Tuesday, 23 August 2011
He should be Tall, Handsome both physically and financiallyy, be loving, be...etc etc
This is a story about 2 ladies. One day they had a discussion about the type of man they wanted to marry.
Dupe: Oh, my man must be tall, dark, handsome, rich.....oh, and God-fearing. I am talking ‘Denzel-fine’ not just ordinary fine. I am 5 feet 5 inches tall, so when I say tall -- I am talking 6 feet tall 'minimum': any guy that is not that tall should go and jump inside well and should not even bother talking to me o (she hisses).
Lola: what if he’s not 6 feet tall? what if he’s not handsome? would you reject such a man?
Dupe: Can you see how goodlooking and attractive I am? I can’t be with a wo-wo guy o, GOD forbid bad thing! (Dupe proceeds with glossolalia. Lola joins in too. They both 'glosso’ for about 30 seconds....oh, for those that don’t know what glossolalia means -- it means ‘speaking in tongues').
Lola: you know you shouldn’t focus too much on looks. The handsome guys are likely to be womanizers o. Do you want to share your guy with other women?
Dupe: Are you telling me this because you know that I know that your boyfriend Kunle is not fine? I have already told you to dump the guy. You are a fine girl, what are you doing with that *WOGGLY* thing (SEE MEANING BELOW)? He doesn’t have money or looks. He’s like your height - 5 feet 5 inches. Imagine!!. As for me, if someone like that toasts me, it means dem no born am well...I will slap the he-goat. .yes, someone like that toasting me is like an insult. Abeg, make I hear word jo! You better hear me now for the sake of your children. If you marry that woggly thing, HA....your children will be woggly like him, they won’t be fine like you...
but me, I want a fiiiiiiiiiine guy - the type of guy that when the ladies see me they will be so envious. For example, you can see my boyfriend Sola, he is a total bloke, see how fine he is. Compared to Sola, your ‘thing’ of a boyfriend is like thrash can. Oh, my boyfriend is 6 feet 2 inches and cool. Abeg, dump your wo-wo thing my friend. I can introduce you to Sola’s friends - fine boys, they have the looks, the height, the money.
Lola: I don’t want anyone apart from Kunle. Just be careful, don’t get hung up on looks and money, there’s more to life than the exterior, try to look beyond that and see the inner beauty.
That was a while back. Let me tell you what happened to the ladies. Lola married a guy called Soji (one of Sola’s friends that Dupe introduced her to). Soji is a very goodlooking guy (according to the standards of the ladies, don’t ask me what those standards are....I honestly do not know). Lola didn’t marry her college sweetheart Kunle: SHE DUMPED HIS ARSE (she accepted that he was woggly and ...hey, she was thinking about how their children will look and decided it was best to dump the guy).
As for Dupe, she did not marry Sola (he dumped her during NYSC for a finer babe named Rolake). However, Dupe is happily married to a dark, handsome, rich.....oh, and God-fearing guy (he’s 5 feet 5 inches tall but so what!!!...she doesn’t wear high-heel shoes anymore). As for how goodlooking the guy is? People say that he’s almost as fine as (and I quote) ' the male version of Grace Jones'!
NB. Definition -- *WOGGLY, WOOOOO, WOGULIE, WOGGLIE, WOGGLILICIOUS, WOGGI-WOGGI* --- (regarding a physical visage) a 'shocking' 'unsettling' look about someone capable of instilling fear, anger, rage, confusion, prayers, screams, constipation, diarrhea, miscarriage, fainting or a combination of all these emotions and physiological upheavals.