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Monday 5 April 2010

How to beat your wife?

The picture represents a lady who has allegedly been beaten up. She uploaded them unto facebook hoping to create awareness on her 'now enstranged' relationship. The man she accused of assualting her stated that she hit her head on a door handle. Door handle or not, these pictures are a minor representation of what damages domestic violence can unleash.

My earliest recollection of domestic assualt was at the university. Several of my colleagues will speak about slapping their girlfriends, just to put some sense into her.

Those were mere words, having no immediate impact on my psyche, till I actually saw a victim of beating. She could barely get out of bed, parts of her body bore the bluish black bruise associated with trauma to the skin. She had two black eyes and cuts to her lips. She never quite got her confidence back.

Why was she beaten up? She was living with her boyfriend who had started coming back to their room at odd hours of the night. One day she decided to confront him and was beaten to a pulp. She was in 300level while he was in 200 level. There were no repercussion to her boyfriend, if anything, he declared that she older than him so the relationship had to end.Note that the lady was 2 years younger than him,albeit in a higher level at university!

In another instance a friend of my mum (Aunty X), spoke about the beatings she received from her husband.

Aunty X was a business woman and the sole earner in her family and therefore had to leave for home in the early hours to tend to her trade.

According to her, she came home one day, earlier than normal, to see her husband cavorting with their female neighbour. Aunty X immediately confronted the woman asking what she was doing with her husband. The neighbour laughed in her face, stating that she was her husband's girlfriend. Naturally aunty X, was infuriated and confronted her husband, who proceeded to beat her to the pulp.
'You wont believe that I own the house we live in, I pay the bills, I take care of every single need of the children, and i do all that discreetly so as to honour him. I even give him a monthly allowances for his personal upkeep, yet this is the way he repays me, spending it on that loudmouthed woman?' She asked rhetorically.

This got me thinking; Are there sitautions that encourage these domestic related abuses? Are there ways we can spot them?

As for me, I made up my mind at 16, on the actions I will take if I am ever beaten up by a significant other!


Mamuje said...

I say it again and again, I was beaten once by a spineless bastard. My family sorted him out big time. Then I hear he beats his wife now. I wish them luck, but it will never happen to me again.

Allen said...

It's an insecure man that beats a woman, it's a crazy woman that abuses a man...
Domestic abuse is just sick and has no justification...

Mena UkodoisReady said...

Mamuje very good decision! I am also happy that your family members were close by to support you! imagine if you were stuck in an abusive relationship in siberia?

Every relationship has its difficluties but physical assault is hardly a solution. Better to walk away fromthe source of pain!

Life is to be lived..

Mena UkodoisReady said...

Allen I agree with you as well. Just as men may physically and emotionally assault women, women can also do the same.

I think the solution is for each person to know him/herself including their tolerance level, so they can walk away from heated situation. If they dont walk away, they may be storing resentment in their minds, which will lead eventually lead to verbal bashes or physical assault. This in turn may lead to death.

Thanks Mamuje and Allen for the comments.:)

joey said...

There really is no justification for violence in a relationship. (boyfriend, Girlfriend or marriage) .My opinion is that such traits don't appear overnight, those on the receiving and must have had an inkling but ignored the signs.People should early enough in a relationship ,know what is acceptable to them, set boundaries and parameters before it is too late

Mobolanle said...

Nobody should stay in an abusive relationship. The first signs are when he calls you stupid often and he controls himself to avoid hitting you. One day, the control button will cease and he will beat you blue black.

If you are not married to him flee but if you are I'd say you saw it coming. As for me, I had my lawyer prepare a document which we both signed stating that our marriage ends the day he beats me. Our parents signed it too.

Anonymous said...

Mobolanle, you did what?? And your parents did too???? What happens in case of "emotional beating"?
Plus, that is unAfrican!!!!

Anyway, on a more serious note, women, African women should start demanding respect from their men right from the very first day. We suffer the most in all aspects of life, so it's about time we became really assertive. Submission is not synonymous with servility. If you ignore the tell-tale signs, you share some of the blame.
But how can a man respect you when you ask him to pay to a penny your every crave while you are gainfully employed and you two are at the dating stage? How can a man respect you when you cook & clean his house, carrying his load for him?
He comes to my place, I cook & attend to him like guests are treated. I visit & he treats me the same way. Mutual Expected Treatment!
Hahaha! I agree, it's unAfrican as well!