls me “BM” *Winks*

Sometimes, I wonder if Caroline’s friends are dumb enough to believe all she says about me and our marriage especially when her friends who I should ordinarily be calling Aunty Joy, Aunty Fati and Aunty Bisi pass silly comments like “Caro, I tap into your annointing”. These women are still looking for love in their 50s. After all, Caro finally found love at age 42 but they tend to forget that their own fathers are not as rich as my father-in-law who is probably the richest man most of them would ever meet in their lifetime.

On our wedding day, he gave us our place in Banana Island – a block of 12 serviced apartments on Glover road Ikoyi where we would be receiving rent of 700,000 dollars annually; a Range Rover Evoque for Caro, a Range Rover sport for me. Both SUVs specially delivered to us by the car dealer himself. We also got an all-expense paid honeymoon to 4 different continents and a host of other gifts.The cheques his friends gave us amounted to millions of Naira. If you were me, would you ever work again considering the fact that in my past life, I was just your everyday hustler?

Caro must never even know that I’m yet to complete my O.N.D. Now I’m regretting telling her that I finished from the University of Lagos because they won’t allow me buy a degree from there. I should have called a less popular University. Maybe they would have been able to “sort” me out.

It’s easy for you to call me all kinds of names like gold digger, scrub, thief, money grabbing gigolo and all but a man’s gotta do what a man’s got to do. All the while I was living in Okokomaiko, I always told myself that I would make it in life. So I made sure I attended primary and secondary school by force. I also read a lot, I would pick up old newspapers to read just to brush up my literacy skills and my girlfriend, Chi chi was always there to encourage me.

My heart still belongs to Chi chi, she has always been the love of my life from our childhood days in Okoko. Infact, we’re still together. I’m currently paying her school fees in Bowen University, Iwo and I just bought her parents a house in Lekki. These are people who never dreamt of coming to visit friends on the Island. Now, they live here on the Island close to me. It’s almost as if the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge was built for me because it’s very easy to go see my babe in Lekki.

I’ll stay married to my ‘old cargo’ because I don’t ever want to go back to poverty. Even if I’m to cry out of frustration, I’ll feel happier doing so in my Range Rover instead of the Danfo buses I was once accustomed to.

I am not ashamed to say that I am the latest Lagos big boy (LBB). I am the guy that pops a minimum of 15 bottles of any bottle my love interest at a club decides to drink, I am the man that would buy the only bottle of Gouts de Diamants at the club so that the real rich kids can bow. I am that guy that stops to pick up prostitutes at night by the law school junction in Victoria Island. I am the man who lives off my wife and father-in-law’s wealth. I am that father who loves his little princess with a passion. I am a kept man. I am the Ikoyi husband.

Mena says: This is not a current trend, its been on for ages. My question, why isnt this very lazy, shameless man keeping his end of the contract?  Caro is keeping her end, at least from what I am reading, so why the Chichi by the side? I think it is because men ideally prefer to be the Lord of the Manor, Head of the house, Man of the Home etcetera regardless of how they came into the resources that perhaps put them there.. But thats just my opinion

DO NOT READ if you think marriage is the solution to your problem

HI!

 With the start of naughty November i fished this out for you ; Marriage Isn’t For You by Seth Adam Smith...read on

Kim and I

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.

26TH OCT 2013, THE DAY I (MENA UKODOISREADY) ALMOST DIED...

This  happened on the 26th October, and I continued with work everyday till 30th and BAM then pain and agony hit me resulting in what i can best picture as terrible 

I wrote this note about 2 hrs after the event on 26/10/2015. THANKS FOR READING AND MAY THIS NEVER EVER HAPPEN TO YOU

My Car after the Accident    

So was driving down my street, seat belt on, the road so familiar it is easy to go into auto-pilot and this is what I do when I  got to a bend.  You see each time I get to a bend I Instinctively step on the brakes to slow down...it didnt work this time. In  a flash I realised that oncoming vehicles and pedestrians will naturally be on the street, and in other not to crash into, or hurt or kill anyone, I turned the steering directing it into a nearby deserted side walk close to an uncompleted fence. I  said my prayers and accepted the calmness that came with it.

