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Friday, 24 February 2012

HELP 6 (HUSBAND CRIES: SHE WAS RAPED RIGHT IN MY PRESENCE, NOW I CAN'T TOUCH HER!)



By my thinking any one of us can be silently going through terrible ordeals in our lives thinking we are alone, and believing there is no solution, no way out, well there is a way out! All you need to do is speak out or write anonymously, someone somewhere will respond to you. You are never alone, certainly not in blogsville. So I was browsing blogsville when I came across some stories. They claim to be true life stories and the writers actually need our advice, love or just a silent prayer. I couldnt resist but bring some of them to them to my blog so readers who have gone though a similar experience can play agony aunt and give them solutions. Or you can even give them some tough love as well. They will be published from time to time in a series titled 'HELP', this is the sixth part.....You can findHelp 1 Help 2 Help 3 Help 4  Help 5  just by a click
So I came across this sad story...:(

I am a man in my late 30s, a father of two boys, I got Married five years ago and I loved my wife dearly.

We met when we were in school, I knew she would be my wife the first day I met with her, so I did not ask her to date me, rather I asked her to be my wife. She did not hesitate accepting my proposal because she told me she felt the same way about me that very first day.

All our friends envied us when we fulfilled our promise to each other by getting married. Some of our friends actually confessed that they felt the day would never come and we might not get married. But to the glory of God, our day of joy was a glorious one.

Our almost similar background might have been responsible for our determination to make things work, especially our marriage and the home we intended building together.

I am a product of a broken home. My sister and I were raised by my mother and I know what she went through. Her situation made me to promise myself to work hard so that I can take care of my immediate family and also take good care of my mother.

My wife was raised by her mother, but not because her parents were separated or divorced; her father died when she was still a baby. Although she tried to go into another relationship, which did not work so she decided to train her child alone.

Probably the need for a complete family was our drive; we tried all our best to make our home what we wanted.

Things were going as we planned until a fateful day about 18 months ago when my cousin who lives in the United Kingdom came to Nigeria and stayed with us. On this day, my cousin travelled to our home town to see his mother. We finished dinner late and after making sure that our boys were fast asleep, we retired into our bedroom. The television set in our room was on, that was the reason why we did not hear the armed robbers until the door of our room was banged.

To say I was shocked would be putting it mildly because we were not expecting anybody at that time of the day and if my cousin was going to come back, he wouldn’t have come into the house at that hour of the night. The door was not locked, so they gained entrance into the room without hassles.

When we discovered who they were and their number, I asked my wife to lie low and decided not to struggle with them because they were fully armed with guns and other dangerous weapons.

They asked me to produce my cousin who just returned from the UK and I made them realise that he wasn’t around. To confirm my claim, two of the robbers stayed with my wife in the room, while four of them took me round the house.

When they discovered that my cousin was not at home, they relocated our children from their room to ours. They carted away all the money we had, some electronics and all our handsets. As they were about leaving, the alleged head of the gang said he wanted to have sex with my wife. I begged him, and my wife did too. When I made move to save her, the other members of the gang beat me.

He asked them to stop beating me and said my punishment would be more severe. They made me watch as he raped my wife in the presence of my kids and two other members of the gang.

The dastardly act lasted for a few minutes, but it was the worst minutes of my life.

Dear Friends, I cannot get this scene out of my mind, even up till now. Since then, I have not been able to sleep with my wife and this fact is already generating problems in my home.

After the incident which we are yet to discuss with any other person, my wife saw the doctor; she took series of tests, HIV test inclusive. She was certified negative. But I really cannot have sex with her again. I have come to realise that this is killing her, but I just cannot. I have tried several times but I cannot hold an erection.

Please, help me. Like I stated above, I don’t want to lose my home and family. I know I need help, but I don’t know where to seek it from.


Terrible story! Please advice...

32 comments:

musingsofanoverwhelmednaijamum said...

Sorry to hear about your horrible experience,She isnt to blame!Im sorry to say this you are only thinking of yourself right now and not your family.Do you have any idea what kind of psychological trauma your wife and kids are going through now?? Especially the mother of your children??? As the head of the family you need to be strong for your family, get your act together and man up! Thank God they were not killed. The whole family needs counselling to move forward and heal.

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Worst thing that can happen to a man!

Anonymous said...

He needs to get over it. His wife was raped in front of her husband and children - they stole not only her body, but her dignity as well. She needs his support, not his disgust. Asshole.

Anonymous said...

@Sisi Yemmie - it didn't happen to him. It happened to his wife. He's not the one who was violated - she was!

SAMUEL EKUNDAYO said...

Wow! This is just traumatic! But sincerely, if there is any time the man must be strong for his wife, it is now! He is the one to console her, comfort her and make her forget all that has happened and stop claiming images in his head. WHy is he the head if he cant lead the family back into way? But think of it; it is no doubt a difficult one though.

- LDP

Toinlicious said...

Oh crap! That musta been horrible! He knows he needs help but what exactly? couple's therapy? That must have been traumatic for the kids as well.

Nutty J. said...

I cant imagine what the woman must be going through now... I feel very sorry for her. God help them

Okeoghene said...

