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Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Disclaimer: very controversial sex related topic, but would love to read yout thoughts :-)

(Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril (1843–1928))


The menage a trios seems to be a common thing nowadays...with threesomes and orgies happening... every man including Tnotes claims to have experienced it at one time or the other..*the women will not say* lol..
So what is you take on this...?

And as we await your 'take', here is another testimony shared by a guy, spread online by Oketa, that you might want to give opinions on..*Ahem, not for the fainthearted*


Excerpt from a homosexual man who is trying to find himself.


I am 51 years old. You may call me Tantric Nutter aka tnuts for now. I do not believe labeling is a good thing, but I think most folks would consider me to be a homosexual. With that, here is a brief telling of my story and my sense of male homosexuality.

I always liked girls. In fact, I still do! And as far as I know, I lack the capacity to have romantic feelings for men. It is a very powerful lust. Except for one time, I have not been with a male since I was 15, but I am addicted to homosexual fantasies - absolutely addicted. I resist often, but I cannot resist for good. After awhile, the passion is white hot and relentless. It is insane.

Until I was about 40 years old, I only knew two reasons why I have the desires I do. One, I was initiated into mutual masturbation by my best friend. I was 12 and not ready to be sexual. I didn't even know what gay was. I was sleeping over at his house and he begged me to do things with him. After many refusals, I eventually said yes.

I couldn't believe how good it felt. This went on for 3 years.

From perhaps 6 months after my initial experience, I always worried that I was gay; things got more uncertain, and I suffered a sexual trauma at 19. I was invited to be with a woman and I felt I had to give it a go or I was just giving up on my sexuality. So I said yes. My first major heterosexual experience was a total flop.

From that moment on, my homosexual desires became nuclear.

My next revelation was providential. I was talking to my mother and she was badmouthing my father who had fairly recently left her. I said something to her that was completely not premeditated. I told her:

Dad evoked virtually nothing in me, but fear.

We were both shocked. Just one week after this, I was at a public library and chanced upon books on homosexuality. I came upon a book by Charles Socarides who wrote:

No one with a healthy relationship with his father develops a homosexual pattern.

Those two events (what I said to my mother and this quotation) were a revelation from above.

I have also come to know:

As a baby, I cried every two hours and my mother, in exasperation, took me to the doctor. He prescribed barbiturates. As a result, I did not develop an adequate sense of being. My sense of being is incomplete. This is why when I fantasize being with a man, the man is quite like me. In this respect, my homosexual desire is a sexualized attempt to recover my sense of being.


MY PARENTS

My father was an highly verbally abusive, absent alcoholic. He did not touch. He rarely related to me. He did not teach me how to be a boy and then a man. As a result, I have an inadequate sense of my masculinity. There was also trauma around my father.

My mother terrorized me when I was little. I came to believe mom doesn't like me, and I am not good enough for her. There was a lot of trauma around her and it left me ambivalent and fearful of the opposite sex. I could never be afraid of gay sex, but I often suffered performance anxiety with women. I am afraid of women. I am not good enough for women, and women don't like me.

Mom and I are doing great now, but even she told me she was especially hard on me. She played favorites, I was her least favorite, and I knew it and it galled me.

I have no tangible memory of being loved as a child. I am not saying I was not loved, I just can't think of anything.

Unbeknownst to me, I was starving for love, aching for the filling of unmet needs, and broken due to assorted trauma.



FILLING THE VACUUM


I filled the vacuum with a sexual counterfeit, a homosexualized counterfeit. The love vacuum would have been filled with some counterfeit, alcohol, drugs, perfectionism, whatever. Mine was filled with homosexuality. This is what assuaged my pain.

The intensity of my homosexual desires is a combination of unmet healthy needs, unprocessed emotional pain (trauma), and lies believed - and all this is joined to latent male sexuality. It is one powerful concoction.

I need somehow to fill my healthy unmet needs. I need to know a mother and a father's love. I need to know what a newborn finds when he adequately bonds. I need to process through the trauma.