Like a movie on slow motion the side of my car smashed into the fence till i did a 180. My side mirror and glass shattered, realising I still had consciousness I switched off the car and prepared to get out of it.

Taxis and cars slowed down to gawk. People rushed in they were all shouting different commands, "Lady use this door (passenger door) you crashed with the side of your car that has your fuel tank and the impact might cause it to explode" or words to that effect. They pulled me out through the passenger seat. I stood there bleeding and shaking. I heard all the words;
"Lady, My brother has a car work shop a few minutes away, let me take you there"
"Madam na God save you, you be number 4 person wey hit this same fence at this same part of the road", "Madam, you cant take this car away until you repair our fence, its 250 naira for the size of block, we need a hundred blocks and then we need cement and labourer's wage"
But many said, "You are bleeding, go to the hospital immediately, you are still in shock but may have suffered internal injuries"

and this is how I walked away with shards of glass bruising my hands and elbow and a slight limp. I noticed someone in a hijab, her camera phone pointed at me. Then noticed another man also taking pictures with his phone. But its okay.

This the fence after the wreckage

The owner of the fence wanted me to start repairing immediately, everybody else said go to the hospital. Went to the first hospital they were on strike, then the next and the next till I finally got one.

I am currently conscious and would love to say Thank You God for sparing me. I also want to say thank you to everybody who instinctively stepped in to help inspite of the danger. I cant list them all.
Thanks to my God, Who protects me and loves me so much (i dont know why, but He loves me) then my everloving Family, to Daniel, little Abba, Mansur, Oga Chris, The Policeman, the numerous men and women on the street, the doctors, the other hospital staff that tried to help.in spite of the strike. Last but certainly not least are my friends.
 
Before I forget, thanks to you for reading this...There will be many more thanks to be made... I want to add the following;

A. I think we should take it as a responsibility to learn about first aid.
B. I  think we should slow down each time we see the scene of an accident and instead of gawking/taking pictures, we should park safely and come out to help save a life.
C. I also think we should make a pledge, save a portion of our earnings every month no matter how small or big, and save it, with the aim to cash it out to help out strangers xyz the accident victims, they may never know you helped them,  you may never know whose life you are saving....

I hope this make an impact on every reader's mind.
Happy End of October! :-)

Hello November! :-)


I hope this make an impact on every reader's mind.

HUNKY TOM HANKS DIAGNOSED WITH TYPE 2 DIABETES..

Tom Hanks, my childood favourite actor has shared news that he has been diagnosed with the common form of the disease - which is the result of the body not producing enough insulin to function properly - in an interview with chat show host David Letterman.

Tom admitted he has been experiencing symptoms for 20 years but only recently received the  diagnosis from his doctor.

 

 

WHAT IS TYPE 2 DIABETES?

Diabetes occurs when the pancreas does not produce enough insulin, or when the body cannot efficiently use it to convert glucose to provide energy. 

World Health Organisation statistics show that 347 million people worldwide have the condition, which can damage the heart, blood vessels, eyes, kidneys, and nerves -  increasing the risk of heart disease, kidney failure, stroke and blindness.

Type 1 is caused when the cells that produce the hormone insulin are destroyed – and is usually diagnosed early in life.

Type 2 diabetes occurs when the insulin produced becomes less effective - normally as a result of being overweight and inactive. The body needs more and more insulin to try to keep blood sugar within a normal range. 

Although the biggest risk factor for type 2 diabetes is weight, genes can also have an important role.

And one in five people with the condition  - such as Tom Hanks - are not obese, with many leading healthy lifestyles.

The problem is that the stereotype of the type 2 diabetes sufferer means that as many as one million people may be going undiagnosed simply because they do not believe they are in a high-risk group.

Experts warn that invisible internal fat around vital organs could be placing this group at risk.

The usual treatment for type 2 diabetes is diet and lifestyle changes and taking metformin, a drug that boosts the amount of insulin taken up by the cells. In more severe cases, patients need to inject themselves with insulin.

Other celebrities who have been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes include Halle Berry, Patti Labelle, Drew Carey and Chaka Khan.

Hanks shared the news after David Letterman commented on his weight and said he was looking relatively trimmer. 
Speaking on the show Tom said: 'I went to the doctors and they said', "You know those high blood sugar numbers you've been living with since you were 36, well you've graduated, you've got Type 2 Diabetes young man"'.