That must have been horrible an experience for him but worse for her. Can you imagine what she is going through? This is time when the man should stand up as head of the family and be strong for all of them. The family needs counselling.

HOMEMADE ENTERTAINMENT said...

Wow, it's sad really. But this is the time she needs you,it's understandable what your feeling,imagine what she's feeling. Pls be there for her now more than ever

'Lara said...

if he cannot get over her shame, how does he expect her to get over this shame. He need to be strong for her. This is just sad and pathetic.

Priscy said...

sad sad sad. As hard as it seems, he needs to let it go. Its his wife that will be going through the worst of trauma so any rejection from his side is going to break her completely. Think about the kids...... I dont think he will like history to repeat itself in his family. Its a hard blow but he gatta let it pass.

14me said...

This is so sad and horrible but there is nothing you can do if you love your wife as you said then you need to be strong cause you avoiding her might hurt her most.i feel your pain may GOD PUT YOU through(Amen)

kinnky babe said...

A pathetic story indeed,bt hw i wish his children weren't there to see their mother's nakedness.What i want this man to know is that he should 4get about everything cos this is d time his wife nids him most and i assure him that God will deal with those men squarely dey will neva go free cos theres no peace 4 d wicked ones

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ME said...

This is atrocious
I weep for the husband and the children
With time and the help of God everything is possible!
They should seek help from a psychiatrist unfortunately us african people never think of this shame misunderstanding and fear to be seen as deranged but they are of great help in such situations because any child forced to look his mum being raped is sure to suffer after-effects if the situation is not handled properly
18 months have already passed they shouldn't waste more time

Utah web design said...

So sad, good thing that it is just a story and it did not happened in real life.

Anonymous said...

This is really terrible.i wish d kids were not there. I understand how d man feels buh he needs to seek God's face on this matter. He shldn't give up on his family.

Ginger said...

Sigh. But he needs to get over himself and not scar his wife more.

Aity said...

Dis is wen his wife needs him they shld pray & try 2 see a psychiatrist i no its nt easy watchin ur wife been raped bt he shld try 2 4get bout evrytin....

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Anonymous said...

I feel very bad and really it requires very strong heart.
But the person victimised , punished was your dear wife. Forget the past slowly, be nice and kind to her. This will give her mental peace. Priority is for heart, feelings rather than body. Start a new lie. Dont worry. God will take care and ur wife will treat u like god.My prayers for your family. All the best.
HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE
Become sober, bold, mild and nice have a happy happy life with ur loving wife who has been violated.

Anonymous said...

I feel very bad and really it requires very strong heart.
But the person victimised , punished was your dear wife. Forget the past slowly, be nice and kind to her. This will give her mental peace. Priority is for heart, feelings rather than body. Start a new life. Dont worry. God will take care and ur wife will treat u like god.My prayers for your family. All the best.
HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE
Become sober, bold, mild and nice have a happy happy life with ur loving wife who has been violated.

Anonymous said...

GOD WILL PUNISH THE RAPER.
HE WILL GO TO HELL FOR SPOILING A HOUSEWIFE FOR RAPING.
He must be a bastard child, his wife will be a bitch.
KINDLY be more nice, affectionate to ur wife. BODILY SHE WAS VIOLATED AND HER FEELINGS AND HEART IS STILL WITH YOU AND CHILDREN.
DONT punish her. Forget the past and wish u a happy happy life. Pardon her and become god. We respect you, salute you. Our sympathies with you. Forget it. That bastard will have horrible death.s

Anonymous said...

any on e rapes should be publicly stoned to death

Anonymous said...

find those robbers and kill them brutally....>.<

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about the horrible experience. Rightly said, your wife is not to be blamed neither are you to be blamed in any way. These are untoward and gashtly incidence in ones life. Its a moment to support your wife, show courage and show her support that you will stand by her, with her and for her at all times. The children need your support, they will seek you and will look at you and your actions after the incidence to your wife, you have to give them positivity and as a head of the family you need to be strong and take control of situation. With time and love all will heal and keeping positivity will help your relationship with your wife. Think about it my friend, it could have been much worse than this... Yes you must follow up with the police and make sure that the people involved are punished for what they have done. Please dont punish your wife with the thoughts you carry after this incidence.

Anonymous said...

This is truly evil what I have just read. I have to agree that you need to man up & keep your family circle as strong as possible. Its not going to be easy I understand . Or you can always take matters in to your own hands & start the killing bro. Your wife needs you man.

Anonymous said...

And even if she cheated on him and got raped by her alleged male mistress(es), he should take her back and throw the male mistress(es) in jail for good. Extramarital affairs are far more dangerous for married women. Not only a violent husband but also the male mistress could have a criminal record, rob or kill the husband and/or children. The other man can molest the children as well as rape teen daughters as well only if the cheating wife lets them near him.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Sorry about it all. If you are man enough, then stop cringing and stand up and comfort her and the kids.

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Anonymous said...

This man needs to deal with it. She is a human being, not a chewed up piece of meat. I understand that he has suffered too, but she was the one who was actually raped, and having her husband reject her now is only going to make her feel worse. He needs to remind himself that his wife is still is wife and the mother of his children. That is who she is. They are meant to be together. This should not stand in the way.