The dilemma I face is that all my life I detached from myself and now I have to find a way to connect with myself. Homosexuality is a detachment disorder.

Homosexuality is a consequence of brokenness of soul. I am not here to judge anyone; I am just here to state the truth. If someone is on crutches, I can have compassion for his lot in life. I can love him, but I cannot honestly declare him to be as well as a person not in need of crutches.

I cannot and will not call unwellness, wellness.
My homosexuality is a consequence of unwellness of soul. I am not well, but partly through my Savior Jesus Christ, I continue to try to find a way. Being blessed with the insights I have gained and being protected from the ravages of the gay lifestyle, indicate to me that what He has started, He will finish.

Any thoughts?

p.s: Ginger and Olori, Huge Thanks for all the mentions and for all the love you have shown me, may Help come unexpectedly from the Lord in whatever challenge you may currently be facing Amen! :)

Mena

36 comments:

Nutty J. said...

Mena,

The man has homosexual tendencies just because.... it doesnt have to be blamed or traced to father or mother's lacking love.

He isn't the first person to be produced by an absent alcoholic father or a mother who doesn't care.

My Advice? He should take responsibility for his sexual tendencies and choose a side to belong to instead of moaning and groaning.... be straight or gay.

My thoughts

9jaFOODie said...

Hummmm...THIS IS interesting o. it looks like he is blaming everyone around him but he cant seem to see any fault in himself. I think he might find some "wellness" when he starts to take responsibility.

Muse Origins said...

I don't think anyone else has a say as to what orientation you are. I actually believe it's mostly a hormonal thing (unless you're experimenting).

It seems like guys have always had a thing for menage a trois :s

Adiya
Muse Origins
Muse Origins (Creative Nigerian Features)

Ginger said...

The prayer at the end qualified everything. This guy is obviously writing for a Christian audience... who are ready to believe/blame any thing rather than believe that some people were born with a different sexual orientation.
I will not claim I understand homosexuality..but I will defend their right to be accepted with my last ink.

Two days ago I was in the train and there was these group of football enthusiasts and lady. I think they asked her if she had a boyfriend (teasing) and she said she was gay. it was so amusing to listen to those yobs. 'you've never had it as good as me', 'you're too beautiful to be gay' you never met the right man', 'I have the right size'.
The lady told the last guy 'you don't want to know how many guys I have slept with trying to rid myself of this feeling' but I finally came to terms with myself and have been in a loving relationship for 8 yrs now. That shut them up. For me, sex happens behind closed bedroom doors, lets leave it there abeg

Ginger said...

Girl, I still want your email address. Inbox me ginger(at)mak2chi(dot)com

Olori said...

A wonderfulous Amen!!!!!!!!! to that prayer o....as if u know say i need that prayer now sef. a triple portion of the anointing shall be ur portion my sister o.

Anyway to the issue on ground. First of all, house i hail all of una o. how body. Initially, I thought he was truly struggling with his sexuality and then when I saw the religious end then it kinda presented the story in a different light like maybe he is looking for justifications. No doubt that his kind of early sexual experience and parents matter might have influenced his sexuality but here is where it gets tricky. I am kinda of the opinion that people may be born gay (I am not sure yet o) so if your external circumstances, like in this guys case, is what influenced the gayness then he wasnt born gay. so just like people that go to rehab for alcohol or drug addiction born out of abusive parents (cos they werent born addicts), he can get "fixed", for lack of a better word. that explains why he needs the threesomes. first it helps him look like a straight male with a fantasy and then he gets his escape from the gay sex...2 in 1.

For people who are really gay, atleast from my interactions with them, it is not just an escape route from their problems. and as ppl have earlier said, u dnt need to have a bad childhood to be gay. In my humble opinion, and I am in no place to judge, this guy may not be really gay or bisexual or wateva labels we give it...he may just be using them as a way to deal with the hand life has dealt him. As a result, the spiritual angle he is using to get help is probably the best. As for those who are really gay, is it ok to deny their sexuality and draw closer to God or live it out....my jury is still out on that one cos I still have too many questions.