Read More HERE

 

Beautiful Nike Oshinowo welcome twins?

Hello

If this is true, I think it is great news, everyone deserves to be happy!

If you dont know Nike, here is what I got from her wiki page: Nike Oshinowo (born Adenike Asabi Oshinowo, c. 1968) is a Nigerian businesswoman, socialite, entrepreneur and former pageant director.^[3]

Oshinowo was raised in Ibadan and England, where she attended boarding school. Although she had intended to become an air hostess or a doctor, she studied Politics at the University of Essex. Shortly after obtaining her degree, Oshinowo, who was mentored by former Miss Nigeria Helen Prest-Davies, represented Rivers at the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria pageant and became its first Yoruba winner (she was crowned in December 1990, but reigned in 1991).^[4]

After her reign which saw her compete at Miss World, Oshinowo featured in a commercial for Venus cosmetics and hosted a fashion and beauty show on Nigerian television. Her business ventures included an African restaurant and Skin Deep, a health and beauty spa^[5] which ran for seven years before it was sold after she decided to create her own range of beauty products for the Nigerian market.^[6][7] On January 17, 2010, she released the workout video Nike Oshinowo: Fit, Forty and Fabulous - the first celebrity fitness DVD produced in the country - and is currently working on the beauty products which will include fragrance, skincare, and haircare.^[8][3]

Now in her forties, Oshinowo, who is fluent in five languages including Japanese and French, is hailed as a style icon in her homeland. She married medical doctor Tunde Soleye in 2006,^[9][10] but the couple have now separated.^[11]In 2009, the couple was in the news following a lawsuit instituted by Soleye's ex-wife Funmilayo, who claimed that he had been unfaithful with Oshinowo during their marriage.^[12]

In 2010, after a six-year attempt, Oshinowo finally bought the Miss Nigeria franchise from former organisers Daily Times, and became chief executive and creative director of the pageant.^[3][13][14] As of 2012, she is no longer in charge of the pageant ^{[15] [16]}

The former beauty queen welcomed a set of twins - a boy and a girl, via surrogacy a few months ago in the US. Nike and the twins returned to Nigeria on Monday September 30th. The twins are Nike's biological children but was carried and birthed by another woman - The identity of the children's father is currently unknown but there are indications that Nike bought sperm from a sperm bank in the US. The 47 year old who has over the years battled endometriosis already has two adopted children.

Huge congratulations to her

AUTHOR OF THE DAY IS THE OUTLANDISH - DUCHESS OF 'ACKNEY --- "MY PRISON STORY"

Hello, Have a blessed October. Please enjoy:

 

When I refer to my time in prison on some of my posts, I’d like to make it clear that I am not a criminal nor am I contrite about what led me there, as you will discover the more I write.

It was simple economics. I met the supply and demand of two parties. It was very profitable, very ego boosting and very enjoyable. Los Angeles and several major cities in the USA had wealthy men who enjoyed the company of beautiful smart women. There were beautiful ambitious women, who wanted financial independence so they chose a way to make large amounts of money and have fun along the way. The law called it Pimping and Pandering, I called it P2P – Pay to Play.

I brought both parties together, however in most of the US, it is a felony punishable by a mandatory minimum of 3 years in prison. Not deterred after my first stint of 18 months of which I did half of after a plea bargain where I plead guilty to attempted pandering, I opened shop a week after I was released and went back to prison 3 years later. Twice I was sentenced by Judge Lance Ito, the same judge who presided over the OJ Simpson trial in Los Angeles.

Unlike a lot of other Brits who have done time in foreign prisons, especially US prisons and on release blown their experiences out to lure an audience with exaggerated tales, mine was a breeze. Accommodation was minimal as one would expect and the food dreadful, but it wasn’t a total nightmare. I was able to wear relatively nice comfy clothes, had my favorite perfumes and made sure I had tons of sexy Victoria Secret lingerie to make me feel human. I had all the books I could read, kept up my subscription for Vanity Fair and Rolling Stone, had a TV and CD player, even learned to play the guitar.

Still, I wouldn’t recommend it. Having your liberty taken away is very devastating, but I made the best of a bad situation.

