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Friday, 16 December 2011

SEE ME SEE TROUBLE MY PIPU....(PT 3)



Hello!!! Matters Arising: Ah well I have decided to buy a huge christmas tree and put it in my Abuja flat because I can predict that I as the first girl that refused to marry!!! will be houdered this christmas so am spending christmas and new year here in FCT and working in between!

Pardon the digression, my peeps, this blog is really a comment from a poster in part 2 and decided to publish it as it helped me..And also because I believe it will help those under pressure to marry and those who are desperate to marry..All comments are wecome as usual
l. xxxx

Blessed one said...
Mena,

Thank you for this recent post. I have been checking your blog periodically to see if you have posted part 2 of "see me see trouble my pipu" and I am glad you have. First of, I was laughing my head off while reading your post. It was just hilarious.

All I can say is this, do not let anyone, not even your mother pressure you or rush you into marraige. It is better to be single and have peace of mind than be married and have no peace of mind. I am going to share a true life story with you that happened in my family. As a matter of fact, it happened to my older sister (our firstborn). You see, my immediate older sister (second born) was the first to get married. After she got married and started having her kids, my mother started putting immense pressure on the first born to get married, telling her that what will people say/think that her juniour sister is married and she is not, blah, blah, blah.

Well, my older sister succumbed to the pressure and got married to a guy from abia state who told her at their first meeting that he was a "business man" which is a term perpetually unemployed naija men use to deceive gullible ladies. My sister apparently did not dig deeper to find out more about this guy due to family/societal pressure I guess and chose to marry him.

They have been married for almost 10 years and my sister is and has been the sole bread winner of the family in all these years. Her husband has no job and is neither searching for one or looking for what to do with his pathetic life. He is verbally abusive towards my sister as well. My sister went from a size 10 to a size 22W and she is 5'7 in height. She is obese because she is depressed and sinks herself into food. The husband on the other hand is busy forcing himself on the housemaids. The older housemaid refuses his advances. The other housemaid is 12years old and he was constantly sticking his fingers into her private part.

As God could have it, my mom's friend sent her underage daughter to my sister's house to pick up some items and my sister's husband tried to sleep with her. The girl went back and reported to her mother and her mother confronted my mom about it. My mom confronted my sister who vehemently denied her husband's actions. Well my mom went to my sister's house and took the underage housemaid from my sister. After the child was brought to our home, the girl now confessed all the things my sister's husband was doing to her. My sister was speechless but now claims he has changed.

Meanwhile, my sister's 7 year old daughter has been complaining of virginal pain. My mom now thinks that her father (my sister's husband) is sexually molesting his own daughter. The thing is, my mother now sees that my sister maried the wrong man and wants my sister to leave him but my sister insists on staying with a husband who has called her fat, ugly, smelly amongst other things all because she does not want to raise her kids in a broken home. Her husband has even told her that if he had the opportunity, he will leave her for a young girl from igboland. This is a man who does not pay rent, children's school fees, nothing!

My sister used to have so much money as a single career woman and lead a comfortable, peaceful life but now, she is constantly broke. In the eyes of the law she is married but in practicality, it seems like she is not because her husband does not help her with anything. He is like a trophy just occupying space on a shelf and a paedophile and pervert as well. My sister now looks like a shadow of herself, is constantly in and out of the hospital and has a very low self esteem.

Today, she blames our mother for her woes because it was our mother who was putting pressure on her to get married thereby indirectly pushing her into the arms of a gold digging abusive paedophile of a man who does not give a damn about her.

I am sorry for my long post but I thought I share this with you because as human beings, we only have one life to live. I believe that marraige should be enjoyed and not endured. Most Nigerian marraiges are hell on earth where domestic violence, gross infidelity, lies, unequal division of labour, disrespect and much more rule supreme. The average naija man does not know how to love his wife like Christ loved the church. He saw what his father did to his mother and he does the same to his wife. In other words, the circle of marital abuse continues.

Mena, in our generation, there are alot of Nigerian men who are just taking advantage of the fact that society puts enormous pressure on women to get married. Naija men are aware that whether they are irresponsible or not, naija women are willing to mary them to avoid societal stigma. Unfortunately, the family unit suffers down the line, the children suffer, and the woman who chose such a man suffers most. Don't believe the lies that "men are scarece". Men are in abundance but good responsible men who are God fearing and have high moral values is what is lacking and much has to do with the decay in morals and values in the country we know as Nigeria.

Don't let anyone pressure you into marraige until you are convinced that the man you are willing to settle down with is the one. There are alot of emotionally and mentally UNSTABLE men and women in Nigeria. You must be very careful. Nigerian society is also crawling with perverts, paedophiles and sexually depraved men who get away with their heinous act. Many who see nothing wrong with having sex with their daughters or raping females. Ask yourself, is that the kind of man you will love to build a home with? If you happen to birth any daughters, they will never forgive you in the future if their father sexually molested them.

I live outside Nigeria but when I am ready to move back to the African continent, I will settle with my family in another African country and not Nigeria. With all that is going on in Nigeria, it will only be a matter of time before crap hits the fan. In all you do, be prayerful Mena and let God lead your way. God Bless!

9 December 2011 10:33

12 comments:

Madame Sting said...

My mom would be the first to tell you not to rush into anything and to take your time and i love her for that. She doesn't see the point in rushing to get married to the wrong man. I have friends who are way younger than me already being pressured to marry, and it's like watching a movie sometimes because i'm like is this real life? Did this person's mother really send her this text or say this thing?

Mind you the woman who is doing the pressuring wasn't in a great marriage by any means, so it makes no sense to me. I thank God for my mom sha, she understands cos she lived it, abi?

DIDI said...

Sad :( ...Guess Your Sis Has a point if she decides to blame your mum for everything,guess the harm has already been done and she doesn`t see why she should leave him now.. Its a lesson to not just you but everyone else.
Sometimes its best to do your own thing and get the *rebellious* tag coz you go against the Elders. We all have our lives to live.

Kiky said...

The only power that man has over your sister is the one that she let him have. Its been only 10yrs. she still has the time to leave that evil man and start a new life for her and her children or her children will never forgive her.
Because she doesnt want to wake up in the another 10yrs and wish she had left him 10yrs ago.
The only thing holding her back is herself. Fuck the society, is the society helping her now that she is in a miserable marriage? So why the hell is she still thinking about what "the society" will say if she leaves her husband. She had better get out of there before that man kills her.

Nenyenwa said...

I agree no rush oh...with prayer and patience you go land the right one (God sent). You can read my post Marriage Is Not A Trophy http://thesweetbitterlifeofanigboprincess.blogspot.com/2011/05/marriage-is-not-trophy.html

T.Notes said...

Your blog has now matured into 'total awesomeness'!Can't believe i just spent a full one hour of blog rounds only on your page!
Good going girl!!!
Since my response since far-fetched from this particular blog entry, its on account that the last blog i read was more light hearted. ;)

T.Notes said...

..response seems*

'Lara said...

Wow, this is so sad.

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Beulah! said...

Eyyy, thanks for sharing that story ooo, i learnt a lot from it. I am not yet married & thankfully my family doesn't put me under any form of pressure.

My dear, wise decision, dont allow family push u in making any hasty lifetime decisons, at the end of the day, it is you that will live through it not them

LucidLilith said...

Wow. This is where following your instinct and not giving in to pressure comes in. What a sad story!

Okeoghene said...

There is no rush in marriage and parents should stop putting pressure on their children to marry.