Disclaimer: very controversial sex related topic, but would love to read yout thoughts :-)

(Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril (1843–1928))


The menage a trios seems to be a common thing nowadays...with threesomes and orgies happening... every man including Tnotes claims to have experienced it at one time or the other..*the women will not say* lol..
So what is you take on this...?

And as we await your 'take', here is another testimony shared by a guy, spread online by Oketa, that you might want to give opinions on..*Ahem, not for the fainthearted*

Excerpt from a homosexual man who is trying to find himself.


I am 51 years old. You may call me Tantric Nutter aka tnuts for now. I do not believe labeling is a good thing, but I think most folks would consider me to be a homosexual. With that, here is a brief telling of my story and my sense of male homosexuality.

I always liked girls. In fact, I still do! And as far as I know, I lack the capacity to have romantic feelings for men. It is a very powerful lust. Except for one time, I have not been with a male since I was 15, but I am addicted to homosexual fantasies - absolutely addicted. I resist often, but I cannot resist for good. After awhile, the passion is white hot and relentless. It is insane.

Until I was about 40 years old, I only knew two reasons why I have the desires I do. One, I was initiated into mutual masturbation by my best friend. I was 12 and not ready to be sexual. I didn't even know what gay was. I was sleeping over at his house and he begged me to do things with him. After many refusals, I eventually said yes.

I couldn't believe how good it felt. This went on for 3 years.

From perhaps 6 months after my initial experience, I always worried that I was gay; things got more uncertain, and I suffered a sexual trauma at 19. I was invited to be with a woman and I felt I had to give it a go or I was just giving up on my sexuality. So I said yes. My first major heterosexual experience was a total flop.

From that moment on, my homosexual desires became nuclear.

My next revelation was providential. I was talking to my mother and she was badmouthing my father who had fairly recently left her. I said something to her that was completely not premeditated. I told her:

Dad evoked virtually nothing in me, but fear.

We were both shocked. Just one week after this, I was at a public library and chanced upon books on homosexuality. I came upon a book by Charles Socarides who wrote:

No one with a healthy relationship with his father develops a homosexual pattern.

Those two events (what I said to my mother and this quotation) were a revelation from above.

I have also come to know:

As a baby, I cried every two hours and my mother, in exasperation, took me to the doctor. He prescribed barbiturates. As a result, I did not develop an adequate sense of being. My sense of being is incomplete. This is why when I fantasize being with a man, the man is quite like me. In this respect, my homosexual desire is a sexualized attempt to recover my sense of being.


MY PARENTS

My father was an highly verbally abusive, absent alcoholic. He did not touch. He rarely related to me. He did not teach me how to be a boy and then a man. As a result, I have an inadequate sense of my masculinity. There was also trauma around my father.

My mother terrorized me when I was little. I came to believe mom doesn't like me, and I am not good enough for her. There was a lot of trauma around her and it left me ambivalent and fearful of the opposite sex. I could never be afraid of gay sex, but I often suffered performance anxiety with women. I am afraid of women. I am not good enough for women, and women don't like me.

Mom and I are doing great now, but even she told me she was especially hard on me. She played favorites, I was her least favorite, and I knew it and it galled me.

I have no tangible memory of being loved as a child. I am not saying I was not loved, I just can't think of anything.

Unbeknownst to me, I was starving for love, aching for the filling of unmet needs, and broken due to assorted trauma.



FILLING THE VACUUM


I filled the vacuum with a sexual counterfeit, a homosexualized counterfeit. The love vacuum would have been filled with some counterfeit, alcohol, drugs, perfectionism, whatever. Mine was filled with homosexuality. This is what assuaged my pain.

The intensity of my homosexual desires is a combination of unmet healthy needs, unprocessed emotional pain (trauma), and lies believed - and all this is joined to latent male sexuality. It is one powerful concoction.

I need somehow to fill my healthy unmet needs. I need to know a mother and a father's love. I need to know what a newborn finds when he adequately bonds. I need to process through the trauma.

The dilemma I face is that all my life I detached from myself and now I have to find a way to connect with myself. Homosexuality is a detachment disorder.

Homosexuality is a consequence of brokenness of soul. I am not here to judge anyone; I am just here to state the truth. If someone is on crutches, I can have compassion for his lot in life. I can love him, but I cannot honestly declare him to be as well as a person not in need of crutches.

I cannot and will not call unwellness, wellness.
My homosexuality is a consequence of unwellness of soul. I am not well, but partly through my Savior Jesus Christ, I continue to try to find a way. Being blessed with the insights I have gained and being protected from the ravages of the gay lifestyle, indicate to me that what He has started, He will finish.

Any thoughts?

p.s: Ginger and Olori, Huge Thanks for all the mentions and for all the love you have shown me, may Help come unexpectedly from the Lord in whatever challenge you may currently be facing Amen! :)

Mena