California women’s prisons have changed a hell lot since the ’90′s, and women no longer are afforded the privileges (if you can call it that) I enjoyed.

But over a decade of being paranoid about undercover cops, trying to entrap my ladies and myself, undercover female cops trying to infiltrate my business as prospective escorts, always looking over my shoulder, having to live a double life, lying every day, not being able to trust people and the threat of going back to prison took its toll. I called it quits for a year and travelled.

When I tried to take up where I left off, I discovered I had lost the passion for it.

After a few scrapes and very stupid decisions… I decided I needed a break as well as to reassure my family I wouldn’t return to the UK in a body bag.

I flew out of LA on a relatively warm late November afternoon and arrived in London on a cold grey dark November morning. My sister and her husband were forced to stop at the fist decent fish and chip shop….. I knew I was back home.

 

For more read Duchess of Hackney

 

JOKES FOR CHURCH GOERS ROFLOL!!

Abeg  LWKM (Laugh Wan Kpai Me)

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 

:-D and how was your Sunday? ;-)

*GRAPHIC PHOTO* SOME BARE NAKED THOUGHTS ON LOVE, RELATIONSHIP, SEX

Nigerian guy wrote: Why is it that some of guys, ( know ourselves) can't render help to a girl without demanding to sleep with her?
Sometimes, there are those girls that will angrily ask us: "so unless I sleep with you, you won't help me with this small problem- are you that heartless? If it's me, I would do it for you!"
And there are those men that will give girls gifts and money and finally send that ugly, insulting and flesh business message: "when are you coming to spend the weekend with me and show me your curves and turns?"
Listen guy, my experience is that it pays better and faster to ask from day-one: "babes how much are you selling this 'your flesh?' Negotiate and enter; never accuse a girl of "after eating your money....this and that." What were you doing while she was eating it- probably hoping that the woman you can't talk to, can allow you buy her?
Anyway, here is the solution to this problem: that thing you know you can do for a guy that does not include sex, please start doing it long before asking for financial help; and why ask for money anyway? Why not for a comparative help? That way, you will not be provocatively pushing us to ask you for the favour we pretend is the only one you can offer- opening your legs from any angle. If for example, I should ask you to help make a cloth for me, or cook "your special for me" or help me prepare for work interview and in return, you ask me to help clean out your closet or fix your TV or accompany you to your office "end of year party," or lift that heavy stuff around the house, how on earth would I demand for sex in return- I dey mad?
Let us Convince each other early enough that we can really do something for each other as we craft this friendship of equals. If you ask me for money today, and you know that I am not going to ask for sex, then be prepared for the day that I will ask you for little assistance with money as well. Let us end this flesh business. But I am not going to spoil business for anybody oh: if a girl is offering herself at an agreed sum, by all means enjoy!
So, What is that thing that you can do for your male friend or acquaintance that does not include your back on the bed or your hands on the sofa? And for guys, when you render a female friend some financial help, what other thing would you expect from her other than tearing away at her pants?
(MIU, Sept. 2013).



KDL®™©2013 says: I was raised in love with love, I only know love not hate, so I tend to gravitate towards those who love with ease, cause for me, it's easy...there are those who unfortunately were not raised in love, they don't know how to love, but want to learn, you have got to learn to love them in a special way and accept, though it may not be easy, if you've experienced love, don't keep it to yourself, share, and don't share with just those that it's easy to giggle with, share with some that may frustrate you a times, share with those that might not give it back, yes it's a wonderful feeling being loved in return, everyone who has experienced love, wants that, but there is something gratifying about giving it away knowing it may not come back, love, love and love some more..

DERENLE THE REBEL AND MISFIT..

Hi
Please enjoy this

Long ago as a preteenager,  I first noticed this guy in a programme called Kiddie Vision 101 on NTA, and since then he has moved on to Soundcity as well as other profitable hosting gigs and I have admired him all the way.
Good Looking, Different, Non Conformist, yet Talented, to me he epitomises the type of people that bring Change to whatever situation, as opposed to those who criticise Change but do nothing about it or those who keep conforming to whatever Change brings to them.
Along with his personal achievements, he has been credited for being behind the success of Big Brother Amplified Winner Karen Igho

This attitude has helped him achieve in so many ways that at his young age, (just 30yrs old)  he is regarded as a 'godfather' to people whether older or younger than him. He has not only grown in his career, but he has helped other people grow as well and love it or lump it he is dedicated to them regardless of what bad press they may receive and such bad press by extension, is transferred Derenle himself.

