DATES/RELATIONSHIPS FROM HELL 1..(and the morale of each story ;)

Hello!

I have been laughing my head off as well as shaking my head. Sometimes relationships are as complex as brain surgery and yet its comic timing is perfect!

Please read the following stories in this part and learn from it oh, dont say Mena's blog never teaches you nothing! lol!

The evening was romantic…flowers, gourmet food, light music, exquisite ambience..the perfect dinner followed by the raunchiest, mind-blowing activity…a night of rapturous and perfect bliss. Early the next morning, he gently slipped out of her entwined arms and out of bed, so as not to wake her up. He usually made breakfast in bed for best ones…least he could do for the pleasures she provided him the night before. Quick check in the kitchen for what ever ingredients could be found. Plantains, fresh fish, rice, condiments (left over stuff the chick from last weekend brought). Ok...rice plantains, fried fish it is…might even do a lil’ salad…put the rice to boil and clean the fish out. Frying pan from the top shelf…a liberal helping of vegetable oil. He leaves the oil to heat for about 3 minutes then shoves the cuts of fish into the pan….

His scream brought her running from the bedroom…to find him writhing on the kitchen floor, both hands clutching his nether regions…in excruciating agony….


The moral of this story:
NEVER, EVER…under any circumstance WHATSOEVER, fry fish in the nude..!!!

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After the reception in a typical wedding in naija, usually the groom goes home alone and wait for his bride, the bride goes back to her parents for their blessings and pack her things to join her new hubby at his house.

in the yoruba tradition, the man is expected not to be home when the bride arrives and she will be welcomed by the groom's relatives.

This groom decided that it would be a good time to visit his ex-girlfriend while waiting for his bride to arrive, and ended up making love with both women (bride and ex) on his wedding night.

nine months later he had 2 kids same day from both women.

moral of the story - Each bride needs to have a handcuff in her wedding purse, to fasten the groom to herself immediately after the reception.

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Torishe and Maxwell had been lovebirds for some months after they were introduced by a mutual friend. On the night Max planned to propose to his sweetheart, he called her up and asks where she was and she said she was at home.

Excitedly Maxwell drives down to the house and called his love again. This time around he asked her exactly where she was in the house and she told him she was helping her younger brother with an assignment in his room.

Things were working out for Max who had planned to sit on her bed and call her to come to her room where he'll be waiting with ring in hand. So lover-boy enters the compound and knocks expecting the maid to open the door but found it slightly ajar so he enters and makes his way to the room so as to plant himself as surprise.

Since he had been to the house a number of times, he didn't expect the room to be locked so he just turned the knob but alas the door was locked. As he was about to dial her mobile again he heard movement in the room so he peeps through the keyhole to find his beloved Torishe bouncing on an albino.

After a minute of watching heart ache causing mojo, max put his ring back in his pocket and headed back home.



Moral of the story: Never try a surprise in an unfamiliar terrain

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Last but not the least:
Feyi answers the door and found a well dressed elderly woman at the door. She greets the woman and the woman asks after her father as in full names. Her dad was not home but the woman said she would wait for him (this happened in the pre-GSM days).

While waiting the woman called her and said she could not wait longer but that she would like to report her dad's atrocities to her. She listened as the woman told her how she left her 2 children with Feyi's dad while she went to work in the UK. And how on returning she found her children's decomposed body in her deep freezer.

On inquiry, she said she had been told that it was Feyi's dad that cut her children into small bits and refrigerated them (she had been sobbing all the while). The purpose of her visit was to fight the man but now that she couldn't see him, (she removes a knife from her purse) she would do justice to Feyi, the daughter of the man that murdered her own children.

On seeing the knife, Feyi ran out of the house only to meet her father at the gate. When the father saw the woman running after his daughter, he hugged and said ''Aunty mi, igba wo le'de'' (When did you arrive aunty). Seeing her father address the woman she burst out crying. By the time she narrated the woman's story to her father he burst out laughing.

The woman was his maternal aunt and she had been known to be insane though she has moments of sanity. A few minutes later she showered gifts one Feyi, whom she had almost killed.

Moral of the story: Always warn your children if you have mentally challenged relatives

Will just stop here for now. There will be a part 2 to this blog so please check from time to time. Real life stories to digest, complete with a morale angle, kinda like a public service announcement (ha ha) so dont say Mena's blog never teaches you anything ;)

Me'mena