On the issue of threesomes, if u are having sex let it be u and one other person biko whether gay or straight....i dnt know that threesome is now a sexuality. atleast i neva open mind reach that side.

I kinda accept homosexuality but one thing people have said to me is if we allow homosexuality then decades down the line we would have allowed everything including bestiality (im not saying being gay is equal to bestiality o) all in the name of respect for the person....I always wonder about that. I like to say when we get there we will cross that bridge so Mena if you permit make house give thots on dis last bit o.

Myne Whitman said...

interesting perspective to the issue, goes to show there is no single story in most things including how some define or live it.

As for threesomes, ehen, that's a lot of people's fantasy o.

TheRustGeek said...

*Ahem* This wan strong pass me ooo Mena.. Anyways
- The threesome - no comments
As to the homosexuality thing - Mr Tantric Nutter aka TNuts appears convinced it is 'unwellness' and is taking tangible steps to help himself, good for him I suppose.

Peekadot said...

Interesting point of view from all fellow commentators. Having homosexual tendencies is not a very easy thing to live by. I think our writer is looking out for a lot of things from the audience which ranges from compassion for fellow gays, justification and denial. I don't agree with the idea that one can be born gay, and would safely say that Its a cultivated habit. Its a matter of who aroused your sexual feelings first (a boy or girl). It can be argued that your first sexual interaction can go along way to determine the path you would choose. I would say of our writer that his explanation of his tendencies are just rationalizations and there is no reason to find excuses. That our good God has compassion on everyone is a grace and if He chooses to start something in a man's life , He definitely would complete it still. My fear is that, in your trying to abide under the umbrella of Christ you don't gain sympathizers that would be lured into the whole enterprise. Whatever the case may be, straight, gay or else, a threesome is always risky.

SHE said...

Somehow, I get the impression that he has only been indulging in homosexual fantasies, and not the act itself.

In any case, he is 51 years old. Is he just now seeking help or seeking to explain the root cause of homosexuality? Either way, I do not agree that homosexuality is a result of trauma or a broken soul.

And when I look at that picture of a menage a trois, I realise that truly, there is nothing new under the sun.

T.Notes said...

Ooooh i happened on a drag queen yesterday at Primark!It was hilarious,i only did best not to ask him for a picture!In that regard,dunno,from my POV,the whole thing only fascinates me-as like being in a circus. I try not to point fingers and call any one out for their sexual preferences,but it doesnt change the fact that...i think the guy is making a whole lot of flimpsy excuses jare!!!!Everybody has a story,the guy should take charge & responsibility for his life n decisions already!

On a lighter notes,heyyyy where av u been?!Buzzed u online,no replies!How u dey?!

xxx

The Young Radicals said...

ene na waaaaa oooo, i no fit talk for this one ooo, e be like say e pass me small.

On a serious note though, i dont necessarily think that his upbringing and family caused his sexual orientation or rather confusion.

My best advise is to meet a therapist, to help him reconcile his struggle and keep his faith in God. Thats always a good start.

Anonymous said...

This picture is just plain disgusting
I think I just puked in my mouth

and as for mr tnuts go to MFM to have that stuff flogged out of you

Sir Fariku said...

I dont know about the sexuality matter but like someone said before I think he needs to learn to love himself. The how is what I dont know. I would suggest he should meditate and focus on his good traits and read and watch things that will encourage him such as the bible, motivational books/movies. Forgive yourself bro. Whether you are a homosexual or not, you are God's creation.

As for the threesome, I havent experienced it but will love to sometime. We sometimes put sex in a compartment and forget to enjoy it. It was created to be enjoyed, so please enjoy is safely that is.

Chizy K said...

Adiya is right, it shouldn't be about laying blames, it has to do with hormones. That being said, when u live in westernized culture u kinda have to accept the gays n considering i am open minded i have no objection with ones sexual orientation. That being said, i still don't understand why a true woman would want to be involved in a three some, that's just absurd

Think-About-It said...

I like this man's story, and I'm happy for him that he is figuring his life out for himself. Something worth doing for ourselves.