In a recently article he is quoted to have said the Entertainment industry is big enough for everyone!

I have never met him but I must say I really like Derenle Edun!

Steve Jobs quote is befitting to him; Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.

Have a glam weekend!
Mena
P.S: I do not know him and was not paid for this, but just had to give credit where it is due :)

MUST READ: How To Become An Overnight Billionaire In Nigeria — Femi Aribisala

Hello

Its Friday, the start to what I pray for us to be a happy weekend. So who wants to be a billionaire AS SOON AS POSSIBLE? Read on...

If you want to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I “wiki-leaked”this highly-classified national secret to you. 

With only some 50 years of independent national existence, Nigeria is a country reeking with “new money.” The overwhelming proportion of the millionaires and billionaires in the country are “nouveau-riche;” they became rich literally “overnight.” We are talking of people whose wealth does not go beyond a generation. Indeed, the fantastic wealth of Nigerian billionaires like Femi Otedola scarcely goes beyond ten/fifteen years. Not only does Nigeria’s wealthy few have a short history, they often have a short future as well. The money comes “miraculously” and goes just as “miraculously.” 

In my youth, S.B. Bakare was the celebrated Nigerian tycoon. Highlife stars and juju musicians eulogised him in their records. But ask a young Nigerian today who S.B. Bakare is, and I can bet my bottom dollar he has never heard of him. S.B. has fallen off the radar and so has his wealth. It is not identifiable by any major industry or enterprise. His descendants may still be in litigation over the dregs of his estate, but undoubtedly it is nothing to write home about again. Certainly, nobody is singing about S.B. Bakare today. There are now new pretenders to his throne.

New dawn 

Time was when wealthy Nigerians built something, developed something, or made something. At that time, the rich were truly captains of industry. Alhaji Sanusi Dantata made his fortune in the era of the groundnut pyramids in the North; buying and shipping them for export. Sir Odumegwu Ojukwu had Nigeria’s largest fleet of inter-city “mammy-wagons.” He also imported “panla” (dried fish) on a large scale. Sir Mobolaji Bank-Anthony had a tanker fleet and a pioneering charter airline. Emmanuel Akwiwu, hauled oil-rigs and supplies for British Petroleum. Chief Timothy Adeola Odutola produced bicycle tires for the growing army of Nigerian bike-riders. 

But thanks to oil, much of Nigerian wealth is no longer the product of such ventures. Yes, we have billionaires like Ibrahim Dasuki and Mike Adenuga who can still be rightfully described as highly enterprising. But even more significantly, we have tycoons who came into wealth through “wuru-wuru” and “mago-mago.” These men are hardly Nigeria’s Bill Gates. On the contrary, they don’t have a clue what to do with their dubious wealth, and they are ignorant about wealth-creation. As such, they add little of value to the Nigerian project. Their praises may be sung today by their horde of parasitical hangers-on, but they will not be remembered for good when they are gone. As mysteriously as their wealth materialized, so will it vanish.

These men became rich through some of the following tried and tested methods, which can be relied upon to lead to one’s inclusion in the Nigerian Book of Irrelevant Rich Men. If you want to get rich quick, here is the Nigerian blueprint. But please, don’t tell anyone I “wiki-leaked” this highly-classified national secret to you.

1. Rob a bank 

This strategy has gone through some transition. Bank-robbers used to be men of the underworld who held banks hostage at gunpoint and then made off with the cash. However, it was soon recognised that this approach has distinct disadvantages. You might get arrested and jailed. Even worse, you might get shot. It also became apparent that banks carry limited amounts of cash.Therefore, a successful bank robbery of this violent kind might only land you perhaps 50 million naira tops, which is not even enough to buy or build a house in Banana Island. There is a better way to rob a bank with far limited risk. Simply establish a bank. 