Efua Dentaa said...

I really am not sure if the issue of homosexuality is related to nature or nurture or just an interaction of the two.
Maybe it is in the nature of some people to be homosexuals (they are born with it) or maybe the way they are brought up (nurtured) really has something to do with it.
Yes it may seem this gentleman is making excuses and trying to blame the way his life turned out on other people but honestly, I don't blame him. Finding the root to your problem is the first step to solving it. There are so many people that may have gone through worse than he did growing up but at the end of the day, it all boils down to our coping systems and coping mechanisms.
There are also some who have had a wonderful childhood but find themselves in the same situation, so what's their story?
At the end of the day, I say it is about nature or nurture or an interaction between the two.
I do wish him all the best in finding himself.

Ibhade said...

3some?...common! but like you said, no woman would admit to it, but men boast of it. I read one time in a paper where a guy said that was his fantasy, but didn't know how to tell his wife!

On being gay?..whatever their reasons, it still does not make it right, they can seek for help in any way possible..it's really a pity though.

nefertitysmusings.blogspot.com said...

as humans, its only natural for us to blame someone or something for whatever it is that is going on with us, so i dont know if i blame him or not? but the thing is he isnt the first neither will he be the last to be a child of an alcoholic father or not loving mother. so abeg, he should face whatever is wrong with him, if he wants to stop, he should first acknowledge that he has issues, without that, na him know............

'Lara said...

I have no say on homosexuality... I don't judge them neither do I look down on them.

But this guy's story get k-leg small, he is busy shifting blame and not accepting responsibility.

As for three-some all I can say is hmmmmm...no comment

FlourishingFlorida said...

hmmmmmmmm


well, i no get anything to say 4 dis matter.

wish him well sha

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Kiky said...

I think this guy doesn't want to be gay but hates the fact that he is, so has come up with a justification for his sexual orientation. Which is alright if you ask me. But trying to blame it on his bad childhood is going too far because i have seen guys form loving homes who turn out to be gay.
He is obviously a christian and knows what the bible says about homosexualism.
I know a guy who when he found out he was attracted to boy went as far as going to several 'juju' men to cast out that feeling from him after church deliverance's didnt work. Short of killing a person he did all the sacrifices asked of him but that still didnt help so he just had to give into it.
Which makes me wonder if some people are born gay. Why would an innocent child be born with a sexual orientation that God specifically hates and destroyed a whole city because of?
I have tried to wrap my head round this, someone said its a hormonal problem well i guess that what it is.

Wild Boy said...

Every gay person I know would rather not be gay...you know, due to discriminations and all that.. But they are and they deal wiv it...Me don't like excuses at all, cos the first 4 paragraphs i read were filled wiv em so sorry, i had to stop. Methinks he needs to talk to someone, preferably a good shrink.
Threesomes....lol World don dey spoil patapata...It's one sexual fantasy that has become quite popular these days...every 'cool' person wants to be in or should have been in a menage a trois. Don't ask if i have been in one...but i think if it's between consenting adult individuals, then its none of my business. I really don't care how you like your eggs-scrambled, poached or hard boiled..but then, i don't have to like it, afterall, it's your egg.
Two Soldiers were 'doing' a girl in a room next to mine in the hotel i stayed over the weekend, and the noise they were making was rather loud and woke everybody on dat floor. I waited till they were ready to check out and when i saw it was 3 of em, i thought to myself, no wonder. Cos all that noise was no ordinary sex....na baba kinky sex. Me dat wanted to give the noisy inhabitants of 413 a piece of my mind quickly did a re-think after i saw it was big soldiers...heck like captains...lol

dongala (wanderer) said...

found ur blog!
and i wil be reading more..
follow each other?
http://touchofawanderer.blogspot.com/

oroque said...

i think i'm black cos my dad left me when i was a foetus...i think i'm fat cos i write...i think this guy is looking for justification because he realizes that at 51, the end is near and maybe explaining away his desires as "somebody else's fault" will get him forgiveness from the Almighty. to each his own...i judge not.

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