When you establish a bank, you can rob the bank every day without a gun. When people deposit money in your bank, they don’t know that they are handing over their life-savings to a thief. You then rob the bank you establish in a number of imaginative ways. For example, you can lend money to your bank and then charge it a very high interest-rate. Better still, you can borrow billions from your bank and simply forget to pay it back. Or, you can use the money deposited in your bank to buy houses and then rent them out as branches to your bank at exorbitant prices.

This approach is guaranteed to make you a few billion naira until the EFCC policemen come calling. When they do, you can quickly fall sick, spend a few months in Deluxe Hospital Hotel and then relocate to your village to enjoy your wealth, never to be heard of again.

2. Join the PDP. 

This one is a sure banker. As a member of the greatest party in the history of Africa, you will be given a credit-card to spend Nigeria’s oil wealth. If you are not getting enough attention in the party, make a lot of noise. Abuse Tinubu on the pages of the newspapers and call Buhari an idiot. Insist that Goodluck Jonathan should not only run for re-election unopposed in 2015, there should be a constitutional amendment to make him a life-president. This is a tell-tale sign that you are hungry; and the powers-that-be will soon invite you to “come and chop.” 

As a distinguished member of this great party, the opportunities open for you to set yourself up for life are considerable. For example, you can start collecting billions for petroleum subsidy and simply not import any petrol whatsoever. You can get the government to change all car license-plates nationwide; and then become the sole supplier of the new license-plates. You can ask the president to make you the sole importer and distributor of diesel for the entire country. Of course, this might also entail that you become the chairman of his re-election campaign, to which you duly make a handsome contribution. Alternatively, you can ask to be chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority.

Nobody will bat an eyelid when, within a matter of months, you have a fleet of cars, have two or three houses in Asokoro, and own four hotels in Dubai. You may even kick out your wife and marry a fourteen-year-old “Suzie” befitting your new status. You have arrived as one of Nigeria’s celebrated rich men. But keep your eyes on the ball. Don’t get distracted or carried away. The enemies of Mr. President must always remain your enemies.

3. Start a mega-church 

This one is pure genius. Peradventure you lose your job or fall on hard times. Don’t go into depression. Just start a church. Make it a purpose-built church. Think of something that men need. Tell them you have the anointing to provide it. Tell them whoever wants to be a billionaire should come to your church. Start a few of your messages with “Thus says the Lord.” Then teach your congregation the everlasting principles of sowing and reaping.

Make sure they understand that if they really want God to bless them financially, they first have to give you as much money as possible. Create a special prayer group for millionaires and billionaires. That way, if they get any new government contract they will attribute it to the efficacy of your prayers and credit something big into your bank account. Tell everybody to give you their “first-fruits.” That is a code word for their entire January salaries. Then come up with imaginative offerings to collect, such as “prophet’s offering,” (you, of course, being the prophet); “Father, Son and Holy Ghost offerings;” “Jesus will do it offering.” 

Very soon, you will be flying your own private jet to preach your gospel in Ilesha; you will be wearing white Armani suits and jerry-curling your hair; you will be collecting gate-fees for new years’ eve services; billionaire thieves and robbers will be queuing up to see your private-secretary on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway; and you will be inviting Bill Clinton to open your multi-billion naira Tower of Babylon in Osapa-London. In short, you will be living large. For good measure, you will also be slapping demons out of poor bewitched damsels with impunity.

4. Become a mule 

There is high demand for this job. There are many politicians and men of timber and caliber looking for >a>mules; men who can keep stolen money for them, or smuggle it to safe havens abroad. This is a highly lucrative job because for every ten billion naira you smuggle, you can pocket one billion. Don’t get greedy and come to the conclusion that you can make off with the entire loot. That is a sure way to have assassins on your tail. Before they kill you, they will first break your legs. If you are caught while smuggling money abroad, you can easily escape and come back home dressed as a woman. Then you can get a national merit award.

If you are a mule for a president or a governor, you are set up for life. You will get 24 hours military protection so that no petty thief can come near you. You will get to travel all over the world. You will get free medical check-ups, so that you don’t just fall down one day and die. That would be disastrous, especially if your sponsor does not know exactly where you kept his loot, or if he does not have the password to the secret account you opened for it in the Bahamas in the name of Ali Baba.

Mena says: I understand some of his views, please see more at
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